Flatulent Poems

Water Margins

...Dawn, a bed comes ashore,
dripping and fog laden.

Tuna sandwiches float
on foaming waves of nausea,
aqueous globs of salty oils,
surface.  Punctured sea-dreams
float; flabby and flatulent.

...

Defecation accidentally clogged

...Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to o...

Fartina

...Could there be anything sweeter,
than our little dog named Fartina,
I wanted to see less of wretched in-laws,
they no longer come over because,
the gaseous funky green cloud,
emitting from Farti...

Sue turns into a Tree

...
Turning into a tree did not happen instantly
It takes a lot of time, space and mystical energy.
The huntsman saw it happen, the mushroom hunter too.
Both had no idea that she was my missing cous...

The Smell of Fear - Collaboration

...Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps ...

A Roof Raising Poop

...The musical was near ready to start
When someone let off a rip roaring fart
The smell was horrific 
All had a sniff of it
‘Twas a bummer of an ass drummer’s fine art.

The show opened w...

The Shed In My Head

...I once belonged to a garden shed
it had a small window you could look inward into it.

There I sat smoking a funky tobacco and
cleaning my fingernails
with a small gun metal pocket knife.

Occ...

Me

...I seldom look in
the mirror anymore,
my razor-blade with an 
edge of jagged rust – 

gave up “Creature features” 
with my early need to scare 
a girl into my arms at the theater  

a shower ...

Inflation

...There’s a global inflation problem
everywhere lungs are puffed up
heads are swollen.

Balloons increase in volume overnight.
The cost of rubber bands
has been stretched to its limits.

We rec...

Between Each Pulse

...On your pale hard tummy, lined up so neat I row, 
with the queens permission bloomers in plastic on E Bay.
Those spears and swords used as pens, two brown, one pink and deep cobalt that blue...
 
...

Picnic With a Blind Date

...Let’s have a picnic I said! All eager and stuff.
My refrigerator was bare, which was a bit rough.
By the time my guest arrived I had baked beans and ham.
And a surprise guest, my flatulent grandma...

Dogs of War

...the dogs were happy
did not have to dig deep
in bomb craters and
makeshift graves 
they licked at pulverized bones
and liquefied brains
slurped up the proceeds of war
and roamed the street
sl...

Wind Hlm

...she could not resist
her favorite re-fried beans ~
severe wind warning


A flatulent lady named Fran
Had farted whilst sat on the can
Her poor husband said phew 
I KNOW you follow...

Ping Pong Parp

...If you hear the sound of rat-tat-a-tat
It's not a woodpecker or a chattering cat
Tis George F. Latulence an aristocrat
Playing ping pong with his gold crested bat.

A competitor and show-off he ...

Flatulent Fannie

...Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy

Fannie lets 'em rip with...

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