Best Off Limits Poems
The world in 100 years ... Oh, perish the thought
Former President, Ronald Dump, who was cryogenically frozen following his assassination after winning the ‘No Bull’ Peace Prize in December 2018, has been successfully defrosted.
Ronald Dump recently defeated his son, former President Barrrrron Van Dump, in the lunar by-election. President Dump will be taking up his forty year term at his office-in-the-round penthouse suite at ‘Lunar-Tic Towers’. This magnificent golden palace-like structure is situated on the fringes of the 29th bunker on the dark side of the moon. Naturally, it is a member’s only golf club and entry is strictly by special invitation only. It will be staffed by scantily costumed Honey-Bunny girls and models who the Dump handpicks. They will attend to every need and whim of his guests, unless he requires their expertise "handling."
President Dump will be supported by his android wife, Argenta, (humanoid model number 3060 with real hair and life-like body parts) who superseded the old model 'Milionairluva', who sadly could not be revived due to silicon and botox poisoning which ran rampantly throughout her Barbie doll body
The Lunar-Tic Towers will be totally off limits to the paparazzi so there can be no photographs taken of the Irn Bru brewing facility of his favourite drink which was banned in Scotland. He seeks to insure that no "fake news" stories are leaked by the press.
In his bid to tackle rising unemployment, currently standing at 99.6%, Dump will be advised by his new best friend and strategist, Kym Dung Hung Lo. This humanitarian almost obliterated the human race by detonating a nuclear warhead at the Dung Hung Lo Toy Factory which was caused when Dung Hung Lo threw his dolly out of the pram. So impressed by such a move, Dump hired him and invited Dung Hung Lo to be his number 2 to succeed him.
May God bless the earth, what little is left of her .. she needs all the help she can get with these two lunar tics in charge
6/1/18
100 year Contest sponsored by Brian Davey
HIND SIGHT
M oment by moment the hours tick by,
I n each one I wonder and ask myself why,
S ince you have left me I feel so alone,
S o utterly empty when I should have known,
I nviting you into my heart wasn#t wise,
N ot when I knew you had other ties,
G one now the laughter of warm Summer days,
Y ou took them all with you, not wanting to stay.
O nly you coulld get under my skin like you did.
U ntil you came along I was just a big kid.
T hen I met you and everything changed,
E xcept for the fact that you were estranged,
R ecently leaving a home and a wife,
R evealing to me you still wanted that life.
I n all that you said and all that you did,
B ut I wanted you so I put in my bid,
L ike a fool I gambled my all and I lost,
Y ou were honest with me and well worth the cost.
Judy Ball
Don't ever let yourself get caught up in an affair.
When it's over it's just not worth the pain and embarrassment.
If someone is married they are off limits and if you are married you are not free to sample the other stuff out there.
You could lose everything for a cheap, very temporary thrill.
Let cooler heads prevail and don't let your loins think for you.
This poem was written to convey this message.
It is , however pure fiction so don't feel sorry for me. ;)
For Aye, Aye And A Mistress Contest by Debbie Guzzi
He was gone for all of that time
No one knew what his life was like
He could have been a thief or murderer
Only God knows all that he’s done
Why would Daddy let him come back home?
He destroyed everyone’s trust
He left here with half of Daddy’s belongings
Where did he live while gone?
No doubt he was with drunkards and harlots
People who live in the darkest thoughts
With only doubt, fear and despair
He was living with the dreaded devils
His life was shadowed by his failures
He shouldn’t have had the nerve to come back
Home, for him, should be off limits
He shouldn’t be allowed to live here anymore
But Daddy killed the fatted calf for him
Gave him the best robe and his ring
Embraced him with a joy that only knows
He is the beloved son, his heart and soul
Why hasn’t he ever killed a calf for me, though?
I asked Daddy why he was going to all this trouble
For a son who had only used and abused him
Given him nothing but worry and strife
Filled his mind with only regret, pain and trials
I asked him why, but Daddy only said…
**“Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.”
So Daddy killed the fatted calf for my brother
My resentful, bitter heart was spurned
But I know my Daddy is filled with pure love
And He loves the prodigal with a spirit
That can only be described as merciful…
Compassionate and tolerant…
Much like the forgiveness that God sends
To the one who repents and believes
His grace is like a light shining through
The soul who knows His love is the treasure
That every prodigal seeks to accept
And, I, the son who was righteous yet resentful
Need his forgiveness just as much
As the roguish prodigal…
All I need to do is ask, and God’s forgiveness
Will reach down and absolve me of my wrongs
I will ask and receive… because, like my Daddy..
God is always GOOD!
**Luke 15: 31 And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. 32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
As I walked along the path from the beach.
I realized how much of it the dunes had taken.
The vegetation was now within reach.
I then noticed a small area, looking forsaken.
Our dunes are protected by the state.
Off limits to all that would explore.
But I saw something, that made me hesitate.
A tiny blue flower, with the strength to endure.
It was surrounded by vines and grass so high,
that had almost strangled its colorful blooms
But there it was, so small, but not shy.
Right in the middle of the overgrown dunes.
This bears repeating, every December (and February, and March):
We have five December birthdays
in our immediate family.
February is the love month,
not March, never March, okay?
Some are confused about St. Valentine
who, though he championed love,
would have scoffed at our customs.
Claudius the Cruel*, Queen Juno**,
birds mating, and fertility rites
have no bearing on March.
Please pass the word.
December birthdays
thin budgets, time, and tempers.
The month of December
is for Christmas, don'tcha know?
March should be off limits
in the bedroom.
Every woman should hang a sign
on her bed on March first:
On Vacation for one month!
What, no one told your mother
about the nine month rule?
*Ordered St. Valentine beheaded in 278 AD
**Roman Goddess of marriage & childbirth.
cfa © 12/13/2010
Thank you Daddy for taking Jane and me to the circus
He took the bumps fast along Broadway; we giggled and laughed; it was a great day.
The bustle, the hustle, the poor old men. I said “Dear Daddy can’t we help them?”
They’re just like those guys on Castle Hill in number too great drinking their swill.
Castle Hill was off limits when I was kid; one block over they we all on the skids.
We entered the circus; saw my favorite clown, Emmet Kelly, was always so down.
I knew in my heart his non-comic frown and wondered if he had lain once on the ground.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t all that precocious, I loved the lions, oh so ferocious.
My first cotton candy, popping cracker jacks, my eyes grew big at the high wire acts.
There were men on cycles, ladies on horses, strong giants with super-human forces.
I guess I forgot about Emmett and bums, on the way home to sweet sleep I succumbed.
Kathryn Collins
February 2, 2014
WONDER OF PHYSICS
I am traveling through the wonder of physics
There is nothing wrong with being critics
Are you understanding the meaning of off limits
Don't ever try to ignore the cynics
Tr?n Minh Hi?n Hien Tran Orlando May 26, 2016
Little Susie had peed her new pants
Such an unfortunate circumstance
In front of her mother
She blushed a red colour …
Then invented the ‘Wet knickers’ dance!
Mum's reaction to this was not cool
As Sue pranced around like a fool
To add to her woe
More started to flow
Down her leg and formed into a Pool
Susie knew right away, she was Toast
With her face turning pale as a ghost
When the Cork in her ass
Shot out with the gas
And Mother got blasted the most
Desperately needing a breath of fresh air
We ran out of the house in a state of despair
It is far from a joke
To splutter and choke
On a stench that melts noses and frizzles our hair
In disgrace, she stomped off to the shed
Where a cunning plan entered her head
Her gas mask condition
Needed stiff competition
So she's joined a Bad Ass Commune instead
Sue was accepted as one of the troupe
After she curdled Cow’s milk into soup
And once it was dark
She thought it a lark
To 'Blue Flame' her gas for the group
In a national contest for which she was keen
She entered to take on the best there has been
But to Susie’s surprise
They gave the Top Prize
To a bloke farting 'God Save The Queen'
'Porton Down' is off limits so no one can see
The 'Boffins' who work in white coats, secretly
MI6 sniffed around
And Susie was found
Then Pressed into service as their new WMD
Collaboration with Rob Bettridge
passing the city limits you can see how
others (the poor) live and die; their scrabbling
for rotten turnip, disturbs the fresh earth, their smell
pervades the air: passing the city limits brings home
the effect of the third great war; disease,autocracy, poverty
and greed of course ( never off limits). there are no wateralls
there, only sandpits with voracious weeds, planted there by
unknowing small birds and other creatures, keen to stake their
claim: but if they had language wouldn’t they shout in keen discourse
”Up with the new order!” or “Down with the new!”… that’s supposing
they had a larynx or two?
Peter Lewis Holmes 2/8/15 for contest... Limits
In the base motor pool
See an off-limits card school-
A scheming Bilko takes the pot
Hoodwinking top brass was his game,
Fast talking his claim to fame.
Brian Strand Rhyme me an olf TV show-Sergeant Bilko
BITTEN
script meant to be breaking
look at her lips
dried spit
prescriptions she's taking
ABUSE
refused to drape pages of her dictionary
barely coherent
glaring down the barrel of scary
HOSPITAL
doctor hopping non stopping
flop house drop out
promethazine shopping
Little's off limits
when spending for a fix
resembles chicks kickin' it
in ***** flicks
GROAN
gripping brand new afflictions
contradiction slips in
feeding needy addictions
BAGS
dark circles under eyes
hurriedly she scurries
lures 'em in
WITH
powder and lies
NIGHT
simile for syringe
when fun packs it in
pouting begins
just as the binge ends
SHAMELESS
mosquito suck
she bites what's sweet
for a crisp fifty
gets on her knees
and gives you
something neat
Bitten script
meant to be breaking
take in love
the sum of her faking
She's no longer in trouble
but the definition of trouble
run away baby
don't make it double. >
©2014 ~JSL PoetTreez Publishing
When I was in pigtails, years younger than him,
my big brother’s bedroom was filled to the brim
New comic books, from the small corner store
would light up his eyes, from the ceiling to floor
Every nickel or dime, that he earned doing chores
would be spent for the latest. A hundred or more
My brother, the neat freak, a geek,... I would say
would sort them, like treasures, kept neatly in bins
His room was off limits, from small grubby, hands
I was given such warnings, or my life was to end
Of course, in ignoring….the rules I would bend...
I loved, most, the skin-flint (That old duck that quacked!)
I'm not talking Donald, in the blue sailor suit
I'd choose Uncle Scrooge, holding big sacks of loot !
Perhaps because my brother, was a bit like that duck
A skin-flint with comics….he hoarded his stacks!
I never dared touch them, or war would be waged
Dread if I tore one, or bent just a page!
But there came on that day, that I'll never forget
My birthday arrived, almost eight, I would bet
I woke in surprise, for at the foot of my bed
Boxes of comics....a present he said
My “Big Brother, Scrooge”, with his heart so divine
Had given me love, of the comical kind !
$ $ $ $ $ $
True Story!
__________________________________________________
For Contest: Comic Book Characters
Sponsored by Shadow Hamilton
Revised 5/29/15
Dorothy and Toto went skipping
the Yellow Brick Road(she was tripping).
She had just smoked a joint--
getting high was the point--
and now she was bent on some stripping.
She thought that old scarecrow looked easy
(he'd be a good score easy-peasy).
She tripped on her slippers,
her gingham went rippers,
the scarecrow asked, “Up for a threesy?”
Now Dorothy said, “You've got nerve.
My dog is off limits, you perv!
Plus you see I'm a mess
with torn gingham, no less.
I don't seem to have the same verve.”
She managed to rise from the bricks.
Oh great, she thought. Lost in the sticks!
And her new ruby pumps
had just taken some lumps.
I hope Oz does a **** shoe fix.
“I've got a head bump from the twister,
so keep a good distance there, Mister.
My Toto's a killer,
he bite off your tiller
and all you'll have left is a blister.”
Dale Gregory Cozart
"They got it wrong", tin man said with a sigh
"Ten should be spelled with and e, not an I,"
"So here's a new plan,"
"Hook up with Ten man"
"On my bucket list you're very high!"
Pat Adams
Poor tin man’s willy was rusty
When aroused he’s feeling quite lusty
Dot gives him a greasing
His passion’s unceasing
Especially as Dot is so busty
Jan Allison
Feel free to join in. Soup mail me. More stanzas coming later.
What provides comedians the gift of speech
uncensored with lessons that teach?
Their open mindedness provoking ease
undeterred to speak as they please.
How easily the comedic commentary flows
to places typical populace dare not go
and those few who do
too easily are declared hatred spewed.
I cannot judge, it is not my place
and it stares me in the face.
that history can be lost
at freedoms repeated cost.
Today there are so many points off limits
words not to say in any scrimmage;
should they slip out no matter how you pretend
they are deemed words none dare defend;
unless -
race, gender or personage might use them
it's understood, they are free to abuse them.
I'm not prejudiced, no, really I'm not
but every now and then I have to question saying
WHAT? -
some random thought emerges
with a hint of deceptive questioning surges
Can't I reason and ponder
without fear I am on the brink
of vocalizing what I might think.
Comedic relief displays,
the hidden prejudice revealed in wordplay;
for blacks to say the N word is okay and accepted
but for the whites it is hatred protected;
while LBGT communities seek unity
others are not allowed displeasured scrutiny;
your religion is blind faith for Muslim and Jew
should you practice in this state if it's not my view?
how often is it true
that what we say is not what we always do.
Indeed, there are those
who speak hatred in their prose
but not everyone is afraid
to say that freedom is a sharpened blade.
Freedom of speech, the right to bear arms,
Freedom of religion without harm;
the Bill of Rights fought and well payed
too easily fades away on the paper frayed.
George Carlin revealed it all so well
surely those thoughts and images, could not send us all to hell.
“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low
and settled for very little.”
She scours the globe
With a culturally diverse appetite
Her lustful journey
Juan…Vino…Butch…Jacque...Rami...Pierre
No country is off limits
No country is safe
Her lustful journey
*For David's Dish contest