Long Compensating Poems
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Fearful of this thing called beauty,
Others own it, radiating fierce.
The versions of me that mirrored physical confidence,
were seemingly empty, compensating and struggling to steer...
My own vehicle, the one that God made beautifully for me.
Not more or less than others,
Just one leaf in a bunch, on a bush of poison ivy.
Accidentally harming with kind eyes, a simple touch and a kiss.
Often, a kiss of death to our old selves and now our brightest parts, we miss.
We journey to emerge again, after seeing before seeing.
Underneath, never aligned,
While on top, each other we were needing.
Beauty, a weapon and a tool used in this world more than occasionally,
The Kindest but most wounded of us, can make ourselves up...
To say "stay with me..."
More comfortable in private,
seen when chosen and expressed at will.
No accidental attacks or weaponisation of what the world once taught me was a skill.
[Verse 1]
Paired a vision, windowpane a maze
A streak of moonlit, a daylight-saving Scarborough
A shrug and a diglossic letting down
What is in it, taciturn?
[Chorus]
The glass went for a dancing duo
Felt utterly a lone complain
Paired a vision, windowpane a maze
I press my palm against the frame
[Verse 2]
A sandstorm twister had a sinister route
En route, a fancy turning out
The dormant cause pinpointed too
As always they woo, sung high
To be or not to be, a question
Went unanswered for ages, forever more
The shuffling diva on the bent chase
A brittle for a whistle blower
[Verse 3]
A painstaking saga in strife along the shore
On the corridor, a pondering meander
To end the zigzag after zigzag
Oncoming uproar, under the door
A pail of solar solitude
A sash lowered and the windowpane
A body, a showpiece of a fossilized artifact
In an unknown soul, long gone
[Bridge]
A miracle lit up the moonlit solar zeal
And the jack, a one-man procession
The solar deemed and the miracle of the kindled
A moon-river delight
Never to be a heal, to have the Santorini axis
Without a compassion, a compensating word
To refrain, to refrain
[Chorus]
The glass went for a dancing duo
Felt utterly a lone complain
Paired a vision, windowpane a maze
I press my palm against the frame
[Outro]
A streak of moonlit, a daylight-saving Scarborough
A shrug and a diglossia letting down
What is in it, taciturn?
-O Lord
The morning sun taste like almonds and cinnamon;
And your daughter her voice smelled liken lavender;
~Florescent Father breath resonates~
As the music sounded heavy as thunderous rain storms;
So the color green feels like satin emeralds pearls;
The color red taste like licks from a new born pup;
~The Father's touch embraces me~
As midnight rain is bitter as heated cactus leaves;
The wind look as a muddled dream as:
I'm seeing him walk envisioned was like hearing:
Bells from the church Cathedral;
~Florescent Father breath resonates~
-Tasting the night’s dinner was like watching Angels eating heavenly manna;
Hear her cry was like tasting honey nectar
Smelling the gasoline was like touching autumn's camp fire
~My Father's eyes and heart kisses me~
Touching her dying father’s hand was like seeing
A brazen burnt horizon, orange scene dry compensating;
We're yet alive as my Florescent Father breath resonates~
-O Lord
The Father's touch embraces me~
My Father's eyes and heart kisses me~
We're yet alive as my Florescent Father breath resonates~
8/13/19
written by James Edward Lee Sr.©2019
written for project North Omaha Writers Group (NOW)assignment
Today is Wednesday,the very second one of the year,
It is a sunny afternoon, though very busy.
We can tell time in whichever dimension,
From whatever place we may be hiding,
For it is one precious gift we all are entitled to,
Much as it doesn't necessarily govern our motives.
This one thing, I have learnt,
That it is because of time that we are judged objectively,
Moreso when we have to accomplish a task in a fixed time frame,
Say for instance study,get a job,get married,buy a vehicle-
For a job well done, we're congratulated,
For a messed up activity, we're cursed to hell
And named after lazy bones or cowards.
All because time is in control!
When the bereaved are robbed of their loved ones,
The world goes still and time should in fact freeze
As they mourn and grieve for their loss,
But the clock keeps on ticking,
Because there are more important alive people
Than the one gone to the world of the dead.
When one falls sick and is excused from class or school,
The term or month doesn't wait for them,
Everything progresses normally like you were never needed,
Because time is in control.
It is one thing, which once lost,
Can never be retrieved,
Neither by magic nor prayer!
Had it been possible to chase after it,
Perhaps we would have the hope of compensating,
But once it's gone,it is really gone forever!
What,then,
Shall we die holding the trigger
Like soldiers in the war zone?
Shall we give up because of what we have lost?
Absolutely, "NO"
What is gone,we cannot retrieve,
But what is left,we can maximumly utilize.
It is very okay to take time off,
To have our wounds and pains heal,
That upon our return, we're fit for the journey.
It does us no harm, accepting that we're late
For it is then that we can concentrate,
In order to attain the goal ahead of us
Within the remaining time,
Short or long as it may be.
It was just another ordinary day
Scattered notes are all over the place
Drums trying to maintain a certain beat
Guitars either strumming or singing
Violins studying their scales and arpeggios
The piano pouring out its player’s soul
Clarinets and flutes blowing out harmonies
A mesmerizing vocal cuts through
A white butterfly flutters freely
Basking in the building’s flowing melodies
Students rushing in and out of the cafeteria
Sheet music in their hands while eating
Leaves of variant colors fall from the trees
The wind blows in one direction
Compensating for the scorching hot sun
Taking turns as nature takes its usual course
Old friends reconcile and greet each other
Re-living past memories and narrating the present
Speaking of profound concepts within their discourse
Anyone overhearing may be left confused
It was just another ordinary day
Scattered notes are all over the place
Many things happening all at once
Yet the resonant music remained unnerved
Bleak existence portrayed,
nonetheless this (baby
boomer) hybrid dreamer
oft times evocative
edenic reveries bekiss
mine psyche with pastoral trappings
evoking utopian bliss
on par with drawing
winning lottery ticket,
which fantasy I quickly dismiss,
where dolorous voices within me hiss
mocking pipe dream compensating
for unlived life hide miss
whiling away hours
of young adulthood...
this threescore aged man did blithely piss
away enraptured with Swiss
Family Robinson fantasy,
gladly exchanging tsoris
entailing breathtaking adventure
versus sequestered bookishness burr
rowed nose engrossed
with page turner capture
ring imagination of this erstwhile drifter
addressing, fixating, and keeping coiffure
as disheveled appearance, where daily
father and mother showed me the door
particularly on account, cuz for one more
nanosecond, they could not endure
this healthy sole son vaping expenditure
as both parents toiled away,
they tired trying to swallow failure
while primarily main feature
of this poem lackadaisically
exhausted as an Evansburg Park fixture
(calling squirrels on first name basis),
no sooner this bookworm gave vague gesture
after setting foot inside abode - 'pon dusk
asper whereabouts, off
into bedroom I did immure
and disappear into story
maybe one about main
character pledging indenture
role as heavy footsteps shook
324 Level Road domicile infrastructure
awaiting the wrath
of Khan spouting ultimatums
our father/son rapport long did inure
a "NON FAKE" wall not immune
to malicious, noxious, vicious... lecture
to offspring who long outwore his
Harris Tweed Scottish welcome mat,
yet... feared testing nonsecure
mooring which familiarity bred contempt!
At first you're diagnosed
with a disorder,
Then labelled with
having a learning delay,
But branded and accused
of being difficult,
All because you're wired
a different way.
----------
Forever being told
that you're "too much",
Always the one
to be at blame,
If only you could
realise the impact,
Of enduring the agonising
weight of shame.
----------
I've swallowed too
many years of judgment,
Yet I still battled
through the pain,
Spending all my days
masking my identity,
Wasn't just exhausting,
it drove me insane.
----------
Wasting time and effort
bending over backwards,
Desperately hoping
one day to fit in,
But in reality
I only made myself ill,
Finally I accepted
that I would never win.
----------
No longer overwhelmed
hiding behind a mask,
Becoming content,
I'm slowly starting to heal,
Compensating for needless
years of lost time,
As me, boldly unapologetic
raw and real.
----------
October 28 Relationship to God Bible Meditations Based on Romans 3-4
Key Verse – Romans 3:22 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe…
LORD GOD, YOU ARE MY FAITH’S RIGHTEOUSNESS
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every profit’s greatness
Thank You that You are my Endower of true treasures’ fullness
Above any means of wealth-gathering effectiveness
Beyond all chief inheritance-richness.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every temporal glory
Thank You that You are my Saviour by Your sacrifice at Calvary
Above any personal source of peace-victory
Beyond all humanistic wisdom to fight misery.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every sin-cleansing claim
Thank You that You are my Justifier along what Your laws proclaim
Above any earthly mission and charitable pursuit they declaim
Beyond all religious endeavours that merits exclaim.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every flesh-anchored ability
Thank You that You are my Sanctifier Who forgives my confessed iniquity
Above any precious reward compensating debts’ propensity
Beyond all unscriptural authority of worthless integrity.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every pride-marked accomplishment
Thank You that You are my Enabler by Your gracious engagement
Above any arrogant promise of vain fulfillment
Beyond all futile achievements propelled by selfishness’ entitlement.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every shallow devotion
Thank You that You are my Checker Who rebukes my lack of dedication
Above any well-planned activity, but of carnal intention
Beyond all business ventures hiding fleshly ambition.
Lord God, You are my faith’s Righteousness
over every work of boasting
Thank You that You are my Encourager along prayer-requests granting
Above any haughty attitude along successful goal setting
Beyond all fake news besetting truths that lead to doubting.
October 28, 2023
Beth met James on the nudist beach,
Splashing and crashing around.
He had revived her with mouth to mouth,
After she’d nearly drowned.
And Bruce met Frank on the nudist beach,
Sunbaking on the sand.
They’d rubbed lotion all over one another,
As they both had slowly tanned.
Then Shelly met Coral on the nudist beach,
They both played in the water.
Shell was there as a friend of Bruce,
And Coral was James’ daughter.
All seemed fun on the nudist beach,
From a distance they all got along.
The invisible was the anxiety,
The things that were really wrong.
Beth thought she was defined by her weight,
And James thought he was too thin.
And Bruce had only just come out to Shell,
And Frank had just buried his twin.
And Shelly’d just left an abusive relationship,
With a woman who was emotionally screwed.
And Coral detested the scars on her body,
Compensating by overeating her food.
But on the beach no one judged,
No one shamed or embarrassed or humiliated.
They all respected, appreciating their company,
A natural life they’d wholeheartedly celebrated.
They had all met on a nudist beach,
It was a place of honest and free and of pure.
They could each be their instinctive self,
The nudist beach was their natural cure.
Amorphous memories in perfumed pages
dance across waves of scintillation
I wonder what could have been
dusk and dawn haven't changed a bit
sepia emotions bloom in my heart again
in undulating frequencies we'd shared
I remember the instant clicks of strangers
hesitant eyes compensating for words
eager to be uttered adorned on shivering lips
you'd looked at me with a translucent gaze
trying to read between the layers of my mind
my hair in the autumn breeze revealed
dancing shades of uncertainties on my face.
We'd wished to travel parallel universes
distant yet conjoined by shared silence.
You remember the mystic aura of that magic
the love that could have been for us
words turned parched, you didn't try, nor did I,
we remained at par at unfathomable frequencies,
but you never had the courage to ask
I never took a step to express
rhythms of innocence clouded by realities
and we let them fade in silence
by turbulent misunderstandings of pain
drifting in dark oceans on desolate boats
we crossed paths clashing our oars of anguish
dissolving bridges that could have been preserved
you chose to destroy our utopia in vain
hurling me in a fiery whirlpool of tears;
I floated in blame games to find my shore
parallel waves superimposed, inseparable,
never meant to be merged by echoes of interference,
but now that I turn from my blessed world
I wonder who it was that got away
was it you or was it me
you breathe, I whisper, inaudible words float
our deaf love gasping beneath the grave
the love that could've been shouldn't have been
as I emerged to a dawn of awakening
I've known I'm glad that I got away
July 7, 2020
The One that got Away Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Silent One
~Winner: 2nd Place