Best Gerbils Poems
This is a story of sharing. This is a story of caring for one another and placing other's needs above our own.
Once upon a time there were two gerbils in a gerbil cage. One gerbil said to the other gerbil, “Hey, wanna go for a stroll on the wheel?”
The other gerbil replied merrily, “Nah. You go first because you haven’t run for quite a while.”
The first gerbil hopped on the wheel and began to run and run and run until he couldn’t run any more. He even became dizzy and almost fell off the wheel. He was so excited to get some good old fashioned rodent exercise, but he just didn't know when enough was enough. Finally he hopped off the wheel and took a rest for a while.
Soon after that the owner of the gerbils came over and said, “HI! “
“How are you two fellas doing in there today?” said the owner with a happy grin.
The two gerbils looked up at him and decided to run on the wheel again just to say thanks to the young boy for taking such good care of them.
The second gerbil hopped up on the wheel first and then after two minutes decided to take a break. Then the first gerbil began to jog merrily on the wheel again. It was like gerbil heaven in the cage and the two friends continued to take turns all throughout the day. They even helped each other take turns at the water container too.
The young boy who owned the gerbils wondered what it was like to be a gerbil as he sat there most of the afternoon. He wondered if he could survive all cooped up in a glass cage too.
There is a moral to this story. There really is!
The moral is you never know what you are getting yourself into when you live in a gerbil cage.
The second moral is that even in the smallest environments you can learn to live in harmony with one another and peace can prevail. It takes effort and it takes a BIG HEART too!
Gwendolen Rix
4-11-15
[email protected]
The following poem is based on a true story
We were sitting down one evening when the phone began to ring,
“Hello mum,” said Father, “Can I help with anything?”
Grandmother then answered, “There’s a gerbil in my house!”
“Do you really mean a gerbil? Don’t you mean a mouse?”
“I’m certain it’s a gerbil,” My grandmother defended,
“And the fact you think I’d get that wrong makes me feel offended.”
“I’m sorry, but a gerbil? Are you really sure?”
“Yes I am. It must be one of those they’ve got next door.”
“We’re on our way.” Said my Dad and then hung up the phone,
And then within the hour we were at Grandmother’s home.
“Ok Mum, please tell me, just what did you see?”
“It came out from the kitchen and went under the TV.”
Dad went in a cupboard and then took out a trap,
Set it with some chocolate and waited for the “Snap!”,
It only took a moment, and what do you suppose?
A great big rat staggered out, the trap caught on its nose!
Dad chased it to the garden and gave it quite a whack,
“It’s ok Mum, that gerbil is never coming back”,
“Thank you Son, you know that I’d have struggled doing that,
But it could have been so much worse. It could have been a rat!”
'Tis well known that when medicating cats they can become rather crabby,
So, this free advice is provided when feeding pills to the family tabby.
As if holding a baby, cradle the cat in the crook of your left arm.
(Wrapping both arms with towels wouldn't do any harm!)
Putting pressure to the cheeks, open his mouth, jamming the pill down his maw.
(Apply bandages to the gashes on your jaw left by Felix's lethal paw!)
Since he wouldn't swallow the pill, pick up the soggy mess from the floor,
And try to tackle the little rascal as he streaks for the open door!
Next, kneel on the floor with the cat firmly gripped between your thighs.
(Enlisting your spouse's aid to subdue the critter would be very wise!)
Place the pill on the end of a drinking straw and blow it down his pharynx.
(Taking care not to swallow the pill yourself or damage his delicate larynx!)
After using naughty and nasty language that is here best left unsaid,
And coaxing the rowdy patient from beneath the king-sized bed,
Try forcing his clamped jaws open with a handy tablespoon.
(Then, pick up the shattered vases that all about the room are strewn!)
After chasing the scoundrel around the neighborhood on an exciting spree,
The fire department should be called to rescue Felix from the neighbor's tree!
Then, call the local animal control people to pick up the cat from hell!
Later, call the pet store to see if they have gerbils, fish or parakeets to sell!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Gerbils poem
Two black eyes
Peep out of the bedding
A quivering nose
And not much more
A tail as thick
As a bit of string
It is a gerbil
Is it not?
Two blue eyes
Look into my bedding
Arms and legs
And a good deed more
Clumsy and huge
I wonder why
It grows so slow
And grows so high
It is a person
Is it not?
Copyright © 2017 Diane Cassels
Porcupine Romance
Ouch ¡
Carefully does it
Practice French kissing a cactus first
Ouch !
The last tango in Paris was never like this
Get it
French
Paris
kissing a cactus ( Porcupine humour )
Ouch !
What a fool I was to buy her roses
As if I didn’t have enough to contend with
Ouch !
Do they sell aerosol cans of instant easy foam
In porcupine sex shops
Yeeouch !
Did she just do that on purpose
No wonder there aren’t that many of us
Why wasn’t I born a hedgehog
Its no wonder I am attracted to squirrels
When will they invent the missionary position
Gnnnnmmmmpp
No its ok honey it didn’t hurt
Yes I know my love that quill is really long
Crying no….me no… I just have something in my eye
What do you mean you’re attracted to gerbils
Try using a prophylactic
A flaming suit of armour would be more like it
Awww honey come on I didn’t mean it
Gives us a kiss
Ouch !
Hamsters - rats - gerbils - mice
Small in size - small in price
Rabbits - rabbits - everywhere
Get one free - buy a pair
Goldfish - last few - end of line
Cats with a life still of nine
Guinea pigs - once around
One and five - now a pound
Tortoises - terrapins
Reaching shelf life - bargain bins
Budgerigars - going cheap
Parrot - not dead - just asleep
Lizard - still has mighty roar
Very old stock - a dinosaur
And so it begins … my crew will over treat
themselves to ample chocolate for I have just stuffed our
pantry sweetly-full again:
No one will know why the stocked, offered sweets, meant to last
about a week were otherwise offed before two full days passed;
All will be equally mute and dumb about sweet crumbs in play
room, den, beds, and chocolate lint-hit debris inside pockets;
No one will claim a food mess made and left to be discovered,
no, they will all blame pals, fictitious gerbils and each other;
When a sweet ingredient vanishes that I bought for a recipe,
no family peep will be able to describe or imagine its demise;
and, despite my threat of live yard burial, they steal my favorite,
small chocolate morsels to top off their bowls of cereal.
I have a good-sized, hidden, box stocked full of the best stuff.
Looking thru cleaning products would be conduct void of any
profit so I am confident my stash, by child or spouse, will never
be found.
I often hide in my closet to suck or chew my way to chocolate
heaven. When eat-hiding, I fuss about my kids lack of desire
raring to thread a needle of ambition to sew up some
consideration.
All of my offspring take after their dad; they are myopic and
episodic. They overeat, overly zoned out on electronics like lab
rats on narcotics.
I hope you get this postcard
From Morphinialand
There really is so much to see
Read on, you’ll understand
Latex geese ride rubber ducks
That fly along the ground
While newly discovered welliphants
Wait in lost and found
Blueberry flavored raindrops
Climb up from a deep glue sky
As inter-dimensional wilder beasts
Feast on lion pie
Toffee Banana Rivers
Wend their merry way
Around candy cotton sugar puffs
From the Milky Way
Physic black umbrellas
Predict the weather will be fine
In this land of gumballweed
Built on melty time
Ice blue cooling sunbeams
Make everything rather tacky
And falling leaves from porcupine trees
Make for excellent wacky backy
Chocolate covered gerbils
Fly faster than the speed of sound
Perched in tree tops going “cheep”
At half a dozen for a pound
Yes it’s wonderful to be here
So here I am going to stay
Sorry I won’t be home tomorrow
I’ve made plans for yesterday
Why is it the poached egg, betimes
so hard to peel, I wonder.
Why does the strutting hen lay eggs
so hard to pull asunder.
She wants that egg to be her chick
and not my wretched breakfast.
Or, wants her chick be Easter gift
dyed yellow, red, and purples--
A better choice for any child
instead of gerbils.
A ship in a dip is a duplicate of a massive six ton truck echoing at nine miles an hour in a tunnel. Oh traffic rather stoic today. But trafficking is often great fun for gerbils weighing in at over eighty pounds. £ % £ % waffling. Waffles and lots of cream. Iced curves in mazes. Vast tunnels of elephants then. Played with a big shrew in a big field. How great the ears of a geological gelding reading an encyclopedia in reading glasses. The small antique table. Steady hands are hooves. Freezing is the device of a used tabletop tablet score. Wisdom is neither obtained from a scientific sheet or a statistic paper. Lust lusting laughing leering leaning longitudinal leftovers. And a very smiley face of a bin. Bean beaming braking branching. Hahahaha and now a big wave waving. Hahahaha and a minnow. Xxxx jeopardisation. Xxxx palaeontology z
Jonah invented the whale
The first man ever to sail
He went round the globe
In his best Sunday robe
His invention was destined to fail
For Noah had plans for an ark
It’s construction no walk in the park
It took a few years
Some blood sweat and tears
But finally Noah made his mark
His wife tried most every ruse
To convince him to go for a cruise
He said, “I’ve been told
To fill up the hold
With gerbils and bush kangaroos”
They brought on the creatures in pairs
The rhinos and hippos downstairs
But space was so tight
Some put up a fight
Especially the grizzly bears
When the rains came the ark was a float
And Noah, on the bridge he did gloat
Saying “didn’t I say?
It would happen one day”
Said his wife “I could rip out his throat,
This is not what most folk call cruising
With gorillas and lemmings and ewes in
My cabin at night
It just isn’t right
I don’t find it very amusing”
So Noah’s wife concocted a plot
To scupper her hubbys new yacht
With her turn at the wheel
Her nerves she did steel
And crashed into Mount Ararot
Here I am in MY domain surrounded by obnoxious creatures;
A motley range of beings with odd and varied features!
All I want is some food, a place to snooze and a little peace,
But all I get is harassment - it never seems to cease!
I abhor that scrawny parrot and his stream of dirty words,
And the constant din of that clutch of noisy, twittering birds!
If I so much as meow or purr, I'm banished from the room
By a screeching two-legged omnivore chasing me with a broom!
That mongrel cur even gets to sleep with them in the bed,
And all in all it seems that he is better fed.
He gets away with breaking things with his swishing tail,
But if I so much as nip her plants, boy, at me she'll rail!
I'm forever getting yelled at for one thing or another:
"Get away from the baby's crib else the little dear you'll smother!"
"Quit pestering the dog!" "Get your paws outta the fishes' bowl!"
"Stop teasing the gerbils - cat, you really try my soul!"
I'm tempted to saunter to the barn and shmooze with the cattle,
And forego all this nonsense and no longer fight the battle.
But no, I take pleasure in sticking around to hear them sneeze!
Seems I create some kind of allergy wafting on the breeze!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© 2014 All Rights Reserved)
The octopus sometimes forgets
Its suckers when gerbils it pets.
It sticks to its arm,
Then falls, to some harm,
Which both of them deeply regrets.
The Snow that Flurried like Chatting Kangaroos
Ramah Prince was thinking about Suhail G Faizal again. Suhail G was a remarkable rover with pretty hair and wide lips.
Ramah walked over to the window and reflected on his magical surroundings. He had always loved chilly Newyork with its rapid, roasted rivers. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel shocked.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a remarkable figure of Suhail G Faizal.
Ramah gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an incredible, greedy, tea drinker with feathery hair and handsome lips. His friends saw him as an alert, afraid author. Once, he had even helped a relieved Baby bird cross the road.
But not even an incredible person who had once helped a relieved Baby bird cross the road, was prepared for what Suhail G had in store today.
The snow flurried like chatting kangaroos, making Ramah active. Ramah grabbed a peculiar kettle that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.
As Ramah stepped outside and Suhail G came closer, he could see the yarbing glint in his eye.
"I am here because I want revenge," Suhail G bellowed, in a kind tone. He slammed his fist against Ramah's chest, with the force of 479 gerbils. "I frigging love you, Ramah Prince."
Ramah looked back, even more active and still fingering the peculiar kettle. "Suhail G, I am your father," he replied.
They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two outrageous, oily ostriches loving at a very lovable Holiday, which had reggae music playing in the background and two admirable uncles shouting to the beat.
Ramah studied Suhail G's pretty hair and wide lips. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you revenge," he explained, in pitying tones.
Suhail G looked lonely, his body raw like a rich, ratty ruler.
Ramah could actually hear Suhail G's body shatter into 1698 pieces. Then the remarkable rover hurried away into the distance.
Not even a cup of tea would calm Ramah's nerves tonight.
THE END
gerbils have the best
kidneys, less waste, odorless
clean, best at thumping
2019 September 18