Fearful of this thing called beauty,
Others own it, radiating fierce.
The versions of me that mirrored physical confidence,
were seemingly empty, compensating and struggling to steer...
My own vehicle, the one that God made beautifully for me.
Not more or less than others,
Just one leaf in a bunch, on a bush of poison ivy.
Accidentally harming with kind eyes, a simple touch and a kiss.
Often, a kiss of death to our old selves and now our brightest parts, we miss.
We journey to emerge again, after seeing before seeing.
Underneath, never aligned,
While on top, each other we were needing.
Beauty, a weapon and a tool used in this world more than occasionally,
The Kindest but most wounded of us, can make ourselves up...
To say "stay with me..."
More comfortable in private,
seen when chosen and expressed at will.
No accidental attacks or weaponisation of what the world once taught me was a skill.
At first you're diagnosed
with a disorder,
Then labelled with
having a learning delay,
But branded and accused
of being difficult,
All because you're wired
a different way.
----------
Forever being told
that you're "too much",
Always the one
to be at blame,
If only you could
realise the impact,
Of enduring the agonising
weight of shame.
----------
I've swallowed too
many years of judgment,
Yet I still battled
through the pain,
Spending all my days
masking my identity,
Wasn't just exhausting,
it drove me insane.
----------
Wasting time and effort
bending over backwards,
Desperately hoping
one day to fit in,
But in reality
I only made myself ill,
Finally I accepted
that I would never win.
----------
No longer overwhelmed
hiding behind a mask,
Becoming content,
I'm slowly starting to heal,
Compensating for needless
years of lost time,
As me, boldly unapologetic
raw and real.
----------
There I stood at heavens pearly gates
Waiting for God to decide my fate
I was still a child, though very sick
Hoping my passing would be quick.
Then an angel suddenly appeared
Took my hand and said “not yet dear”
“Hold on tight and I’ll fly you home”
In a flash I was back in bed alone.
Home for me was a hospital ward
Where the illness had to take it’s course
Though it was a long painful ordeal
I got well, but the pain I had was surreal.
The hurt was daily, monthly and yearly
Told I was too young for hip surgery
My compensating knee wore out too
So one operation became two.
Forty years passed before the first op
Two years later, the second op I got
I must have had a miracle man
For both surgeries went to plan.
Bless all medics who take care of us
Every one is a gift from above.
SPRING BEACHING
Wet and dry sands pleased,
frothing waves compensating
spring's sweet sunshine shores:-
winners
surefire, lucky
honoring, crowning, notifying
achievers, success, non-starter, failures
compensating, voiding" lowballing
hopeless, disgruntled
losers
Date written: 12/27/2022
*Image of Philanthropist by Pixabay.
Shark-Thropists
Loan Shark
treacherous jeopardous
sponging laundering doctoring
endowments championships extortioner shylock
fundraising equilibrating compensating
charitable magnanimous
Philanthropist
2022 August 13
What is a racist, what makes them tick?
Is it taught by their father, or are they just born a dick?
I wonder if they feel important, while tearing others down.
Can they find self-worth by causing others to frown?
Maybe it’s a lack of pride that causes them to rant.
I’m hoping some can change, but maybe they just can’t.
I don’t quite understand, why some stab others in the back.
Maybe they are just compensating for something they lack.
Could it be caused by the mother, not showing enough attention?
Why do some choose to hate, instead of showing affection?
There is a little saying that could help that trip and fall.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
Maybe they need a good hug or a kiss on the cheek.
Some positive reinforcement might stop the hate that they speak.
Is there a magic pill that could save them from being sick?
What is a racist, what makes them tick?
Listist memories surrounding the cool autumn breeze;
Cellular graphical biological totals stacked high on highs;
Over on top of each other sunshines brights bleeds;
Parking dazzling lights and compensating prisms parallel to the skies;
Horizontally traumatized;
As humanity tries to dramatize;
Wake up open your eyes;
Get up you need to realize;
a last such a beautiful view-
high in you
11/14/20
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr ©
Tangible: perceptible by touch.
There was a time when I wanted too much.
There was a time when it gave me a rush.
Transactional mindset, enough ain't enough.
Learning the hard way, by going through such.
It was a crutch
Compensating for my lack of confidence
It was a crutch
Treating people like things, for defense
It was a crutch
Confrontation of myself was too scary
It was a crutch
Rather get high, it's easier to bury
I couldn't just “be”
Maybe I couldn't see?
Maybe what I learned was a distorted reality?
Apparently,
We all,
have a few holes.
Chasing acceptance,
It's interfering with your goals.
Chasing the money,
Yeah, that’ll change your soul.
Chasing protection
Wait, let me impose.
Get open.
And when you get open,
Take this token.
Dance, Smile, Walk, Laugh, Love, Chill, Run,
Take a chance.
And before you know it,
Gifts start showing.
Arising from the ashes,
Coals start glowing.
Now you’re growing.
Becoming organic.
All pure & the tangible vanished.
A family get-together
We're all here
It's a unique occasion
At first it may appear
Like an insane invasion
Compensating for lost cheer
With family, held dear
Simply, be prepared to babble
For loads of kinfolk, prattle
It's awesome to see
Everyone, spinning up a memory
Touching our thoughts in say
Past time, thinking back find
Like yesterdays, we visit today
Walking magically, faraway
Through, recalling mind
All paying tribute, without delay
To a reminiscing find
weary somber skies daub teary clouds outside my window
while in my heart dance rainbows to blissful cheery melodies
inner compass compensating for the fickle sun gone awol
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
counteracts efforts
made at trying to
create inner balance
between differing
perspectives
on a quest to try
and somehow find
a means of compensating
for the opposing forces
acting against all hope
for a better relationship
in a future time and place
between the future versions
of our selves
An outsider required, to maintain relations
Reasons of difference, bonds of similarity
Joy felt, compensating for years of hollowness
Blood thickens, only through supplement.
Spoken lies laughed off, through mockery
Signs of clarity, distorted by unwilling eyes
A voice of reason, silenced by replacement
Brewing frustrations, releasing green steam.
A day of deprivation, reminding of dependence
Electronic addiction, silencing conversations
The nurtured norm, altered by a temporary presence
Consequential traits excused, through lavish gifts.
Ties that unwind, a stranger feeding a cohesive pretense
A penniless son, warranting no affection from his father.
It was just another ordinary day
Scattered notes are all over the place
Drums trying to maintain a certain beat
Guitars either strumming or singing
Violins studying their scales and arpeggios
The piano pouring out its player’s soul
Clarinets and flutes blowing out harmonies
A mesmerizing vocal cuts through
A white butterfly flutters freely
Basking in the building’s flowing melodies
Students rushing in and out of the cafeteria
Sheet music in their hands while eating
Leaves of variant colors fall from the trees
The wind blows in one direction
Compensating for the scorching hot sun
Taking turns as nature takes its usual course
Old friends reconcile and greet each other
Re-living past memories and narrating the present
Speaking of profound concepts within their discourse
Anyone overhearing may be left confused
It was just another ordinary day
Scattered notes are all over the place
Many things happening all at once
Yet the resonant music remained unnerved
More of Horn Anti-Trump Haiku
What we felt was wrath
Suffered after aftermath
From Trump President.
Is horsing around
Good as playing or fooling
While Trump is ruling.
Needed a sharp knife
To cut through the Trump Traffic
Always tough to do.
Here are my latest.
Another way of releasing feelings
and compensating for a President
who has an inferiority complex.
Dad
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