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Feeling Small, Broken Enigma
Let my ears deceive me but I hear it, can't bother to drown it out the taunting laughter at my misery Fictional should they be but the reality has cleared the camouflage which hath once shrouded me Exposed and broken, laid out in the open go ahead and bring down the burning, stinging, killing axe blade I don't care anymore...tell the whole world I just don't care anymore Is this existence a game of cat and mouse, predator and prey? Is this so called gift named life just a punchline to a cruel joke ask the weighted voices who have fell by their own hands Life tormented them into submission, resting in peace I'm dearingly hoping they remain I, myself, am bending and breaking at the seams that keep me attached but I ask by the whim of whom? of Eris? of Karma itself? of the Gods? A play thing of a child I refuse to be, it's just not me I'm not a small game piece, glue and tape cannot repair me so take me off this colored board this turn is over A question, please, will you answer for me Why bring me up so high if you're only entertainment is to hear the screaming bouncing off the walls in my mind is to hear lyrically dear agony sung by a desperate pessimist is to watch my face contort with anguish as I plunge fifty miles deep in darkness.....JUST END ME! ! ! Look at the letter on my chest, 'where is the S? ' there is none, I'm an ordinary man I've only wished to be an invisible superman Kryptonite, Ha! just a wound remaining open so the jolt of pain, so the stinging tells me I'm alive A mute button for words I shouldn't hear invented but hardly used; my purposes were foolish A night I'd rather forget and never dwell upon again creeps with a sharp blade, cutting away at the hems of what's left of my deteriorating sanity My darkest fears have engulfed and shrouded me in a deadly haze opened the lock that kept them at bay but for hours, they just ate away Do I need a rhyme or a reason to scream I'LL NEVER SING IN JOYFULNESS AGAIN my hand hasn't been forced to say, the darkness has swallowed me whole I overexaggerated my meanings death isn't something to play around with but it was spreading the disease to the corners of my mind I admit I'm angry, this is my life and I'm not a pawn in a sick, twisted fantasy factory Edgar Allan Poe doesn't write for me He's only an inspiration and I admit I feel so small an ant amongst human beings so tall why do I even care at all My symptoms of suicide, at this moment, couldn't be any higher my struggling anger has gotten beneath my skin again my outlandish worrying, can't find a cage that would hold it all my pitiful jealousy, drowning am I in it tonight Full circle, they all surround me ready to strike trying to be my own superhero, I've committed that crime because I trust no one to save my own life Another thought is turning, my mind is contemplating is this torment a repayment for last week or a monthly requirement to send a message to me Life is becoming too hard but I'm still living it I admit I don't want to be alive, I've been caught suffocating but it's in my priorities now to cross that out of my plans Refrain from speeding up this process further sink these fragile bones into something metallic just in case reckless actions bombard my way and I can't seal myself in my cave Have I died inside my mind or am I just dreaming it again by arrow which wishes to seize, are you just a myth I see myself in the mirror and it's the me I've seen so long ago a lover, a fighter, a warrior, brave, courageous, confident yet he shakes his head in disgust when he sees I'm the unfortunate son I just don't feel welcome, I already know I don't belong my belief intertwines with the simple notion I'm on the deep end Amelia, her name sounds familiar Amelia, have I met her Amelia, was she beautiful or was her eyes consumed with fear, was she scared Amelia...Amelia...please...hold...tight...hold...on or plainly erase me, scribble out my name if existence is a fairytale I'm meant to breathe oxygen for a reason I know but my reality matches not with the fantasy I dwell in I only ask of you to leave me be so I can comprehend this mystery This broken enigma I call myself and my endeavors I'm struggling to keep my grip on this together I have something strong, nothing short of meaningful I'm just feeling small since this rips the strength out of me I try to make it a pretense that I feel nothing at all but again, again I'm indifferent and yet Amelia has crossed my mind one more time Amelia, her name sounds so familiar Amelia, have I met her Amelia, was she beautiful or was her eyes consumed with fear, was she scared Amelia...Amelia...please...hold...tight....hold...on is she the air I breathe, the dark clouds when it rains what is she to me...Amelia...Amelia please.....hold....tight...hold...on Amelia...was she beautiful...was she beautiful...Amelia ...Amelia
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