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Double Cross My Heart
Selena...Sarah the Sorceress Russell...the Ghost of Never-land This year has not been mine Death laughs at me as he steals my grandfather from me while I plead emptily for him to take me instead yet I fail to realize I'm already dead This sudden move robbed me from my angel tore apart the fabric of my reality Time has elapsed, Spring is here but forgetting gets harder when your own movie replays it's nearly impossible to let go It's been almost a year to date and I remain the loser yet I have a week now, week to dabble in my past a week to pick up where I left off How naive can I be; I was thrilled for the life of me but life quickly reminded me I was better off away.. Time stops for no one and lives stop for nothing A short memory slip, I'm back to accepting banishing failure The hope for tomorrow: be better than today a well received conversation with a father re-connection with a grandmother kept pouring into the jar: "Wanting to Stay" The sun blocks out the blind and I along with it as the moon, my only guide, shines at night This fright of life I live can never give a home to a bright-side hopefully reuniting with my Sorceress will bring this Ghost to life may it free the anger inside at the same park where our first date began, our tryst A decision to make, a road to take just to discard the thought a yearning to sit and bask in her presence a yearning to sit and hold her in my arms but I'd be too afraid to let her go for she may be lost to me forever and again Joy and excitement in my heart, killed from the start as I find her by the bridge, her kid sister in tow so I glance down for a sign of the fall...I'd live Moments pass by, talking and wondering why why she...why she couldn't be mine one final time No one could best me, put her on a pedestal reaching the clouds treat like a princess or am I just speaking out of desperation I didn't know what to do then, I still don't I know all the words, the motions; I have the oceans on my side yet all I can do is stop and stare All the confidence I summoned up subsided by the fact only four days remain before I'm shipped off once more to an unforgiving place; an uneven plain of pure torment to my soul How can it be; I'm feeling alone even with her man, I miss her...upon this cliff, perched on this rock overlooking the world I wished for her to see, my arm around her We let our feelings play out, told our history as soon as I make my leave, "why did I come here in the first place" the thought to cross my mind I felt so lost but I couldn't allow her to see me cry not here, not with her eyes piercing me How can it be, how can it be; I guarantee, guarantee... she'll never miss me... I knew everything when it came to her even about her other and all they did together; she told me everything Has the color faded from my face all at once, all my claims were broken and betrayed by one girl I admit seeing her was a victory, a wish come true but I still left defeated, like what I thought I had to win I only came to lose My heart was hers once, will I ever get it back but lets be honest, no one looks as good as her with that Couldn't she notice the way I held my head when my dimmed eyes were focused on the air Comments fell, goodbyes were said yet no hugs were gave I believe we would've both broke down Fear and anguish wasn't present, the feeling of leaving nothing fell hard like bricks The wall came crashing down all around, barely making a sound Tears fell but I let no one see; the music knew all too well The feelings inside: hurt and pain; looks like agony won today I started to turn and run but looked back at everything I had loved speeding off while I wonder if it meant anything at all I gasp for eternity, regretfully leaving behind beauty Where's a wall, a punching bag, ANYTHING! I'm full of rage, sorrow; I need to let it out I can't accept this, not yet, my future wife in my eyes is a friend a perfect chance for closure down the drain I'm sorry How on Earth can I possible pretend What if the nightmare became the truth What could I have left to believe in if it were all true... I have a barrage of questions but I receive never answers My heart was hers once now it's a delicate necklace around her neck I didn't love enough to watch myself fall away like dust on an old carpet Stranger than fiction, tougher than oak, disturbed as the sea blue as the sky; lonely than a bird lost in a growing storm forever I remain If my heart can take the pain, it might take forever and a day but I'm willing to wait, wait for what? A fool to try, a fool to dream, fool to believe, fool to love only me when the world takes away the one meant for... My heart was hers once, dangling on a string a wolf and a rose, my symbol Is this all a nightmare, something make sense tonight has agony won or is this a failed flight I doubled my heart with a leaf and a wish but it flew away in the wind... How do I feel now...empty and vanishing... I feel I'm growing through grief, have been for so long and I just can't find my way to accepting this so a Ghost I started, a Ghost I remain the sky may be blue I'm clear this day
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