Best Hairdressers Poems
There's a little town in Ouyen Vic.'' Under 1200 people so
I'll tell you bout aspects; of it sort'a quick!
There's Clarys slate bush etching, in three d real fine.!
And a little hairdressers that comes to mind.?
The conveniance store.' And theres some more.!
Like the old English banknotes found under
Its timber hall floor.' Also Kingdon chickens thats out a bit'
Where I worked a time 'come to think of it?' There
Was that pet Emu..Dang! I've forgot its name?
It would steal your food, just take it plain.' Away
From your hand, on the way to your mouth!!
Maybe thats the reason i left the South? I reckon
I'll get back there one of these days..And lay a
A fresh sandwich upon that old birds grave.!
So much for my ideas of slowing down,
Taking it easy just sitting watching TV.
I moved to a peaceful seaside town,
Since then I have found a few things occupy me.
I play bridge at least three times every week,
Read poems with a group on Thursday afternoons,
For extra fun I can find anything I seek
And I can write about it and put it to tunes.
On Tuesday mornings I see my four men
In the U3A song writing group that I run.
They compose their music on my key board and then
I write some words and another song has begun.
The women visit Fridays. We have fun,
Writing rhymes, banging bongos, blow didgeridoos,
Each week there are many things waiting to be done
Bells to shake, guitars to play, so much to choose.
Hairdressers, library, lots of jigsaws to do,
Trips to town, trips to do weekly shopping,
Mah-jong, Scrabble, flower arranging, cooking too,
Tea dances, line dancing from foot to foot hopping.
Each week at the local coffee morning
I get to hear about all that is being planned,
There’s knitting, card making, keep fit and it’s dawning
NO TIME FOR TV I’m too busy, understand!
Girls always shopping for a new dress,
Painting their nails to look their best,
In front of the mirror putting make-up on,
At the hairdressers getting it done,
I think they all need a good rest.
Dear Lord, I’d love to meet you. I’ll just check my diary now
To see when it’s convenient, so I can squeeze you in somehow.
Oh dear, it seems on Monday night I won’t be free.
I’ve made a new acquaintance, who has invited me for tea.
On Tuesday, I’ll be at the hairdressers fixing a new style.
So I’m afraid that day won’t do, ‘cause my hair might take a while.
I can pencil you in on Wednesday between twelve and one.
But I’m conscious that my meeting may go on and on and on.
Ah, Thursday might be better, but it’s very, very tight.
I’ll be preparing a meal for friends coming over that night.
Friday is not looking good; I’ve a report that needs completing
And after that, I apologise, I’ve booked another meeting.
Saturday is family day; and we have so many things planned.
You know how family is important; I’m sure you’ll understand.
Since I’m going to church on Sunday, I’m sure I’ll meet you there.
I guess we can catch up between the worship and the prayer.
But right now Lord, I’ve got to dash, I have no time to speak.
So hopefully we’ll rearrange and attempt to meet next week!
©E.E.Ogbeta
Stereotypes
Black people all have rhythm and are good at basketball
Not a single blond in the world has any brains at all
Englishmen have bad teeth and Mexicans are lazy
And if you think the Dutch aren’t cheap, certainly you’re crazy
All Chinese are bad drivers, and hairdressers are gay
Consensus is that Irishmen get plastered every day
Construction workers are all fat from eating too much dinner
Korean people eat doggy meat trying to get thinner
All athletes have large muscles in between their ears
Italians run the Mafia; at least it so appears
Jews don’t pay retail and they all have giant noses
All teenagers are rebels, everyone supposes
All the French are rude, and Poles aren’t very bright
And Hawaiians hit their surfboards long into the night
Asians all have high IQ’s, and Germans are efficient
Nowhere is there a doctor whose judgment is deficient
All Arabs support terror, and Latins make great lovers
All Navahos snort firewater underneath their covers
Every single homeless person’s on welfare ‘cause he’s needy
And try to find a politician who isn’t mean and greedy
All people who are fat have a tendency to be jolly
And women are bad drivers; you can count on it by golly
Lawyers are out to cheat you, as a rule of thumb
But most of all, don’t you think that stereotypes are dumb
** Apologies for anyone unfamiliar with the metaphors used, they're quite British ***
Most people in life work for someone
as all the statistics have shown
but I thought I'd go out and start up by myself
as an entrepreneur, go it alone.
My radio shop called in the receivers,
someone got in and all the stock stole,
so I switched to creating a unique shampoo
but that all went down the plug hole.
I started a wallpaper business
but that quickly went to the wall
My pet grooming venture has gone to the dogs
And my parachute school took a fall.
My submarine business went under,
my brake shoe shop, that hit the skids,
the paper shop folded, boat builder ran aground
but I wasn't surprised when it did.
The detergent idea is all washed up,
and my driving instructor school crashed,
my water filtration is in liquidation
and dustbin cleaning business got trashed.
My hairdressers, that came a cropper,
I thought that would do well the most,
then my skills as a medium,
nobody did need 'em,
and that has now given up the ghost.
My last chance is growing tobacco,
as that should appeal to some folk,
it does sound quite appealing,
but I have a bad feeling
that the whole thing will go up in smoke.
Would I change from a girl, and give up all my curls?
Would I quit wearing dresses, stop paying hairdressers?
Change places with him? Be a “he”, not a “she”?
Be a guy? Would I buy it?…For awhile I might try it!
I’d rise in the morning, shave off my stubble
Put on some clothes, no need for much trouble,
No lipsticks, or makeup, no blushes, nor creams.
What should I wear?….Just a shirt that is clean
I would wiggle my toes, discard panty hose!
Buy me some boots, holler and hoot
Own handyman tools, love my Lazyboy throne
Where I'll watch all the games, claim the remote
If I want to be cool, cigars too, I’ll smoke!
I could slurp eating soup,
then burp like a guy, and wear a toupee, unless I go gray!
If there’s gray at my temples, distinguished, ….how simple!!
Instead of Miss Clairol, I'll use a Gillette
Hold in my belly, and puff out my chest
Whistle, and flirt, at young girls in short skirts!
I would eat steak and fries and a big piece of pie!
Not stress over size, of my hips or my thighs!
I won’t drink tea so dainty, out of cups filled half empty
No tantrums or tears, just a beer with the guys!
Start a fight just to try it, get a punch in the eye!
If I pout, they won’t buy it, if the girl in me cries out!
Well, I gave it a whirl…I was a guy in my dreams
A dream that I had? Or a nightmare gone bad?
I’m glad I'm awake..and the switch I WON'T make!!
I woke up as a girl, it's not as bad as it seemed!
(Apologies to all the fine gentlemen out there!)
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each one
a diamond in a jeweler's box
a planet unto itself
the seahorse planet
the clown fish kingdom
the eels hideaway
the deep
features a godiva
box of chocolates
it was
hilarious the way
they go on invisible highways
a community of barbers
doctors, hairdressers, cops
and children at play
People often say now I understand
When they hear that I'm from Paree
Not Gay Paree silly, but redneck
In the heart of Tennessee
I am the newest style of hairdressers
Here to lay out all the facts
I no longer work on the tops of heads
But straight out of the pits
It all happened when I got bored
With the every day to day
Trimming of the head left me feeling dead
That's when it hit me..."Underarm Braid"
That right there was my life saver
That right there was my turn around
If it didn't make me world famous
At least it did on this side of town
Now people come from as far as Nashville
To have their underarms done
I even gave a left and right pit Mohawk
To the Governor's daughter and son
What? Did you think I only braided?
There's so much more that I can do
Just ask the Punk Rock Chick's that wait in line
To have their armpits colored blue
My older clientele have let there hair grow out
Since it is they learned
I'm now specializing in for both women and men
Their favorite sets and perms
So feel the freedom of the pits
That hippie chicks have long since known
Here at Michael's Salon Of Pits
We'll do something special with that growth
Oh bother I look like a badger
and I do not have any hair dye,
But I’ve discovered the perfect product
on its coverage you can always rely
It’s a temporary spray on hair colour
believe me it really is a godsend
as my hairdressers closed cos of covid
and it’s driving me right round the bend!
I shake the can for about 30 seconds
as the mixture’s in need of a mix
then spray it onto my grey parting
my hair’s fixed in a couple of clicks!
If your hair‘s in-between a colour
please take notice of my handy tip
buy a spray on temporary colour
to remove your silver landing strip!
For my sweet on line friend Sundae
05/19/20
Winter has arrived for a treatment and later makes a grand entrance at the
hairdressers.
At home,forged metal, molten metal ,blacksmith hammering a horseshoe.
Quicksilver mercury smooth metal etched and inlayed with black enamel
Straw bale for pillows, candles for lighting illuminating dried sage fumes.
Family crest on metal armour , heavy metal armour etched with all over design.
Clip-clop , clip-clop your chariot has arrived with footman unrolling the steps.
We're off to lunch at the hog's breath cafe, the smell of burgers is over-
whelming!
Just a small bite, that will do , no need to wolf it , the puppy can have the rest.
Today is our hairdressing day and many small swatches are presented.
Fingers running warm water through reclining hair start a scalp massage.
Swishing fabrics, clicking heels, strong musk perfume , Madame has Arrived!
This year Winter wants to make a strong impression...Platinum Blonde!
Thin as a whistle, pale make-up, fluffy white sheepskin collar and cuffs.
With just a small dash of colour ..A chunky red jewel sparkling in silver.
I stood in the middle of a rose garden
I watched nature map out its own pattern
I quietly listened out for the budding
And heard the sound of a bee buzzing
I stood in the middle of a rose garden
I saw withering evened out by blossom
I sought after a floating flutter
I sought after the wings of a flower
What could be missing in this scenic botany?
Aroma and beauty is not the only expectancy
It feels like a beauty parlour without hairdressers
It feels like a sweet flavor without taste-testers
The greeter of the flower buds
The day watch of rosariums
The symbol of a warm welcome
Is in the romance of a butterfly
Daylight misses their soundless claps
Daylight misses their flight
We clipped their colorful flaps
When we killed all the butterflies
Past original lethal practice
today modernly assumed
and legalized
as hairdressers, Delilah
still Cuts the hair of
her lover Samson...!
An unfortunate calibre is a turtle turning in a towel. Vast vistas vacate villages videoing vests vehemently And all the time the sleeping beast snores as the cattle drive by in their mooving mobile manufactured machines. It is never wise to sit and stare at such a display of destruction. For restrictions can even be found in a tree root. Thus enabling an atomic automobile in an apron to attempt a curling dive. But not in a hairdressers nor in a cotton cottage garden. So one two three then whisper to the whales. How rather gallant. And how perfectly formed is a fine angled sheet on a washing line. Motionless but moving. Slight tepid breezes to assist drying. And a little flirtatious dove sparkling with a neat tiara and wand. Over a grey. Through a black. Olive oil and a sultry smile from a doorstep snake. Writhing in a wild wind. Such craftsmanship in an opaque skyline. Visionary visualising via very vertical vortexes. And quite often a radio held cup is indifferent to the fall out from portrayed portion of potatoes. Hahaha sensory steam hahaha lake learning laughter hahaha stem cell of sand xxxxx hypnotising hypothetical hippopotamus xxxxx bionic bread xxxxx vertiginous Z.
I spied eighteen ‘yeti’s in line
One even looked like Frankenstein
Since lockdown’s been lifted
For haircuts they’d drifted
The barber’s skills made them look fine
Slight tongue in cheek observation after our barbers and hairdressers have been allowed to open
06 08/20