Best Blue In The Face Poems
I never enter every contest on soup
Sometimes sponsors can be very hard to please
Achieving first place is not always a breeze
Some don’t like me writing poems about poop
Yet every person is unique in our group
Some wonderful poets with great expertise
Writing different forms with consummate ease
To be skilled like them then I’d be cock a hoop
Yet people moan when they don’t get a high place
Think their poetry is much better than 'mine'
Tell the sponsors their judgment is a disgrace
It saddens me their feelings are so malign
Criticise until they are blue in the face
For each of us thinks our poems are divine
Written after reading Tommy Boy's recent blog
Jan Allison
N/A in contest judged on 20th November
Submitted to trashed #4
sponsored by Broken Wings
10~17~15
Italian Sonnet - Rhyme Scheme - abbaabba cdcdcd
Whatever goes on in their own mind,
Is what folks believe about you.
Whether it's fact or whether it's not,
They believe their own thoughts to be true;
And they'll spread those thoughts to others,
As though it's the gospel truth;
How you said this and you did that,
And how you've mis-spent your youth.
You can deny it all you like,
Try hard to set them straight;
But you can explain till you're blue in the face,
Just giving them time seals your fate.
Be carefull about the things you say,
For words can be bent and twisted,
Until you don't recognize them at all,
In the hands of the truly gifted.
Be careful about who you talk to,
And how you express yourself.
Some things are better left unsaid,
Bitter pills best left on the shelf.
See no evil with your eyes.
Hear no evil words.
Speak no evil from your lips;
For gossip is for the birds.
I wonder again why I have talked, uninterrupted
Until I am blue in the face
Convincing as I may be
You still believe
You're nothing more than human waste
Empty threats, locked doors turn into quiet space
So I kick and kick until the door breaks through
On the floor I find you
Anger such, an adrenaline rush
But no sign of you cold and blue
Different scene- you run straight out the door
Staggering bleeding from the wrist you cut
Eating poison to lure- me back in but
How many times will I chase you out the door?
I'm calling your name urgent
Then tired and sore
Because I've played this game too many times before
How many more police reports?
Worry turns to wonders of what this is all for
And all you seem to want is more
How many times for you
A helicopter in the city
Wasted time, attention, pity
How many times will I let you back inside
When your running came to an end and it became impossible to hide?
Taking refuge back home you come inside
Naked we get into the bathtub together
"Let's get you all cleaned off."
I take a washrag to the dirt and cuts on your skin with a touch so soft
You begin to cry, a whimper so
You hang your head
No more defense
The things you say begin to make sense
And I realize you're back.. It's you!
That sickening twist I never wanted to accept as truth
Because that anger I tried to hold on to
To show you that this I would not allow
Was for someone else
Surely it wasn't for you who is sitting in front of me now
My anger and frustration melts into something much more pure
Derived from the love that I have for you
And you crave it
Say "More, please more"
How many more apologies will I accept?
Or secrets from me should be kept?
Things I say in one ear and out the other
My patients wears thin
I somehow always find a way to get it back again
This poem was written 2012
Rest In Peace
Nicholas D. Lovelace
5/21/88 - 12/07/16
I’m very proud of my self-righteous stripes,
I’ve given more alms than you have my whole life
My self-flaggelations is more painful than anybody’s are
I’m sure that in heaven,
my name is neon blinking on the brightest star
My wool is so much whiter than yours,
my spiritual requests goes higher towards heaven
off the faith prayer springboard
I’m just so much more righteous
than you’ll ever be
I know I have a VIP spot
reserved in heaven for me
I love talking to myself endlessly everyday,
and I must say,
I give a mighty fine sermonizing soliloquy
My wool is so much more winter whiter than yours,
it lets my sins get cleansed faster
than anybody else’s of course
I’m tickled pink,
I’m blue in the face pleased
that I’m not like that pitiful soul
mournfully standing afar off from me
I’m no extortioner ...
I’m no adulterer ...
I’m no sinful publican ...
I’m an upright, self-righteous God fearing man
Me just love praying to myself several times a day,
it gives me goose bumps
hearing such a solemn, holier-than-thou soliloquy
No one can tell me
that my wool ain’t snow whiter than yours
Welcome to my self-righteous shrine,
may I give you another paid in crass tour?
Breathless beauty in the world of ice,
Icicles hanging off the tightly coiled noose,
Blue in the face and the body of ice,
Gently cradled by icy old snooze.
Heart that once beat with melody pure,
Eternally banished into freezing unknown,
Broken in pieces, beauty will lure,
Body of ice appears amongst known.
Melody pure, with dreams which destroy,
Wishful and doubting hearts don't belong,
Helen, the prettiest lady in Troy,
Just give up fighting for it wont be long.
A Roman, Cavalier, and a Lady in Grey
were all sat in the old Bell Hotel,
the customers round didn't know they were there
but could sense a peculiar smell.
The Centurion spoke first as he put down his pint,
“ I can't say I've been doing alright,
I've haunted this place 'till I'm blue in the face,
I'm put down to 'a bump in the night' “.
“ I know what you mean” said the sad Cavalier,
“Haunting is much harder than you think,
I've walked through pub walls,
waved my sword in the hall
but the locals put it down to drink”.
The Lady in Grey shook her head in dismay
“ I've spent two centuries on these stairs,
but it's always the same, the photo experts blame
dodgy negatives, nobody cares.
So we all are agreed”, as she stood up to leave,
the door opened without turning the knob,
“we make known our desire that we're going to retire-
Richard Felix is out of a job”.
(Richard Felix is our local paranormal expert who runs Ghost walks in the city, and has been a regular on TV series 'most haunted' )
From the moment he turned adult legal,
Triple B been hot rodding to the liquor sto’e
Making them daily late night beer runs,
and popping them tops with his beefy guns
Liquid numbmification is his stupor education,
sober thinking everyday takes a vacant vacation
Guzzling and grunting,
brain cells mental growth stunting
Belching and barfing,
lager laced blue-in-the-face scarfing
Triple B don’t have a problem with none of that,
he’s a certified spud, who loves sucking down suds by the sack
His grandpa affectionately calls him Beer Belly Boy,
a Budweiser lunch box was his favorite childhood toy
He don’t mind people saying his six pack is a couple cans short,
as long as he delivers the moonshine on time to the rally point port
Triple B feels he’s living the life of a NASCAR rebel,
and his best friend Bo is a rowdy, hell-raising devil
Beer Belly Boy loves his favorite American girl,
dressed in her aluminum skirt and amber pearls
Beer Belly Boy, full of joy, gon crush kiss each empty can,
‘cause his gut feeling tells him this is the measure of a man
From the moment he turned adult legal,
Triple B been hot rodding to the liquor sto’e
Making them daily late night beer runs,
and popping them tops with his beefy guns
Liquid numbmification is his stupor education,
sober thinking everyday takes a vacant eyes vacation
Guzzling and grunting,
brain cells mental growth stunting
Belching and barfing,
lager laced blue-in-the-face scarfing
Triple B don’t have a problem with none of that,
he’s a certified spud, who loves sucking down suds by the sack
His grandpa affectionately calls him Beer Belly Boy,
a Budweiser lunch box was his favorite childhood toy
He don’t mind people saying his six pack is a couple cans short,
as long as he delivers the moonshine on time to the rally point port
Triple B feels he’s living the life of a NASCAR rebel,
and his best friend Bo is a rowdy, hell-raising devil
Beer Belly Boy loves his favorite American girl,
dressed in her aluminum skirt and amber pearls
Beer Belly Boy, full of joy, gon crush kiss each empty can,
‘cause his gut feeling tells him this is the measure of a man
Tired going here and there,
Tired of being aware!
Sick of building useless hopes,
Sick of being on unstable slopes!
Vexed facing disappointment,
Vexed keeping perseverant!
Done carrying on,
Done being cheated on!
Special thanks to all my swains;
Those who cured, or racked my strain,
A new stage has just broke ground,
A Point of view is switching around
Only success is what I'll brace,
From today, till blue in the face!
Rabbit was my turtle who never won a race
Red is my fish but he's blue in the face
And I love my pets but they do no tricks
So I play all day and sleep at night with my sidekicks
My sidekicks~ Wa! Cha! My sidekicks~ Wa! Cha!
Sometimes we stand on bricks, play swords with sticks
Sometimes we have tools for fixin', lollipops for lickin'
But when it's time quit and switch, they're still my fav clique
My sidekicks~ Wa! Cha! My sidekicks~ Wa! Cha! (Chorus)
Smokey is my cat and I love him too
Got a little kitty, named her Crystal blue
And another fish in a bowl I call Fins
But they do no tricks, so I play with my sidekicks again
I got Teddy and Roy and my bulldog Bully
And at bath time I get to dunk my pal Sully
Then there's Croc but is he an alligator
And Fishy is orange, before I see you later
I gotta tell ya Mr. Duck is now Mr. Quacks
But my favs of all time is Tang Tang and Scratch
And though they're stuffed animals~ they do all the tricks
Like my play friend Jerry- they're my sidekicks
(Chorus)
A Song for my son Caleb at age 4
I am going to write a funny poem
How is tomorrow?
Does it look like today?
Then I don't want it
Okay not?
Then yeah I want it
Just to make sure you wrap it up okay?
I want it as a present
Sure hope you come
Did I just say that?
Sure hope you not come haha
What do I want to say?
I don't know what I want to say
Just know I want to say it
"Say what?"
Ahhh
Bug me, will ya?
I need to get the bug out of me
Shhhh burning
It will combust
Did you get the kink out yet?
No? Not yet?
Do you know what you are doing?
Lol
Running machine
Who is running?
Surely not moi
What are you talking about?
Did you say you'll succeed?
Wish you luck
'Cause you are going to need a lot of luck
What are the chances?
One in a million?
Around there
No one wins yet
Lol
Who talks about bs?
I do
I will talk about bs
until you are blue in the face
'Cause I know bs when I see one
Take one to know one lol
You can say that haha
Ahhh
What do I do with you?
Can't get away
Can't f away
Can't do away
What? What can I do with you?
I give up
You can coo if you want too
But it's not going to work on me
Cookadoodle doo
Willie Willa
When does the sun rise?
You can lead a horse to water and
I bet he will drink it
You can give a squirrel a nut and
Watch him crack it
You give someone your heart and
They stomp all over it
You can talk and yell until you
Blue in the face because
THEY JUST DON'T GET IT
You can give jack a beanstalk and
See how quickly he climb
You can give cinderella until 12:00 and
She's home at 11:59
You lend your friens and family your car keys and
They out just drinking and driving with it
Cinderella may have lost a glass slipper but at least
SHE GOT IT
You know how the little mermaid wanted
To be human and live on land
Well I was constantly saying in a loud voice
King Triton by your command
Please, wave your magic staff that you
Hold in your hand
At me a child who has always wanted to
Be a mermaid
And live at sea.
I know you can help me.
Please, listen to my plea.
On land
I have practiced holding my
Breath until I am blue in the face.
I am fast when we have a relay race.
I have learned how to empty my lungs
So I can sit on the bottom of my pool
Without having to surface.
I took swimming and skin diving lessons
To learn all your tricks.
One of the hardest things was mastering
The dolphin kick.
In all of my widest dreams I did finally
Become a mermaid.
I live in a beautiful lagoon where I get
Paid, I love it when I hear that other
Little girls have said King Triton by your
Command
Please, wave your magic staff that you
Hold in your hand.
Who knows they may turn out to be like
Me to live in the sea
As well as on land
By working at a water resort which is a
Better plan.
Hey, I've always been ***** for the Men at the Top,
It is something to which I can cheerfully cop.
They're my Pharaohs and Saviors all rolled into One;
I, like, pee in my pants when I see what They've done.
Well, I'd committed my share of despicable crimes
As reported back then in the Nueva York Times
For my part in arranging Establishment's doom
By concocting a way to make buildings go "Boom!"
But I got a reprieve from the full forty years
And secured a nice job filling students with fears
Of the evil designs of their Capitalist dads
And assuring they'll soon go the way of all fads.
See, I studied the habits of parasites well
In the time I had served in my bleak prison cell
And I saw that the way to defeat my old Foe
Was to work from within to take over the show.
As I sit here and twist my moustache with great glee
I can dream of the day when my minions and me
Have corrupted the souls of the rest among you
Who once loved so-called "liberty", "truth" and "virtue".
So the Cancer long known as the Communist Cause
Is entwining itself here in our country's laws
We'll just take what we want from the ones who work hard
And enjoy what they're pathetically striving to guard.
You can cry and complain 'til you're blue in the face
But we'll just say it's all on the basis of race.
There's no way you can win, it's all useless, you know;
You've grown weak, and your skills at debate really blow.
Though you pray to your "god" for a last-minute save,
It's your spawn who shall savagely stomp on your grave.
They'll be taught that the Czar is the Way and the Word
And the will to be "free" is completely absurd.
~A Dance with the King~
Have you ever danced with a King? Every girl should sign up. Oh it is the most extraordinary dance you will ever have in your life time. First he will take your hand and ask, “Shall I have this dance, my dearest fair maiden?” Then you bow and curtsy with the most humble grin. Then he smiles in return and the entire universe is lit up! Oh, it is a once in a life time moment.
Have you ever waltzed on the edge of the Milky Way? Have you ever tangoed on Mars? Once we danced all night until the stars turned off their lights and then the sun woke us up. As soon as the lights reappeared we continued where we left off. It was the dance of a lifetime.
Have you ever held hands with the King of the Universe? His hands are enormous and have all the healing power the world could ever need. There are scars there too you know. Scars from the burden of his love for us. Scars that penetrate deep within his soul.
Have you ever really waited for a miracle? Have you ever sat and prayed until you were blue in the face? Have you prayed until something miraculous happened and then shouted and gave the King praise? Oh, you should also do that one day too.
Our King can be anything you want him to be. He can be your dance partner if you don’t have one. He can be your Father if you are an orphan. He can be a husband if you are a widow. Whatever it is you need him to be he will fill that void for you. How do I know that my poem is true? Because He is every one of these things to me.
Gwendolen Rix
11-8-14