Cow Gas

This is for Andrea D. who asked for my Cow Gas poems. I have at least one more to post. Look for California Cows. Mike Cow Gas I’m putting my cows all on Beano With the veggies they eat – oh the gas Eight hundred plus liters of methane Each day through each cow does pass Either that or get funnels and tubing To capture the gas when it comes And convert my gas guzzling auto So on methane alone will it run If cows can do it, why can’t I A tube, a tank, and by and by I’ll generate enough to fry A burger on my grill While it won’t get me very far Were my gas used to run a car The world would label me a star For doing what I will But if everyone would do their part To capture each and every fart That through your system did depart Global Warming would be a chill Mdailey Researchers say the slow digestive system of cows makes them a producer of methane, a potent greenhouse gas that gets far less public attention than carbon dioxide in efforts to fight global warming. When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty per cent of Argentina's (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows,' said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers 'never thought' a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day. Greenhouse gases are widely blamed for causing global warming. Methane, researchers say, is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere. We can probably do the same with the typical human male. It would be no less complicated and probably no more uncomfortable than a colostomy bag. And while the typical male may not generate enough gas to run an auto, it should be enough to run a gas grill on the weekends. Think of the savings and the contribution you would be making to the war on global warming. As you all know, girls do not pass gas (or so they tell me) so only the male species would be able to contribute in this manner.