Manicure

First off let's make it clear I ain't funny And I don't start conversations out with bonjour But there comes a time in every mans life Where he needs a good Man-icure When you hit the age of me on the same feet It's time to give the old dogs a break Empty out your calendar this will take all day for sure And you don't want distractions in the way Cause when the hair on your toes could keep an Eskimo clothed And carpet his whole family's igloo That's when you know it's time to call up your Bro's And go visit an Asian or two A pedicure for a man to remove the toe jam Like they would weapons of mass destruction But let's not call it a date cause that just sounds gay Let's say outing or a manly luncheon Like a kid in a candy store given chocolate galore With no earthly thoughts of calories Signed up for the 5 gold star plan soon to be a new man Where you're bound to not recognize me From hot wax to cream to all things in between Why they even buffed my buff From bottom to top they did the whole lot And yes I liked it...thank you very much As we went through the day the new me being made Rolling me from dock to dock Then came to the time we stopped short of a dime When they wanted to give me a bikini WHAT?!? That's where I drew the line there's just some things I find That a Manly Man would never stand We went back to the front, that's enough of this lunch! THAT gold star wasn't in my plan Would I do it again? All you gotta do is say when... But next time round believe me When it comes to the stars I'll stop at the 4 Which I believe is the boxer instead of bikini