Short Flatulence Poems

out for lunch
upon standing after meal....
can't move flatulence      ...

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we cannot see it
its odour is all around
baked bean flatulence

25th April 2015...

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Baked beans
Small 
Insignificant
Yet its properties so powerful
Causing flatulence
Some noisy
Others foetid in silence....

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no one was in the john that day
so I thought it’d be safe to stay
	I needed to sneeze
	with hands on my knees
blew the blockage from my…airway...

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Rhyming Senryu


        Prancing, arrogance,
        Such obnoxious flatulence.
        You, caught,in his trance.


                   6-8-2021...

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She didn’t play poker so well.
Her bluff was as clear as a bell.
   Her insides would quaver
   So much that they gave her
A hell of a smell of a tell....

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I caught ampersand in my boot.
Go away I said or I’ll shoot.
Hilarious pout.

Arrogantly loud and not moot,
His flatulence was a big hoot.
And stinky, no doubt....

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Jan's Vicar loves raspberry art*
As much as an hot apple tart
But Jan is the judge
So give her a nudge
When the horse blows before the cart!

*aka  Flatulence staccato...

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EPITAPH - A LETHAL WIND

Here lies George, the sad deceased

Victim of flatulence released

The result: he would expire

Stood before an open fire


Geoffrey Brewer
15 Sept 2018...

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There once was a woman of affluence
Who suffered from great bouts of flatulence
She held it all in
Until the day when
It came out in a jumbled grandiloquence


John G. Lawless
©8/3/2021...

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Flackmoth wishes his love of legumes
was not accompanied by foul fumes.
Not having to release a whiff of flatulence
would prevent incurring that other offense
and social stigma, the “stinkma.”

...

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O' flatulence                                          
  
                                              tis human              
                                                 to air







*co-written with my hubby...

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When wrinkles start appearing 
Getting deeper by the day
With liver spots accruing
And the hair is going grey 
The early morning aches and pains
A stomach growing flabby
The crows feet and the flatulence
No wonder you feel crabby...

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She was fat, not pregnant, to say the least.
She filled her plate at the family feast.
Craving pickles brought her down.
Howling laughter brought her frown.
Flatulence increased, festivities ceased!

© Dane Smith-Johnsen
October 16, 2010...

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Flatulence has many a name
I heard the poshest today
A saying oh so eloquent and fancy
It blew me away!

This saying is rather grand
Voiced only by the best
“Attention one and all”
“Who is responsible for?”

“That waft of unpleasantness”!!...

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Jerico the raccoon lived in the land of cherry blossom buds.
He enjoyed his corn, spaghetti, and well-cheesed up spuds.
His flatulence had a marvelous effect on the flowers so bright.
An aroma that stayed with these beauties all through the night....

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Spitting on the happy couple at Greek weddings
Is a tradition that the bride and groom are really dreading
There's another disgusting practice
An exhibition of much flatulence
By guests uttering “FTOU” it prevents bed-wetting


(Look it up LOL)...

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GO ON, BLAME IT ON THE DOG
"the good thing about flatulence, is you cannot see it, it just smells"
Indiana Shaw . . . 

"The Dog; O' just you wait until the Vicar comes, I'm so having you" . . . ; )...

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crepitus announces itself annoyed
at my impudence  as I climb the stairs
it speaks the language of stop, I don't

flatulence trumpets my presence
luckily no one is hear to breathe deep
another dead language of age

the sounds of decomposition make me smile
for even they can fill a blank page...

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Thoughts are growing
going faster
twisting spinning
a disaster
jumping thumping
bumping banging
alarms are ringing
clinging clanging
mental meltdown
overloading
whirlwind
brainstorm
mind exploding!

Brain brain 
go away
Robin doesn't
want to play
you just have
too much to say
save it for
another day!...

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Wind Power, Progressive
flatulence -- no more whale' tales 
from shore to shore – 

Poor ocean dears
needing new steers,
bumping their heads
in our dark – 

“Old lamps for new”
your lantern for my
cute, feel-good spark...
         bumping their 
heads in our dark....
         bumping their
heads in our dark.......

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Flatulence has many endearing names
Most commonly known as a fart
A blow off, fluff, clanger, puff of love
Just a few from a long list and chart

Its an explosive common bodily function
Erupting, blowing ,wafting throughout the world 
Yet no matter how many times we hear one
We laugh like its the first one we have ever heard!!!...

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For goodness sake, please stop
farting! I can smell that
foul stench all around our
flat. It stinks like a dead
fish! Small kids find it great
fun to let rip with their
farts … and then leave the room !

For fun ... Inspired by F Plaiedes contest… I will go with my gut reaction and enter my Fireworks poem lol


09/22/16...

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So Uranus smells of hydrogen sulphide 
In the atmosphere on the higher side
With the planet’s unfortunate name
It is the butt of most astronomy jokes to blame
With hydrogen sulphide so flatulent 
It enhances the jokes and is heaven sent
With the gas of the rotten egg smell
We can laugh on forever and chuckle so well.

© Paul Warren Poetry...

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When I let one loose in the elevator,
    I blamed it on last night's baked beans.
    The blast from it sounded like thunder,
    As it tore a large hole in my jeans.

    I apologised to all and sundry,
    For acting like, a silly jackass.
    But my voice became rather squeaky,
    As my flatulence, was pure laughing gas.

    8 / 7 / 2021....

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