Best Half Price Poems
Awoke with a feeling of deflation
The razzamatazz is over pressie’s given
Then a thought arouses me with a smile
Whilst the men watch the sport on this boxing day
A few cans in reach
We females can hit the sales with parking queues for a mile
Like a rugby match the people snatch and run
So much on offer, it’s all in the fun
You don’t try it you buy it cos it’s less than half price
A bargain is a bargain , wouldn’t usually look twice
You go home laden with things you know you’ll return
Was a bargain yet not quite what you yearn
Wearily you slip off your shoes with a big yawn
Food’s in the kitchen, help yourself, this maid is tooo worn
Been a wonderful day, so different from Christmas
Yet they both need each other to emphasise the past
In an hundred years...
Everything around us will be changed,
And everybody will be dead,
Yet, something will continue...
Will it be, as my radical leftist brother predicts,
The final takedown of Western Civilization?
Will we all rise to pray and face east?
Will we all rise and face nothing but a cup of sustainably-grown coffee?
Will the common people be able to afford coffee?
What will have become of our words, penned
sometimes in ink,
sometimes in blood?
Who will still read us?
Will our great-grandchildren show old, unrotatable, digital photos?
What of those of us who have no children? Will our words survive, even a generation?
Will our poetry be sold, half-price, or clearance?
What footprints will we have left, who built no buildings, saved no lives, ended no tyranny?
Yet, I think we will survive for a generation or two,
For there are always a few who hope to feel something,
To know the grounding reality of shared human experience.
I do not pretend, they will be reading ME,
But, perhaps,
They will be reading US...
That shrinking crowd that comprises the body of
Our words made corporeal,
And one or two of us, they will remember...
I hope for nothing better than a sea,
And quiet waves that bear away once-me...
One day while fishing Noah feels a tug upon his rod,
“I think I’ve caught a fish!” he yells, “Please, let it be a cod!”
He pulls his rod and reels his line to see what’s on the hook.
Then leans towards the sea so he can get a better look.
With wild excitement Noah peers to see what’s in the sea,
Then drops his tackle with a start, and turns around to flee.
The biggest shark that Noah’s ever seen is on the line,
It’s thrashing, pulling, chomping, chewing hard on Noah’s twine.
“Hey! You up there, how dare you! What on earth d’you think you’re doing?
Let me go at once or I promise you, this day you will be ruing!
I’ll beat you soundly; hard enough your eyes will soon be popping.
Now let me go so I can swim and get back to my shopping."
“Sharks don’t shop!” said Noah, “you just swim around and fight.
And when I’m swimming with my friends you give us all a fright.
We’re scared and try to run away but you guys bite our legs,"
Says the shark "I'm shopping, honestly. Look, here's a dozen eggs.
And here's a nice new dress I found. I think it will look nice
With these red boots from Dover Soles. I bought them at half price.
What about this perfume? Take a sniff it's Chanel 5.
Do you like it? Try some on your wrist. It makes me feel alive!"
So Noah holds his arm out to receive a squirt of scent.
And the shark bites through his elbow just right where his arm is bent.
"You rotter!" Noah screams, "you ate my arm, oh why, oh why?"
"All that shopping made me hungry" says the shark, "so long, goodbye!"
The usual tat overflows on the shelves
Such items we’d never buy for ourselves
Chocolate hearts wrapped in shiny red plastic
At a seven pounds each the prices are drastic!
A fluffy teddy bear that’s clutching a heart
It reads ‘Darling I love you, we’ll never part’
Sexy underwear that’s so uncomfy to wear
With so little fabric you’re practically bare!
Deep in his wallet a man has to delve
For single red roses or bouquets of twelve
The shop keepers know that men have to buy
So on Valentine's Day the price goes sky high
The price of love escalates just on one day....
I'm a Valentine's cynic that's all I will say!
Inspired after seeing half price Valentine's 'tat' in the shops today!
2/17/18
Nose pressed flat upto the glass,
Pockets tinkling full of brass;
Oblong jars,row on row
Candy -filled,to over flow.
Mintoes,chews and Pontefract cakes,
Limes and milk chocolate flakes;
Jelly beans and sweet love-hearts,
A few of each ,just to start.
Toffee whirls and butterscotch,
Long liquorice laces,all top-notch;
Aniseed balls,French bonbons,
Available now without coupons.
Sugared almonds and white mice,
Vanilla fudge,a penny a slice!
Just for starters a chocolate ice,
As it's going at half-price.
Barley sugar and a sherbert straw,
The shop bell tinkles as I close the door;
Is that the time! I'll have to skate,
Back into school,I can't be late.
IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO WEAR PINK
I went to Belk -- they had a sale
It seems they always do
They had men's shirts -- buy one
Then for half price, another two
I bought a button-down oxford
A pretty solid blue
Then I had to make a decision
On the color for the other two
Should I get a plaid
And perhaps a stripe
Maybe choose another solid
Or perhaps get one of white
So I began to stop and think
Back to my teenage days
Of the combination of grey and pink
That really was the craze
But now that I am seventy
What will people say
When I show up in a shirt of pink
And a tie of pink and grey
Then the thought occurred to me
Why worry what others think
Be bold, stand tall, smile and say
It takes a real man to wear pink
A Partridge perched upon a tree
entices him to throw something!
When songbirds sing and flap their wings
two turtle doves, cause headache pain.
Those mocking words, thread-worn with wear.
remind him of the dollars spent.
Defeat caves in, ... the thought of debt!
He bends his head to shield his face,
and steps upon the curb, to brace
against the mob, against the throng,
against long lines in shopping malls
He watches herds with purses out,
who attack the narrow aisles and park.
Chagrins at purpose, poised, embarked
They're mad! They charge like Joans of Arc!
No one pays him time of day
He feels the sting of frostbit cheer
and leans beneath the canopy
The sales are lit, with half-price tease
and gaggled geese attack with glee!
Pure instinct guides, their goal is keen
Gifts supreme, they seek and find!
He wonders, as they claim their prize,
if what they buy, and dollars leaked
will gratify their kin, divined?
With weighty burdens in their hands
and dollars spent from sun to sun,
he waits until his wife is done.
This madness took her far away
within the glass enclosed array
of Jingle Bells and money spilled,
of trinkets, socks and Visa bills
His feet are sore, a wrinkled coat,
unruly hair,... it glistens now,
With cheeks of red, he steels his breath.
Forefathers did, before their death!
Entrenched in snow beneath his feet,
his stomach growls, he begs to quit
He watches from the window glass.
A check-out line!! She's close!!! ...... At last!!
She's almost done, her purchase won!!
She grins as if she's fetched the best!
The smile she wears, he catches fast
And makes it worth the weary quest!
Nose pressed flat upto the glass,
Pockets tinkling full of brass;
Oblong jars,row on row
Candy -filled,to over flow.
Mintoes,chews and Pontefract cakes,
Limes and milk chocolate flakes;
Jelly beans and sweet love-hearts,
A few of each ,just to start.
Toffee whirls and butterscotch,
Long liquorice laces,all top-notch;
Aniseed balls,French bonbons,
Available now without coupons.
Sugared almonds and white mice,
Vanilla fudge,a penny a slice!
Just for starters a chocolate ice,
As it's going at half-price.
Barley sugar and a sherbert straw,
The shop bell tinkles as I close the door;
Is that th time! I'll have to skate,
Back into school,I can't be late.
The time has come for me to say goodbye forever
I am not brilliant at expressing my emotions
But in the words of ‘Sealion Dion’ ….
‘I will always love you’
If you check in the filing cabinet
You will find my portfolio of shares
I have kept the Woolworth's certificate it may be valuable
They may resurface one day ….
That’s the wonder of Woolies!
If you ever need a new sofa…. don’t forget these immortal words
The DFS Half Price Sale starts at 10am on Boxing Day!
Contest:- My Parting Gifts
Sponsor:- Viv Wigley
02~06~16
Come and buy
Fruits and vegetables from own garden
Best quality and most inexpensive items
Apples, Oranges, Bananas, Onions, Carrots and Potatos
Purchasers of my goods, I will give you some Plums for free
Come and buy from me
I have all the herbs you can imagine
Anise, Basil, Tarragon, Thyme, Coriander, Oregano,
Parsley, Rosemary, Cinnamon and Saffron
Fell how good it smells .......
If you wish, you may well get a taste
Come and buy
Here is the "real" goods for a cheap price
Adidas, Diesel, Bjorn Borg, Lacoste, Nike,
Jack & Jones, Gabba and Hugo Boss
Yes, the "real" goods and top quality
Try one as well, I will find a perfect fit for you
Come and buy from me
You need to buy one for your loved one
"Real gold and precious beautiful stones"
Beautiful work and see who it shines in the sun light
If you buy one you get the second for half price
Cheap, cheap .... What would you pay?
Give me a price you will pay...
So we`ll probably agree
Come and buy...... Cheap, cheap....
Turkey 04.04.2012
A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
For sale a bunch of fine unused words, many misspelled
Poet can’t uses them; mind is on strike, the pen has been stilled
These words never used for they never quite seemed to fit
Got them online; advertisement said they were a complete poetry kit
Can’t send them back because I did use a few; the remainder unused
Selling at half price; many are funny words which will leave you amused
Love
I see it piled sky high on the supermarket shelves
Perfect pink packaging containing calorific chocolates and cute cuddly toys,
seductive scents or sexy silk underwear
Slushy Valentine’s cards with ridiculous romantic rhymes
Stick on a cardboard heart and it's not just the vendor who is smiling!
A sea of red roses that stretches as far as the eye can see
Notice how the prices inflate higher than a helium 'I Love You' balloon
Yet on 15th February everything will be half price
Is this the price of true love or am I just a cynic?
Valentine Shmalentine Contest
Sponsored by Nicola Byrne
01~20~17
The ones they don't want,
the ones no longer needed...
are stuffed by senders, inside pretty balloons.
Blown up, then sold at half price to the breeze.
Their paths zigzagging crazily.
Some are found impaled on fences.
Others are bound for the holy grate.
Some are never found.
Others float gently back onto the concrete lap of the sender.
Asking through rubber lips and broken teeth,
"Was it all just a lavender lesson or just a black accident"?
In silence the senders perch,
replace all eyes with the eulogy of blackbirds.
Preparing another balloon to send them off ...again.
I guess that is their answer.
Her Cheekbones, smooth as pebbles
Grasped tightly in his sexed up hand, sweating indelicately
Resembling that night the thoughts between the sheets were conceived
Weighing like soaked white carpets
Beneath flea market stands
She Is Beautiful, she is beautiful
Belladonna, noxious
Dusty eyes and wavy hair
Neruda book shoveled away somewhere deep
Inside her closet full of chewed up bones
Illumination, dying in Latin never seemed like
A juxtaposition before the closing of the soul
At least his eyes are a Cambridge blue
Jazz muted in Mortality sings on dangling participles leaking out
From the saxophone
What is that worth?
Thick waist, hourglass coke-a-cola
Mama-sita, mira mira
Lolita-like N.Y.M.P.H.O.ed up eyelashes
Coating tears with manufactured glob
Somebody put in a bottle
The higher your skirt the more your face value
Goes up, up, up pass the mystery between monogyny and the thighs
Right between the slit ice
Like Mmmm, and he slides past the first three bases
Oooh Girl you look so good in those Six Inch Heels
What is it worth,
to throw away your
Worth
For a toaster oven and a washed up guy sitting on your back porch
Scratching his head waiting to be given a pardon for his misdeeds
While American Media stole him away
And blamed it on the graffiti on the Church Walls when it was really
Hipshot for the Hip-Hop , This shameless act of cytotoxicity
when it was really
The Devil trying to slow dance with the pretty girl behind the stage
Eyes that lie time after time and are almond shaped but see no further
Then 6 feet deep and a saxe blue sky
Baby girl, on auction in the club
(Going once, going twice, it’s okay we’ll sell her half price!)
Like a slave, a sycophant child to some sick twisted game
Dancing in the Matrix style of killing the clock
Biting off the hands, to chew them up, spit them out
To pretend like the world isn’t ending over our heads
Seven kids, bloated waist, waitress fingers and lips
Smile, Misfortune dotes on you, Lucky One
What are you going to do when your looks run out?
Heyyy girl, what’s your face value?
The Single Girls Valentines Day
( or ...We Love the 15th)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
February has now arrived,
hearts and flowers everywhere.
Valentine's Day will be here soon.
The day for loving couples to share.
But for singles ladies like this one
it's an annoying sight to see
those sappy ads and commercials
they bombard us with on T.V.
So Valentine's Day again this year
will be movie night for me and the cat.
Just nothing about love and romance.
I think I'll just boycott that.
The fifteenth is our holiday
when all the chocolate is marked half price.
On the fourteenth we may be lonely
but the fifteenth is pretty nice.
01/02/2017
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