Best Gasket Poems
Once upon a time I could change the oil and give the car a lube,
Tune the timing, change the plugs and patch an inner tube.
In days of yore I'd do simple jobs beneath the old elm tree.
Nowadays, I daren't twist a wrench without an engineer's degree!
In olden days things were simple to work on beneath the hood.
Stuff crammed under the hoods today is not at all understood!
Why! You must pull the doggone engine to fix a simple leak,
And everything is diagnosed by a smart-alecky computer geek!
Now I can't even locate the spark plugs, I must humbly confess,
And where the life-sustaining battery reposes is anybody's guess!
I must even contact the local garage to get the radiator filled.
'Tis plain to see that all is governed by the national mechanic's guild!
In simpler times the way to detect an errant rod and piston knock,
Was to put a screwdriver to your ear and listen through the block.
Nowadays, technicians lounge about with computers in their paws,
And in a trice can flesh out your automobile's ailing flaws!
Back then, I could replace brake linings and distributor caps,
Change a fan belt or replace a gasket or two perhaps.
But all these fancy gadgets are beyond me - I can't figure them out.
So I'll gnash my teeth and sit beneath the spreading elm and pout!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(© All Rights Reserved)
ant crawling
in the gasket of freezer...
chilling out
ant seen
by me..
short life
Silliness doesn't run in my family, it gallops
If you wanna be slim like Bugs Bunny, eat raw carrots
Other stuff you can do
Sneezing? A calorie or two
So pick out that booger before you blow a gasket
Here stands a man who's just about to blow a gasket,
he has far too much washing in his basket,
he never asked for such a load,
and he feels it's time to hit the road,
before he does something he regrets,
I wouldn't be placing any bets,
on him sticking around for much longer,
the feelings inside him are growing stronger,
by the second, by the minute,
he really feels he's landed in it.
And all because his employment,
takes all his time, negates enjoyment,
he feels that it is sucking him dry,
and he really has the urge to fly,
to get away from his wage slave life,
the daily back watching, for the knife,
that is often stuck into the unwary,
the workplace is becoming very scary.
No loyalty exists there any more,
I think a lot of people know the score.
A numbers game is all it is,
the bottom line, do the biz,
because if you slow down, there are many,
worse off than you, who to make a penny,
they'd gladly jump into your shoes,
and ensure their gain, would mean you lose!
Ellipse, evolute, vertex and curve,
Humdrum circle or ricochet swerve
Astroids or cusps, arcs or sectors;
What have those got to do with vectors?
Curvature, cone, Cartesian plane…
Oval, deltoid… what’s in a name?
Geoid oscillation, pedal, radial, rose…
What on earth do I know of those?
Hypocycloid, cruciform, Sierpinski carpet…
Inverse tangent or Apollonian gasket?
Snowflake, hypercube, space-time dimension
Pressured, gauged, or under tension?
Trammel of Archimedes, planes, rotations –
Congruence, right angles, equivalence relation;
Conchoid curve, Orthoptic, Lemoine hexagon,
Triangle, star or good old pentagon.
Crescent, rhombus, magatama, square,
Caustic curves, salinon, ying-yang or sphere!
About whichever’s the shape that you talk,
Basically, it’s taking a line for a walk!
This is a fourteen point check list
For when you buy a car
First question you should ask
Does it have full service history or part
The next important question
Has the Cam belt ever been changed
And do you have any receipts
To show me when it was arranged
Check for codes and errors
Held in the ECU
It may be clean and tidy
But they might be hiding a few
Now check that clutch
For usual wear and tear
Is it riding at the top
If so you should be aware
Check the oil, fuel and water
For any kind of leaks
Cause this could cost more money
And leave your pockets empty
Check all the fluid levels
Make sure there all topped up
It’s a sign that it’s been looked after
By the seller you’re buying it off
An early head gasket failure
Could cost more than the car is worth
So open up that oil cap
And check for creamy stuff
Listen to that engine
Make sure there’s no strange tunes
Check that steering properly
The brakes and all the tubes
Listen for failed wheel bearings
You will hear a whirling noise
If one of these is wearing
It aggravates and annoys
Check for too much smoke
And the exhaust while you can
Because MOT emissions
Are getting stricter with their plans
Have a visual check of course
Of the outside of the motor
Last but least test all the lights
And never let them chauffeur
Take a friend or mechanic
And look for signs of damage
Be wise and look up a guiding price
Make sure the vehicles within those sights
Hpi check is always satisfation
It may cost you a little more
But its very instant action
© Copyright KC.Leake
2nd October 2015
All rights Reserved
Women Bartender Parties
Their eyes watched
the bartender,
like a tennis ball,
volleying to each side,
bouncing, soft like
from side to side
of the bar, filling drinks
and old men's hearts
with wet dreams,
prompting the men
on gathering closer
to the campfire.
She was hot.
Their necks stretched,
minds made pseudo
claims, and mouths watered
of her effect.
She was young and new,
and too studious.
A librarian by day,
layers of academia,
flowing through her veins-
you could see that
she was smart, yet sassy.
There was no hiding, though,
the biker girl behind
those glasses, hair
in a bun, and brass demeanor.
She made sashay look
pedestrian.
She could compete with
a New York model
with her providence,
long arms and legs,
and a longer neck,
that likely sprung
a gasket in her admirers.
Would she lie?
When she gained wind
of whispering old men,
poking the shortness
of her denim shorts
she tickled their fancies.
"Is my vagina sticking out,"
as she checked her shorts,
innocence oozing from her
and sending old men's
watering hole to rise.
She was a frolicking horse
that put all the other
bar's bartenders to pasture.
She continued pouring
drinks, like how pouring rain-
rescues drought stricken
crops. She had that effect.
When she saddled next
to an old man, lucky one
at that, her gray eyes
boring into his browns,
as they split the night air
into little gifts,
exchanging presents
of knowledge of each other,
you could see his horses
neighing, too, nudging
to get out of the stables.
Did she say she was writing
a book?
He doesn't remember.
He remembers
seeing a moon flower.
She continued serving rain,
while the jukebox played
and the patrons swayed,
exchanging banter with each.
Moments later she did
the unthinkable-no
it wasn't a red scarlet.
Or connotative.
She drank, which is taboo,
matching shots of Royal,
three, with the old man,
while not missing a beat,
holding her liquor well,
and turning back his hands
............. of time.
connie pachecho
4/20/17
How to describe love, well I'll give it a shot
Like your first two wheeler, that's saying a lot
Like your very first ride on a ferris wheel
What an absolute thrill can't believe it's real
Suddenly that annoying girl next door
Creates a stirring right down to your core
When wrestling with her she was one of the guys
Now its different when you look in her eyes
Her lips seem more lush and inviting now
Think I just blew a gasket, holy cow
Oh those were the days as if it was yesterday
The feeling still there but it's now just wordplay
Maybe I'll come back when my days are done
As a gigolo, yee haw, that sure sounds like fun!
© Jack Ellison 2013
When I was teenboy, nothing else mattered
Than making out in the back of a Chevy
With a gorgeous young hottie with boobs to die for
Breathing became rather heavy
Now I'll try to behave coz the censors are watching
And your computers will probably short circuit
With the powers vested in me, I'll try to behave
But it'll be quite a challenge I'll admit
All my many friends I have here on the Soup
Are aware of my penchant for the naughty stuff
After all what's life about but to wiggle and jiggle
While parading around town in the buff
So far the censors haven't any reason to complain
I've been relatively prim and proper
But I sure can't keep this up indefinitely though
I'll blow a gasket as I get all hot and bothered
Eventually though, I catch hold of myself
Since a teenboy, I've actually learned self-control
Can now walk down the street without molesting girls
And the drooling I've controlled on the whole
So in closing I'll say this, my very good friends
There should be a law that allows us guys
The freedom to molest hot voluptuous young fillies
And make out in the back of a Chevy as a prize
© Jack Ellison 2016
Once we were a matching pair, some days we’d get downbeat
as we both couldn't abide the stench of sweaty cheesy feet!
Our male owner would pop us in the washing machine
with warm soapy suds we’d soon smell fresh and clean
But now my ‘sole mate’ has gone missing and I am bereft
I was worn on the right foot, and he was worn on the left
Our owner removed the washing machine gasket
then checked the tumble drier and laundry basket
Alas my companion is still missing, life just isn’t fair
a single sock is useless, and I’m filled with despair
So my owner’s sock stock has now been depleted
and with my partner gone I’m feeling de-feeted!
What use is one sock, maybe one day I’ll be ‘heeled’
if the sock monster’s secret stash is suddenly revealed!
So for now I am consigned to the back of a drawer
with other odd socks and I'm sure there’ll be lots more!
I must say that in my four score years I've done it all and seen it all,
But in the autumn of my life, noxious noises drive me up the wall!
I like the soothing sound of most music and birds trilling in the trees,
But, Lord, spare me the wheezing of those bagpipes, if you please!
I like the sound of thunder and the rain falling softly on my roof,
But I could strangle the neighbor for letting his mutt yap and woof!
I can tolerate classical music until the prima donna Madame Zaria,
Begins to belt out her raucous contralto in an intolerable aria!
A most trying nuisance and I suppose one of my biggest gripes,
Are kids with boom boxes and their jalopies with those roaring pipes!
I don't mind the occasional rumbling of a train or the screaming jets,
But when dining I suffer acid reflux hearing inane cell phone vignettes!
I've got a bone to pick with the inventor of the wailing saxaphone!
That and the squeaking of a clarinet are more than I can condone!
I like western musical harmony sung by "The Sons Of The Pioneers."
But spare me those "She Done Me Wrong Songs" - they aggravate my ears!
Why can't folks keep their cats inside so they aren't yowling on my lawn,
And a hex on the dude revving his Harley Davidson waking me at dawn!
I reckon before I blow a gasket or worse yet lose my poise,
I'd better rush out and buy some ear plugs to stifle that noxious noise!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
Don't try it, you might blow a gasket
There's a bunch of other stuff you should know
Before they put you in a casket
Greece's anthem has over a hundred verses
The seventh inning must take forever
The eye of an ostrich is bigger than its brain
They've got nice personalities however
A goldfish memory is only three seconds
Damn it, can't remember the next line
There's over than 300 dimples on a golf ball
I'm going to start counting mine
If they didn't add colouring to Coca-Cola
It'd be a ghastly shade of green
Cockroaches live nine days without their head
But they don't have a mouth to scream
A starfish apparently doesn't have brains
Called one of my buddies a “Starfish”
He really thinks I'm paying him a compliment
Some days he can be quite thickish
If you bang your head against a brick wall
You use up 150 calories an hour
Milk that's been sitting in the sun for days
Is most likely the sourest of sour
© Jack Ellison 2013
An Echo Poem by Lora Colon and Brian Johnston
I Do It For My Heart by Lora Colon
Each morning my heart and I talk,
It asks me why he went away,
Like a child that can't understand,
It asks the same question each day
To spare my heart suffering, I lie,
My lips cannot bear to admit
These endless days of missing him
Are what keep the flame of hope lit
When my heart cries, what will I say?
Another lie might break our trust,
But the truth would bring so much pain,
So tonight, I'll lie, if I must
When the loneliness overwhelms,
I'll smile and say 'He'll be here soon, '
My heart will fall asleep in peace,
At dawn, I'll confess to the moon
When morning comes, I'll be prepared,
This play still has pages unfilled,
I'll rewrite the script, only this time
The echoes of pain will be stilled
I lie..... I do it for my heart,
Too much time in pain it has spent,
Slowly it dies for its lost love,
The treasure Heaven briefly lent
Lora Colon
Feb 26, 2015
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Threat Assessment An Echo Response
Not everyone who sees a “Wolf” is really in much danger
For lone wolves are quite shy and only show a woodsy face
Not everyone who feels alone is really such a stranger
To friends that seem to ‘disappear’ at times without a trace.
It’s just at times life does intrude upsetting normal balance
Perhaps to focus on one friend for happiness not fair
Demanding where our strokes come from a useless form of parlance
And more joy found if we can trust what nature has to share.
For God has better things to do than spill what’s in your basket
And trusting that your friends still care could be the wisest move
To fume at what you can’t control in fact could blow a gasket
And trusting in herself is just how ‘Stella found her groove.’
Brian Johnston
February 27, 2015
My energy level just recently got up and left
No matter what I'm doing, must take time for a rest
Else I'll blow a gasket
Wind up in a basket
Can always tell by the heaving of my chest
In my kitchen, there's a treasure,
scrumptious dinner, it helps me prepare.
Under pressure it combines flavors,
Serves proudly, mouthwatering savors.
This wonder made of stainless steel,
Shines like a star among my utensils.
Rice, beans, soup, or stew,
Ready in a flash for the whole crew.
Safety valve and rubber gasket,
Ensure this helper is not a threat.
Though it shrieks like a train,
This gadget is a faithful friend.
I rely on this device a lot,
As it gives peace to my heart.
So, here's to the pressure cooker's plea,
Transforming ingredients into a glee!