Best Classify Poems


Premium Member Your Crotch and You

As crotches go, mine is up there with the best

I would even classify it as exceptional

One would think it all comes down to size

But size is only part of the equation

Of course size is a very major consideration

But as important is it's appearance of strength

I think you know what I'm getting at

The forward thrusting motion is a major factor

In fact, probably if I had to decide

THE most important attribute is a strong forward thrust

And equally important is the quick recoil

In fact, I have just published a book on the subject

It's called, “Your Crotch And You”

An in-depth study to help you to understand

This most precious part of your anatomy

For only $19.99 U.S. including shipping

This important self-help book can be yours

We don't offer a money back guarantee

But will come to your home if you provide travel expenses

To answer any questions you might have

And also assist you physically if that is required

It is a limited time offer so DON'T DELAY!




Dedicated to my dear cyber sister, Jan

© Jack Ellison 2014

Is This a Grook Or Not? (Nothing)

How can something come out from nothing
When nothing can come from nothing?
So nothing isn’t nothing when it results into something,
Because by then, it would’ve been something and not nothing,
Since something must always result from another thing, 
but never from nothing.
Because nothing is not anything and something is anything.
Nothing can never be something and something can never be nothing.
So what is this business of something coming from nothing?
Nothing…because there exists no such thing.


** 2000-- ummm I'm still trying to grasp this grook, haha
and my attempts at it are fizzling out so I'm going to be
sneaky and just submit this, lol 
please bear with me I have NO idea if this old write of mine 
can even classify as a grook! Sorry Charles...will still try to 
come up with something though...

Awkward Aardvark

I am an awkward aardvark

Awkward because, no one knows exactly
what kind of animal I am
how to classify me

I am an awkward aardvark

Evolved by necessity into an odd mixture
of adorable and formidable
sharp claws on my paws
funny bunny ears, the better to hear
predators in the night
just out of sight

I am an awkward aardvark

Nocturnal by nature, cautiously seeking safety
in my burrows dug deep
furrows on my face tracing the fear
of ever-present dangers lurking near

I am an awkward aardvark

Protecting myself with surprisingly thick skin
living on strange food
tiny crawly metaphors infested in the wood
of life's framework
a kind of a solitary clean-up committee
devouring what would otherwise
destroy the solidarity
of needed structures


Premium Member The Finger

Classify myself as one of the great of thinkers
But sometimes been known to come up with a clinker
Try my damn best
Thought I'd passed the test
But people on the street keep giving me the finger

Premium Member Wabbling World

The task begins with awareness, and freedom without it is harmful. So let us not look back in fury or forward in panic, but rather around in awareness. By Poet



Let me tell you a story.

Can you Imagine a harsh quiet? Jeers sneer idleness,
or scoff to classify the ultimate sinful act of sadness;
or quashing irk for an eternal colossus of havoc,
perhaps the planet was spaed and will be ruined here.

Cynical scorn asphyxiates, cauterizing all life on Earth; 
who can imagine how vile days linger eerie memories?
how often tongues are swelled with astringent tartness? 
those with acidic sadness tease with a biting reply. 

Soul was sunk on all live paws to quell a herd of verrucae,
could you kindly scan feeble shapes on a pealing day?
how would you handle a splenic tongue with an awful zest?
or apply on a scorching sting a horrible sneering welt.

Mortal musings slay my sight while roaming ruins,
I feel the pain, frocking seconds ripen fruitful minutes;
none to stop him, acidulous hours burn a swollen body,
did you honor your vow not to view your tears in public?

Or, to win, they select the nuclear light to avow the day,
scavengers swarming forbidden self-destruction zones;
where the war had started, it was awarded might;
whenever beguiling eyes and spite the sight,

I hate lethal viruses as much as a police car passing by;
I hate falling asleep at night as well as not falling asleep,
I hate the doorbell at night and massive storms,
I hate going broke or having too much money.

I fear being late and fear being the first to come;
I fear that all I yearn for might jeopardize others I love;
I fear death or a miserable existence for a long time,
I fear not adoring enough and being confused.

Slow slurps, wearing vengeful speeches bleary;
on stage atomic bombs were used to turn the sky purple;
Insouciance fosters the dreadful pulverization,
I should have dropped my Kyiv pass.
wabbling world......

2ND PLACE CONTEST WINNER

Written: April 17, 2022

Theme: War

Form N - Narrative - New Poems Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Constance La France
© Sotto Poet  Create an image from this poem.

Butterflies In My Mind

So many thoughts lurk within,
And soar like butterflies in my mind.
I try drastically to classify them all,
For everyone to appreciate their kind.

The blank paper is the net, 
That catches all these thoughts.
Then the classification process begins,
And poetry is made from these thoughts.

I articulate my experiences,
For all to gain from my existence.
So when butterflies cross my mind,
I grab the net and catch them that instant.


Premium Member Do Not Download Computer Programs

Marquee gave me a choice.  "What would I rather be, a better writer, or to be  able to use my  computer?" They notified me.

Their telephone number is 1-800-562-1502 and they are open Monday through Saturday. They are closed on Sundays. if you are interested in contacting them for further information please feel free to call them?

They informed me downloading's programs on your computers.  Would open the door for malware to enter in, and take over control of your computers.  Additionally, you would have the increased risk of identify theft. 

 "Did I want somebody to be able to steal my identity.  And have complete access to my personal and financial information?" They informed me.

I told them I did not want that to happen to me.  They now run anti virus checks on my desk top computer automatically. Being able to commutate online, and through social media.  Is vitally important to all online and print based writers and/or poets.  Although I basically classify my self as a fictional writer. I have written factual on line information.

The above factual information is based purely on my personal online experiences. I do not want other people to make the same mistakes as I did.  I was completely ignorant.  But ignorance of the law is no excuse.  That did not stop my computer from being directly impacted by malware.  Even though I was told it was through no fault of my own. 

If you or anyone you may know is downloading programs on their computers. Do them and yourself a favor. Stop it before it is too late.  I have crashed two desk top computers and one lap top one.  Computers are expensive to repair and or replace.

As a born again Christian, I forgive them for what they did to me. If I want to be forgiven, I must also be willing to forgive.  And be willing to pray they change their tactics.

Love as always,
Roxanne Lea Dubarry
Roxy Lea 1954
Roxy 1954/October Country
June 12, 2020/ June 13,2020

The Wabi-Sabi of Tintern Abbey

Things bloom more beautiful when breaking down.
The nave now ploughs through foams of flowering trees,
a frozen caravel.  Kissed by the breeze,
the river surface suddenly seems to frown
exquisitely. The apse’s jaunty crown
of weeds above one (sightless) eye would please
romantic poets. What was once a friese
lies strewn about, a shaley shanty-town.
We love whatever withers, atrophies.
To see a calked construction founder, drown
beneath its own detritus, by degrees
slough off its shape and, sinking to its knees,
expire, is satisfying. Velvet gown?
We’d much prefer to see a soiled chemise.

A lake?  A cloud?  A mountain?  Megan Fox?
If we acknowledge Beauty in these things,
what are we saying?  As when Smokey sings,
or girls emerge in slinky summer frocks,
something’s taking place outside the box
of regularity, and sprouting wings.
How might we classify these happenings?
A rupture in the norm?  The whole Baroque’s
built on this very point. If Beauty rocks,
what is the special quality it brings,
and why is it so pleasing?  Beauty flings
a spanner in the works of Orthodox,
and laughs at Workaday.  It mocks
our essence, lurks in quirks, and smirks at clocks.
                                                                                                                           
“The Wordsworth ouevre is cretinous.  Discuss.”
The Long, Laborious Quest, The Sparrow’s Nest,
The Noble Oak of Guernica, Addressed –
We can’t escape the feeling he’s a wuss.
His subjects are unconscionable, plus
the rhymes he uses are a facilefest.
If only he were even half in jest!
His humour’s unintentional, and thus
more entertaining than he could have guessed.
Yet something in his scribblings seems to wrest
significance from dross, analogous
to Newton’s differential calculus,
invented by the by, at whim’s behest.   
When Wordsworth falls apart, he’s at his best.

Premium Member Please Don'T Judge Me

Please don't judge me based on my religious preference, my hair, what I wear, or how I speak. I can promise you, I'm different than what you'd expect. I don't expect much, though that's still too much. I'm not sure if I like myself as of now, but I'm working on it. If I don't care, you shouldn't either. So you can keep knocking, but won’t knock me down, no love lost, no love found. When you so good, that you can’t say it cuz it isn’t even cool for you to sound cocky anymore,
I am myself nothing more, nothing less.
I wouldn't exactly classify myself as "normal". I can careless what you think of me. I don't like associating with drama queens, troublemakers and just stupid people.
I'm not perfect. To be factual, I'm very far from it. My point of view on things are different than most. I have values. I have a brain; some of you kids should certainly invest in one. I will treat everyone with respect, if they treat me the same in return.
                                         Here is the reply
sometimes people only gain self gratification by making other people seem bad when all they are doing is verbalizing their own shortcomings and pointing them in someone else's direction, they think by redirecting there self image will make others not see who they really are. But if you have brains you can see it and they will not to play into it, then eventually it will all crash down on them :) leaving you shining.

Premium Member Special Days

Special Days
Written: by Tom Wright
4/13/2006

It seems that for almost everything
We’ve set aside a special day.
We recognize others for their work 
And sometimes for their play;

There’s a day set aside for Mothers
And likewise for Fathers too;
I’m sure that in this hodgepodge
There’s one that will cover you.

There’s a day to honor our Veterans,
Our police, firemen and teachers;
A National Fan Day even exists
For those who fill the bleachers.

There is New Years, and Ash Wednesday,
And Saint Valentine’s Day too.
And yes, the hard working Secretary
At last has been given her due.

We honor a few past Presidents,
Palm Sunday and beginning of Lent;
Our calendar has gotten so crowded
But Easter Sunday is time well spent.

We’ve Christmas, and Thanksgiving 
And we recognize Flag Day too.
Then there’s Martin Luther King Day
And I suspect for a Boy Named Sue.

Armed forces and Daylight Savings
Each has their very own day.
Labor Day and Columbus too
 Are remembered in this special way;

We’ve Election Day, and Bosses Day,
We honor the Devil on Halloween.
And then there’s old St. Patrick’s
For the donning of the green;

There’s Boxing Day and Yom Kipper
And the gobs between I’ve missed.
That I classify as the minor ones
I could name if you should insist.

Birthdays, and Anniversaries,
We treat really special too.
With all these days to remember
 Just what is a guy to do?

Even old Phil the Ground Hog
His day has long been real. 
It’s enough to cause a country boy
To shout, Hey, what’s the deal?
© Tom Wright  Create an image from this poem.

Premium Member Xenophobia Ii: We Are Africans

History has formed us into one braid
to stay strong and never surrender to any blade
standing side by side to be each others shade.
Why then do we classify one another into grades?
So that some cut others off just b’cos they are made?

There’s still hope, this togetherness will not fade
whatever it is, we have collectively paid
let’s stop hate from this unprecedented raid
so that unity will eventually get love laid.
We are Africans! Enough has been said.

National Security State

Put candy in World War 1 rations
oh no!, if our enemies. . .
And National Security factions. . .
Did classify, those actions!

Just before the really  Big One
Sold all our cars and trucks
To the Land of rising sun
Dammit, classify, classify the son'.

Then when we fought the conflict,
The Public has mostly forgotten,
when we spelled conflict as inflict,
Classify the doc, and restrict.

Then the Cold War went to code red,
Clamoring generals thought us dead,
And said blow Evil Empire to dark ages 
But mistake, almost buried us instead

Then lost a nuke off Carolina ,
With thousands dead egg on our face,
Took over Myrtle  nothing is finah
Pres said classify and bury in case

Premium Member A True Optimist

How many of you classify yourself as a true optimist
If you answer in the negative, you must be a pessimist
Think only of good things
You heart will surely sing
And you'll find you'll have no need for a cardiologist

Premium Member Many Flowers, Few Thorns

Sheltered in the south of the south,
its culture breathed out the dance of love to the world.
Once established,
as the historic natural park for gigantic dinosaurs
with the earth’s tail attached to its field
and a familiar friend to continental extremities
both in elevations and in the measure of cold and heat.

Even with its tender voice and closed influence
its hands have contributed
to the beautiful jewelries of the globe’s spark.
The first scores of Cristiani’s animation
and pioneering crime’s neck breaker
through the Axe of finger-printing;
also a well watered green yard for cosmetic manipulations
but yet marred with Anorexia and battles of the mind.
So much flowers with few thorns
classify this blessed home with sons like Diego and Lionel.

Premium Member An Easter Greeting

AN EASTER GREETING

Were one to dwell
On nature’s complexity – 
The Earth
The Galaxies
The Universe
That soul might increase man’s knowledge

Take a pretty flower
Examine every fiber
Classify the root
And with our modern technology
Somehow benefit the here-and-now –
Better health
Longer life
A few happy hours
Victory through complexity!

But life’s main ingredient
Said Jesus Christ
Is LOVE
Least complex of nature’s qualities
Which merely says
“Come unto me”
In walking    breathing faith
Leave the probers to their grasping, mental
      days and ways
“Come unto me”
In walking    breathing faith
And all will be simplicity

Happy Easter
With love

Dave Austin

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