Oh gaseous anomaly, of my digestion
Escapage from where, is the question
A topic of much fun, hilarity and jest
School boys compete, to see who's is best.
Velocity, decibels, and length of time.
All vital in assessing, if it's sublime.
But pinnacle of fustiness has to be.
Sprout, egg sarnies and over ripe brie
In conclusion a fart is truly an art
Enjoy it, embrace it, have a good fart.
Categories:
flatulence, appreciation, child, fun, humor,
Form: Rhyme
Flatulence has many endearing names
Most commonly known as a fart
A blow off, fluff, clanger, puff of love
Just a few from a long list and chart
Its an explosive common bodily function
Erupting, blowing ,wafting throughout the world
Yet no matter how many times we hear one
We laugh like its the first one we have ever heard!!!
Categories:
flatulence, fun, humor, nonsense, silly,
Form: Rhyme
When I visited Victor today,
overwhelming stench drove me away.
We stood outside and talked.
I complained, and he balked:
“Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?”
He let loose with a string of loud pops.
Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops!
There would be no arrest,
but at neighbors’ behest,
they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.”
The police are now summoned no more.
There’s a problem, but not like before,
one that cannot be heard;
thus, no neighbors are stirred,
fearing terror of gunplay’s in store.
Victor has diarrhea a lot,
spending hours a day on the pot.
I declared, “We will go
to the doctor. He’ll know
how to diagnose just what you’ve got!”
Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows,
were the cause of his gas and poop woes.
Way too many he ate.
Though he thought they were great,
doctor’s orders he did not oppose.
Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.”
I approached his front porch; on the breeze,
came an unpleasant smell.
Before long I could tell
he loves pintos and limburger cheese!
Categories:
flatulence, food, friendship, hyperbole,
Form: Limerick
afflicting him as far back
as he can remember,
a lingering, embarrassing condition
he gets much grief for.
it comes more often than usual;
sometimes unbidden.
it doesn't matter when or where -
in bed,
in church,
in class,
in the car,
in the elevator;
even at the dinner table
where he occasionally escapes from.
is it a feeling of indigestion?
constipation? ha! i kid.
a change of diet, perhaps?
he swears he doesn't eat beans!
when his flatulence explodes or rattles,
people nearby scurry away.
Categories:
flatulence, humor, imagery,
Form: Light Verse
Written: June 21, 2023
POOP Poetry Contest Sponsored by: JAN ALLISON
________________________________________________________________
He admired her from the start,
and she quickly stole his heart.
One thing, though, wasn't fair,
with love mood in the air,
she widespread love with a fart!
Categories:
flatulence, analogy, humorous, longing,
Form: Limerick
no one was in the john that day
so I thought it’d be safe to stay
I needed to sneeze
with hands on my knees
blew the blockage from my…airway
Categories:
flatulence, fun, funny, giggle, humor,
Form: Limerick
Flatulence has many a name
I heard the poshest today
A saying oh so eloquent and fancy
It blew me away!
This saying is rather grand
Voiced only by the best
“Attention one and all”
“Who is responsible for?”
“That waft of unpleasantness”!!
Categories:
flatulence, fun, humor, silly,
Form: Rhyme
A scientist once said it's flat
and I again agreed
He said the Earth is very flat
and lay upon his tweed
A flatter man he was not
A testimony pleased
As all his back was laying flat
and logic cleared the weeds
So we could go into a future
where people proved him wrong
Until the day the next man said
The Universe is long
Now we all know that long is key
for what they now call flat
And as before and once for more
they'll sell us all on that
So ask yourselves what they should mean
when all our thoughts our flat
And even gas from all these men
is flatulence at that
Categories:
flatulence, analogy, science,
Form: Quatrain
Categories:
flatulence, humor, word play,
Form: Footle
I like beans - They are my favorite food.
I like beans - There's nothing quite as good.
I like beans - There are so many kinds.
I like beans - All of them taste so fine.
Boil em,Bake em,Steam em,Fry em
Any way they're cooked,I'll try em.
I like beans.I like beans.
I like beans - I play a little game.
I like beans - Use them to spell my name.
I like beans - My mouth is getting wetter.
I like beans - I slowly eat each letter.
Savor every tasty biteful.
There are few things as delightful
I like beans.I like beans.
I like beans - Mash em into a paste.
I like beans - I smear it on my face.
I like beans - When it gets dry enough.
I like beans - I peel away the stuff.
Makes my skin as smooth as glass.
So soft just like a baby's ass.
I like beans.I like beans.
Pinto. Lima. Turtle. Navy.
In a stew with lots of gravy.
Red and Pink and Black and White.
I scarf em down all day and night.
Garbanzo. Lentil. Kidney. Butter.
Eat em till I'm six feet under.
I like beans! I like beans! I like beans! I LIKE BEANS!!!!!!!!!!!
Categories:
flatulence, 2nd grade, addiction, crazy,
Form: Rhyme
So I write about farting and pooh
But fart sniffing may prove good for you
Foul hydrogen sulphide
has been found to provide
benefits helping cells stay like new
Inspired by an item in a magazine which lead me to find a link and I had a blast writing the poem!
https://nypost.com/2017/10/27/sniffing-your-partners-farts-could-help-ward-off-disease
7/12/19
Categories:
flatulence, body, humorous, senses, wind,
Form: Limerick
There's nothing like a pressured toot
to get you out of bed.
The moving sheets, the rustled beat;
of flatulence ahead.
That very sound to wake you up
and start your day off right.
With little push to shake you up
and mark your way in flight.
That everything you go to do
will be as night before.
When all you ate was beans and franks
and thoughts were farting yore.
Categories:
flatulence, analogy, humor, humorous, introspection,
Form: Quatrain
Bags upon bags upon piles within piles of bags
Yes, teachers are the ultimate bag-ladies.
Rarely but occasionally a bag-man steps into our midst
But here at the elementary school it is usually women
Who drag in carrying bag upon bag upon pile upon pile upon bag.
I meet them at the door sometimes to help them out
Relieving them of two or three of their six to sixteen bags.
Some are filled with granite and ice sculptures.
I always try not to choose those.
One of our teachers works at two schools.
She has chains sticking out of her purse.
The blue chain is our school. I know better than to unbalance her.
I meet her, grab the blue chain, and unlock her door when I see her.
She is carrying six “big gulp cups” – the thirty-two ounces.
I had to give up soda pop five years ago.
Too much flatulence, and the children are
all at the wrong level for that.
Categories:
flatulence, school, teacher, teachers day,
Form: Free verse
She didn’t play poker so well.
Her bluff was as clear as a bell.
Her insides would quaver
So much that they gave her
A hell of a smell of a tell.
Categories:
flatulence, funny, humorous,
Form: Limerick
A conversation between me and my son a few years ago about the man who jumped out of the balloon from the stratosphere
I was trying to explain to the kids about Baumgartners jump from the balloon today and how he would be traveling faster than the speed of sound. Tyler asked what would happen if he farted? I said I guess he wouldn't hear it until his parachute deployed and his fart caught up with him. Then all the questions turned to weather he would smell the fart as it passed by and I completly lost control of the conversation when he started talking about fart parachutes.
Categories:
flatulence, dad, father son, funny,
Form: Narrative
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