If I Were a Guy
Would I change from a girl, and give up all my curls?
Would I quit wearing dresses, stop paying hairdressers?
Change places with him? Be a “he”, not a “she”?
Be a guy? Would I buy it?…For awhile I might try it!
I’d rise in the morning, shave off my stubble
Put on some clothes, no need for much trouble,
No lipsticks, or makeup, no blushes, nor creams.
What should I wear?….Just a shirt that is clean
I would wiggle my toes, discard panty hose!
Buy me some boots, holler and hoot
Own handyman tools, love my Lazyboy throne
Where I'll watch all the games, claim the remote
If I want to be cool, cigars too, I’ll smoke!
I could slurp eating soup,
then burp like a guy, and wear a toupee, unless I go gray!
If there’s gray at my temples, distinguished, ….how simple!!
Instead of Miss Clairol, I'll use a Gillette
Hold in my belly, and puff out my chest
Whistle, and flirt, at young girls in short skirts!
I would eat steak and fries and a big piece of pie!
Not stress over size, of my hips or my thighs!
I won’t drink tea so dainty, out of cups filled half empty
No tantrums or tears, just a beer with the guys!
Start a fight just to try it, get a punch in the eye!
If I pout, they won’t buy it, if the girl in me cries out!
Well, I gave it a whirl…I was a guy in my dreams
A dream that I had? Or a nightmare gone bad?
I’m glad I'm awake..and the switch I WON'T make!!
I woke up as a girl, it's not as bad as it seemed!
(Apologies to all the fine gentlemen out there!)
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