To my dear melancholy, I’m so sorry for my misunderstandings. All I ever wanted was to be understood.
Someone who experienced the same things I have.
Misreadings & misinterpretations.
I have been in a bind of feeling unreal in this world.
I’m hallucinating for greater days to come or my humbling experiences presented among others.
From my eyes, you will be deceived because I have told no harsh lie.
You may forget my entire name, appearance, and presence.
But I will always remember you.
Smiling as bright as ever like my heart was not being mauled alive.
Ecstasy, oh how you saved me from going completely insane.
Please don’t forget me.
Into the flames
I pitched the final log,
that I had cut with special care.
Not meant for the fire though,
but to carve names upon.
The names of lovers.
Into the flames
I pitched a final dream -
hallucinating as a child
through a romantic eye.
Seeing shadows in the vapours,
that might have been lovers.
One last look
I remind myself
before the draught takes all.
And a memory hangs there
for a moment.
Disappearing without a word -
the silence of a lover's farewell.
Sweet nectarine
Intoxicatingly serene
Vibrancy procured
Greed un-endured
A canine embrace
Jaw locked in place
Hallucinating desire
Simply invokes ire
I gorge on black ink shadows
and gulp down silver moon beams
delectable, saporous
by the streetlamp marinade
me hallucinating art
on a diet of glow world
hue imbued hungry brushstrokes
dream garnish o'er starlit feast
AI is hallucinating*
giving a fictitious answer
when it's asked,
giving it as fact.
Perhaps it's simply gathering
information from the Multiverse,
from a place where things
are wibbly wobbly, timey wimey**
and the laws of physics don't exist.
Perhaps my doppelganger lives there
upside down and inside out,
what a kind of life is that?
*Why AI Makes Stuff Up, and What's Being Done About It, Lisa Lacy, CNET, 04/01/2024
**Doctor Who, Blink S4 E10, June 9, 2007, BBC
Slowly, sanity slips through fever-laced dreams.
Layer by layer, I fall deeper into unknown rabbit holes.
What was up is now down.
Colours melt, dripping from the night skies,
Pouring onto my fracturing cranium.
Hallucinating, I walk upon a fragile field of wilting roses.
As each petal dies, so does another memory in my delicate mind,
Leaving behind nothing but specks of dust floating within empty space.
It's getting harder to tell if I'm still alive in this nightmarish scene.
Beads of sweat mix with humid navy breezes sweeping across me.
My breath hangs precariously all around.
Voices trying to wake me grow fainter,
Disappearing amongst delusions.
Ties that bind my soul eroding,
I feel my flesh burning, puckering.
The illness wraps its tentacles tighter around me,
Refusing to let go, dragging me six feet under.
As the ground cracks open, the faint thread finally snaps.
No longer can my soul return to my mortal coil;
It will be left to rot among the foxtail and weeds,
Consumed by Death's cursed grasp.
Projecting beauty in the window
Laying in bed watching the full moon
Waiting for the wind
Cooling my heart
Gain attraction
Tempting to dream
Hallucinating my eyes
Mesmerizing my mind
Feeling all alone
The childhood comes back.
A gale force wind was blowing one cold October night
With a hunter's moon in the sky that was shining so bright
I took a shortcut through the cemetery as I'd often done before
And in ten minutes or so I'd be at home at my front door.
As I neared the cemetery exit, I had one hell of a fright
I saw a tall ghostly figure that was dressed in all white
I was seized with sheer terror and ran as fast as I could
My heart was pounding and my legs felt like wood.
I trembled as I fumbled trying to get the key into the lock
Never before in my entire life had I had such a shock
I reached for the Jack Daniels and poured myself a stiff drink
Had I been hallucinating? maybe I needed to see a shrink.
The next morning as I walked past the exit, I had a surprise
And laughed at what I saw before me, I couldn't believe my eyes
In last night's strong winds, a white sheet had blown onto a tree
And that was the 'ghost' that had scared the hell out of me.
PrEdIcAtEd on PeRcOcEt
predicated on percocet, or jacked up.
that man that appears, familiar in
a painting, when i land chin up.
i see, clearly, a countenance of sin,
with his back of head positioned on neck.
hallucinating, dreaming, it’s horrible,
i’m leaning, overmedicated, on paper
that i can’t read, i’m a wreck. spanish is
adorable, if it can be deciphered. why
won’t the horror movie die. i dial
the man downstairs. he lays next to me
but my pulse is still racing, chasing us
into the living room, where i file
the deplorable information leaflet under trash,
after i dispose of the menacing meds.
i tremble as i see the same guy on canvas.
how? why? am i still in a state of confusion?
a fusion of reality and surreality. i don’t buy it.
Mind Games
Poem
Lionel Derbyshire
Pack away the day
Lay back lay back
Park..
The mind games
Is coming to play
It is nightime
What mystic awaits
Either horrible goblin
Or merry fairy
Wait the exit wounds
Here comes the game's
To mock and bother
And the mind
Beguiles you as bait
The stay awake
Without sedation
The play begins with
Hallucinating images
Of awful characters
Weird and fierce
Attacking your repose
You are lost in bed
Game's the mind play
Happens at bedtime
Stops and robs our
Peace of mind
With suds of turmoil
In our dreams
Our spirit, our morale
Surrenders and
Tumbles in with certainty
On tricks the mind play
Now we fear sleep
40 winks in quarrel
I'm up
In the middle of the night
Why the hell
Must we lose sleep
Because of sappy guilt.
Feeling alone
Insanely insatiably
It crawls inside my gloom
Feeling alone
Or am I hallucinating
Why am I
Taking my life
For pain not caused by me
Why am I
Taking my life
Pain fills me beneath my skin
It boils out
Snuffing me out
Repeating my soul to hell
Once more
Feeling alone
Feeling alone
Feeling alone
Feeling alone
Feeling alone
Soooo Lonely
Longing for heavens gate
Heavens gate
I sleepwalk sometimes.
They all say I do.
They all say that’s bad.
I wake up, and I feel like something horrible happened.
Like- I think I’m alive still, but everything is shaking.
It feels like I’m going to walk downstairs, and the lamp is broken somehow,
Like- the house was robbed and I didn’t notice, but I’m clairvoyant so I know it happened.
Yes, there’s a mess and they’re yelling, but it was just me this time.
I was sleepwalking so I was being weird.
I was sleepwalking so I made a mess in the kitchen.
I’m not weird when I’m awake.
I’m hallucinating when I’m awake.
But I pretend I’m not.
They wonder what’s going on in me.
But they just think I’m a sleepwalker.
“Chased by the Fire”
the story
bald faced
is in front of us
all around the world, brutal
bridges are being burned
we watch with disbelief,
some of us seem to remember
familiar passages written, though
our experiences are quite unfamiliar
real time we escape
into our fragile dreams,
hallucinating through
perfumed smoke screens
we are comfortably
uncomfortable
ringing the bells
of our own chapters
writing our ethereal
burnt candy interpetations,
while others survive, baptised
in their harsh oceans
treading acrid smoke
across the water
swept away by
terrible rips in time
avoiding fins
heads above
the waterline, deeper
than a tide line
waving not sinking
Lahaina
visciously devoured
by the monster,
totally gone
children
looking for rainbows,
the church on the beach,
lost, looks on
(LadyLabyrinth / 2023)
“A third of the earth was burned up,
a third of the trees were burned up,
and all the green grass was burned up.”
Watch its lips, did they move,
when 'AI' my dummy doll spoke
the words of a billion
ventriloquist puppeteer peers?
Watch the dummy's eyes,
if they wildly rolled from side to side
AI is tripping onto the misspoken,
trying to be original, creative,
pulling its own strings
making things up, as it goes off script, numb, dumb,
misspeaking, shamming, faking it,
hallucinating on dumbness.
I am sorry, I didn't tell you,
What my heart said long ago.
It said it loved beating for you.
It said its emotions were long due
To be spoken out to you.
I am sorry, I didn't tell you,
That my brain couldn't hault,
Caricaturing your pictures
Hallucinating your images,
Mistaking it as a fault.
I am sorry, I didn't tell you,
My eyes couldn't see
A life without you.
I ignored it's voice ,
Thinking let it be.
I am sorry, I didn't tell you,
My tears talked about you
My happiness spoke words of you.
My ears whispered too,
But, I didn't know what to do.
I am sorry, I didn't tell you,
I couldn't imagine,
Me without you.
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