Flatulence, Poop, and Friendship

When I visited Victor today,
overwhelming stench drove me away.
We stood outside and talked.
I complained, and he balked:
“Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?”

He let loose with a string of loud pops.
Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops!
There would be no arrest,
but at neighbors’ behest,
they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.”

The police are now summoned no more.
There’s a problem, but not like before,
one that cannot be heard;    
thus, no neighbors are stirred,      
fearing terror of gunplay’s in store.    

Victor has diarrhea a lot,
spending hours a day on the pot.
I declared, “We will go
to the doctor. He’ll know
how to diagnose just what you’ve got!”

Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows, 
were the cause of his gas and poop woes.
Way too many he ate.
Though he thought they were great, 
doctor’s orders he did not oppose.

Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.”
I approached his front porch; on the breeze,
came an unpleasant smell.
Before long I could tell
he loves pintos and limburger cheese!
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

Poem

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Kendrick Avatar
July 24, 2023 at 3:33 AM
He left one problem to pick up another. LOL. He needs some beano but the cheese I have no idea what would help maybe non-lactose cheese. Thanks for sharing this funny with us and for dropping by my page. You did good with this one that went on and on. Sara
Fowler Avatar
July 15, 2023 at 11:36 AM
Great fun Janice. You managed to turn unpleasantness to "guffawness". Congratulations! :)
Johnson Avatar
July 7, 2023 at 6:44 AM
At first, I thought, what a distasteful idea for a contest. Well, yeah, it still is a bit distasteful. Butt, it sure brought out some ingenious inspiration in some. And you brought a bunch of crap to it. Please accept that last line in the tone it was meant. I'm enjoying all of these clever limy's.
Canerdy Avatar
July 7, 2023 at 12:30 PM
LOL! Thanks a million, Leslie!! Janice
Dietrich Avatar
July 6, 2023 at 10:38 PM
You did awesome in the contest. Congrats
Canerdy Avatar
July 7, 2023 at 12:28 PM
Thanks a million, Andrea! Janice
Flood Avatar
July 6, 2023 at 2:42 PM
Your marvellous string of limericks raises a question in my mind, actually, two questions. 1) Why is there no such thing as a rectal silencer, and 2) How might I design and patent such a thing? Delightfully gross, Janice. Congrats on your worthy win. Terry
Johnson Avatar
July 7, 2023 at 6:38 AM
you could always stuff a potato up there. Butt, beware when it does finally blow. Will be like a Bazooka.
Allison Avatar
July 4, 2023 at 4:11 PM
an AMAZING string of limericks, thanks so much for the giggles and supporting the contest Janice:-) Many congrats on your win:-) hugs Jan xx
Canerdy Avatar
July 4, 2023 at 7:20 PM
Jan, THANKS for sponsoring and for my win. Janice
Legros Kelley Avatar
June 28, 2023 at 1:15 PM
Lol, gosh, nothing like cutting the cheese!! Thank you for the laugh Jan, your poem is so stinking funny!! :D
Canerdy Avatar
July 4, 2023 at 9:02 AM
BJ, thanks a million! Janice
Rodrigues Avatar
June 28, 2023 at 10:39 AM
LOL! A stinker of a funny limerick!
Canerdy Avatar
July 4, 2023 at 9:00 AM
Thanks so much, Kim! Janice
Lane Avatar
June 26, 2023 at 11:31 AM
Victor could write a book on How to lose friends and stink up the neighborhood! Jan should find this one a worthy winner, Janice!
Canerdy Avatar
June 26, 2023 at 11:39 AM
Thanks so much, Lin! Janice
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