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Long How i feel Poems

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See also: Famous Long Poems

Long Poems
Long poem by JW Earnings | Details

The Inception: The Dark Side of Me

I’m broke without your love to repair me…

My young heart breaks into two and you push on the brakes…

Three strikez…you’re owt…. Get lost….that is my only plea

Our lives were at stake and we were taking way tooooo many risks…for my cat’s 9 sakes

We were 1…whatever happened to that?
Who release the rat? Was that you, cat?
We are 2…what’s wrong with you? 
Why did you lose your other shoe?
There it goes again…. ……… 

Let the pain I inflict upon you 
Internalize for a second or two
You filled my cup half empty…
You ran me over by words of deception
Why did I fall in love so easily? 
How come I fall victim to you?
Flames of uncertainty overwhelm my heart…
This is only the inception
Get up from the ground, you sheepish animal
Try your best to lift your head above the surface
Dead carcasses of negativity surround you now…
Your only hope is to grab the rope of hope,
But first let me grab it for you…
*we’re made as one…body….* said the voice in my head … …. …….. ……..
You need to rest on my shoulders for the meantime
Shocked out of the bloo…. Left without a clue
Don’t touch me…don’t lust over me…
I can see dirty secrets in your eyes of envious glee…
You knocked me out by your avalanching grace
Thought of you, drowning in the waters of woe…
You touched my heart in many ways…
You blew things into proportion…but it was “one of dose dayz”
You don’t even get the clues that I show you right in your face
I reveal to you my heart’s passion
You take over me…you haunt me…
I step forward and you step backward…
Breathe into me…let me borrow your eyes…
Let me view the world in your eyes…
I want to know something…
I’m curious of what lies behind your sea-whirling eyes
Love me…DO please me…
the abyss is kissing me…
the light is fading out…
i need u
i want u
s p a y s e d  o w t  a l l  o v e  d e h  s u h h d d i n
mY LiFe IS fUlL oF errors…it ees a mezzzzzz
*IT’S TIIIIIME TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT…………* said the voice in my head
I want to be feeling your heartbeat against my chest
I see the world beneath my feats…I’m above all…
Ill-um-i-nate me with syllabic pleajsher
My heart is skipping out on beats…I’m missing out and abandoned like an orphan, relying on a weeping widow…she bit me with denial…I was a flaw from the start….unfreeze this heart of mine…I’m as joyous as a swine, but as insidious as a serpent…but I’m feeeeeeeelin’ fiiiiiine…..ssssssssshhhh! Don’t tell nobody…d o  n o t  tell ahhhh sssssssssingle ssssssoul…don’t ma-a-a-ake a sound….you pushed me down to the ground s= s= embarrassed…I’m ready for anything right now…I’m lost, wearing an upside down frown and feel me…the pain that beats me and shreds me like paper….useless paper…I’m shattering like glass…after the kid’s ball hits through it…he’s in awe and he runs away…he hides the evidence of his foolish throwing skillz – this price is blooming bigger like a rose in the paws of the beast…you ssssspiral out of shhhhhight…I waited for you…alone….but I’m not on my own……….I’m not made as one – I’m two again…you inflict pain upon my tortured, tear-jerking soul…your veins become serpentine
To my own…we share each other’s blood
You WILL feel my pain, bud
the pressure of your gravity pulled me down callously
Distracts scar me…in a lightyear moment
Caught in a sugar-coated bliss of a dream
There’s No Medication To Heal This Hart-ake…
I ake…I crave cake…I bake in the oven…feelin’ like a flake…
I stand strong…brain damaged by your words of calculus-complicated definitions 
I fell harder…dig in my mind… 
((((( . ))))) push me in the margins why don’t you? I’m that dot in the middle of the brackets 
I want something more than what life gives me right now
I fought…I fought 
But, I’m not satisfied…
I’m loathed by many…
Maybe that’s what I feel like at times – LOATHED BY ALL
I’m unique…I’m an angry guy…
I wish I wouldn’t act like a fly…
I’m entitled to your love…
I can’t fly away like a happy-go-lucky dove
Death ove you stix to me like a leach in my mind…………
I need not man’s wizzdumb…no, not right now….
I need God’s KINGDOM and wisdom
God’s Kingdom + His wisdom = peace on Earth
It’s not dat complicated…
Do me a favor and indulge yourselves in the delicacies of sin
Listen listen listen not to the lies…listen listen listen to the heart that beats from deep within
My heart is sinking……
Patience is the key to living life to the fullest
Acceptance is the key to freedom … just try your best to pass this diff-eh-colt test
I deserve you and your gifts
Envying your talents…that’s juzz bramazing…
: ( sad to the core, 
but I don’t want to sadden you anymore
This revealed my crazyyyy side…
This darkness submitted to me and said its vows like a mesmerizing, yet spellbindingly evil bride…
I’m under your shpell……..
Change your mind….
Tear me apart and crawl inside of my cranium of titaniumb bliss….
Hardening by the minute…I crawl back into my comfort shell
Bring me to life and undo these lies in my head….
I’ve overheard you saying: “It’s hard for me to figure you out”
Dreams of demented, dangerous desire enrapture me…
Don’t choke me with your polluted nature of twisted reverie 

Have you changed your mind about me?
How do I look in the eyes of the thief?
Suck it up…I put my shoes on and I cut off the laces…I know – I’m doing this for stupid reasons, but I’m still the boy that’s bold
Thhhose laces remind me of you and I, separated forever in reality…cruel departure embraced us…we were the clouds, growing cold…
Your hugs don’t feel the same anymore, you see?
Here’s a heart/|\kerchief to wipe away your grief… … …
. .
. .
. .

Copyright © JW Earnings | Year Posted 2014

Long poem by Anthony Amero | Details

Being American

I live in America, as in the United States of America, and that used to mean something. At least to me it did. And it’s not so much in how I was raised but in how I was couched by my country. While I was never one to really fall into the “mom, apple pie, hot dog and baseball” America ideal, I did believe in the land of the free and the home of the brave, where all men are equal and rights for all men. And I still do believe that ideal. Yet this country of mine keeps despairing me as I continually see a degradation of those ideals over the last fifty years. And I have this following theory.

We are a melting pot of all societies and prided ourselves on accepting everyone. But take a look at that for a minute. Look at Europe and Africa and their history for a minute, I did. Throughout recorded history Europe and Africa kept all religious and racial differences segregated in their different countries, or areas, and fought each other over ideological differences and over the generations a deep-seated, in-bred hatred developed for each other developed. Wars were begun for the simple act of mingling with other races or religions. This is fact, look it up. Now flash-forward to the new country, America, with its open borders accepting the oppressed, where all flocked to start a new life. Now you’ve got a huge influx of natural enemies flooding a nation and now they are supposed to just drop their in-bred prejudices? Play nice after centuries of discord? But for the Civil War, I’m surprised we haven’t erupted into total anarchy. But the whole point of this is that these people want to come here and keep their culture, their identity. I see no fault in that and don’t blame them, but that brings me right back to my original question, where, or more fundamentally, what, is it to be American?

I believe the original creators of the Declaration of Independence were visionaries. It bothers me at times to see various Facebook posts and other mentions of such things saying they were racist, or this, or that. I do believe there was a lot of that in many of the implementers of the document, but not really in the actual architects. Why do I believe that? Mostly for this statement: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”. And the 11th Article of the Bill of Rights confirms the Declaration thusly: “The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people”. Yet in this country, just like in the mother countries of Europe and Africa, we suffered from racism and bigotry.  I believe this goes back to my theory of the melting pot of people who came to America. They couldn’t overcome their bigotry or racism or hatred just because they came over here, although some really tried. Yet I believe the architects of the Declaration were far-sighted enough to not try to create some sort of Utopia either, but rather a working, self-sustaining country that was governed by the people, for the people. The biggest problem as I see it was that it got too big … that’s not totally true. The biggest problem as I see it is politics and the “American Way”.

When is the last time you heard a politician run a campaign and only talked of the issues that concerned the people? I only see and hear them talk of negative things of their opponents. Why would I vote for anyone who tries to smear their opponent? How is that helping me or my neighbor? How is that serving the public good? How is that engendering trust? It’s not, in my opinion. And the “American Way”? Americans are far too smug, too fat and happy. There’s very little strife so we take way too many things for granted. Don’t believe me? This may seems simplistic and a little childish, but take your household chores for example. We live in a country where you can wash your dishes in hot water, can even use an automatic dishwasher, can even wash your clothes in an automatic washing machine and electric dryer. We have so many modern, electronic conveniences that it’s actually making us dumber. Don’t believe me? How many of you have lamented the young cashier at the convenience store who cannot make change unless the cash register tells them how much to give back? Basic skills are being eroded because of the useless conveniences we keep making in the never ending quest to make our American lives easier. It’s disheartening, really. Maybe it’s just me and progress really isn’t that bad, but I see proof everyday of the dumbing of America, and if you’re of a certain age I believe you see it, too.

So I see this huge country I live in, called America, filled with so many diverse people living in … harmony? I don’t know, I still see racial problems and still can’t figure out why. I have a very simple philosophy on life: while we’re not entitled to material things, every person is entitled life and respect to be who they are, so long as they do not intend to hurt others. And, for the most part, I’m happy enough and I am oh, so grateful that I live here, in America. I can say what I want, I can worship who I want – if I want – and I can aspire to become what I want, if I’m willing to work hard enough. And you can disagree with me, if you want. We have that freedom. Because we are living in America, and we are free. For now.

But I do worry about the future America and what it may devolve into.

Copyright © Anthony Amero | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by Russell Banks | Details

Misconception of Misery

It only started as a misconception, a misunderstanding
then like grass fed rain, it grew...grew into this
A eulogy, maybe this could be it
about you? For once, this is about me
How can it be...how can it be?
Dreaming, a dreamer am I
I've been dreaming since I was five
What age am I? 13?
Sorry, I felt like I was just a little older
I've had a rough life to live through
Lately I've been on edge, a steady step away
from jumping headfirst off a bridge, off a ledge; yeah
My life, a disarray of scattered promises
some broken, some kept
Emptiness, sorrow; all I seem to understand
everything has swept under me too fast
and I have nothing to hold onto to help me stand
Help me, I'm stuck on a roller coaster
I've had to teach myself how to react, how to attack
how to be stronger than me
while an unconscious thought screams, "WHERE'S MY DAD AT?"
but unknown training left me to mimic
the things I've seen on TV or the reality set before
Chameleon boy
and where are my parents: working and away
Unknown and unheard of has my father been 
till I was out of kindergarten
No one told me anything yet again I asked no questions
maybe I was just too young to understand
like a good boy, I just fell in line
while the innocence took over, leaving the oblivion
and my mother..somehow I've found 3 more women to call mom
They've treated me as part of their pack, their family
while in my own home, I'm the black sheep
while in my own home, I'm the outcast
When did home turn into high school part 2?
I shouldn't have to teach myself anything
I shouldn't have to change colors to satisfy anyone
so why do I feel I need to be a rainbow to be noticed
cause I'm so sick of being clear, of being me
How can it be, how can it be?
All I've ever known up until 4th grade was knowledge
knowledge only got me so far
I didn't know the stage beyond friend
I didn't know how to make friends, how to be one
Socially awkward, is this my disease
Misguided and divided I am
Is this what all Geminis face or is it just me
Did I remind her so much of my father
that my punishment is to live in my island of a room
and never return to shore
Everyone wonders why I'm the odd one, why I'm the distant one
why not since I know I'll never be enough
I know I've been more than a little harsh
I might have everything all wrong
but have you ever been taken away from your father
kicking and screaming while he stands defeated
switched between parents, back and forth
switched between states, off and on for years on end
Growing up yet you are absolutely oblivious
the only thing you know to be true is the sky is blue
the only thing you know to be true is the one place you hate
From 4th grade on, I've been a vortex
spiraling down, becoming gradually worse 
guess where I'm bordering now
In 5th grade, a poor reaction from confused feelings
lead to a breakdown and a halting of tears I couldn't stand
6th grade, I was a walking time bomb
fueled by rage, quelled by romance but all was fleeting
all I saw was red
All my judgments went so poorly
and every other day I hadn't the strength to move on
almost becoming a part of the in-crowd
that little kid dream of fitting in
Isn't it fun, caring so much while losing yourself ends friendships
funny, I never wanted to leave that year behind
I had my childhood friends, a girlfriend
I knew these people for years, I was content
until I went home, packed my bags
not breathing a word of goodbye
giving up everything it took years for me to have
whisked away to a new life
a new life I want nothing apart of 
7th grade, what a maze
I stood on my heels, pacing, a loser
Fitting in with people I know I'll never see again
showing a side of me I never knew existed
while becoming confused with a different attitude
towards this new life I've been chosen to live
education still my dictator
but that summer changed everything
I grew into myself, making new friends along the way
somehow I was someone everyone claimed to love
8th grade is where my life started, apparently my best year
Popularity, I reached my goal; I was thinking for myself
finally feeling like I was more than a face
but everything fell apart too quickly
Everywhere I looked up, we had to pack and move
there was too many questions and stress
while I just wanted to survive the year yet I survived nothing
Like my walls, I withered and crumbled
Why must I always be taken away from the things
the things I love the most
It's like breathing in cancer to remember
so I try to forget but I meet irreplaceable people
yet I know we'll grow of touch
Life just loves to see me suffer
Insanity is just sitting there, laughing away
while music tries to calm me down
with the aid of friends, the people I've come to know and love
and the one I'm chasing after
Somehow through the dark clouds
I find beauty in the unseen life of the world
I care too much, fall too hard, love too seriously
I try to be more than myself when I really just want to be...me
I admit I'm selfish yet selfless
This life has proven an obstacle I cannot conquer
My heart is strong but my bones are weak
I think too much
and all I've been through just made me older
just made me wish for a better life
wish for something beyond this
yet I just needed some relief tonight
from my shattered wasteland of uncharted feelings
Let the waves calm to halt and the sunset fall
A tale for time to read and weep for the misery of...me

Copyright © Russell Banks | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by Russell Banks | Details


"How Do I Feel Today"
written out of depravity of sleep, of self assurance of happiness
written out of love and vulnerability
I was so sure, aware; I had a plan!
but as the case with all my well made plans
they're crumbled pieces of paper lost in the trash
though it's me
I'm the one who feels lost, lost in the trash
Just last week, was it only a week
since I've tried to deny my genetic composure
as a pessimist, declare my love for an optimist
while notifying, stating my heart is in cahoots with another 
who may know how I feel
I asked once why couldn't I be a paper plane
perfectly sculpted and flying free
last weeks, I was that very place
staying in the air, holding on to the wind in my hair
but on Sunday, waiting for an answer
Sunday, I found my answer
as a sword of silence caught me in my descent
to say my love was a fabrication
my experience was a dream never to be seen again
without a memento to know it was real
What hurts more, more than any lie
there's been no voice to reason, no one to give explanation!
only empty silence I'm far too acquainted with
So I fill the silence with the strongest option
to hate Sundays, hate this song, and boycott love
since it's always Sundays
Sundays' what it takes to prove
I have something else to lose and this time I've lost sleep
I've lost the means of any kind of relief
Nothing I do rids me of the poisoned storm running amuck
on the inside
I'm not in junior high anymore
it's the first truth I muttered to myself today
but that very fact is another mark
upon the list of why I should implode, a supernova
spontaneously combust, explode
burst into flames, a volcano on the sun
My life began at 12, ended at 13
while the other 19 years and 3 months
I was in a fog that gave birth to a tornado
for I was without parents unless you call an 8 hour facility
plus added daycares as extended guardians
I was without siblings
only sparring partners and strangers I never see
I've had no friends, just fickle masses of acquaintances 
who barely even remember my name
One year I lived, one year!
and at the oblivious conclusion
all is still baffled why I'm suddenly angry, enraged
a child in size 14 shoes, a child in adult clothing
because I lose myself in all colors and audio
to leave behind the louder thought
one more year I exist in misery
will be the one less year I can hold back 
hold down these suicidal tendencies
Memories provide not comfort nor refuge
as I slip through the trauma made cracks
of my glass half empty
reciting sighs, words of confliction
and a prescription of my own demise
I'm not in junior high anymore
and all I can do is look at the sky
like somehow my answers have floated up there
but instead I'm only tempted
to shout words of profanity, curse whoever is listening
while stomping the Earth's crust so whoever is tormenting me
may disappear from my presence, part from me like the sea
leaving me be
but I rest in a chair, confessing my deepest emotions
a portable church confessional
like what ails me will lift from my shoulders
when I know as I stand
I'll feel the sting of the world crashing down around me
I beg of you
someone aid me, I can't do this alone
yet who am I shouting to
no one cares to hear my despair
but it's my ears they grace with theirs
and I only have a pencil plus fading paper
no one will bother to read to know anything!
though it's others whose voice rang softer than mine
whose had the chance to be heard by the world
while I struggle to even get my own mother to hear me out!
So I run, am running to an island of rain
to live again, to be happy again
to find my faith in life, in love again
a reintroduction to a life I want but don't have
so I run, am running to an island of rainfall
a haven to escape the memories killing me
I'm not in junior high anymore 
and with it every ounce of happiness I once had
buried in a time capsule without mementos to say it was real
left in a house I can hardly remember
I hate this, I hate this; how has no one realized
I've created and cling to a world of magic, illusions, fantasy
because my real life is tragic
I cling to a world of fairytales, the impossible
told by foreign people in a foreign place
in a foreign language I can't understand
yet somehow they understand me
whereas my familiarities only see me 
as a stranger, a statistic, a color instead of unraveling me
a ball of yarn to see see what lies beneath
I'm not in junior high anymore
but this can't be how the world is
what proof do I have though besides movie references
where things are better yet aren't they only fabrications
in a world too ordinary
This was supposed to be my year and tomorrow is my birthday
while today feels like Christmas Eve
but I've never had a birthday nor Christmas I wished for
I've had a "19 Midlife Crisis" and I believe this might be 20
all because I had the audacity to challenge my anatomy
for a love I can't obtain
not today, not tomorrow, maybe soon
I'm not in junior high anymore, only in reality I remain
under sweet suffocation from the nightmares I jolt awake
afraid they might become real
I'm not in junior high anymore
but let the curtain fall, blue for calmness
belting out one last request as it drops
break me out...
as I bleed the story of....

Copyright © Russell Banks | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by Russell Banks | Details

Double Cross My Heart

Selena...Sarah the Sorceress
Russell...the Ghost of Never-land
This year has not been mine
Death laughs at me as he steals my grandfather from me
while I plead emptily for him to take me instead
yet I fail to realize I'm already dead
This sudden move robbed me from my angel
tore apart the fabric of my reality
Time has elapsed, Spring is here
but forgetting gets harder when your own movie replays
it's nearly impossible to let go
It's been almost a year to date and I remain the loser
yet I have a week now, week to dabble in my past
a week to pick up where I left off
How naive can I be; I was thrilled for the life of me
but life quickly reminded me I was better off away..
Time stops for no one and lives stop for nothing
A short memory slip, I'm back to accepting banishing failure
The hope for tomorrow: be better than today
a well received conversation with a father
re-connection with a grandmother
kept pouring into the jar: "Wanting to Stay"
The sun blocks out the blind and I along with it
as the moon, my only guide, shines at night
This fright of life I live can never give a home to a bright-side
hopefully reuniting with my Sorceress will bring this Ghost to life
may it free the anger inside
at the same park where our first date began, our tryst
A decision to make, a road to take just to discard the thought
a yearning to sit and bask in her presence
a yearning to sit and hold her in my arms
but I'd be too afraid to let her go for she may be lost to me
forever and again
Joy and excitement in my heart, killed from the start
as I find her by the bridge, her kid sister in tow
so I glance down for a sign of the fall...I'd live
Moments pass by, talking and wondering why
why she...why she couldn't be mine one final time
No one could best me, put her on a pedestal reaching the clouds
treat like a princess or am I just speaking out of desperation
I didn't know what to do then, I still don't
I know all the words, the motions; I have the oceans on my side
yet all I can do is stop and stare
All the confidence I summoned up subsided
by the fact only four days remain before I'm shipped off once more
to an unforgiving place; an uneven plain of pure torment to my soul
How can it be; I'm feeling alone even with her
man, I miss her...upon this cliff, perched on this rock
overlooking the world I wished for her to see, my arm around her
We let our feelings play out, told our history
as soon as I make my leave, "why did I come here in the first place"
the thought to cross my mind
I felt so lost but I couldn't allow her to see me cry
not here, not with her eyes piercing me
How can it be, how can it be; I guarantee, guarantee...
she'll never miss me...
I knew everything when it came to her even about her other
and all they did together; she told me everything
Has the color faded from my face
all at once, all my claims were broken and betrayed by one girl
I admit seeing her was a victory, a wish come true
but I still left defeated, like what I thought I had to win
I only came to lose
My heart was hers once, will I ever get it back
but lets be honest, no one looks as good as her with that
Couldn't she notice the way I held my head
when my dimmed eyes were focused on the air
Comments fell, goodbyes were said yet no hugs were gave
I believe we would've both broke down
Fear and anguish wasn't present, the feeling of leaving nothing
fell hard like bricks
The wall came crashing down all around, barely making a sound
Tears fell but I let no one see; the music knew all too well
The feelings inside: hurt and pain; looks like agony won today
I started to turn and run but looked back at everything I had loved
speeding off while I wonder if it meant anything at all
I gasp for eternity, regretfully leaving behind beauty
Where's a wall, a punching bag, ANYTHING!
I'm full of rage, sorrow; I need to let it out
I can't accept this, not yet, my future wife in my eyes is a friend
a perfect chance for closure down the drain I'm sorry
How on Earth can I possible pretend
What if the nightmare became the truth
What could I have left to believe in if it were all true...
I have a barrage of questions but I receive never answers
My heart was hers once now it's a delicate necklace around her neck
I didn't love enough to watch myself fall away 
like dust on an old carpet
Stranger than fiction, tougher than oak, disturbed as the sea
blue as the sky; lonely than a bird lost in a growing storm
forever I remain
If my heart can take the pain, it might take forever and a day
but I'm willing to wait, wait for what?
A fool to try, a fool to dream, fool to believe, fool to love
only me
when the world takes away the one meant for...
My heart was hers once, dangling on a string
a wolf and a rose, my symbol
Is this all a nightmare, something make sense tonight
has agony won or is this a failed flight
I doubled my heart with a leaf and a wish
but it flew away in the wind...
How do I feel now...empty and vanishing...
I feel I'm growing through grief, have been for so long
and I just can't find my way to accepting this
so a Ghost I started, a Ghost I remain
the sky may be blue
I'm clear this day

Copyright © Russell Banks | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by Russell Banks | Details

Feeling Small, Broken Enigma

Let my ears deceive me but I hear it, can't bother to drown it out
the taunting laughter at my misery
Fictional should they be but the reality has cleared the camouflage
which hath once shrouded me
Exposed and broken, laid out in the open
go ahead and bring down the burning, stinging, killing axe blade
I don't care anymore...tell the whole world I just don't care anymore
Is this existence a game of cat and mouse, predator and prey? 
Is this so called gift named life just a punchline to a cruel joke
ask the weighted voices who have fell by their own hands
Life tormented them into submission, resting in peace
I'm dearingly hoping they remain
I, myself, am bending and breaking at the seams that keep me attached but I ask
by the whim of whom? 
of Eris? of Karma itself? of the Gods? 
A play thing of a child I refuse to be, it's just not me
I'm not a small game piece, glue and tape cannot repair me
so take me off this colored board
this turn is over
A question, please, will you answer for me
Why bring me up so high if you're only entertainment
is to hear the screaming bouncing off the walls in my mind
is to hear lyrically dear agony sung by a desperate pessimist
is to watch my face contort with anguish
as I plunge fifty miles deep in darkness.....JUST END ME! ! ! 
Look at the letter on my chest, 'where is the S? '
there is none, I'm an ordinary man
I've only wished to be an invisible superman
Kryptonite, Ha! just a wound remaining open
so the jolt of pain, so the stinging tells me I'm alive
A mute button for words I shouldn't hear
invented but hardly used; my purposes were foolish
A night I'd rather forget and never dwell upon again
creeps with a sharp blade, cutting away at the hems of what's left
of my deteriorating sanity
My darkest fears have engulfed and shrouded me in a deadly haze
opened the lock that kept them at bay
but for hours, they just ate away
Do I need a rhyme or a reason to scream
my hand hasn't been forced to say, the darkness has swallowed me whole
I overexaggerated my meanings
death isn't something to play around with
but it was spreading the disease to the corners of my mind
I admit I'm angry, this is my life and
I'm not a pawn in a sick, twisted fantasy factory
Edgar Allan Poe doesn't write for me
He's only an inspiration
and I admit I feel so small
an ant amongst human beings so tall
why do I even care at all
My symptoms of suicide, at this moment, couldn't be any higher
my struggling anger has gotten beneath my skin again
my outlandish worrying, can't find a cage that would hold it all
my pitiful jealousy, drowning am I in it tonight
Full circle, they all surround me ready to strike
trying to be my own superhero, I've committed that crime
because I trust no one to save my own life
Another thought is turning, my mind is contemplating
is this torment a repayment for last week
or a monthly requirement to send a message to me
Life is becoming too hard but I'm still living it
I admit I don't want to be alive, I've been caught suffocating
but it's in my priorities now to cross that out of my plans
Refrain from speeding up this process further
sink these fragile bones into something metallic
just in case reckless actions bombard my way
and I can't seal myself in my cave
Have I died inside my mind or am I just dreaming it again
by arrow which wishes to seize, are you just a myth
I see myself in the mirror and it's the me I've seen so long ago
a lover, a fighter, a warrior, brave, courageous, confident
yet he shakes his head in disgust when he sees I'm the unfortunate son
I just don't feel welcome, I already know I don't belong
my belief intertwines with the simple notion I'm on the deep end
Amelia, her name sounds familiar
Amelia, have I met her
Amelia, was she beautiful or was her eyes consumed with fear, was she scared
or plainly erase me, scribble out my name if existence is a fairytale
I'm meant to breathe oxygen for a reason I know
but my reality matches not with the fantasy I dwell in
I only ask of you to leave me be so I can comprehend this mystery
This broken enigma I call myself and my endeavors
I'm struggling to keep my grip on this together
I have something strong, nothing short of meaningful
I'm just feeling small since this rips the strength out of me
I try to make it a pretense that I feel nothing at all
but again, again I'm indifferent
and yet Amelia has crossed my mind one more time
Amelia, her name sounds so familiar
Amelia, have I met her
Amelia, was she beautiful or was her eyes consumed with fear, was she scared
is she the air I breathe, the dark clouds when it rains
what is she to me...Amelia...Amelia
Amelia...was she beautiful...was she beautiful...Amelia

Copyright © Russell Banks | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by kabuteng P.iNk k. | Details

Am I Turning into a Lizard Serial Killer

Hmmm, where do I start? With deep sighs, I am sighing right now.
I just finished burying 2 lizards, and my heart is heavy...

Let me back up a bit...bear with me if I might turn out to be confusing here,
but I just need to write this, release something, in some way
Although I must admit, this is not exactly what I had in mind to write for this day,
hopefully I can write something more decent later...

I have been wanting to write something for my brother since yesterday,
since February 26 is his 10th year death anniversary.
The words remained stuck in my heart, 'til I fell asleep.

Visited him again today, heard mass for him, 
ate a Chinese dinner with my parents and sister, went home.

I now needed dessert. Got a piece of Ferrero Rocher, but just one wouldn't do.
So I got a piece of Almond Roca this time and ate it while walking.

All this time, I have managed to keep my tears away
but maybe somehow, someway, if tears want to fall, they will find a way?

I walk to that area again as I ate that piece of chocolate-
when what do you know, what do you know??

Oh sighs.

I stepped on a lizard.  Again 

Yes. Almost exactly the Same area, tail falls off, and the lizard skitters away.

But. I did not slip this time. But, yes, I still screamed, scaring everybody again.

I. Could. Not. Simply. Believe. IT.

One month and 25 days after, I step on a lizard. Again.

Today, of all days. As if I needed more reason to be sadder.

This time around, I had the sense to try to find that lizard. 
I had to know if it lived, if it was okay.
I pushed away the nearby cabinet.
And there it was.
Rather, and there they were.

The lizard that I stepped on now
and the petrified remains of the lizard that I stepped on on new year's day...
the other one didn't live after all :(

I know it was that lizard, same area, no tail, who else could it be?
Survival mechanism, no match for my killer foot.

By this time, I am crying, sobbing. 
Seriously, the tears just start falling, and my heart so heavy.
And I know it's from the combination of so many things.
The day itself, what I had just done, just things running through me.

What broke my heart, was to see that lizard. 
I was wearing rubber shoes this time, last time I was wearing slippers.
And its guts had spilled from its sides. 
I couldn't help but keep on saying, "Oh, oh, oh lizard, I am so sorry"

I touched it feebly, and it was literally gaping its mouth.
I don't think I can ever forget that?
Such a small creature, gasping, with its insides out, 
its skin on its legs and body scraped.
In pain.

And it was all my fault.

My sister was there with me, trying to help in her own way.

But yes, there's nothing you can really do...I didn't want to stress it even more,
and let death finish what I did. 

There's so much I can glean from this, and I want to ramble on, so badly
but I will try to stop myself from rambling too much.

I put the two lizards, along with a note, the dates when I stepped on them 
(ok, killed them), and placed them carefully in a chocolate truffle box.

I buried them and still feel so sorry.

In some ways, this is can be so funny, and just  freaky & crazy (what's new, this is me?)
What were the odds??? Same place, same thing happening.
And I can't help but roll my eyes at myself as well, just finding it so hard to fathom
how I stepped on not just one but Two lizards in just two months.

I bet that the lizards are all afraid of me now, 
saying how I am a lizard killer. A serial lizard killer.
MO: stepping on them while screaming, maybe my screams also killed them off?

I actually took photos of both lizards, I am not sure why though.
Oh dear God, help me, I am acting like one, even documenting them.

I tell you, as I watched that lizard die, I couldn't help but just also
think of St. Jude (for the impossible) and St. Francis of Assisi (for animals).

I know he was dying, but somehow, yes, prayers still comfort me.

I just feel so guilty, with this happening. 

I still can't help but cry for those lizards, death by me, for no reason at all,
no purpose served.

Animals, people....death.

I know it's all a part of life... 
but it still doesn't change the fact how death can change us
and of how I am responsible for two lizard deaths.
I know they were just small animals, but Still. They were living creatures.

Death can change us in small ways, some in big ways, negatively or positively.

It all boils down to death transforming us one way or another...

I won't expound on it anymore, this is too long,
but one of the ways I can think of comparing it to, is that of a chemical change,
maybe of the spirit, the soul? Not merely a physical change.

And we can never be the same. 


Copyright © kabuteng P.iNk k. | Year Posted 2014

Long poem by JW Earnings | Details

The Aura of Time: Don't Ask Why I'm an Ambivert

***I KNOW IT'S LONG...please don't tell me to shorten my poems or songs because I'm expressing myself through poetry. Thank you ahead of time. I did write concise poems. Check those haikus I wrote on this site. Go for it if you like short and concise verses.***

The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
What-what-what goes around comes back around-round-round…
Don’t make a sound, dunk down to the ground-ground-ground…
This time, this squanderin’…XOXOin’ time…
This is my pozitiv POE rhyme…rhyme…rhyme… 
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
The aura of time-time-time
I will shine…you’ll shine…
For, you are mine…mine…mine…

{verse 2} Where have you been all my life-life-life?
You game me-me-me peace strife-strife…me, the husband wife…
Reality’s demise cuts me like a jagged knife-knife-knife
I’m alive! I survived! I’m alive! HANDSOME HURTS….HURTS….HANDSOME HURTS…
I need to get a life and so do you…SIC of UR outbursts…you are one of those foolish experts
I’m my worst enemy, my bestest of friends – I take regret’s seat, sneezing on the sad beat
I was the overcomer of my obstacle until not all ends meet – that’s not at all neat-neat-neat
I’m hard not to be considered bias or a discriminator in society…that’s the battle I do tackle
I want to be under your roof, but the sky is the limit…in the Lord’s terribly terrific tabernacle
I’ve given up for the two of us (to be together as one)
I want to be in the same bus with you without a fuss (the battles we fought=we won)
You’re being a diffult guy, I ain’t gonna lie…truth hurts
I’m acting confident shy; like the ambiverts…with their balanced efforts…
Our love affair is so fair 
Right now, let’s live life
Without a fear or a care
Shatter away all remaining strife

{hook} {pre-ch} {ch}

{verse 3} I’ve carried off on the wrong place at the wrong time
But, I’m carrying on and moving on from this struggle-of-a-time
Gettin’ weary off of your shadow sun ways…you’re masked happy-craze
This time-time-time, I’ll make our time sublime like those crazy ol’ days
Where have you been lately
Lately-lately-lately…hunny bunch?
I haven’t seen you frankly…
Frankly-frankly, a bit shady much?
Do you have any sympathy? Empathy? 
You, instead-ead-ead, give me apathy…
So heartless of you to desert me for life-life…for life-life
And the tragedy of your departure gives me peaceless strife
I’ve given up for the two of us (to be together as one)
I want to be in the same bus with you without a fuss (the battles we fought=we won)
You’re being a diffult guy, I ain’t gonna lie…truth hurts
I’m acting confident shy; like the ambiverts…with their balanced efforts…
Our love affair is so fair 
Right now, let’s live life
Without a fear or a care
Shatter away all remaining strife

{hook} {pre-ch} {ch}

{freestyle} Your love is killing me softly 
Your French kiss is making me blush awfully
I’m fond of it day in and night out…then, you hushed my victory shout
Without a single doubt, we went our own route…what’s that all about?
You’re my sheltering abode 
I’m prince charming, not the toad
I can carry your emotional load
If you can return the favour and guess my clever code 
It’s your touch, it’s your lips against mine
All of you loves all of me – I’m feelin’ fine
You are a friend-till-the-end and a foe-foe-foe-fo-show
Though, we go our own flow, you know…you should know…
I don’t know where your blessed breeze blow 
where your sunlit moonbeams shimmer aglow
I am the dove of the day that embraces my somewhat unique flow…I go to and fro
You’re the midnight crow, stop being a drama king on the Big Bang Theory show…
That I’m nocturnal to the core
Considered an attention whore
What are we both waiting for?
There’s some down and dirty XOXO’s that we haven’t done yet, but it’s in store in the future for shore,
The one I adore…
My opportunity door…
From the sky to the floor…
So hear me out – don’t ignore me as if I’m your chemistry teacher, lecturing without further ado…being a ridiculous, mean-ass bore…fo-shore…need I explore and implore?

{bridge}Your elegant envy, your stubborn ways hit me hard…
So I bite the bullet, though eye, alone, is the bipolar bard… 
Our XOXO’s and our cuddles…pleasure schemes…
Fulfilled pleasure beyond measure dreams and goals, not falling away by the seams – 
I adore I can’t deny…DoN’t AsK wHy ?.!?.!
No lie-lie-lie…so don’t cry-cry-cry…
Our hello got goodbyed
Our goodbye got helloed
Aloha, baby bliss from afar…my shiny star…
I’m so near to you in this stuffy, black car…
Ur my favourite ride…
Abide by my side,
Don’t subside,
My lovely ode abode

Copyright © JW Earnings | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by Russell Banks | Details

Monologue of Misery

Hello world
Hello universe
Today I apologize
today I apologize to you
today I apologize
for giving you my worst
for performing below my best
for making empty promises I can't keep 
and for banishing people from my life
out of anger, out of spite
So please listen to what I have to say
It's true
I've said so many times I've been grey
and I know my reason
so this day
I will spill the content inside my head
I'm grey and I know why
I spoke ill of Sarah
I know I promised angrily I was over her
I know I promised angrily I was over it
I know I promised angrily I would never speak of her again
but that's just it
I said it angrily
In my heart I meant every word of it
March 12th
in my heart everything I said
was truth...well to an extent
but that was from a deeper dark side of me
just tired of dealing with this
Was I man that day
I was just bitter
I'm bitter and that's just not me
I don't know who I am
but that's just not me
So here I am trying to fix my mistake
So here I am thrice
trying to fix my mistake
My letter to her went unheard
my letter to her wasn't a message
to say I'm over
it was a message to say 'I love you'
I said it more than I did when I was with her
to make up for all the times I wasn't there
to hold her between my frail, warm arms
And my attempt to say goodbye
was for myself to leave without a hint of pain
with every hint of malice and pleasure
to finally feel the joy of having her
disappear from me...
and for a few days I was invincible
I was...something else
but what they say is true
A woman can cry over you for so long
but she lets go so easily, leaving you as nobody
while us, guys
we feel free, vindicated
until a few weeks go by
and here we are
constructing our monologue of misery
And my monologue is four years long
four years strong
but I end it tonight
because tonight I end it right
Sarah the Sorceress
Sarah my Sorceress
Sarah heartless Sorceress
Sarah forever Sorceress
Selena...I'm sorry
I'm sorry for how I lashed out 
I lashed out in anger
I was silently frustrated with myself
We weren't built to last
I always knew
I admit I always knew
We're just two different people
You're a Leo, I'm a Gemini
We're just two different people
I could tell you weren't in love with me
even though I heard the word escape your lips
as I whispered them back every night
but I made myself believe
somehow you were the one for me
You moved away from me
well I moved away from you
as a gift for your birthday
and there I refused to let go
sinking my tiger claws within your skin
just telling you I'm still hanging in
just to say you were something worth fighting for
but I was just sitting here in make believe
trying to fight reality
while trying to keep you close to me
I failed...I failed in my quest
and I tried to move on
but my heart stayed with you in protest
trying to comfort you in your time of need
trying to hold on to a part of me
For four years I have tried to find a way back to you
for I couldn't accept losing you
for I couldn't accept you were stolen from me...
by space, by time, by a harsh outline 
of a life I cannot define
I could just sum it up
as life loves to kill me
My reward for chasing after you all these years
is a reputation for the guy who will never let go
a reputation for the guy who chases the impossible
is a broken heart and a troubled mind
I guess I'm crazy
I could blame you
but it was all me
since the day I permitted you
to carve my name into your arm
I guess I thought that would prove to me I'm yours
but I shuddered at the thought
that you would be taken away from me
Well I'm here now to say
I have no love letter to send
I have no malice to unleash
I just have a broken heart wishing to be repaired
You wished for us to be friends
but I wish for us to go our separate ways
I've stuck to you like glue
for years
Any further contact with you
I may go insane
Any further contact with you
I just won't be me anymore
So here today
I let you go
Here today
take back my harsh words
take back my faulty words of my love
take back my heart I once left on your desk
Here today
I officially say goodbye
My skies are bleak
and I am the color of a cloud when it rains
for to this day I miss you
yet...I got to let you go
So Sarah the Sorceress
So Sarah my Sorceress
So Sarah heartless Sorceress
So Forever Sarah the Sorceress
Selena...I say today
Please don't tell me your wedding date
I just pray you have a good day
I just pray you are happy always...

Copyright © Russell Banks | Year Posted 2016

Long poem by DENNIS DE ROSE | Details

That's Chuck, He's my Friend

What's that in your hand?. Let me see.. He said.
It's a picture; that`s Chuck; he is my friend... I said.
You pick your friends kinda young, don't you?... He said.
No, that was a long time ago. We were in college... I said.
I'd like to hear more about your pal Chuck... He said.

Okay... I met Chuck in New Paltz in `74... I said.
Oh, that's the pot smoking college, isn't it... He said.
Don't generalize, everyone's not the same... I said.
You're right. So tell me some more about Chuck... He said.
Okay, so you want the short version, or long one ... I said.
Whatever you like, I have plenty of time ... He said.

Well, this guy Chuck approaches me; he looks perplexed... I said.
So what was his issue. Why that look on his face... He said.
Chuck tells me "No one will stay with me in the room."... I said.
How odd is that? That doesn't make sense... He said.
You and I swing one way, Chuck swings the other. ... I said.
Now I see what the problem was; What did you do?... He said.
What do you think ? That doesn't bother me.... I said.

Hey, you want to hear a funny story? It's a side splitter... I said.
I've got time. I could use a good laugh right about now... He said.
Chuck had a 53 Schwinn bicycle, all chrome, red and white... I said.
You've got to be kidding me. I haven't seen one in years.... He said.
I'd hop on back. We`d go to town and chug down a few together... I said.
That's not funny. Where's the punchline? So what happened?... He said.
Well, one day Chuck failed a test and got super pissed off.... I said.
That's not funny either. You've got to do better than that.... He said.
He yanked on the handlebar so hard, he busted it clean in half... I said.
Wow ! Did they have "Funniest Home Videos" back then?... He said.

That's not all. We had so much fun together. There's more... I said.
Don't keep me in suspense. Lay it on me..... He said
There was this girl; unique with a special attribute.... I said.
What was so special? Three breasts instead of two?... He said.
No joke, her name was Madam Clittora! Enough said... I said.
I can't believe that. You gonna leave me hanging?... He said.

Anyway, shortly after that, I graduated. Chuck was younger.... I said.
So what happened to Chuck? Good friends keep in touch... He said.
We saw him two years later. We visited With his family, was nice... I said.
Ever see them again? You shouldn't desert a friend.... He said. 
You're right. But things don't always pan out... I said.
So what does that mean? You both seemed quite close.... He said.

I was married at the time with a lot of responsibilities... I said.
So that's no excuse. You should've kept in touch... He said.
After that, I didn't. Time changes things. Wasn't intentional.... I said.
So is there more to this story? There's got to be more... He said.
Oh, there is. Time moves on. 35 years later... I said.

It's 2010 and out of the blue, I think of my old pal Chuck... I said.
So you didn't forget him after all, but almost... He said.
It's a gamble, Chuck Drzal was in the phonebook; I called... I said.
Good for you. You took a chance, renewed a friendship... He said.
You're right. Just like old times. `74 again. What a feeling... I said.
So what happened next. Tell me quick, can't wait... He said.

We talked off and on, old times and new things; it was good... I said.
So it sounds like things are really working out for you guys... He said.
We saw Chuck, in the summertime; looked good for 52... I said.
Hey that's great news; Is there more to the story?... He said.

A little more... His friend died the day after we saw him... I said.
Oh, bummer. Sorry to hear that. How`s Chuck now?... He said.
Called him in November. His diamond ring was stolen... I said.
Wow ! That's a real downer. Did they catch the bastard?... He said
No !... I said.

There's got to be more than that. Call him since then?... He said..
Yeah... but... I called twice... he never answered the phone... I said.
Well, I hope you find out how he is doing?... He said.
I did. Saw his obit a few days ago. He died November 17th... I said.
 He looked at me. A tear rolled down his cheek... He said nothing..
I looked at him. Couldn't speak, all choked up.... I said nothing.
He looked at me. Gave me a hug, turned and walked away.
I yelled to the universe... "That's Chuck, he's my friend!"

Copyright © DENNIS DE ROSE | Year Posted 2013

Long Poems