Best Beano Poems
Five stones
closing times
radiograms and
seventy-eights
school caps
sticklebacks
saturday flicks,pooh sticks
Charabancs
steam trains
linoleum
oil cloth
mangles
fish paste
sandwich spread
Hot towel shaves
cut-throat razor
shopping baskets
paper bags
braces,plimsoles
short,back
and sides
Wizard beano
and hotspur
lending libraries
picturegoer,
road to
Bridget Bardot
Marilyn Monroe
Dripping
coal fires
antimacassars
nylons,suspenders
crumpets
and toast
Brown and mild
barrelled beer
conkers,school milk
blackboard rubbers
and liftup desk lids
times-tabled
school-kids
Draughts
and allotments
rusty bikes
roller skates
satchels and scrumping
pounds,shillings
and pence
Stung with the absence of his father, he excruciatingly rumbled deep inside of his mother’s womb.
He stormed out already filled with disappointing void.
The mother’s joy was of uncertainty.
Memories of her husband, flashed back right in her face once again.
She could feel the exhaustion of a lifetime encircled around her and the weight and magnanimity of raising the beautiful baby on her own.
Two years creeped by and the bond between them was legendary.
The love was so constant and consistent, like the sun will rise.
Their friendship thrived through the encroached stormy desert.
Her wings unfolded like an angel, extraordinarily patient as a lion hunting.
The fondness between them was as phenomenal as THE SERPENT GOD at chichen Itza, that he was unceremoniously detached from her.
A devastation of a 4-5 year old separation to a foreign land, felt like an erupted-never-ending-volcanic-nightmare.
The purpose of that crushing disconnection, was feeble.
he was starved off of food, shelter and raiment.
Apportioned milk from animals became the only privilege given.
The purest and cleanest form of consumed water, was of a residual of donkeys streamed through the shin of an old dirty black slave man.
An occasional feasting on birds, caught through invented-trapping.
With innocence, he’ll apathetically rip the head, feathers of the little creatures with bare hands, bury them in the sand of the mountain top desert, hours later, it’s BEANO.
He was deprived of even just a glimpse of his family for all those years, he wimped in loneliness.
And on a dark frightful night, came the growl of the famous fox, but he survived.
Life is fickle and comes without no warning and can’t be anticipated.
Survival can not be measured by *echoes* of preventions, it is destined and destiny is not always a gift.
The tale unfolds in hardship, a narrative woven through the threads of resilience and survival. The bond between mother and child, tested by separation, echoes the unpredictable journey of life—a journey marked by both strength and vulnerability.
The Reunion
I’ve been invited to a classroom reunion,
I can see my old chums over there.
Geordie Cockle has got a green suit on,
While Denver Crisp, is sporting no hair.
These people don’t look as I remember,
Some are grey, some old and some fat.
Willy Heather is in parliament as a member,
Lisa Tabby, has brought her new cat.
The years haven’t been kind to Tim Jolly,
But made a looker of Beverley Sprite.
Dandy Beano is still a right wally,
Sharing bad jokes and drinking all night.
Danny Sergeant has just left the army,
With a medal to make us all proud.
Des Troy clenches a fist and goes barmy,
Describing his war, to an avid small crowd.
Trudy Trotter now owns a small Pig farm,
Making bacon for the town folk of Wick.
Amy Fry prints Tee shirts “Keep Calm”,
and Tim Throup left early, feeling sick.
The problem with the old-school reunion,
Is the boasting, tall tales and the rest.
Familiar old faces, but no playground fun.
Why did I reply, to my reunion request?
There was an old man from Bluegrass,
who always ate green sassafras.
His tummy got icky,
somersaults and sicky,
took pills, now there’ll BEANO more gas!
A Limerick, Old or New: Your personal favorite Poetry Contest
8-8-6-6-8 syllable count
howmanysyllables.com
Written: April 10, 2018
re-post inspired by Brenda's contest
THE HERO
Every Tuesday on the dot,I would be off to the newsagent like a shot.A solitary
sixpence,all my wealth to pick up my favourite comic from his shelf.Not the
Beano,Beezer,Dandy or Eagle...the Hotspur and Wizard were my kings regal.To
read of my hero W W Wilson,the wonder man,sporting giant extraordinaire,batted
bowled and ran.
Soccer ,cricket were a piece of cake,he left all others in his wake.Give him the
ball and the game was soon over,he even outscored Roy of the Rover.Bowling
right armover,on a sixpence seven times from eight,well above average Wilson
was incredibly great.He'd bowl all day at one twenty an hour,never stopping to
take shower!
In futuristic black body suit,an English record breaker without dispute.My
inspiration,this imagined prince,never bettered then,before or since!
This is for Andrea D. who asked for my Cow Gas poems. I have at least one more to
post. Look for California Cows. Mike
Cow Gas
I’m putting my cows all on Beano
With the veggies they eat – oh the gas
Eight hundred plus liters of methane
Each day through each cow does pass
Either that or get funnels and tubing
To capture the gas when it comes
And convert my gas guzzling auto
So on methane alone will it run
If cows can do it, why can’t I
A tube, a tank, and by and by
I’ll generate enough to fry
A burger on my grill
While it won’t get me very far
Were my gas used to run a car
The world would label me a star
For doing what I will
But if everyone would do their part
To capture each and every fart
That through your system did depart
Global Warming would be a chill
Mdailey
Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of
methane, a potent greenhouse gas that gets far less public attention than carbon
dioxide in efforts to fight global warming. When we got the first results, we were
surprised. Thirty per cent of Argentina's (total greenhouse) emissions could be
generated by cows,' said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of
Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers 'never thought' a cow weighing
550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions
each day. Greenhouse gases are widely blamed for causing global warming.
Methane, researchers say, is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping
heat in the atmosphere.
We can probably do the same with the typical human male. It would be no less
complicated and probably no more uncomfortable than a colostomy bag. And while
the typical male may not generate enough gas to run an auto, it should be enough
to run a gas grill on the weekends. Think of the savings and the contribution you
would be making to the war on global warming. As you all know, girls do not pass
gas (or so they tell me) so only the male species would be able to contribute in this
manner.
Found a new friend, his name is Jon
Asked him, 'where the heck is your H?'
He tried to recall and seemed to remember
There was a shortage in 1938
Parents failed to put their order in on time
So Jon was basically out of luck
His H has been missing ever since then
Poor guy it really must suck
Imagine all the times people have asked him
Likely driving him out of his beano
Certainly can't be blamed for a tirade or two
Heard he's heavily into the vino
Strange how a small thing like a missing H
Can affect one's psyche to the core
If you happen to have an extra H lying around
He'll pay a big bunch of moolah I'm sure
Found a new friend, his name is Jon...
© Jack Ellison 2012
Every Tuesday on the dot,
I would be off to the newsagent like a shot.
A solitary sixpence,all my wealth to pick up
my favourite comic from his shelf.Not the
Beano,Beezer,Dandy or Eagle...
the Hotspur and Wizard were my kings regal.
To read of my hero W W Wilson,the wonder man,
sporting giant extraordinaire,batted bowled and ran.
Soccer ,cricket were a piece of cake,
he left all others in his wake.
Give him the ball and the game was soon over,
he even outscored Roy of the Rover.
Bowling right armover,on a sixpence seven times from eight,
well above average Wilson was incredibly great.
He'd bowl all day at one twenty an hour,never stopping to
take shower!
In futuristic black body suit,an English record breaker
without dispute.My inspiration,this imagined prince,
never bettered then,before or since!
You hadn't had any forewarning
as you take a spoonful of
Granny's 12 alarm chili,
not knowing its the
calm before the storm
as its about to set off an alarm,
when you take your
first bite, you try to show delight,
as your inner thermostat soars
to solar flare like heights,
you feel like your going through
menopause again as you feel
waves of hot flashes,
and then like a volcano you hear
something rumbling as Mt. Derriere
starts releasing its gasses,
but its not just you but Granny too
so you don't feel quite so bashful,
as you quickly guzzle down water,
glassful after glassful,
she is just beaming and feels glad
that your visiting her as you
toot-toot like a one woman band,
and then you think to yourself
I didn't know Granny was musically inclined
hearing different sharp and flat notes
coming from her behind,
and to get rid of the smell that you have to quell
you start opening a couple of windows,
all the while making a mental note
which says, remember next time to
most definitely bring the beano!
Five stones
closing times
radiograms and
seventy-eights
school caps
sticklebacks
saturday flicks,pooh sticks
Charabancs
steam trains
linoleum
oil cloth
mangles
fish paste
sandwich spread
Hot towel shaves
cut-throat razor
shopping baskets
paper bags
braces,plimsoles
short,back
and sides
Wizard beano
and hotspur
lending libraries
picturegoer,
road to
Bridget Bardot
Marilyn Monroe
Dripping
coal fires
antimacassars
nylons,suspenders
crumpets
and toast
Brown and mild
barrelled beer
conkers,school milk
blackboard rubbers
and liftup desk lids
times-tabled
school-kids
Draughts
and allotments
rusty bikes
roller skates
satchels and scrumping
pounds,shillings
and pence
PEPTO BISMOL said to her friend, "MLANTA's coming over, what should I serve?"
Her friend replied, "Perhaps your ANTACID would like a PRILOZEC salad, if she has ZANTAC
of her TUMS. If she's not hungry, you could take her to the MAAL OXspecially since you
need to get some new ROLAIDS for your car"
"Yes, but the GAS-X so costly! I don't know if I have enough PEPSID in my car to get there.
It LACTAID the last time I went to the store to get MILK OF MAGNESIA for PHILLIPS. And
what if the lunch GAVISON upset stomuch?"
"Well, you could TAGAMENT along for her, especially if she's BEANO...full of ALKA SELTZER!"
"That sounds crazy!" said PEPTO BISMOL.
"Well, IMMODIUM giving you some suggestions!"
Life is filled with, “hurry up and wait!”
Things in sequence, must keep a steady gait
No horse before the cart
Must play it real smart
Else our beano will spilt asunder and our ass will separate
D'ya notice how handsome
This dude is today
Bet you're speechless
And totally amazed
Can't imagine the difficulty
You haven't a clue
To wake up, such a specimen
While maintaing my cool
Now you may think my beano
Is too big for my britches
But it comes with the accolades
So I scratch where it itches
Us guys are real fortunate
So what can I say
It's a cross we must bear
That we live with each day
Sure gets annoying
Those pretty young fillies
Constantly hounding me
To show them my willy
Now a little bit of smut
Has crept into my verse
Please forgive me P-Soupers
It could be a lot worse
D'ya notice how handsome
This dude is today
Betcha you're speechless
And totally amazed!
© Jack Ellison 2013
We wondered how long it would last
folks holding up traffic on the overpass
chanting be beano smart
we are the Anti-fart
protesting about people passing gas.
10-29-17
Comics come in many forms
From Archie and friends
To Batman and Superman
Beano and the Dandy
Vampire stories
If you have a penchant for blood
Japanese ninja assassin's
Laura Craft tales for the girl's
Science Fiction from Galaxy's far away
But if Hustler or Playboy
Are more your thing
A word of advice
Don't bother visiting Comic Con
It may be dark
But It's most definitely not Blue
Sorry for you