Dark Humor Poems - Poems about Dark Humor

Like herbicides and pesticides and other chemical deterrents advertized to keep certain foods looking perfect and free of any blemish or defect will in time (like any other crime) increase the grower’s wealth but decrease the consumer’s health. The result? World-wide suicides offering the only sane alternative to suffering. ...

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It may seem a cruel tragedy that Amherst’s greatest poet Emily Dickinson never got to marry though she burned ardently to be. And yet in Death (if you’ll allow) she did eventually get laid – not in a man’s bed but a pine box and (if you’ll allow) this paradox she still remains a chaste old maid. ...

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Things are not making sense, and I am questioning if my reality is so because I thought it in to being. Am I the only one hearing the truth? Am I the only one believing? I think I am in need of a witness. Archons deceive souls using the illusion of separation. The mind is the sole...

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All the fairytale violence Life’s too Grimm already s o i c a n’ t i ...

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In the world of Flydom false religion is compared to spiritual contagion. Baalzebug alone is god, hence heresy exists only as a rare possibility. Hence, there are no crazed fanatics to stoke the flames of heretics, no gruesome hangings, no quarterings, no cheering public beheadings. Yet compared to such gory executions condemned flies prefer two common substitutions: the sudden swap they never get to hear and...

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What could be more pleasurable than this? I muse to myself as I reminisce, when each limb was pulled by a diff'rent horse, that magic time when I went through divorce. I am roused from protective amnesia, my heart yanked out without anesthesia. Mona Lisa, a destroyed work of art, I picked up my brush for a brand new...

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What if the orbiting earth were to unexpectedly run into a brick wall speeding through the galaxy one night in the middle of Fall? Can you imagine the sounds of death, destruction, and annihilation as Christchurch, New Zealand, crashes into the Atlanta Metro bus station? I don’t think that that would be any fun ~ at all! Bonus poem She unexpectedly...

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When a pastor asked a lady if she was planning a trip down under she hesitated: Yes, I am, she said nervously. It’s my first trip to Australia if that’s what you mean at least that’s what I hope. Yes, that’s exactly what I meant he reassured. By-the-way, I’m a pastor. I thought you looked familiar she said eagerly. And though I’m not a congregant...

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A burial, if you’ll pardon my irreverent though jocular pun is truly a groundbreaking event. ...

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“Et tu, Brute?” “Who me? "No! Never! Nay!" ’Tis yon Cassius’ gig. I didn't wanna any part of it, you dig? Now, please ~ kindly turn your head ~ the other way."...

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Some men betray a basic skill when standing at a urinal. Aiming straight, apparently, doesn’t come easily or naturally – a basic lack of hand and eye coordination, apparently. But then some men don’t make a fuss of splattered shoes and trouser cuffs. ...

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If you’re planning to go to heaven don’t expect to be greeted by St. Peter, he’s been replaced by a new computerized entry system installed into a pearly gate. Each hopeful entrant will first have to learn how to use it, of course; but rest assured, it’s been designed for maximum efficiency and is user friendly. Just follow the seven easy...

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Keep away from an optometrist who greets you with a seeing-eye dog. ...

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My mother would always say my father’s brother, uncle Alphonse, was a womanizer, and everyday my mirror verifies his resemblonse. ...

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A man with an unbearable need looked for a urinal with greatest of speed. And what a display of repeated foul words when he found one but his pants were on backwards! ...

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