Flatulence, Poop, and Friendship

When I visited Victor today, overwhelming stench drove me away. We stood outside and talked. I complained, and he balked: “Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?” He let loose with a string of loud pops. Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops! There would be no arrest, but at neighbors’ behest, they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.” The police are now summoned no more. There’s a problem, but not like before, one that cannot be heard; thus, no neighbors are stirred, fearing terror of gunplay’s in store. Victor has diarrhea a lot, spending hours a day on the pot. I declared, “We will go to the doctor. He’ll know how to diagnose just what you’ve got!” Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows, were the cause of his gas and poop woes. Way too many he ate. Though he thought they were great, doctor’s orders he did not oppose. Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.” I approached his front porch; on the breeze, came an unpleasant smell. Before long I could tell he loves pintos and limburger cheese!