Granny's 12 Alarm Chili

You hadn't had any forewarning as you take a spoonful of Granny's 12 alarm chili, not knowing its the calm before the storm as its about to set off an alarm, when you take your first bite, you try to show delight, as your inner thermostat soars to solar flare like heights, you feel like your going through menopause again as you feel waves of hot flashes, and then like a volcano you hear something rumbling as Mt. Derriere starts releasing its gasses, but its not just you but Granny too so you don't feel quite so bashful, as you quickly guzzle down water, glassful after glassful, she is just beaming and feels glad that your visiting her as you toot-toot like a one woman band, and then you think to yourself I didn't know Granny was musically inclined hearing different sharp and flat notes coming from her behind, and to get rid of the smell that you have to quell you start opening a couple of windows, all the while making a mental note which says, remember next time to most definitely bring the beano!