Short Dark Humor Poems

when expelling demons and sin ~ do exorcists stand up or downwind...

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I am your shadow
I don't leave you in the dark
You just cant see me....

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   Terrorists deserve ‘severance pay’

    ~ Chopping off their heads would be ok
...

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A burial, if you’ll pardon 
my irreverent 
though jocular pun
is truly a groundbreaking event.
...

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With family, friends, and in-laws left behind
millions of dead are finally enjoying peace of mind.
...

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Mary had a little lamb
To her it looked so nice
But when she cooked it with some ham
It tasted twice as nice...

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Testicular cancer is every 
man’s horror. It’s bad enough
his wife has cut him off,
now his surgeon too?

...

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My hat... 
it covers up my head.
It is better that,
then to be dead.
There is a bald patch, 
yet I am fine, 
with my hat....

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Shallow, I am not, Silence the very thought!
I appreciate truly, A woman’s inner beauty
That’s why I dissect them in my basement...

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Before the marriage knot we tied
she swore to her virginity;
between our vows and intimacy
she either lost it or she lied.
...

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do
notb
        e
       l
      i
    eve
       i
     n g
          h
    os    t   
  s
b     utt
heyb
eli
eveinme...

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A masochist plans his own burial
You'd think our man was malarial
  But a fallacy it is
  'Tis pain that is his
Ado for such an actuarial...

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childhood destiny
therapeutic tears shed for
the spilling of milk



John G. Lawless

contest - In a Bottle
sponsor - A Poet Destroyer...

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another year 
down 
the
drain
(d
r)
(a
i)
(n
ddrraaiinn
dddrrraaaiiinnn
draindraindraindrain
anotheryeardownthedrain
...

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I cried and I cried and I cried
My little pet chicken had died
Mom offers a treat
Delicious to eat
Here's some nuggets boneless and fried...

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why is slaughtering a man ~ viewed a lesser crime than murdering one 

  and why man decides to put an s in front of laughter ~ just kills me


By
David Kavanagh...

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“Et tu, Brute?”

“Who me? "No! Never! Nay!"
’Tis yon Cassius’ gig.
I didn't wanna any part of it, you dig?
Now, please ~
kindly turn your head ~  
the other way."...

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My morning coffee is a stimulant,
it motivates my regularity in an instant.
And some mornings if my feet I dare to drag
my underwear substitutes for a doggie bag.
...

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                ~ Eclipse ~
 
   Light goes away, then comes back

      in-between, 'paint it black'

                                    ~ Mick Jagger
                      
...

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A man in French is ” homme”;
drop the “h” and add a “p”
“homme” becomes a “pomme”, 
an apple. And if I’m not mistaken
isn’t that how the first “homme” 
got to know “la pomme fatale”?...

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Should mortification
be justification
for your fortification
  
  Then you need 
  a long vacation  


'Judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts...'    
    Marc Antony's 'Funeral Oration' in Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar"...

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You are what you eat; it is true,
                    So cannibals are people too!

                                    5/06/22 

                   Killing with an Epigram contest
                        Sponsor: Margarita Lillico...

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The modern mind when it hears “tablets”
thinks of pills by force of habit.
Not exactly what they meant to Moses 
far less to God, one supposes.
Bitter pills then and hard to follow,
and for many today harder still to swallow.

...

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In Florida donuts all ‘round —
the whirlpool of kids as “bigs” frowned.
         The force of the push
         did wimple their tush
and throw them all off and they drowned.


6/10/2020
Contest: SUMMER LAZINESS
Sponsor: Mohan chutani...

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Her pregnancy was like an open book
quite readable with just a cursory look.
She wore a gown that trailed in white
and grinned a guiltless smile as bright.
And why not, white was only a tradition,
her virginity a sold out first edition. 
...

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