Long Goof Poems

Hold the phone, hold the freakin’ phone. Lisa’s got a boyfriend!
I’ve never seen Lisa with a boyfriend. Lisa draws men like fireworks on a dark night, but I’ve never seen her keep one. I mean,...

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Once in a great while your soul stands up and takes notice of someone and your inner voice screams yes that one. So loud your sure others heard.
When you are apart you can feel your...

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No Roof For Reindeer

The celebrated sailing frog
from Montgomery County
went a courtin, or so the tale iz toad
to a grand ole mansion built around 1910,
and e'en 'pon
being razed ~2012 ah 
no foo fighting crash test dummy
(sea...

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As promised to Sara Baker... here is the Night Before Christmas, 
Cajun style ~ by James Rice
                  ...

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she left me defenseless again
for reasons that cannot be spoken
but that can be further diagrammed
worthy of forensic dissection
deep into the cauliflower folds
branching like rivers of lightning
all at once one at a time
lighting up the display...

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REFLECTIONS ON POSTWAR AMERICAN PRESIDENTS
 
Truman became President by accident, which
probably explains why, on the whole, he did a good job.
Eisenhower, deprecated as an inveterate bungler,
a shillyshallying,  grinning incompetent,
is now beginning to emerge as...

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I met a smart aleck who was a god of lust
                        ...

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I see you around school
Hoping you think I’m cool
Trying to not be a fool.
I look in your eyes
And I die in side
Because I’m so shy to say how I feel
It’s so unreal
 
The beauty that...

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“The Truth” – Written by Kayla Hamilton
“Why is it that guys end up treating you like a sister? 
Why can’t I be that girl that no other has had before? 
Instead of calling me hot,...

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Shall I relay a sidesplitting hoot from my “care-free” on campus fun phase?
It entails a laboratory session involving three mystic world colossal oafs.
 One had an unerring penchant for Laurel and Hardy mishaps, the other...

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Who will I be able to goof off with, at ALL hours, when you’re gone? Who will I be 
able to SING with, that can carry a tune, better than anything I can ever do,...

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It might seem silly what I’m ‘bout to say
Fun rhyme is here. You can make a cake.
I’m a hot bear buffoon that could easily race.
With the wind, I don’t care, baby. It’s my way!

(Chorus)
Because I’m...

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A Marriage Creed

So now my little Man, you've gotten tired of grass"
LSD, goof balls, hash" and pills. Someone pretending to
be your friend - decided to introduce you to me,
Miss Heorine.

Well honey, before you start fooling...

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( Hebrews 4:11 )

They say free man,
Aren’t you dreaming,
When I reveal,
My soul’s request,
For it’s rest,

They say in this present life,
There is only trouble and strife,
There is no narrow way,
For if even I can’t find it,
No...

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Suicide is a topic way too serious for jokes. 
Too awkward for many funny bone pokes. 
But Patch Addams was played on this tone. 
By a fighter of demons of others and his own. 

So...

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we knew capitalism had turned ugly
after the first lemonade stand drive by 
children denounced their parents
when their eyes were opened
to supply side economics 
and demand side criminal enterprise
plunging on in a premeditated stupor
they floated between...

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Little munchkin dweeb
                                ...

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I want to write a poem but I don't know what to write
I think I will write about edification
What is it?
Is it when you lift someone up?
Yeah
And more 
It means that when the person leaves...

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There's one who acts like a righteous queen
Prattling peacock, she loves to pose and preen
She is surly and gruff
Heckling slurs with a huff
And denouncing the life-saving vaccine

The haughty queen is quite aloof
and sometimes she acts...

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Two cowpokes stagger to the saloon
Fighting because thems fighting words
Over a red parrot blocking their path
Pacing arrogantly before the bar entrance
Flapping green wings and screeching
The two men eventually find their way in
Order up a bottle...

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A TRUE STORY.....(honest engine!!)  This is fine country living !!
__________________________________________________

T'was the night after New Years, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings and tree stored away with...

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Little kids have a natural curiosity
that can catch us off guard too often.
Like little Bobby, who went into the kitchen and said,
"Mom, can I ask you a question"?"

"Okay", says she, "I've time for a few".
"I...

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Mama uph uBaba
Mama uph uBaba

Mother where is my father?
Mother where is my second teacher?
Mother where is the man in my life?
that will teach me manhood
with love, care and integrity
Mother where is my strongest point?
because I...

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the celebrated sailing frog
     from Montgomery County
     went a court'n, or so the tale iz toad
to a grand ole mansion built around 1910,
    ...

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Mama uph uBaba

Mother where is my father?
Mother where is my second teacher?
Mother where is the man in my life?
that will teach me manhood
with love, care and integrity
Mother where is my strongest point?
because I have the...

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