Best Huffed Poems
Was it real or in a dream
Wizards and kings, chocolate ice cream
Dinosaurs roamed from early morn
Flying zebras and a unicorn
Dancing in the sky from star to star
Travel the universe in a flying car
Make believe ship manned by pirates and thieves
And a tree that was covered with spearmint leaves
No one cared about silver or gold
We were children again who would never grow old
There was a horse in the field talking to a mule
My cat said horses can't talk, don't be a fool
I told my cat that the prince once was a frog
A firefly whispered your cat once was a dog
The earth began rumbling but I took it in stride
I just jumped on my rug for a magic carpet ride
I stopped on a mountain when I reached the peak
A polar bear asked me whom do you seek
I reached for the bear and he began to smoke
Then a penguin stopped by and told me a joke
I flew back to earth when I heard a bell toll
As fate would have it, I ran into a troll
He huffed and he puffed and smiled and said
Come have a conversation with my talking head
The head was a monster but I wasn't afraid
He said I'm getting a body as soon as I get paid
Then I walked down a road that was red and yellow
I noticed the shrubs were made of strawberry jello
Suddenly a space ship landed from out of the sky
In a field that was filled with banana cream pie
This may be hard to believe but i swear that it's true
As sure as my skin is green and my hair is blue.
Jim, now rich, bought a wee li’l islet;
there he lived, with ten men and a starlet.
Changed his partner each day,
heaved and huffed till they say,
the islet is now, the town named Scarlet.
---------------------------------------------
The story's not over, he's not decadent.
Send away the men, he just simply can’t;
they built the town housing,
the roads and some building
for starlet Scarlet, whom the islet was meant.
21 April 2015
Humorous Poetry Contest - 4th Place
Sponsor : Thomas Martin
Miss Muffet sat upon a velvet stool
I know 'twas a tuffet; learned that in school
But Muffy was the tart
Who broke the spider's heart
I'm telling the story, so shut up, fool!
Humpty Dumpty had no wisdom at all
That stupid raw egg sat upon a wall
Tempting luck, he gambled
Kerplunk...he got scrambled
Oh what dire fate for an egg to befall
Robbie Rabbit had a fly on his head
It flitted to his tongue where it fell dead
Robbie's halitosis
Was a bad neurosis
He was banished before allowed to spread
The scoop on gardener, Mary Mary
Is she liked to sip Bristol creme sherry
Her tummy was growing
Pregnancy was showing
The dad? Tom, Dick, Harry; maybe Jerry
Jill followed Jack up that hill on a whim
She thought he was cheating on her with Kim
The buxom preacher's daughter
Jill was jailed for slaughter
She beat both of them with Jack's bloody limb
Such a bad little boy was Jack Horner
Spent many hours in the time out corner
Jack was dumber than dumb
Ate plum pie with his thumb
Wagged his purple tongue at each laughing scorner
There was a speedy racer, called the hare
He was so fast, thought he'd have time to spare
The tortoise whooped his butt
The hare shouted some smut
I won't repeat it. No way I'm going there!
I read the tale about Cinderella
Who went to a ball to snag a fella
Bippity boppity boo
She ran off and lost a shoe
And stepped in some sticky mozzarella
Hey, where are ya going, Baa Baa, black sheep
Leaving your meadow, Master, you're a creep
You sheared off my wool
Tired of your bull
I'm joining the herd of Little Bo Peep
Three oinkers built houses with diverse ideas
Straw and sticks? Those guys drank too many beers
The bad wolf huffed and puffed
Piggy three had him handcuffed
The bricker was much shrewder than his peers
"Look what they've done to my song, Ma" ~ Melanie Saftka
Act I – Pie (One bright morning)
my muse just wants pie
I huffed, “Okay, give it a try.”
Pies begin with precision,
lovely decision.
I crave a treat, a sweet delight
one that brings a smile and makes my morning bright.
The popular apple and blackberry pie
Ah, just the thought makes me sigh.
Act 2 II – Ice-cream (Two hours later, on a yummy Sundae afternoon)
what fancy leads me on to dream
of sugar plums in frozen cream
I drool o'er yummy ice cream on my tongue
Thoughts of the tasty dish makes me so long
Betwixt lucky lips my eager tongue licks
A mouth watering afternoon dish fix
With a chuckle, he swore,
"I’ll just eat one more”.
Like any family, mine’s the same, they leave Mama with the dirty Chores.
You’d think with Trolls, and Dragons, and such… There’d be magic galore!
But I concede defeat at Pooper Scooping Time, my sons taught everyone well.
You’d think just once, they wouldn’t run away, with such a humongous bombshell.
The Witch next door is out of town; she usually uses it to fertilize her yard.
Her magic does it in a minute flat, but she’s not here, as my yard becomes marred.
She flew on vacation with the first snowfall; in spring she’ll help my backyard.
In the meantime it’s just little old me… It’s like cleaning out a yucky stockyard.
So I gave a shovel to a grouchy old Dragon, since he’s so big and does so much.
But I came back fricasseed and charbroiled, my shovel totally melted, as such.
I put on my fire retardant suit, and I gave him a special spot where he can unload.
Apparently he didn’t like that either, as I dug out from under a humongous load.
Finally, raking it all up, I ask the dragon, to make cinders of the yucky stuff.
Instead he laughed as he huffed and puffed, blowing smoke at me, in a huff.
I smelled kinda bad as I went to the house, getting a cart to fill to the brim.
I’ll admit, getting mad at a dragon was never a good idea, to originally begin.
But I was pissed, as it looked like rain, and my mind was beginning to spin.
I filled the cart to overflowing, then tied it to the sleeping dragon’s… butt end.
When he woke up, he flew half way up to the moon, spreading it on the wind.
Unfortunately it was me, my yard, and my house, that finally got it again.
Who knows where that darned old cart now lies, as he came flying back alone.
I had learned my lesson that it would never be wise to lose my temper again.
So as the rain began to wash my folly away, I looked up and kissed the rain.
Sometimes it’s prudent, to just relax, and get in touch with the elements again.
Being the infant
that you were,
there you sat;
hunched knees
and settle butt looking
with piercing eyes
reflecting stand-off thoughts
as you huffed and puffed.
Like a water pump
pumping out,
your lungs pumped in
balancing the nature of life.
In your emerald grey
and black polka-dotted sheen
your thinking eyes
momentarily pondered
my raised foot;
you flashed a broad smile
and suddenly hopped away...
leaving me innocent
of a crime of ignorance
of nature:
Later in the night
your croaking echoes flowed
into the empty vase of my ears.
"Must you always rhyme?",said he.
"Must you be a show-off?",said she.
"Each comment a grand show of your jocularity,"she huffed.
"Ah, you are just so jealous,"he puffed
"Not really,"said she' with serenity.
"I just know you are capable of sonnetry."
"But instead,lazily you pen footies,"
Hardly sourced from the great Muses!
July 22, 2020
8:15 am PST
https://medium.com/@christylrivers/are-you-for-real-b892f0d16d87
Everything that is real to human beings
Is not so real anymore
We invented money and gods and robots and twitter-feeds
We sit behind a blue glow
Wondering where we are.
Or are we, at all?
Were we?
We were. There. East Africa?—?maps are real?—?
Because we dragged lines in dust,
Then made them from trees,
Then electrons
We collected mind pixels,
(a made-up word, like thoughts)
We abstracted those bits,
Into symbols, into shapes, into policy
Then we asked
Where did the sky go?
Once…
Gods and goddesses, centaurs and dragons
Swirled above, spiraled into heads and hearts.
Around our campfires
Bears grumbled, lions haunted, elephants huffed
Until we borrowed some sparks, blew them into the dark
Then. We emerged with those sparks tell each other stories
Like the one you are reading now.
https://medium.com/@christylrivers/are-you-for-real-b892f0d16d87
A poetess thought she was such unique, hot stuff.
Disposed was she, to writing in the buff!
"What's so wrong with that" she huffed.
I told her unequivocally, in friendly puffs:
"Doing that, in your front window is arrestable,plain, dumb, stuff!"
2/23/2021
~2~
center>Flurries swayed on brocade of her white gown
'Twas Christmas eve...year twenty o' nine's frost nips;
A face gleamed as ribbons wrapped around
on spray of orchids clutched by fingertips.
She paced a walk along the chapel aisle,
Rhapsody of music hummed of new life
While he...ordained by fate, parted a smile
Exchanging oaths so warm, man to housewife.
The hallway roused with cheer and merriment
December groom held spouse for rounds of waltz
And best man huffed, “Jill , don’t nag for the rent ;
Sean, always laugh at her jokes with applause.”
Five moons after, a child with her back turned
Lifted wrappers from toy-bouquets, mid- air,
'Twas Christmas... their daughter's flushed grin confirmed
The past magic of wedded bliss; love’s flair!
The farmer said to the cow
Be quiet you old sow
To which she replied
I am not a pig, I am a mooing cow!
He looked at her mockingly
Saying "That is yet to be determined"
She huffed and puffed as he called the butcher.
Whether she was a cow, or a pig or even a one legged chicken
She is now the silent one.
For on the table she sits
A rightful dish along with the haggis
The Fox shall enjoy his menu de la soir
Roasted and basted
Merry Christmas to one and all!
I ONCE MET A MAN IN ****
WHO’S TOOL WAS BIGGER THAN CORN
NO TWITTER NOR BLOG
THEY CALLED HIM HEDGEHOG
HE HUFFED PUFFED AND BLEW HIS OWN HORN
Hey, what's your number?....,
.....,I'll call you.
Anyways, here's my story,.....
Twice down off the steps, I fell
cause of my flyer mileages
in a two fars, one near, four rights
then touch your nose, place.
Lived, a wise ass owl
in a town called Whoville
near the mooning cow
were spoon and fork
pitched a business plan
to go missionary.
One day, Jack and Gretel
asked a Who villager
where is Hansel and Jill?
the villager said, "Who?"
Kinda, sort of like
the dish orbiting away from the satellite
big red made it the to neighborhood
in a Jesus Chrysler convertible
with gum stuck on the bottom.
Also, Humpty Dumpty is actually
an ostrich that hasn't hatched yet
the piper packed some sea shells
Granny goose huffed and puffed
ginger taste like garlic bread
and Miss Piggy stayed in bed
because Kermit the frog
never made it back from china.
Can a mustard say,.....
.....,more ketchup, please?
On Rudolph, to the next,.....
Jack and Gretel found the inn
made their way to the lobby
we're they saw the owl
smoking worms
and sipping tree sap.
They asked the owl
where is Hansel and Jill?
the owl said, "Who who, whoopee do....,
they rented room and you should, too!"
There's no such thing as fairies.
Lion the mighty king
Stood shaking his mighty mane
The tiger patiently slept
Guarding his extreme right
Elusive Amazonian jaguar
Licked his paws in salute
The leopard kneeled in front
Smiling a sly smile
Black panther flashed his teeth
Glaring at the top spot
The cheetah huffed and puffed
Ready to resume the charge
The predatory gleam rose
In the caracal’s eyes
The ocelot ate its meal
Unaware of the completion
The puma jumped forth
Ready for the next round
But the best ever title
Went to my cat Prittle
Three Pigs
by Melanie D Palmer
There were three pigs.
One was rich and had common sense.
The middle one was poor and dense,
Youngest one was book smart with a bit o scense (common sense & cents).
Smart pig built a house made from bricks,
Stood out more then the others.
Middle pig made house from hay,
He was dumb, they stayed away from one another.
The youngest looked in the book, made his outta sticks.
He was book smart, but no sense like his older brother
The neighbor, was sly as a fox.
He was a wolf with tricks up his sleeve.
His wife got mad,
Finally told him to leave.
She got tired of him not being responsible,
Only wanted to hang out with his pet peeve.
He decided to hang out in the woods,
Began to snoop around.
On his face was a smile,
Certainly not a frown.
He was dressed like a girl,
Wearing a beautiful night gown.
He went to the youngest pig's house.
Asked to enter his door.
Pig said, "get out of here!"
"I've seen you somewhere before."
Wolf decided to not waste hs breath,
Took a match and lit the sticks.
Pig could see him standing there, licking his lips.
Ran to the dumb brothers home.
He opened the door, his brother was alone.
The wolf said, "let me in to visit."
"I am the neighbor you've known."
Took a match and lit the house.
They ran to their smart brother with a skip and a hop.
The wolf huffed and puffed said, "forget it."
Climbed to the chimney and down he dropped.
They were cooking veggie soup,
He dropped into the pot.
Now he didn't have to go to the store,
Waited to eat, until it was nice and hot.
They went to tell his old lady he was dead.
She said, "oh well, I am much farther ahead."
THE END