For as long as I can remember
I've kept everything buried inside
For as long as I can recall
I stood on the edge, ready to fall
In the silence of foreboding shadows
I crawled on hands and knees
I searched for a reason to breathe,
ready to tumble like Autumn leaves
But Winter passed and then came Spring
Trying to find the right lyrics to write
But ghosts from my past chased them away
I was lost in the dark without moonlight
I crashed like waves upon the shore
When restlessness took hold of me
I need to find the way to gain control
Spilling tears of the dragon is not for me
Fearless, I must become
To change what I was, and move on
To discover within myself
the courage to be reborn
Time to leave the past behind
and the turmoil that I've faced
I need to create a new state of mind
The old me is ready to be replaced
I crashed like waves upon the shore
When restlessness took hold of me
I need to find the way to gain control
Spilling tears of the dragon is not for me.
Based on lyrics of Bruce Dickinson's 'Tears of the Dragon'
I've been to dark places
I've lost myself and all the basics
I've crawled on my hands and knees
Fighting to stand up again
Gritting my teeth
Tears down my face
I will never be the same
No one will be in my way
I've backed down from battle
I've fought for love and lost it all
I've hiked the muddiest mountains
Proving the strength my body has
Restless heart rate
Mind set strong
I will never be the same
No one will be in my way
I've had my heart torn out and given away
I've hurt myself thinking No one would care
I've reserved my head, heart, and body
Believing other the only way to heal
Silent noise in my head
Cardiac thunder through my chest
I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AND NO ONE WILL STAND IN MY WAY
I am enough!
I had a dream.
I don’t remember most dreams.
I was cleaning the floors of heaven.
It seemed a mixed blessing,
I was in heaven, after all
but I was cleaning the floors.
It was a part time job,
I knew that intuitively.
I don’t mind house cleaning,
heaven cleaning.
It’s calm work, kind of Zen.
Are we supposed to think of religions in heaven?
At first I scrubbed on my hands and knees.
The floors are soft in heaven, like golden gym mats.
Then I thought of it, and suddenly I had a swiffer-wet mop,
just like that - and the pad never wore out.
After a while, I had an iPod, and AirPods too.
Then a daiquiri - a banana daiquiri with a pastel rainbow umbrella.
They make rapturous daiquiris in the hereafter - they never run out.
‘Heavenly,’ I thought, snorting out a dizzy laugh.
.
.
Songs for this:
The River of Dreams Billy Joel
If the Lord Wasn't Walking By My Side by Elvis Presley
Woof woof woof woof
Hello can you hear me I’m human they just say I’m a dog
Hurting in many ways that they say a dog withstands
Hands and knees praying all they see is paws
Food and water or I’ll die no they say kibbles and bits
Strands of me peek but to them I’m wearing a fur coat
Walk the path no they say I walk to chase my tail
Whistling to the wind only to feel pains from hits
My screams turn into whimpers followed by barks
Bury my thoughts no they says I bury bones
Humans can be so cruel but able to go blind
Dogs are man’s best friend yet mines lies to me
Hold me please no you see it as petting me
I want to go home no you say I’ll be in a cage
I can’t wait till I wake from my dreams
I am simply trying to stay afloat
In an otherwise sinking land
An escape between past and future
An island of pain
Treaded up
Barefoot in the sand
Grains of memories stuck in the creases
Standing is sore
Walking is sore
On my hands and knees I beg
Relief is all I pray for
The physical and mental torment
Occupying a vessel that doesn’t know how to swim
My head hurts from thinking
My hands hurt from holding on
The sun hasn’t risen in a while now
But the clouds bare a similar resemblance
To the ache that wants to be unearthed
Tears and rain, all in the same
A necessary cleansing so we can grow beyond
My heart bleeds, my soul needs. I've loved and I've hated. My hunger, never sated. I've risen as much as I've fallen, I'm a gambling man and I'm all in. I continue to chase after wild geese. I submit to the universe on my hands and knees. No matter what the future holds, I will grow. No matter how much I've reaped, I will sow. I am Duality. I am Humanity.
A strand of pearls not tied with knots;
we’re held together — just a thread.
At times like sticky spider silk
and other times a shred of string
that aches and breaks and throws our pearls across the floor.
The clatter scatter marble-mess
of all the dirt and hurts we pretty-wrapped.
Without the knots between the pearls, we
come undone. On hands and knees
we hunt and gather what’s to be restrung —
each dressed-up sphere once a naked tear
accumulated once again,
this time to tie ourselves and beads in line
to knot together “could-have should-have” shrugs
and form a diff’rent rope of pearls …or a noose
and in this space of rest — the screws between the pearls,
we plot a dream more fluff than faith before the cobweb breaks.
No doubt, we’re dilettantes in love bites art of making-up.
Knots may keep us stranded
but nots will keep us apart.
They were bigger than me!
Couldn't get free.
Circled around,
Until I fell on the ground!
Scared of what they could do.
I picked a space between some knees,
Let all my breath out.
Until I thought I could squeeze,
Between and under,
Grasping hands and knees.
Ran all the way home,
Then knew I was free!
If I were on my hands and knees
I would see kindness
I would see love
I would see peace
When I am on my feet
I see animosity
I see hatred
I see greed
God tells me not to worry and to place my trust in him,
though my faith is strong as oak or steel,
sometimes I'm weak within.
I'm told he has a plan for me that only I can know,
but waiting for his answered prayer
is like waiting for grass to grow.
Here I am, Lord, down on hands and knees,
asking you to lift these burdens,
plaguing me.
Although it seems like you're a dream I can never quite discern,
my mind and soul help me uphold,
it's you, for whom I yearn.
As a runner for the finish line and a pilot towards a beacon,
to land his plane on safe terrain,
and birds return each season.
Though lost, alone and sojourning in this land we don't belong,
I keep my eyes upon the prize,
of that home for which we long.
Each step I take and stumble, like a child's first cradle crawl,
I lift and stretch and try to catch,
your smiling face before I fall.
With faith much like a mustard seed, growing in your Light,
I only ask, please let me bask,
in tranquility tonight.
What is that sticky substance
Right on my kitchen floor?
It's only in one spot,
I can't see any more.
Could it be a piece of gum?
I can't figure it out.
Maybe some milk gravy
Or a tiny splash of grout.
It's a bit embarrassing
And rarely is it seen.
Like the rest of my house,
I like to keep my kitchen clean.
I have to find the answer,
So on my hands and knees.
After a closer look,
I saw it was just some cheese.
I remember a place where I've told you once
That if I've told you once it was a thousand times
To let me make mistakes and spare you the burden
And it seemed to reasonably rhyme
But amidst self righteous indignation I realized
The true wisdom earned through self remedied flaw
And thought to myself, now, two thousand times if twice
If anything it meant nothing at all
But what should anything mean really
If not least a lesson
As though teaching lessons
Weren't some twisted obsession
As if any of pain it would lessen, at all
But I can't help but try
Seeing angst in your eyes
On hands and knees as you struggle to crawl
06/05/2023
Your image is in the glass in my soul, where your face moves
Through mine. The brim fills in love and pours over time.
The mirror with who I am is binding—and cannot contain
Your light. It shatters the window image of home.
Losing your heart, I’m alone.
On hands and knees I feel the glass—for your
Life to my soul. From millions of scraps of me,
I’m cut through more deep, and
Bled my blood, strained in jar, that you feel it.
My mind seeks peace
To put my soul at ease
The battle was long
The depression was strong
Found myself at the end of a rope.
Lost was my hope
For a long time I fell
Somewhere down a dark bottomless well
No one could hear Me yell
A silent scream , this must just be a dream
Life falls apart
Pain tugs my heart
Where does one go wrong
On this path that takes so long
To end up here
Tangled in all this fear
Out falls a silent tear
Down inside such pain I did feel
As the many layers Start to peal.
I think I can take no more
Crawling for the exit door
The pain passes me by
Sometime during my silent cry
The sun came out to brighten the sky
On hands and knees, bended back
I survive this attack
Stronger
Cause I stood so much longer
I emerge from the dark
No walk through the park
But here I am coming so far
Rising from the scar.
While stepping above my sorrow
I now have a new tomorrow
Stepping through the fears
Beyond the tears
And now strong of heart
Ready for that new start
the sun was fixed in the sky
like a fugitive in an orange jumpsuit
radiating anger.
the evergreen forest was shedding
to carpet the steeled winter
earth. pinecones and needles in
a mosaic of brown and green.
the swing set sat neglected
chains rusted, slack like
abandoned moorings.
it creaked under the stress
of your weight, unsure of itself.
its chains, yawning after years
of hibernation, start to sway,
back and forth, picking up
speed and confidence.
In a flash you’re off the
swing, gliding through thick,
wet air to land on your
hands and knees in the
mulch. The intractable wood
opens the soft flesh of your
palms. The strawberry red
blood glistens in the late
Sunday light.
A dog barks indifferently
at the sun as it sheds its
cumbersome bonds and
falls back into the earth.
Related Poems