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When the Toilet Paper Roll Is Almost Empty Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Sara Kendrick
17/08/2026 HMS

son of a b!tch

and so it all came to pass ~ the world stood still when I sh!t on your grass

so barked the neighbours dog ~ but I’d already seen him dragging his ass

darkhumorperspectiveword playmonoku

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Paula Goldsmith

August 29, 2026 at 1:55 PM

Congratulations on your fun win. I enjoyed reading your wonderful/creative ~ write/story. You painted a great/fun picture with your words. I thought the grass as the TP Hahaha!!! I loved this one. Have a fun weekend with your win...............

David Kavanagh

August 30, 2026 at 4:51 AM

The grass was indeed the allusive TP Paula, No need for an illustration on this particular one lol! was a fun observational piece to write, so glad you enjoyed this one, just as intended 🤫cheers David

Charles Messina

August 28, 2026 at 5:48 PM

Must have been ruff...lol

David Kavanagh

August 29, 2026 at 3:59 AM

Trust you Charlie :) Dog ruff indeed, cheers David

Rob Carmack

August 28, 2026 at 3:33 PM

😀

David Kavanagh

August 28, 2026 at 3:47 PM

🐕 :)

Kim Rodrigues

August 28, 2026 at 2:49 PM

Funny title and all! Congrats!

David Kavanagh

August 28, 2026 at 3:00 PM

It was the only title Kim! A little naughty but just me being me (whatever I am) lol! Thanks so much, cheers David

Sara Kendrick

August 28, 2026 at 8:48 AM

I want to say I appreciate you supporting my contest by writing a poem just for it. Congratulations on your work being on the winner's list. Way to go!!👏✍️. Sara K.

David Kavanagh

August 28, 2026 at 9:45 AM

Yes this poem was inspired entirely by your fun contest prompt, sorry I didn’t directly mention the TP, but obviously you got the idea, I tend to come at most of my poems from a slightly different direction lol! Thanks so much for your placement Sara, I’m honoured to have made the winners list, cheers David

Laurentine G

August 28, 2026 at 8:09 AM

Aha! Look at you winning twice in one day 😁 I still love this one and how I was laughing to myself about it late at night trying not to wake my daughter's up on our extended Brighton sleepover. Love your humour 😊

David Kavanagh

August 28, 2026 at 9:36 AM

Thanks so much, I was actually laughing to myself while writing it, such is the nature of us beasts, (dog and man) cheers David

CayCay Godwin

August 23, 2026 at 2:24 PM

This is amusing and 'does the thing' contest-wise. I think this is the first time I've read a poem comprised of 2 monokus. Not couplets? There is no crappy connotation associated with couplets, in my view. Is that why you didn't choose that form? You didn't want to get any on it? Best of contest results to you ... CayCay

David Kavanagh

August 28, 2026 at 9:40 AM

Hey CayCay, oh I’ve been working on stacking Monokus for a long time now, it’s a bit of a specialty of mine, I like the challenge of keeping the syllable count and then trying to make each one the exact same length, it takes a bit of trial and error, just like my doggie Monoku, cheers David

Ink Empress

August 20, 2026 at 12:24 PM

This is really funny, and it’s ironic when some don’t see their own faults 😳 Hah! I kind of comprehended this on a bit of a deeper level. Especially the opening monoku ~I believe it’s saying that they see when you do wrong, but you’ve seen their ‘whoever’ do worse! Hah. Also, I can’t imagine the smell of this situation, quite literally! 😂 I’m more of a cat person. I have two cats in the house right now. Mine is a little ragdoll. I blve if we pay attention we notice what we shouldnt of our neighbours! Gosh! Hah Pleasure reading you Sending you light always Stay away from suns of beachesss

David Kavanagh

August 21, 2026 at 6:38 AM

Haha nice pun Ink (suns of beachesss) I can handle. This one is quite a stinker, and I’m hoping Sara sees the funny side, she did say be creative after all lol! Of course there’s a little deeper undercurrent you touched upon, Like you, one of my neighbours has two Persian cats, but they’re kept indoors and always in a cage when outside, so glad you popped along with fun comment and engaging with my Monoku, cheers David

Alison A Smith

August 18, 2026 at 2:26 AM

🤣 I hope that you found retribution. Very funny.💩🐾🐕

David Kavanagh

August 18, 2026 at 4:08 AM

Payback is a b!tch lol! Cheers David

Lin Lane

August 17, 2026 at 3:46 PM

Monoku written in retaliation for that canine’s nasty butt drag on your lawn, and in rhyme. I guess your “end” justified the means.

Lin Lane

August 17, 2026 at 4:42 PM

Cheeky mutt needs a kick in the butt!

David Kavanagh

August 17, 2026 at 4:12 PM

Ha good one Lin, yes there was lots of evidence, the barking and the pile; but perhaps the most important piece of the puzzle was I seen the mutt scooting his backside towards the hole in the boundary hedge, such cheek lol! Cheers David

Laurentine G

August 17, 2026 at 3:31 PM

Are we in don't throw stones in glass house territory here? And my oh my the things you see when people live in glass houses! Yet it all plays out in the garden... Given the poetry prompt I'm hoping there is a dock leaf for that air of sophistication... I'm mightily sure this will be a unique take on the prompt Mr Kavanagh 😅😂

Laurentine G

August 17, 2026 at 8:09 PM

I'm now trying to get back to sleep at 4am but instead I'm laughing to myself as decided on the script I'd be labelled "angry neighbour #2" 😅😂😂😂🤣

Laurentine G

August 17, 2026 at 8:04 PM

Haha I've heard of situations like this - it's not usually the voices thrown 😂😂😂😂😂 not the place for ROFL either! 😅😂😂😂😂😂

David Kavanagh

August 17, 2026 at 4:02 PM

Haha! I’m sure you get the thinking behind this one Miss Laurentine, but just to clear up any confusion, the first Monoku is my interpretation of what the is dog is barking to me after doing his business on my grass, maybe the dock leaf’s his side of the hedge was running low, Dirty mongrel lol! I think there’s a thin layer of metaphorical TP to be found in my second one 😜, thanks for tackling this most delicate situation with poise, cheers David

son of a b!tch

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