Best Silliest Poems
Wordplay Extravaganza
Sponsor: John Hamilton
Bugs bunny was the silliest hare with such a bright future ahead,
he wanted to give Lola something special, but he gave her a carrot instead.
He pondered on a different surprise, and wrote Lola a sweet love letter,
asking her to marry him, because of her his life was much better.
He proof read his proposal and realized he forgot one very special phrase,
so he clicked the caret button to insert a few sentiments then pressed save.
All he had hoped for was that he expressed his love with his honest words,
for he wanted to fill this day with rainbows with sweet songs from Tweety bird.
The day flew by and night time arrived, that silly wabbit was nervous,
he smelled her scent and watched her approach him, boy was he wordless!
“My Lola, from Pensacola, I give you this twenty four karat gold ring,
a three carat princess diamond placed gently above the gold and in between.
Marry me, my sweet, I'll sweep you off your feet, I'd love to play with your hair...."
She said yes, of course...and a few months later there was a family of baby hares.
Homophones used:
1. carrot-A vegetable
2. karat-weight of gold
3. carat-size of diamonds
4. caret-a symbol used to indicate the place in writing material which something
is to be inserted.
1. Hare- a rabbit
2. Hair- a growth of filaments forming a coat over the scalp of a humans head
~Date Written: March 18, 2016~
Oh my love, we joyously still share it all.
We still laugh over the silliest things...
We only cry occasionally during
A sentimental movie. We need not cry
Because life has instilled a tolerance for
Loss and pain that tears can't bridge.
We behold each other without a gaze
Yet our auras mingle in a swirl of colors.
I sense your warmth across the room
As you sense mine and my presence
Before you notice I am intrinsically near.
This tender intimacy permeates our
dwelling, unites our hearts forever as one.
You've come to expect your words to spill
From my knowing lips when your lips lock
And I share that same psychic awareness.
The branches from our trunks have grown
And blossomed bearing sweet pure fruit.
Time has developed our dreams into reality
Of years spent growing, caring, and sharing.
Yes my love, we still share it all. Amen!
7-9-17
*Dedicated to my husband Michael on our 34th wedding anniversary.
Didn’t digest my all-dressed pizza
Suffering now from insomnia
A touch of every possible phobia
Mostly of ravenous bacteria
And humongous tarantula
O yes, and the sordid mafia
Did I call my Grandmamma
Did I put away the spatula
Did I book girls’ day at the spa
Did all the bourgeois really die of cholera
I’m drowning under this plethora
Remind me What’s that formula
O yes, Abracadabra
Tra-la-la and La-di-da
And poof now I’m in a gondola
On the way to utopia
Dressed in graceful taffeta
Eating baklava in the basilica
Hanging from the candelabra
Swinging to the tunes of Lady Gaga
Supported by the silliest orchestra
Hey you Pass me the foie gras
I have a cockeyed camera
You’ll see me at the cinema
I love you Etcetera Etcetera
AP: 1st place 2020, 3rd place 2025
It caught her when she didn’t expect,
Attacking her in a tight whirl,
It came at her from out of the blue,
To put her into a swirl,
And there was nothing at all that she could do,
Nothing to stop the snorts,
Nothing to stop her belly ache laughing,
From laughing at the silliest thoughts,
These fits of laughter they had their own plan,
Ignoring her every desire,
To stop them, calm them, pack them away,
Instead her laughter got higher,
Each nerve in her body had gone to a party,
Her body became a little bit wild,
When the littlest joke was said to her,
When her lips went off in a smile.
Well it’s not a laughing matter but I’m grinning once again,
‘cause out of nine of us at work, five have felt the pain,
of suffering as a ‘bloody idiot,’ after having a few beers,
and trying to do the wrong thing, which ended up in tears.
Before I tell you what one done; although I think you know,
If you want to drink and drive then there’s a chance you’ll blow
into a tube of crystals, that changes colour if your breath
contains a hint of alcohol; and that is certain ‘driving death.’
Now young Winston from the office is looking very glum,
for he tried to shun a breath test that as a rule of thumb,
is the silliest of options, so when he turned into a side street,
two coppers waited patiently and who Winston got to meet.
I lectured Winston on his silliness but young blokes never learn,
‘cause four blokes here before him have already had their turn,
at using ‘shanks’ pony’ transport to convey themselves to work,
and now they watch from footpaths where coppers tend to lurk.
But not me, I’m too smart for that; I told these bloody fools,
I would never drink and drive my car, or try and break the rules
by dodging breath test stations; and Winston dropped his head,
‘cause he didn’t heed my message but defied what I had said.
And I proved this at a Christmas party that we held last year,
when whisky started flowing and chased with full strength beer.
I was way above the limit but my car stayed off the road;
instead I took a bus home and I was still in drinking mode.
And sure as heck at Christmas time, a breath test station’s up ahead,
but coppers waved the bus through, what car drivers surely dread,
and I arrived home safely which surprised me quite a bit,
for I’d not drove a bus before and don’t know where I got it!
Do pigs go moo?
Do cows go oink?
Do chickens go cock a doodle do?
Do sheep wear sweaters?
Do Alligators know all the letters?
Of the alphabet noodles in soup?
Do Birds have nests of feathered gold?
Do crows get mad, when a penguin is sold?
Do Ravens really read Edgars Poetry?
Do Little Doctors help baby animals?
Do they talk to doctors or do little chatter?
Why all these questions surely must matter
Do roasters wake up at the setting of the sun?
Do pigs have wings, or is that all cow dung?
Falling from the sky up high
Seagulls must laugh when one of us cries
Now if a little one here or way over there
I have made you laugh on the silliest of dares
Then off we go to the aquarium and zoo
Why we are off to visit with Winnie the Pooh!
Something changed my life.
At 17 they said I had a milliard of mental disorders,
I got committed to a mental clinic.
That was’t it.
I didn’t go in willingly,
Wasn’t allowed to talk or see anyone from outside for a month.
That wasn’t it.
I’d always had a therapist,
Ever since I can remember,
This one was the one who saved me from myself.
She wasn’t it.
I had many moments of despair,
Many moments where I couldn’t take it anymore.
None of them were it.
Days, weeks, months,
An eternity passed,
I was still there.
The silliest thing happened one morning.
Doing yoga on the corner of the terrace,
The sun was peering through the greenery of the tiny yard.
Then it happened.
As I was looking at the way the sun reflected on the bamboos,
The way even though months had passed and I was still there,
A feeling of peace overcame me.
A peace I’d never felt before,
A peace that only comes from within yourself.
From accepting that where you are,
What you’re doing,
What surrounds you,
It all is exactly how it should be.
I had found my happy place,
And I’d go there anytime I wanted,
By just closing my eyes.
Put your hands up those who want more sillies
Counted six thousand, one hundred and forty
Seems like a bunch of you still like to giggle
Be assured, more's coming up shortly
First one, how does one make holy water?
That's easy, you boil the hell out of it
That's really quite funny and extremely clever
A copyright I've got in my mitts
They say nobody is perfect, well I'm a nobody
So it follows I must be perfect
If four out of five suffer from diarrhea
Must mean one person enjoys it's effects
A computer once actually beat me at chess
But it's no match for me at kick boxing
Beat the poop out of that annoying computer
Other laptops thought it was shocking
I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen
That's the silliest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I talk quietly to my Bloody Caesar
It answers, “you are totally absurd!”
Whad'ya call a boomerang that won't come back
I guess I'd just call it a stick
What do you give a woman who has it all
Your phone number of course, Mr. Slick
© Jack Ellison 2015
Such a grammar fiend, is this thing called punctuation.
A huge plethora of mind numbing aggravation.
Commas, periods and parenthesis too;
colons and semicolons; what's a writer to do?
In spelling, I used to make only straight A's.
Now I blow up spell check most every day.
I could avoid punctuation; write only Haiku,
but I'm no quitter; to myself I must be true.
My teacher always told me, "If you can't spell a word,
look it up in the dictionary." Silliest thing I ever heard.
All the words are there in column after column,
but, how to look them up, if you can't even spellum?!
The person inside who you love and care for
You knowingly take it all
The good and sometimes the bad
My past, present and future
Something I never had
And all along did I ever believe someone would find my childhood memories cute?
Giving your body away to someone is simple; done every day
Without a name exchanged
But money given- we are knowingly ruled by cash
A cheating husband to the wife at home..
Wondering again what she's done wrong
Every human so corrupt, and yet
Somehow I still feel naked as I speak
But you look at me and smile, I can tell
It’s too genuine and I’m not used to this
I’m being vulnerable, but this
The silliest things it seems
Bring the feeling on, but
There’s a reason behind everything
Every feeling, every word spoken
A story behind the scarred wrist
Or the lonliness and sadness
Which brought on every tear that will ever exist
All I know is this:
When I’m alone with myself
it’s only you that I miss
Two of the wackiest guys I know,
live two doors down,
one flight below
Tall is one, the other is short
One chirps loud all the time ... one quietly coos
Tall wears a small hat,
Short sports big shoes
Bird Brain and Pigeon Toe,
they’re two of the silliest fellas I know
Those two ditzy, dunce Dodos
live two doors down,
one flight below
Two Heckle and Jeckles,
warbling so-and-so’s
One spring cleaning time,
my fair sparrow lady and turtledove me
were shaking a dust feather
at what we heard, but couldn’t believe —
Toe tapping on the Brain
with a combination of
Muhammad Ali - Fred Astaire pure artistry
The Pigeon was floating like a butterfly,
stinging like a bee ...
putting pain on the Brain’s cheek
While we kept shaking that dust feather
at what we still couldn’t believe;
we heard hawk flap sounds,
so stark raven noisy —
Bird woodpecking the Pigeon
with a fist pounding of
a knuckle Louisville Slugger, number 23
The Brain was tapping Morse Code bulls-eye
carvings on a tree ...
putting hurt on the Pigeon’s beak
Can you believe —
Two best friends fighting like worst enemies!
When the dust settled and the air cleared,
we really couldn’t believe
what our hummingbird ears just did hear —
Loud laughter mingled with drunken cheers,
of double-burping
out an open window
Coming from two doors down,
one flight below
They’re longtime best buds —
Two of the dimmer bulbs which glow,
that have a peacock taste
for the suds
Now you now know:
A pair of the quirkiest crow chums
who roof perch together,
wing elbow
Parakeet plucky park bench bums
Total cuckoo nest best buds
Fun loving,
boon-docking couch spuds
My neighboring parrot chime fellows:
Bird Brain and Pigeon Toe,
they live two doors down,
one flight below
" Swept "
'Tis with heart heavy meownself so say~
That which doth trouble me then thus this day~
'Twere she a schooner fine & so grand~
'Twere not she longer in mind's eye demand~
I've swept me brow with turmoil~
Foundered me sets with gargoyle~
Rounded well Horn a'winter cold~
Naught whot ayre e'er thus bold~
She's a'down well nigh a'weather~
Runnin' now light as lost feather~
Smirk now a'from under 'er bow~
Alas! 'Tis e'er whot ayre a'blow~
'Tis a'sea whot ayre 'er goal~
Akin mare & silliest foal~
Nay! Not yet cries voice below~
She with sea doth yet smoothly flow~
SeaWolf
©
I'm usually known for my silly stuff
But once in a while I surprise
Drooling all over my keyboard and yours
With mushy stuff I fantasize
It's true I sometimes wear more than one hat
Contrary to what you may think
Can be sillier than the silliest damn jester
Then switch as quick as a wink
Become all gushy and mushy and stuff
Talk of flowers and eternal love
Then sure as shootin' it's back to the sillies
Giving your giggler a shove
This back and forth stuff is really quite dizzying
Imagine if I wrote about dying
Some are obsessed with negative things
If I said that was me I'd be lying
It's not for me, that tear jerky stuff
Guess my life's been too bloody happy
Sure not complaining I'm a perky old geezer
Maybe a better word is slaphappy
© Jack Ellison 2015
A thought from an erstwhile visionary,
We came from another century,
How can we grow old disgracefully,
Or not?
The seniles that time forgot,
Peter Pans on Pot!
Obese, gaga or dead,
Silliest verse you've ever read,
Didn't we come from another century?
Now, let's grow old disgracefully!
I sit here writing this message to you,
My dilemma is choosing that somebody who,
Will cause me to soar and fly ever higher,
But this selection process has caused me to mire,
I admit the candidates are of numerous sort,
And hard to decipher from the initial escort,
Some friends say I'm picky, some say too impatient,
Some say I'll never find that perfect creation,
But, since you are out there and obviously listening,
Let me inform you on what you are missing,
To begin, I'm not going to mention my looks,
Except to say I don't hide behind books,
I relate to those who find life very humorous,
And repel against those who embody the tumorous,
If you're searching for someone that can be predicted,
You will not find my image depicted,
Not that fickle or whimsical could be a feature,
I'm just a bonafide, certified interesting creature,
My view is that life has too much offer,
In addition to ways of filling my coffer,
It's like a candy store, with shelf after shelf,
And I'm the one in the corner stuffing himself,
But, wouldn't it be great if I could just find,
Someone to share with whom I wouldn't mind,
Now what should you be like, I've pondered this thought,
Over and over, I get so distraught,
Someone who's set and ready to go,
To do whatever it takes to reach that plateau,
But, if somehow we do not achieve as expected,
We'll work as a team to get it corrected,
Someone who relishes the quietest of times,
And smiles and applauds at my silliest rhymes,
Someone who climbs mountains and even climbs trees,
See, I told you that I'm not too hard to please,
To confront my claims with a subtle refute,
And to cause my big mouth to diminish and mute,
Someone who sees things different than I,
And is willing to say so without being gunshy,
As for children, I'm not looking for three more wise men,
But, it wouldn't hurt if one could win the Heisman,
Most of all, your love must run amuck,
Because there will be those times when I'm just a schmuck,
I know that you're out there, I'm just not sure where,
But, please turn and listen as I stand and declare,
I will search through the universe until the end of my life,
Until I find you, my lover, my partner,
My wife.
(1/11/93)