Best Flatulence Poems
For goodness sake, please stop
farting! I can smell that
foul stench all around our
flat. It stinks like a dead
fish! Small kids find it great
fun to let rip with their
farts … and then leave the room !
For fun ... Inspired by F Plaiedes contest… I will go with my gut reaction and enter my Fireworks poem lol
09/22/16
Categories:
flatulence, body, humorous, wind,
Form:
Verse
Jan caught a jet plane to New York
Where bacon does not come from pork
To end her trip
Jan let one rip
The Captain delivered a stork
Jan's flight was Economy grade
Stuck between an old man and old maid
In the middle row
Which way should she blow?
"Hey! I've got a new hearing aid!"
Hot air will rise up to the Heaven
Where degrees are numbered to seven
But Jan's chocolate farts
Broke all of the charts
And bounced back to suffocate Devon
Donald Trump and May made a pact
To abolish the Clean Air Act
For with Jan on the loose
Even Trump could deduce
Air stinks as a matter of fact
Jan could hear the wind in the willows
And lay down her head on the pillows
But one gust of wind
Would quickly transcend
Her sheets into shuddering billows.
So Jan wanted to go back home
But her agent booked her to Nome
The crews final task:
"Get oxygen mask"
Jan's luggage was blasted to Rome
Jan thought that she needed a rest
So she flew off to Budapest
She let off a few
For Captain and crew
Now she oompahs Oktoberfest
Categories:
flatulence, chocolate, flying, funny, silly,
Form:
Limerick
She didn’t play poker so well.
Her bluff was as clear as a bell.
Her insides would quaver
So much that they gave her
A hell of a smell of a tell.
Categories:
flatulence, funny, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
When I visited Victor today,
overwhelming stench drove me away.
We stood outside and talked.
I complained, and he balked:
“Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?”
He let loose with a string of loud pops.
Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops!
There would be no arrest,
but at neighbors’ behest,
they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.”
The police are now summoned no more.
There’s a problem, but not like before,
one that cannot be heard;
thus, no neighbors are stirred,
fearing terror of gunplay’s in store.
Victor has diarrhea a lot,
spending hours a day on the pot.
I declared, “We will go
to the doctor. He’ll know
how to diagnose just what you’ve got!”
Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows,
were the cause of his gas and poop woes.
Way too many he ate.
Though he thought they were great,
doctor’s orders he did not oppose.
Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.”
I approached his front porch; on the breeze,
came an unpleasant smell.
Before long I could tell
he loves pintos and limburger cheese!
Categories:
flatulence, food, friendship, hyperbole,
Form:
Limerick
I can't believe what I heard on the automobile radio the other day!
'Tis further proof that nuts are on the loose and the world is in disarray!
European environmentalists, among others, who, mighty weird things espouse,
Are proposing, and I kid you not, a flatulence tax on every farmer's cows!
They claim flatulence by those innocent creatures pollute the air we breathe!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but this I know, it makes me seethe!
Imagine if you will the reams of records that over-burdened farmers must keep,
On each Black Angus, Jersey and Guernsey cow as well as goats and sheep!
Humankind is also prone to this curse, a subject upon which I dare not dwell,
But I really fear that politicians may impose a flatulence tax on us as well!
Lord have mercy! Let's hope and pray that the IRS doesn't get "wind" of this!
You could be jailed for not paying such a tax if they would find that you're remiss!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Categories:
flatulence, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
Movie theater crowded.
Abdomen bubbles,
a scent delivers troubles,
the scent strikes with brass knuckles
the man who dealt it chuckles.
People pinch their noses and squints their eyes.
the man who dealt it continued to eat his cheese fries,
someone yells, were in the move theater cant you realize!
By: Elliott Bowe
POOPING & FARTS contest
Sponsor:Destroyer ~ Poet
Categories:
flatulence, funny,
Form:
Quatrain
Our invisible enemy, helping us to our end,
Not seen by eye, even by the normal shy,
Blowing plants and trees, with a smelly breeze,
Leaves, branches shivering, scary as delivering,
Now and then a gust, lifting up clouds of gross dust,
We complain, no remorse, knowing your source,
Not knowing your control, not respecting your role,
With you, what a mess, life is a major stress,
Not helping our ozone, pollution blown everywhere,
Polluting our sky’s, in your amazing disguise,
Our life you shorten, with every breath, our invisible enemy.
Categories:
flatulence, dedication, environment, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Bags upon bags upon piles within piles of bags
Yes, teachers are the ultimate bag-ladies.
Rarely but occasionally a bag-man steps into our midst
But here at the elementary school it is usually women
Who drag in carrying bag upon bag upon pile upon pile upon bag.
I meet them at the door sometimes to help them out
Relieving them of two or three of their six to sixteen bags.
Some are filled with granite and ice sculptures.
I always try not to choose those.
One of our teachers works at two schools.
She has chains sticking out of her purse.
The blue chain is our school. I know better than to unbalance her.
I meet her, grab the blue chain, and unlock her door when I see her.
She is carrying six “big gulp cups” – the thirty-two ounces.
I had to give up soda pop five years ago.
Too much flatulence, and the children are
all at the wrong level for that.
Categories:
flatulence, school, teacher, teachers day,
Form:
Free verse
Upon the first date (decades ago) with the gal,
whose troth aye did pledge allegiance to wed
we agreed to dine at an ex-mex eatery
in north Wales, Pennsylvania, where angels feared to tread
carefully scrutinizing bon appétit the menu selection,
a touch of Latin lick QED
all American version sans south of the border cuisine –
Quod Erat Demonstrand – translations spit out in rapid fire Hispanic
by a beady eyed inked kid named Ned
whose couture favored a punkish style
with spiked gelled green hair, piercings galore and
necklace with a genetically modified sizable
entombed glass encased amber ked
which beastly fully intact organism with a miniature grisly bear like head
momentarily hypnotizing me tell nudged out of trance sans this egghead
who make a selection by randomly
landing finger on an item feigning to be well bred
unbeknownst to the arbitrary choice this senior made
within an ample number of mouthfuls
of beans and rice that quelled hunger pangs
mine lower gastrointestinal tract,
felt a bubbling sensation played
though impropriety struggled with gaseous mounting perturbations,
what promised to be hot malodorous, would induce an air raid
from this “wind bag”, whose saving grace divine, when wallet of suede
discover herd visa vis tubby devoid of cash, thus and excuse to beat the tirade
of volcanic eruption found me bolting
out the restaurant door fortunately not waylaid
and madly dashing (like some comet fiery dancer)
performing a cheeky number hopping on one foot than the other –
since forceful blast triggered kidneys to be tapped, thus prancer
two step extemporaneously incorporated while await the ATM to disburse cash
legal tender coveted akin to Cupid sprinkling spell of romancer
while expulsion of noxious fumes from thine sphincter from this hob er dasher
brought relief as aye nonchalantly strolled inside
the cozy diner and slipped into me seat
disinclined to relate vents to future spouse,
the bodily aeration and stream of urine from me magic flute
which amazingly synchronized with the Maximus glute
from consuming food triggering tushy to toot.
Categories:
flatulence, animal, anxiety, desire, fate,
Form:
Blitz
A conversation between me and my son a few years ago about the man who jumped out of the balloon from the stratosphere
I was trying to explain to the kids about Baumgartners jump from the balloon today and how he would be traveling faster than the speed of sound. Tyler asked what would happen if he farted? I said I guess he wouldn't hear it until his parachute deployed and his fart caught up with him. Then all the questions turned to weather he would smell the fart as it passed by and I completly lost control of the conversation when he started talking about fart parachutes.
Categories:
flatulence, dad, father son, funny,
Form:
Narrative
no one was in the john that day
so I thought it’d be safe to stay
I needed to sneeze
with hands on my knees
blew the blockage from my…airway
Categories:
flatulence, fun, funny, giggle, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Flatulence has many a name
I heard the poshest today
A saying oh so eloquent and fancy
It blew me away!
This saying is rather grand
Voiced only by the best
“Attention one and all”
“Who is responsible for?”
“That waft of unpleasantness”!!
Categories:
flatulence, fun, humor, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
So I write about farting and pooh
But fart sniffing may prove good for you
Foul hydrogen sulphide
has been found to provide
benefits helping cells stay like new
Inspired by an item in a magazine which lead me to find a link and I had a blast writing the poem!
https://nypost.com/2017/10/27/sniffing-your-partners-farts-could-help-ward-off-disease
7/12/19
Categories:
flatulence, body, humorous, senses, wind,
Form:
Limerick
So Uranus smells of hydrogen sulphide
In the atmosphere on the higher side
With the planet’s unfortunate name
It is the butt of most astronomy jokes to blame
With hydrogen sulphide so flatulent
It enhances the jokes and is heaven sent
With the gas of the rotten egg smell
We can laugh on forever and chuckle so well.
© Paul Warren Poetry
Categories:
flatulence, planet, space,
Form:
Ballad
Flatulence has many endearing names
Most commonly known as a fart
A blow off, fluff, clanger, puff of love
Just a few from a long list and chart
Its an explosive common bodily function
Erupting, blowing ,wafting throughout the world
Yet no matter how many times we hear one
We laugh like its the first one we have ever heard!!!
Categories:
flatulence, fun, humor, nonsense, silly,
Form:
Rhyme