Maryann Nope Poet Free verse

Suicide Schemes

I wonder again why I have talked, uninterrupted
Until I am blue in the face
Convincing as I may be
You still believe
You're nothing more than human waste

Empty threats, locked doors turn into quiet space
So I kick and kick until the door breaks through
On the floor I find you
Anger such, an adrenaline rush
But no sign of you cold and blue

Different scene- you run straight out the door
Staggering bleeding from the wrist you cut
Eating poison to lure- me back in but
How many times will I chase you out the door?

I'm calling your name urgent
Then tired and sore
Because I've played this game too many times before

How many more police reports?
Worry turns to wonders of what this is all for
And all you seem to want is more

How many times for you
A helicopter in the city
Wasted time, attention, pity

How many times will I let you back inside
When your running came to an end and it became impossible to hide?
Taking refuge back home you come inside

Naked we get into the bathtub together
"Let's get you all cleaned off."
I take a washrag to the dirt and cuts on your skin with a touch so soft
You begin to cry, a whimper so
You hang your head

No more defense
The things you say begin to make sense
And I realize you're back.. It's you!
That sickening twist I never wanted to accept as truth

Because that anger I tried to hold on to
To show you that this I would not allow
Was for someone else
Surely it wasn't for you who is sitting in front of me now

My anger and frustration melts into something much more pure
Derived from the love that I have for you 
And you crave it 
Say "More, please more"

How many more apologies will I accept?
Or secrets from me should be kept?

Things I say in one ear and out the other
My patients wears thin
I somehow always find a way to get it back again

This poem was written 2012

Rest In Peace 
Nicholas D. Lovelace
5/21/88 - 12/07/16

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Aqua Marine December 7, 2018 at 11:14 PM Hi, Maryann, I came across your poetry from the side bar on the page. I am struck by your empathy, wrapped in deep observation, for a loved one in a downward spiral. Addiction takes on many forms, and it's most primitive impulse is the need to feel " normal," to not be present in the pain of living. I am sorry for your loss. You showed love in whatever way you could, to someone others would deem unlovable. It take strength to do that without losing your identity. Take care of you, too.((HUGS))

Iris E. Sankey- Lewis January 10, 2016 at 10:36 AM This is exhausting, loving, redeeming, baffling. I feel for you and your loved one trying to stay afloat. Quite an undertaking penning this poem so honestly, strength seeps in; compassion turns to gem. Thank you for stopping by with your warmth. May the new year bring you peace and blessings galore. Maryann Nope January 29, 2016 at 10:31 PM Thank you and may 2016 be wonderful for you as well