Best Pedicure Poems
First off let's make it clear I ain't funny
And I don't start conversations out with bonjour
But there comes a time in every mans life
Where he needs a good Man-icure
When you hit the age of me on the same feet
It's time to give the old dogs a break
Empty out your calendar this will take all day for sure
And you don't want distractions in the way
Cause when the hair on your toes could keep an Eskimo clothed
And carpet his whole family's igloo
That's when you know it's time to call up your Bro's
And go visit an Asian or two
A pedicure for a man to remove the toe jam
Like they would weapons of mass destruction
But let's not call it a date cause that just sounds gay
Let's say outing or a manly luncheon
Like a kid in a candy store given chocolate galore
With no earthly thoughts of calories
Signed up for the 5 gold star plan soon to be a new man
Where you're bound to not recognize me
From hot wax to cream to all things in between
Why they even buffed my buff
From bottom to top they did the whole lot
And yes I liked it...thank you very much
As we went through the day the new me being made
Rolling me from dock to dock
Then came to the time we stopped short of a dime
When they wanted to give me a bikini WHAT?!?
That's where I drew the line there's just some things I find
That a Manly Man would never stand
We went back to the front, that's enough of this lunch!
THAT gold star wasn't in my plan
Would I do it again? All you gotta do is say when...
But next time round believe me
When it comes to the stars I'll stop at the 4
Which I believe is the boxer instead of bikini
I've never had a manicure
and yet I'm still a man
Though my fingernails are ugly
you should see my tan
Please don't suggest a pedicure
I don't need lovely toes
Fishing knee-deep in the river
they're apt to decompose
So I eschew the 'hair salon'
for ye old-fashioned barber shop
Where my man Floyd still uses
scissors, broom and mop
Ka-thump-a-loon, my pet raccoon,
sings opera in the woods at noon;
I love so much to hear him croon.
At night he carols to the moon.
If you are lucky you might hear
the songs he sings most loud and clear;
he plans to make it his career
with performances both far and near.
He will audition sometime soon,
accompanied by his pal baboon
who plays a really mean bassoon;
I know they'll make the critics swoon.
I guess I'll have to go along
and keep long lists of all his songs
and iron his wardrobe of sarongs,
protect him from the cheering throngs.
He seems excited, that's for sure;
he never has been too demure.
He keeps asking for a new coiffure,
a glitter mani- and pedicure.
Last night that crazy old raccoon
sucked on a helium balloon
and ate way too much crab Rangoon,
said he planned to change his tune.
He switched his genre to rock and roll,
thinks he can sing with a lot of soul;
winning American Idol his one goal
with its million dollar prize bankroll.
Things are getting out of hand;
the raccoon's plans are just too grand;
I wish he'd join the forest band
and forget this superstar status plan.
Success can never come too soon
to a want-to-be Las Vegas tycoon
who dreams of a big penthouse saloon,
Ka-thump-a-loon, my pet raccoon.
Faye Lanham Gibson
Copyright, August 18, 2015
An innocent girl with a ton heavy Saree
was wedding’s most looked up Naree
she had, or was on make up it was difficult to identify
ceremonies lined up; she gave her best try
good for nothing ladies gave arrangement a curse
groom's dad was quiet; mother busy filling purse
saali's tantrum made jija feel shy
mama and chacha were already so high
ladies’ delight at the function of mehandi
dadi and bua enjoyed pedicure for free
bride was busy since last afternoon
a lottery, a jackpot for the nearby saloon
she couldn’t speak coz of layers of make up
dada was busy in his own world of gup shup
kids were enjoying the bumpy mickey game
aunties were talking and believe me it was lame!
everyone's eyes were glued to the clock
food area got opened; crowd ran like a flock
guests dint knew the groom or the bride
they come-eat-go, maintaining their 'pride'
joota churai collects handsome money for saalis
poor tambu waala was bombarded with gaalis
till the time of feras everyone is asleep
then starts vidaii - 'a dream session to weep'
at last comes, the family session of tear shedding
these tadkas and masalas cook a perfect Indian wedding!
I make the appointment all excited
for my feet look like my dads, uninviting.
I anxiously wait until the day of my arrival,
expecting...who-ha’s...claps...and grins.
None of this sort grabs me, instead it is
pick out color...pick out color...and then she turns with chagrin.
That is okay...I am still excited...I try to crawl into the big chair,
but I am only five feet, and she’s practically shoveling me in.
I have on a dress you know...hello...can I have towel?
Oh my gosh, the sky is falling...I did not pick out my color!
And, so we begin, she really is my friend.
This is my favorite place to be, and I love her best of all.
But, she turns on the water, and oh...I want to smack her.
My feet are going to ignite from the heat!
I just want to sit here; I do not want the chair to go off like a rocket,
massaging every ounce of my being, things falling out of my pocket.
I came here to relax, my feet are burning, and my voice is quivering.
Good gosh woman, turn this thing off!
Things finally settle down...we begin to talk around.
How’s your daughter...How is your mother?...Can I have some rice from the kitchen?
She laughs at me...I smile at her...
Oh, no, I forgot to pick out my color!
Her husband comes by.
I say...sure, I will give it a try!
I admire my jellybean toes and pay her the dough.
We hug, she laughs at me, and tells me luv ya!
"Humor Me" Contest
©Holly P. Moore
October 2012
My nails grow longer in the heat,
I like to keep them short, hands and feet,
pedicure and manicure by the girls in Phuket,
they give you more, full service and yet . . . .
I don't need my shoulders or head massaged,
there's a slap on the back as their fingers emerged,
nothing too intimate otherwise I might get ********,
the personal service should be my selection.
Now there's a mask on my face, an extra they say,
don't worry, it's free, you won't have to pay,
I'm not too keen on cucumber, peer over the edge,
shouldn't be so fussy, after all it's a privilege.
I walk out of the shop, spent my last Thai coin,
can't help but notice - there's a swelling in my groin.
Heavy feet lighten as tensions wane in warm, bubbling water
The pedicure from a stranger's hands at daybreak - sweet escape
Stress relieved, my feet can carry our burdens, at least for today
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, January 26, 2012
Ninth place in On Your Feet contest
Ever have one of those days
where you just have to get away
from the daily work grind...
where you can just kick back,
relax a little,
and finally unwind,
tomorrow is that day for me
because I took a personal day,
where I'm going to sleep in till noon,
wake up and shower and dress
and watch a little television
if I'm in the mood,
then eat a leisurely lunch
with a lot of crunch,
and savor every bite,
afterwards have a nice dessert,
like some sherbet,
that'll really hit the spot,
then drive to my appt. in town
and get massaged by a masseuse,
go get a manicure and a pedicure,
shop for a new dress,
and go get my hair done by my hair stylist,
later at home check my e-mail
and see whats on the soup,
laugh at some of the funny poems
because they can be so humorous,
read some of the serious ones,
and feel the corners of my mouth suddenly droop,
then after that I'll maybe take a walk
and stroll around the park,
but by then it'll probably be getting late
and the dusk will be turning to dark,
so I'll go home to my family,
and I'll say good night
and go retire for the night,
where I'll go into my sanctuary,
change into my pajamas,
watch some t.v.
and turn off the light,
but I know most if this is just a fantasy,
but it really doesn't matter
since I'm not really into all that glamour
why I'm just your average Josephine,
like a lot of folks just trying to stay afloat
by making ends meet,
Because when I look around
there's 1001 chores to be done,
especially the housework,
where I'll be washing dishes,
feeding the cats, dogs and fishes,
cleaning windowsills,
dusting and vacuuming,
mopping floors,
wiping down doors,
doing the laundry,
and shredding some old bills,
But hey, I'd rather get these mundane
chores out of the way on a Friday,
so then on the weekend
I can do what I want
and go out and have a fun day!
Oh! My gosh. What is it with the girly girl
Adventure?
They say looking great is a lure
To capture
An amore. To me that's a whole other
Venture.
I am such an amateur.
I am not looking for any more pressure.
Now on to the brochure
Which supposedly has the beauty cure.
Their prices are not high on expenditures
It features
Hair cut to style which includes shampoo,
Dry, make over, manicure,
And pedicure
All done at our leisure.
For our listening pleasure
All work will be done to the overture
Of Bach which some deemed as torture.
Any way the end result was everyone comes
Out a beautiful relaxed creature
Who has been in hiding like a lost treasure.
We are supposedly feeling less insecure,
And more sure,
Of our future.
I need a picture.
If my bare feet could talk
I wonder what they'd say?
If we are in church
I wonder if they pray?
The miles they have carried me
the journey we have made.
They are my source of transportation
each and every day.
Some days they yell at me
"Pay attention to my beauty"
Then off to get a pedicure
So they may resume their duty.
I know they listen in
on all my conversations
If only they speak
Help me with foundations.
I owe so much to
my little toes
When I was a gymnast
I put them through such woes.
It summer now so they
need to breathe
they can shop with me
and pick out what they need.
It's time for something girlie
my cowboy boots wear them down.
who knows what this season brings
time for happy happy clowns.
Barefoot in the sand
Is what they need the most
Absorbing the heat
So they can start to glow.
So my twins
that support me everyday
I just want you to know
You fill me with Dismay!
First off let's make it clear I ain't funny
And I don't start conversations out with bonjour
But there comes a time in every mans life
Where he needs a good Man-icure
When you hit the age of me on the same feet
It's time to give the old dogs a break
Empty out your calendar this will take all day for sure
And you don't want distractions in the way
Cause when the hair on your toes could keep an Eskimo clothed
And carpet his whole family's igloo
That's when you know it's time to call up your Bro's
And go visit a Asian or two
A pedicure for a man to remove the toe jam
Like they would weapons of mass destruction
But let's not call it a date cause that just sounds gay
Let's say outing or a manly luncheon
Like a kid in a candy store given chocolate galore
With no earthly thoughts of calories
Signed up for the 5 gold star plan soon to be a new man
Where you're bound to not recognize me
From hot wax to cream to all things in between
Why they even buffed my buff
From bottom to top they did the whole lot
And yes I liked it...thank you very much
As we went through the day the new me being made
Rolling me from dock to dock
Then came to the time we stopped short of a dime
When they wanted to give me a bikini WHAT?!?
That's where I drew the line there's just some things I find
That a Manly Man would never stand
We went back to the front, that's enough of this lunch!
THAT gold star wasn't in my plan
Would I do it again? All you gotta do is say when...
But next time round believe me
When it comes to the stars I'll stop at the 4
Which I believe is boxer instead of bikini
Destroyer vs' Gareth # 2
Gareth oh Gareth.
How have you been?
I took a look at your last hit
We both know your not gonna win
Although you are good, I admit
You have the honor to remove my gloves.
They no longer fit
After popping your zit of a poem
This is not war, not a slam
I'm just having fun knocking your wits
Like an ANVIL drop from above
I'll squash you Like a little bug.
Your words don't hurt not one bit
Running to mommy for a hug!
As you know, if the shoe doesn't fit
Why do you still wear them?
About my pants.
I want them back.
I have to give them to my aunt.
Who likes sticking her nose in your crack
I am sorry about Mother Nature
You both share the same bed
We must have the same culture
I agree her beauty is like sweet cinnamon bread.
I fly over you like a vulture
Waiting for you to drop dead
Do you get the picture?
Theirs no stop, till you crown my head.
Your slams have been fractured
Your true colors revealed as an amateur
Due to the loss of memory in this poet game
Now we both know who's the impostor
Gareth I just tossed you in the flames
At this time were acting immature
You're like the friend I never found.
This has been a great pleasure
I'm not done putting the smack down
It is almost time for my departure
Here's my hand, get up from the ground.
Finish your pedicure
You're still on the rebound.
Your poems now sit with a foreclosure sign
Do to sissy punches on every round
To: G.J.
From: P.D
(-: fun :-)
Okay, Gareth are you up for round three.
There was a lady who lived in a Shoe,
A very stylish Shoe to be admired.
Decorated in style, every convenience
thought of,
And nothing else could fit.
Down the stairway, under the bed,
Shoes of all sorts and colors and styles!
Besides the Rainbow, add copper, silver and gold!
Pretty feet, a Pedicure every two weeks.
But the lady who still lives in that Shoe,
Is now craftily handled and exposed to all!
Some count down and remove to leave,
What they believe would be all she now
needs.
But the Lord looks down upon goodness,
And many are surprised at the Hezikia
extension,
A repayment for the SERVICE she willingly
rendered,
In rain, snow, sleet, helping in the affliction
of others.
young daughter
gives mom a pedicure
~ chores can wait
AP: 2nd place 2026, Honorable Mention 2026
Submitted on October 5, 2025 to contest MINI-KU sponsored by Charles Messina - RANKED 2ND
Look at me
And tell me what you see
I'm more than just a girl
It goes deeper then sexuality
My blonde hair cant stop me
From putting on that foot ball helmet.
And my manicure cant stop me
from using a baseball glove.
My pedicure can't stop me
from putting on those cleats
And my "fragile" body
Can't stop me from doing karate.
So, the impossible,
well, that just got upgraded to the I'm possible.
I bare more pain then you can.
Yet I live by more natural joy then you can.
I am just as good as you are
Just because I am a girl doesn't mean my successes are mediocre.