Long Flatulence Poems

January 13th 2024 - Happy Lxv-th birthday Matthew Scott Harris

date of conception:?  ~ Late March – mid April 1958.
date of parturition: January xiii, mcmlix.
date of expiration:? January i, eminem, 
where earth, wind, and fire...

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Happy Lxiv birthday Matthew Scott Harris

date of conception:?  ~ Late March – mid April 1958.
date of parturition: January xiii, mcmlix.
date of expiration:? January i, eminem.

A gangly, measly, and scraggly bundle
of lovely bones even as...

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Please help yarn hexed door neighbor...

Yours truly pinned down by invisible 
vestiges of coronavirus and
getting attacked from angry plague 
of buttons, plus huge spools of yarn
grossly mistook me for human sock 
to seal and line...

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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days...

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THE GRIM REAPER (JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE) 

The Grim Reaper; again awakens from another well-earned day of sleep
From within the bowels of this cavernous earth, from his cave, so deep

His cloak and scythe;...

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Canned ‘STINK’ - State of the Art for Crowd Control
                         ...

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THE GRIM REAPER (JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE)

This Grim Reaper stirs from another well-earned day of heavenly sleep
From within the bowels of this cavernous earth, from his cave, so deep

His cloak and scythe, been...

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Fretfully aching to feel fit as a fiddle

After experiencing a severe,
albeit violent near lethal bout
of irritable bowel syndrome
(yesterday night August 30th, 2023)
triggered courtesy dulcolax caplets plus 
healthy portion of lentils,
I (a beatle browed, foo fighting,...

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Inevitable death defines afterlife - deux

Flinty stones figuratively rolling inside
whooping out that primal 
binaural beat of your drum
ma mind haphazardly 
ricocheting axon to neuron
inducing inxs of chaos 
wreaking entropy beheld 
by beauty and the beast
enveloping...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I...

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from state dinner pent-up flatulence

                              ...

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Donald Trump must be permanently lambasted...
and ewe know what else...
furloughed & barred from Whitehouse

Ducks of former self proclaimed Grand Poobah
getting lined up and goosed as these words typed
after trumpeting January 6th, 2021
as violent insurrection
Mitch Mcconnell...

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FROM WHITE HOUSE

I ham aghast at increasing banality, deviltry, ferocity,

   imbecility, liability, obscenity, rapacity, ugly

   offal popularity witnessed by Donald trump

hence aye aerate thoughts, 

   how ass a nine...

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My contingency measure in case of…götterdämmerung

A scenario unfolds
more abominable among
any previous warring factions,
his wicked weltanschauung
charred effigies futilely hung
against regime of brutality
considerably more unbearable
than infestation of fruit flies brung
about courtesy evil monster sprung
shortchanging restless and young.

Seconds...

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FURLOUGHED & BARRED FROM WHITEHOUSE

Ducks of former self proclaimed poobah
getting lined up as these words typed.

Poor sign,... I ham aghast, where 
pigheaded previous president concerned
at increasing mind numbing popularity
and looming ominous shadow 
witnessed by Donald...

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March 8th - International Women's Day The World Over

Down to the wire, before this
calendrical occasion doth expire,
though arbitrary twenty four hour
time set aside for guide
ding hand of the supposed/purported
fairer gender, yet human race, yet hide
bound...

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VAJRASANA -   The Hardy Hose   STEP 3


POSTURE

Vajrasana is one of the few Asanas, which is suitable for all and everyone. It is perhaps one of the few Asana which is not...

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I should have walked away... on our wedding day
Instead of going on parade: our foolish wedding charade
How everyone looked happy, little knowing how crappy
That day was for me, but no-one could see 
That when we...

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Ready...Aim...Fire!

In light of tension twixt
brinkmanship rumbling one
East Asian Tiger
country otherwise known as
"the land of morning calm,"
yours truly t'will invite 
"freedom foo fighters"
tubby regaling with a jubilant aire
total mortal Kombat 
levels threat of human warhead
bomb dubbed...

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The new sheriff of Poetry Soup
 Rode into town on a horse named Snoop
 Jan was on his wanted list
 And the gang she did enlist
 In writing lim'ricks about poop
   He found...

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How convenient slated to receive second dose...
COVID-19 February 13th, 2021

Here at Highland Manor apartments
me and the missus occupy room B44
courtesy qualified medical personnel
Lansdale, Penna CVS store #01379.

No qualm regarding being vaccinated
though yours truly NOT panic...

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A Tribute to Jan Allison, I miss her on PS!


There's a sweet woman I know as Jan,
a valued member of the soup clan.
Her limericks are the best,
Poop humor above the rest!
Her long absence has been...

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Me very late mum, a funereal day...

courtesy latitudinarian, nonestablishmentarian, 
sexagenarian, and Unitarian son
and modest mastermind maven maverick.

Another anniversary of her death occurs
upon advent of 
May fourth two thousand and five,
not quite seventy years since her...

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As a country boy, up in the hills,
Life was tough, not much for frills.
I remember it well, yes, even now,
When spring time came and it was time to plow.
Afore sun up came, I was out...

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