I Can'T Just Change Overnight Part 2

I am appalled by the acts of atrocity in this world of eccentricity How can you handle the rebellious transgressions of all children, women and men? I want to serve You, master, with all I got… I don’t want to remain the disaster that left me to rot Enlighten me with Your words of wisdom… Invite me into Your household and lead me to Your Narrow Path Allow me to pray for Your Kingdom to come… Give me Your proverbs of plenteous perception...not Your wrath! Your in-depth insight gives me a reason To find the light at the end of the road Honestly, I’m not ready for the arrival of Your son… But, I must consider His Word my abode I can’t just change overnight… I’m afraid that, in the past, I have lost sight… In who you are – a compassionate, knowledgeable Father Unlike any other…far greater than any father or mother… I recognize the words of truth in the bible… Unfortunately, it’s hard to open it, but I am capable… I am capable of doing so, but I didn’t leave time for Your word to sink in I apologize for all the mindless things I’ve done…next time, I will open… I will open up to You and open the book of wise sayings from on high I have trouble reading, probably due to some kind of dyslexia… However, I will not cease from reading the many non-fictional volumes that are inspired by You…I read them in awe… Please give me mercy upon my sensitive soul Oh, those impious lies quench the truth as a whole Empty and numb is how I feel when I am without You… I’m clueless and dumb without You and that’s oh so true… Pure innocence is stolen away from me by the abominable apprehension that took advantage of me Arrogance and pride fought over me countless times over and over again…but optimistic humility will set me free… You flood me with infuriating isolation, oh serpent of the deep I must get a grip on myself...save me from my vexation It has hit me to the core and I can't help, but sheepishly weep I must expect the unexpected...I must not fall into temptation “Oh, what’s the use in you trying anyways? You’re nothing but a failure…” hissed the serpent, creeping into my cranium and slithering around me surreptitiously. “No…no I’m not!” said I, denying the unreliable remark and backing away from the creeping creature, but to no avail. He moves in all directions and wraps himself around me. “Oh really now?” He asks, scornfully showing his tongue, obviously trying to mock me and shock me. “I bet you can’t even tell the difference between the light and the dark…besides, you already gave in to your comfort zone…” “Well, maybe you’re right! But…” I say, hesitantly, but with much bravery. “But? But, what!?” He asks menacingly. His sinister smile transforms into an eager smirk. “Uhhh…wait, let me recall what I was gonna say…” I say, stupefied for a few seconds. “Oh! Oh yeah… but I still have time to make it up to the Lord of Accord……I will place my trust in Him from now on till the day I die.” Beat that, you insidious snake! What about you slither away, for God’s sake! Drag me away from the evil desires that scorch my heart ablaze The bad habits of laziness and little progress was only a meaningless phase For, I’m getting over the wasted times I’ve spent During the summer days, indoors…I wonder where the time went… Debating on whether or not to write An inspirational song once again – that’s a might, Despite what I feel deep inside – The need to hide, but a want to be brave… Don’t mind me – I’ll learn to behave For the night, I’d rather be with my family by my side For the night, I’d rather sleep with dreams that won’t subside From my sight…but once I wake up, they are soon forgotten Why is my hope rotten? In God’s eyes, am I unforgotten? In the vast abyss…the abstract abyss… I roam in my lonely distress, it’s only in my head Can’t shake away this hopelessness… I long to embrace happiness, but instead, I hold on to dread Again…again… Why should I allow myself to fall away again? Am I moving farther away from my Shepherd or am I growing close to Him? Is the Light of Delight and Might illuminating me or are my lights growing dim? I realize that You and I are a good team… I hope in the future that You can elevate my self-esteem I will not reflect on the rejection that bullies me so Absurd, alienated ambition haunts my mindset Don’t mind me when I start to go mad over piling debt Don’t haunt me with the abyss of bleak desolation Don’t taunt me with jaded corruption or deceiving destination… Mirror my pain…I am the tainted-and-troubled train I need to get on track or I might end up on insanity lane I yearn for unconditional love from my fervor-stirred, faithful Father I’ve slept for too long and I’ve wept over the wrong… Over the wrong I’ve done… How can I feel like I belong when at home, it’s hard to belong? It feels like darkness has won… Suddenly, good luck crowns my head – I was wrong all along…life is like a game of Ping-Pong