Best Waiters Poems
"Tease for Two"
“Ein bisschen Zucker
mit Ihrer Sahne, Sir?“
German accent
smoky toned
she purred
Periwinkles suavely winked,
then played with his -
cufflinks
“Not now Schvee Tart”
he said holding his attache tight
looking across the room
grinning Lupine Blues
a slight smile on his lips,
bemused,
“Service calls,
her name is
"Q”
Across the dance floor
all eyes turned
Parting tall bus boys, handsome waiters
matrons with their peach blinis, their tart apple martinis
flustered debutantes
all poetic unsure
first time daters
dilettantes
rubbed their -
eyes again, they blinked
made way, made room,
for Q's
sashaying soliloquy
serious multi tasking
sensual stiletto Hell-on-High Heels
slick Scarlet lip-glossed
VaVaVoom
As it should be
entertaining control,
further into the room
across the dazzling polished dance floor
no pastie tasselling girls
on well-oiled silver poles
The Special Agent
slinked
The Old Boys
raised their drinks
He stands
She sits
"Ist das eine Waffe
in deiner Tasche,
Special Agt Schmidt?"
She glances at her
Bulgari Serpenti Incantati
and in English says,
"This better be good,
Now is not the time to quit"
Like a wolf
Periwinkles
grins
"Q," he low growl says,
"I propose a change in destination,
I've taken the liberty to buy you
feathers for your wings -
tickets Q...."
then flirtatiously adds,
"Simply adore your bling"
(LadyLabyrinth/2019)
1. lupine/wolf
2. lupine/lupinus, genus blue flowering plant
3. Libertango
The Party
Everyone is festive
All the ladies in pretty dresses
Champagne in flutes
Flirts in Armani suits
Waiters and penguins
Serving wine and cheeses
Musicians playing tango delights
Diplomats avoiding land mines and devastated sites
I toast them, one and all
Vodka and Russians can not dance
I can drink you all, under and over
Tossing empty bottles over me shoulder
Pretty ladies and purple purses
Drunken observations as the poet muses
Who would bed me now?
So drunk and wise with broken fuses
No one, can see the poetic disguise
Of the lonely man seeking only lies
The tenderness of the Spanish kiss
Hold me, dear dream, caress me inside
The floor is full of empty plates
The party is over, so it seems is my fate
I fall asleep under a street lit lamp
The richest of bums in an old cul du sac
If only before that fateful day
I could suckle upon the breast once more
We are all infants no matter the shore
Love should never have parted out that door
Sanity was broken and tossed away like lore
I mumbled the petty desires of the broken man
I tore out my heart, bloody and beating in my hands
Laid it bare upon the sands
Coupled with crabs
The universe re-created
Eaten raw, love was consumed
New beasts shall roam
Sunken eyes and empty chest
I, am the one who is no more
Tall tails and party hats
The forgotten are never fancy cats
Until one day you meet the maker
Of your story, cooked by the baker
Ovens shall burn and choirs sing
The devil you see, had the last ring
A group of 15-year-old girlfriends
decided where to meet for dinner.
the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View Restaurant,
because they had only $6.00 among them,
and a cute boy lived across the street named Jimmy Johnson.
10 years later, at their reunion,
the 25-year-old girlfriends decided where to meet for dinner again,
The Ocean View Restaurant because the drinks were cheap,
the band was good and the snacks were free,
there was no cover charge to get inside,
and the place was always packed with lots of cute guys.
The 35-year-old girlfriends at their reunion 10 years later
decided once again where to meet for dinner.
They agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant
because the atmosphere was good and it was right near the gym,
and if they went late enough in the evening,
there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids to bug them.
At their reunion 10 years later, the 45-year-old girlfriends
decided to meet for dinner at the Ocean View Restaurant
because the martinis were big and the waiters were young.
10 years later, the 55-year-old girlfriends
decided to meet for dinner at the Ocean View Restaurant again,
because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good,
and had windows that opened in case of a hot flashes,
as all good restaurants should.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends
decided to dine at the Ocean View Restaurant as well
because the lighting was good and had an early bird special.
10 years later at their reunion,
the group of 75-year-old girlfriends
met for dinner at the Ocean View Restaurant again,
because the food was not too spicy
and was handicapped-accessible for them.
10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends
met for dinner at the Ocean View Restaurant once more,
because none of them had ever been there before.
The middle class here can't be saved
When 0.001% act so depraved
Their wealth without end
These royals* still pretend
Did not come from us—their
enslaved**
*The Royals: CEOs, Banksters, Revolving Door Regulators, The FED, Congressmen for sale, Lobbyists, Board Members of Big Corporations, Major Shareholders who vote for these Board
Members, Corrupt Managers, Dishonest Used Car Salesmen, Presidential Candidates with more than two Residences, Elected Presidents (and their lackeys who pretend to regulate but look the other way)
**The Enslaved: Workers, Career Regulators who are trying to protect the public, Honest Hard Working Citizens, Students--some with oppressive loans, Immigrants, Soldiers, Police, Firemen and Firewomen, Parents, Children, Orphans, Disabled, The Sick, Small Business Owners (who don’t hire lobbyists), Volunteers, Health Care Workers, Welfare Recipients, Inventors, Investors, Entrepreneurs, Actors, Artists, Journalists who do in-depth investigation (not like those with FOX News, ABC Radio or many other of the outlets where they mouth the status quo), Non Profit Corporations, Charities, Teachers, Transportation Workers, Waiters and Waitresses, Dishwashers, Servants, Farmers, Managers, Ship Hands, Cooks, Unemployed
Author' s Note: Have been at Occupy Wall Street 8 days in the past two months--which is why I haven't been here--plus I have to work. Miss you all, but it's for a good cause. I am very briefly seen on Conan's feature: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at Occupy Wall Street if you are looking for some humor with a little umph.
The neighborhood buffet boasted
fried chicken and biscuits, toasted,
creamy gravy, and smashed taters.
You can serve yourself, no waiters.
Into the long line you will strut
more than ready to fill your glut.
Bypass the green salads and soup;
run quickly, to the fried foods swoop
all you can eat for one price cheap.
Pile your plate high in one big heap.
If one plate full is not enough,
get back in line and your mouth stuff
with fried okra and sweet cornbread,
rice, beans, pasta, and liver spread.
Undo your belt a notch or two
so one more bite you can chew.
Desserts abound, cookies and cakes,
puddings, custards, tarts, and milk shakes.
Round out the meal with soft ice cream.
Maybe two cones won’t burst a seam.
You leave, with a bloated waist thick,
well-sated, and full as a tick.
Dear Folks: I pen this note as we ply the dark and stormy sea.
Thanks to Uncle Sam I'm cruising on the Queen Mary, all for free.
You'd think we'd travel in style on such a luxurious tub,
But I'll tell you about life aboard and what we eat for grub.
As usual, the officers and nurses live in comfortable style,
But things ain't so pleasant for us in the rank and file.
We stand in line for everything, even to use the head.
I've been seasick so many times I wish that I was dead.
The brass dine at tables with linen, china and silverware,
And are served their meals by waiters with eloquent flair.
We stand up for chow, eating from greasy steel trays,
Trying to keep our balance as the boat rolls and sways.
Officers sleep four-to-a-room and have sheets on their bed.
I bunk with a hundred other guys on sagging hammocks instead.
I hear the Lord's name taken in vain frequently around here,
As we stumble over each others' feet and our assorted gear.
The brass dine on such things as ice cream, cake and steak.
I've had all the stew, orange marmalade and figs I can take.
Another bout of mal de mer is attacking me, I gotta go.
That's all for now, till next time, Your loving son, Roscoe.
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Manipulate the wordolator
spin it swirl it make it cater
to your whims and what you wanted
your no dreamer, you are haunted
you can't stop the rhyme you started
tell the truth you're broken hearted
send that through the wordolator
it comes out 10 seconds later
dressed in diamonds and confetti
right on course and feeling steady
pour life in the wordolator
add some spices, check it later
smooth and silky is the taste
don't let feelings go to waste
turn them into something greater
send them through the wordolator
Have you suffered past and present?
Is xistence so unpleasant?
Mold it, form it, paint it red
have it say what must be said
tears and joy and life and death
every daring, dancing breath
breathed by soldiers, kings and waiters
breathe them through the wordolator
it distills the very essence
of the living luminescence
that unites our human feeling
deep emotions send us reeling
Taker, giver, lover, hater , all
can use the wordolator. Just a dollar now on line
Money back if it's not fine.
Buy it now and Pay us later
you will love the wordolator
A lot of body shifts by an inch,
While vengeful killer teeth they clench:
A prosecutor is addressing The Bench,
Concerning dastardly murder of a wench
By a whisky-soaked German French
Whom he’s sure could also in Vodka drench!
Shovel handy they could dig The Quickest Trench
And from Prosecutor A Talkative life wrench,
His tongue-less corpse for A Disgracing Stench …
And maximally in the next one hour,
They shall all Waiters for Justice devour
Between The Adjudged Sweet and The Thought Sour
All the fine bakery with its flour,
Because read they can the legible unfairness
And God so kind, sharp of awareness.
Sausage and custard and ice cream with mustard
Chocolate coated Kentucky Fried Bustard
Whipped cream with mushrooms or frogspawn on toast
These are the foods that an ogre likes most
Volcanic craters and baths full of gators
A pantry thats choc full of gagged and bound waiters
sleeping on bones in a pterosaurs nest
These are the places an ogre likes best
Eyeballs and elbows, the odd severed nose
Ankles and legs and a number of toes
Earlobes and kidneys and hearts to dissect
Things that an ogre just loves to collect
Teeth that are bleeding and eyes that are red
Skin like the skin of somebody that’s dead
One missing ear and a hole in the throat
And chomping raw meat from the leg of a goat
So now that you have him laid clear in your head
The image you see is of someone to dread
For sometimes the truth is a pain in the neck
And ogres in real life are nothing like Shrek
*Image of Tree, Sunrise, Birds, Mountain by Pixabay.
'Twas Joy Quite Speakable
Beneath the springtime colors,
of azures sky light blue
Are chartreuse plumpish grapes that seem,
to dangle vines so true,
Nearby there lies a babbling brook,
that took our breath away,
Along its length hugging its sides,
were violets on display,
Behind them stood gold daffodils,
magnificence had sprung,
'Twas more than just bright color full,
'tis birds whose tweets had sung,
Now, this sensation we all shared,
brung utter sheer delight,
With smiling faces, laughter too,
a wondrous blessed sight,
On bikes, we rode top country roads,
those feelings stayed with us,
We heard a tune and whistled soon,
thereafter sang its chorus,
Sidewalk cafe we wined and dined,
its cuisine was genuine,
Our waiters tipped us with a song,
and we all had tipped in-kind,
We rode around a quaint old town,
the late noon sun sublime,
then realized the dimming skies,
the telltale signs of time,
We went right off back to the loft,
within the city's square,
hugging each other and then one another,
separately as a pair,
A night of rest we woke refreshed,
and had a lite breakfast,
Our bags were packed, friends back to back,
as we hugged until the last,
I sensed the app, that speakable capped,
and the fullness of heaven's glory,
that all we're feeling, the sense of reeling,
'twas joy in the heart of our story!
"Joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart to stay!"
2022 February 01
*1st Place*
Joy, Hope and kindness
~~Angela Tune: Judged 2022 February 20
Never Give Up
Hang on; The Lord will give you strength in any act of your pursuit
Keep trusting God; He will lead you in every step of the journey
Don’t live by other people’s time tables; live by Gods Time Table.
You may lose paradise, but gain heaven when you rise up and repent
Don’t underestimate your ability to pick yourself up and keep going.
Let go of your disappointments, mistakes and failures
Never give up on your missions and visions.
Never give up praying, The Lord will answer you in His beautiful timing.
The Lord will prepare you for the great success which will comes unexpectedly.
Your dreams are planted deep within your heart by Life itself.
Don't be discouraged by people who tease you out of your dreams
Overcome any struggle with courage, motivation and hope
Your dreams were given to you for a reason by THE CREATOR.
It is easy to give up in life than to keep trying. Always choose the latter
Try again; you have millions of alternatives
Get rid of that negative and defeated attitude.
Always stayed focused on your goals and hang on the wings of hope and success
Be consistent in your efforts, success is not obtained overnight
Push through every difficulty and negativity to achieve the goals
To achieve the impossible, you must attempt the absurd
Never settle for less than what you imagined possible for yourself.
Be determined to be determined
The victory over our inner self is a daily struggle
Resist every negative criticism and persist to make it happen
Go forward and conquer any mountain on your path
Quitters and waiters have a varied beginning, but a similar ending
Just underneath your breaking point lies your true strength
Don’t stop where you fall; rise up and do it again!”
Your downfall is a preparation for your up-rise
Without adversity and trials we may never know what we are capable of.
Mistakes help to sharpen your next steps.
Focus on the precious moments and gracious future.
Never give up, pursue your passion
Successful people never quit –upgrade your mindset and keep focus
Stay strong, stay positive, and never give up.
Only the weak use "I can't" as an excuse to give up
Robotics To Come
In the Star online today, there are a few articles on robotics....
From a robotic language teacher to an IKEA furniture assembler....
And the introduction of robotic workers in the construction sectors...
Besides the all too familiar mechanical arms in car assembly lines the world all over....
There are already mobile robotic waiters in some eating outlets....
Presently as a prop and as a novelty item to draw in paying customers...
The verdict is out there, about the latest technologies and innovation......
These are being introduced to counter problems of labour shortages and expertise...
Hohoho....
Even a teacher's job is now potentially in jeopardy...
Who needs a cranky school teacher when you can have your pick...
Of a sweet sexy voiced robot that is non judgemental and of infinite patience...
Hohoho...
When in swanky restaurants, 'tis easy to daintily dine on cordon bleu,
But dining on lobster requires deft finesse without humiliating you!
For what its worth, I offer the following that I've learned o'er the years,
To show snobbish waiters you're really not all that wet behind the ears!
First of all, a wizened waiter will provide a bib if he's really on the job.
(Somehow, they perceive right away that you are a rather artless slob!)
When cracking open each morsel, some violent squirting may occur!
Should juice spritz the guy at the next table simply say, "Sorry sir"!
The hapless lobster is dissected in certain order to make the meal complete.
First, remove the claws, crack the shell with a claw cracker and remove the meat.
For this a fork is provided, then discard the shells in a bowl being discreet!
Next, twist the tail from the body and break off the flippers - those you musn't eat!
And now for the piece de resistance, that long anticipated holy grail,
(That you paid fifty-five bucks for!) - that scrumptious lobster's tail!
Insert a lobster fork into the flesh and gently ease it out of the shell.
(Sucking meat from the legs is optional - on that matter I will not dwell!)
A female lobster might contain a bit of roe considered a delicacy by some.
(If that is your fancy, quietly asking about the lobster's sex is the rule of thumb!)
Plunge lobster pieces in butter taking care not to let it run down your arm!
(Leaving a sizeable tip for the disaster you've created wouldn't do any harm!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
The evening was just perfect
'Cause the moon was fresh and full
And the air was cool and dry
As I gulped down, my Red Bull
I was anticipating
That I hope to make a score
As She meets my expectations
And perhaps a little more
I hope she's not a nerd
'Cause I'm really not that smart
And not a connaisseur
Cause I'm not much into art
But a woman down to earth
With those mutual desires
That can take a man of girth
And set his loins on fire
While sitting in Perrier's
At this table that I picked
In the corner of the room
Should really do the trick
The waiters wear black ties
With a towel on each arm
Pouring wine from chilled bottles
Surely adds to all my charm
Oh, There she is, what a beauty
And I can't believe, "On time"
She sure looks like a cutie
I'll have to make her mine
As she walks directly towards me
She displays a pleasant smile
This response from a woman
I haven't seen, in such a while
Then she sits a cross the table
And we talk 'til we turn blue
Satisfied in our hearts
That no one else could do
Then She said I must be honest
It's my sex, I had it changed
And I'm sorry if you hate me
I know this seems insane
I replied with a tear
As I reached out for her hand
It's all right my dearest love
I must confess, I'm not a man
On the shore he sits….
With his wits…he feels the grits…
Through his feet…and in his teeths…?
Having the determination…with some affection…
Cherishing the urge…with the intention to splurge…
And the sea waits …preparing for his dates…
What will his future hold…?
Will there be stories untold…as his destiny unfold…?
The testimony of a man…who, for so long…
Has travelled…the globe…
The fishes …the boats…the sinks…the floats…
The ships …the sailors…the bunkers…the freighters…
The oils in craters…the servings of waiters…
From the bows…to the sterns…he learns…
It’s difficult…no doubt…
The experience…like mountains…
The incidents…no fountains…
No parents could teach…the limits of his reach…
A young man…his dreams…his lifelong…it seems…
To be daring…no fearing…his only caring…
On the sea…to be…where he’ll always be free…
Through strong winds…and pouring rains..,
The glaring of sunshine…the severity of pains…
The channels…the straits…
The landscapes…the oceans…
The bearings…the emotions…
Where the South…no doubt…
Is a path…to the north…?
The successes…the disasters…the writhing of waters…
Some men…gods help them…
They stare…no fear…
Yet disappear…like thin air…
His wisdom…it’s like a kingdom…
No scare…to share…
No Ivy League…or premier league…
No university…what an audacity…
No Buckingham…no Yale…
Could pass…or fail…
The vision…to sail…
Of a seaman…his tale…