Best Funnyeaster Poems
"Happy Easter To You!", is the greeting I hear them shout!
Alas, I just lamely roost here, brood, ponder and pout!
I've worked for weeks making eggs and I'm all tuckered out!
All this hoopla about rabbits, I can really do without!
Me, my mom, aunts, nieces and innumerable distant cousins,
Have been producing eggs by the gross and by the dozens.
Every Easter 'tis those wily bunnies earning the gratitude,
Leaving me and my kin with a very fractious attitude!
Moms send their kids to rob the eggs from 'neath our breast,
Telling them the rabbits made them - this I vehemently protest!
I'm thinking of a sitdown strike come Lent next year,
To frustrate those crafty varmints with a message loud and clear!
The kids make appalling designs on the beauties we produce,
And even tint our chicks in lurid hues, adding to the abuse!
The rabbits get all the glory and stir up all this commotion!
They don't lay eggs! I'll disabuse folks of that silly notion!
If I sound somewhat frustrated, well I reckon I am,
As those cunning scoundrels perpetuate their mythical scam!
Us chickens will just have to press on with our usual grace.
The truth will out, then we'll "cluckle" at the egg on their face!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
Placed No. 3 in A Chicken Poem In Memory of Armano Aurocano Rock Star
T'was Easter morn and she thought it strange and funny,
Her basket contained neither chocolate, eggs nor money,
But there laid in the Easter grass,
To the surprise of the happy lass,
Was a package of batteries signed " Energizer Bunny".
Description of my love's Easter basket this morn, she found in the hay barn.
April 24, 2011
At last it has arrived,
let there be no doubt.
That everyone goes crazy
at the Christmas staff night out.
Now Santa took the sleigh.
He did not stop to think.
For that was very foolish
with all that food and drink!
Tooth fairy looked real nice
so did the pantomime dames,
but Grinch was asked to leave
for calling Santa names.
The leprechauns told anecdotes
in the spirit of Bob Hope.
The snowmen all got stoned
by passing round the dope.
Santa told rude jokes!
and some were even funny.
But everyone avoided
that randy Easter Bunny.
Jack Frost he was concerned,
told the Elves what he was thinking.
"That Santa"s getting drunk,
he is doing to much drinking."
When the meal was over,
the MC he did stand .
"Will you welcome live on stage,
The Boogie Man and his band."
The celebrations ended.
"Get on your merry way."
Santa staggered out
to try and find his sleigh.
The reindeer headed home
they knew the way to go.
They did not stop to think,
to take it kind of slow.
Santa started singing
a chorus of Wild Rover.
When flashing lights appeared
and he was soon pulled over.
"Lets see your drivers licence
and please put out that ***."
"Step out of the vehicle
and blow in to this bag."
Oh Santa was locked up.
You should have heard him wail.
"You have to let me out,
you have to give me bail."
His sentence will be soon
lets hope the courts a fan.
For what will happen next year?
If he gets a driving ban.!
Poor old Santa Clause
it is a sorry tale.
He got community service,
instead of going to jail!
By all means leave a carrot.
A glass of milk I think.
But don"t encourage Santa
by leaving out a DRINK!
© Ned Flanders
Does anyone have an Easter chick?
We have four, a rooster and three hens
Named Junior, nugget, chirpy and twin
These bitties love to snuggle and watch TV
They have taken me for their mom
The rooster likes to be a daredevil
He will run right up to the dog and tempt his fate
The KFC commercials make them cry!
Before I ever write this tale
I hope you will all forgive me
It was just a horrible accident
It was dark and I just couldn't see
I was driving home one night
On a narrow country road
It was raining, something awful
When I heard my tire explode
I lost control and couldn't stop
That's when I started to swerve
I heard a thump and a terrible scream
As I came to a stop in the curve
I thought I'd hit a possum
Probably even broken its legs
Imagine the horror that I was in
When I saw those Easter eggs
Yep, you guessed it
I had killed the Easter bunny
Ok, everybody stop laughing
Cause I really don't think it's funny
I tried to find that poor little rabbit
And maybe give him CPR
But when I finally found him it was way too late
He was stuck to the grill of my car
So, I picked up the little fellow's basket
And all those broken shells
I had to get rid of the evidence
Cause you know how a rotten egg smells
I buried him in a shallow grave
Under a giant oak tree
His basket and all the easter eggs
Are in my trunk under lock and key
Well, again, I want to apologize
So forget everything you saw
And at least we know that a rabbit's foot
Just isn't that lucky at all
Come Easter day, the little ones are impatient to shove down their throats
their candy-coated forest-folk, and to this all their time they devote.
And who am I, you kindly ask?--I'm the idol of woodlander sweets!--
more scrumptious than a caramel egg, more momentous than marshmallow Peeps!
Much like a Christmas ornament that enriches the face of a tree,
no basket is complete without an appropriate helping of me!
My brittle body's born to be in a wrapper of decorative hue;
though such a fact I do disdain, as I do my adherence to you!
How cute I must appear to be with my chocolate antennas and tail,
but such a face receives no grace--for alas!--you will put me on sale.
Oh how I wish to someday flee, for my fate is profoundly unfair:
I'm a chocolate dessert
though I wish to assert
my dislike of this strife
and my edible life
it's a terrible shame
that I'll always remain
a delicious inanimate hare!
Easter Eggs are so yummy
Too many will make you sick
The chocolate is so gorgeous
I think I'll eat mine quick.
Inside some there are chocolate buttons
Colored smarties too
Then you've got those creamy eggs
Just eating one won't do.
Yes, Easter Eggs are so yummy
Especially with a cup of tea
All that melted chocolate
My face you cannot see.
So thank you Lord for chocolate
And my Easter Egg
Would anyone out there like some
I'm only pulling your leg.
ps course you can have some of my egg
My frightful steel helmet is so battered, dinged and frayed
It was issued by the Air Force - not a haberdashery store
I don't suppose it would look very proper in an Easter Parade
But it sure did come in handy-dandy when fightin' in the war
For such things as bathin', washin' drawers and so much more
Camouflage nettin' adorned it in lieu of ostrich feathers and lace
Many fellers preferred civilian life sportin' a jazzy, felt fedora
On the march the dad-gum thing flopped about and fell in your face
Twigs, grass and weeds covered it to blend in with the flora
Four-letter words were heaped upon it - of which there was a plethora
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 3 in Carol Brown's "My Favorite Hat Or Bonnet" Contest - Apr 2011
Why is it the poached egg, betimes
so hard to peel, I wonder.
Why does the strutting hen lay eggs
so hard to pull asunder.
She wants that egg to be her chick
and not my wretched breakfast.
Or, wants her chick be Easter gift
dyed yellow, red, and purples--
A better choice for any child
instead of gerbils.
H-is for the bad haircut my
brother gave to me.
A-is for the grade i got, after
changing it from a "C".
P-is for the awful sticky
pudding, mom made oneday,
P-is for that same pudding, i
gave to grandpa, told hold up
his toupee.
Y-is for ALL the yo-yo's i broke,
doing so many tricks,
N-is shaving our dog Snoopy,
and leaving him with nicks.
E-is for the Easter bunny
costume, i made using mom's
fur coat,
W-is for the Way she yelled at
me, reaching this HIGH musical
note!
Y-is for the yellow food
coloring, i put inside my nose,
E-is for the easy money Doug
made, for the SECRET of HOW
SNOT GLOWS.
A-is for playing with Aunt Bee's
dentures, that I accidently
dropped and broke,
R-is for REPLACING the two
front teeth, with TIC-TACS,
that almost made her
choke!
For all who have been wondering
Let me set the story straight
About the hillbilly holidays
Before it gets too late
We don't have an Easter possum
This tale is just a myth
It's a cute little bunny with a basket
To collect our Easter eggs with
And Cupid don't wear overalls
And fly around with a gun
He shoots them tiny little arrows
But we know it's all in fun
And Santa still has his reindeer
Not a horse tied to his sleigh
We leave him milk and cookies
Not moonshine like they say
The Tooth Fairy is not toothless
This simply isn't true
She always leaves us money
Just like the rest of you
And of course that leaves Thanksgiving
So what else could I say
We eat turkey like everyone else
On this Hillbilly Holiday
So now that everyone understands
That hillbilly is just a name
It don't matter where you live
Our holidays are all the same
Hillbillies are like everyone else
And there's nothing for you to fear
If you ever have anymore questions
Well, Ya'll come back now, hear?
Before I ever write this tale
I hope you will all forgive me
It was just a horrible accident
It was dark and I just couldn't see
I was driving home one night
On a narrow country road
It was raining, something awful
When I heard my tire explode
I lost control and couldn't stop
That's when I started to swerve
I heard a thump and a terrible scream
As I came to a stop in the curve
I thought I'd hit a possum
Probably even broken it's legs
Imagine the horror that I was in
When I saw all those Easter eggs
Yep, you guessed it
I had killed the Easter bunny
Ok, everybody stop laughing
Cause I really don't think it's funny
I tried to find that poor little rabbit
And maybe give him CPR
But when I finally found him
He was stuck to the grill of my car
So, I picked up the little fellow's basket
And all those broken shells
I had to get rid of the evidence
Cause you know how a rotten egg smells
I buried him in a shallow grave
Under a giant oak tree
His basket and all the easter eggs
Are in my trunk under lock and key
Well, again, I want to apologize
So, forget everything you saw
At least, we know that a rabbit's foot
Just isn't that lucky at all