she is bananas, batty, bizarre
crackers, cuckoo, looney by far
she is a fruit loop, demented and deranged
eccentric, off her rocker, a little insane.
crazy as a coot, pretty much off in her head
unbalanced, unsound, her spoiled son said
he was trying to dissuade me, keep me at bay
not wanting me to sell her a timeshare that day
I returned without him, and she bought him right away
I found her solid and sound, optimistic, merry and gay.
Sick of this impetus.
Life's, keeping up with.
Nerve-taut, no time to unwind;
With that running mind!
Breathless, batty, borne along
Too frantically.
A slow boat, for a bed!
Surest heals took to.
Cool blown, puts to sleep the best.
On its infant's rest
Of waters' gentle rockings.
Floaty-dreamily.
she is batty, bonkers, cranky, and crazed
with a cherry on top, her brain icing glazed.
demented, deranged, daffy, silly too
loco, looney tunes, a maniac, our Aunt Sue
Say that to her face I prissily suggest to the speaker
She would cut him out of her will, then he’d really be a squeaker.
Born beautiful, bacon breath,
Beau, besides being boisterous,
basketcase boggles,
batty behavior,
bounds beyond boundaries,
brazen barking bravado,
bane of UPS drivers bringing boxes,
bowling bewildered brother canine bedfellows,
befriending beagles,
basking beside bashful basset hounds,
belabors begging beef at table,
bedazzled by butterflies,
bobblehead bouncy Beau,
basically befuddled,
becalmed by bedtime biscuit,
beloved baffling beastie!
What wet dreams come from his coffin?
Batty X-streams sent too often!
But if Musk we bossed
He’d be miffed and crossed
Which means his stiff part would soften
Chicks who've seen the beast's orange flow
Know Trump the con-fused-sex-parts bro
Has a thread sewn stitch
Which makes his tool glitch
So to Igor’s lab he should go
Dracula would go on adventure
and loved to drink in local culture,
but he discovered, alas,
that strange food gave him gas,
not to mention one heck of an ulcer.
During a weekend in Cincinnati
he met some women who were quite chatty;
but their lewd and crude talking
was really quite shocking
and it simply drove him quite...batty.
In Bucharest, he became fascinated
by a vampire he later dated.
She was a Contessa
whose name was Vein-essa
and she liked her tea de-coffin-ated!
They would travel to museums and shows
and especially enjoy art nouveau;
but they most liked to spend
leisure time with a friend:
the vampire artist Vincent Vein Gogh.
Dotty doggy duo, daily derring-do,
descending leaves decorating yard,
Beau-black as coal,
brown-eyed batty Gus,
barking brazenly, bounding,
both bonkers?
a boisterous, "You betcha!"
Kings of calamity-
canines of chaos,
squirrels scurry for sweet sanity,
scolding silver September
acorn gatherers,
sedulously seeking sedatives!
Slip all batty zing ump ash
Flip ball catty bing bump bash
Clip doll fatty ding dump dash
Sip caul hatty bring chump crash
I stare at the speaker, wishing I knew what to do or say
Hip haul natty ping grump hash
Quip mall ratty ping grump rash
Strip paul slatty string stump slash
I hear the words but they make no sense
For I do not know the language or understand
My parents threw me into full immersion school
Where I do not speak the language in any form...
I do not understand, and I doubt I ever will.
I wonder if the sun realizes
it is getting up early next week?
Will the stars shout:
“Hey!!! Turn off the light.”,
the moon sulk in a corner?
Will it drive the bats….
You know….”batty”?
I heard a rumor
The “Shadow and Shade Unions”
are laying off.
The sparrows think it’s hilarious
as they can’t tell time,
The roosters may need a snooze button.
I just want to know:
“where are they putting all this daylight they’re saving?”
John G. Lawless
©10/27/2022
D'ya know any people who are always right
Are they annoying creatures or what
Wonder who made them a walking thesaurus
They sure make my blood run hot
Love to poke holes in what they're saying
Proving that they ain't infallible
Jump at any chance to prove these guys wrong
To be right every time is impossible
Engaging these people in normal conversation
Is frustrating and hard on the psyche
You wanna shout and yell naughty words
And physically harm them, by crikey
Best thing to do is just try to remain calm
Dispute everything they're saying
Drives them batty and they blow their stack
As around the issue you go skating
A naughty and devious man I am
Get a chuckle out of seeing 'em rage
Sure serves 'em right for being so arrogant
Must be the attention they crave
No one goes down to crazy town
they stay put or don't care,
but floods seep
tides rise
snakes swim.
Crazy town does not knock
before it comes in.
Murderous are the many
who though few
do much when they do.
Bedlam glowers
bawls naked from gothic bell towers,
the batty belch bawdily
in the public square.
The cops run guns drawn
but they run the other way.
Crazy runs the subway
green are the goblins of crime.
Crazy craps in the street,
rats deplore the mess;
it's all so cruddy and awful
change the tv channel,
or turn the volume down
on high-jinxing, carjacking,
dog nabbing,
crazy town.
Each morning birds chatter and wake me from sleep
In avian society talk is cheep
**
A balding sheep who writes poems in the farmyard
Has written a sonnet and signed it, ‘The Baaahd’
**
The police came along and I’m locked up with felons
But I only admired the grocer girl’s melons
**
My Gran says respect the elderly or we all suffer
The thing is, she’s batty, the geriatric, old duffer
We are in a doctor’s waiting room.
A child’s cell phone is out; the sounds drive me batty.
Botta Bing Botta Bing
Ding Sing Shing Wing Ding
How does this child’s parent stand it?
I wish the child’s parent would put a stop to it.
I do not say a word, knowing people the way I do.
I wonder which adult is the parent.
The woman on her left or the man on her right.
They do not seem to hear the
Botta Bign Botta Bing Ding Sing Shing Wing Ding.
A door opens. A woman comes out.
She yells at the child “I told you to turn that sound off!”
Aha, her mother is here and I am glad.
People who are always right
don’t understand subjective
Thinking we’re all in one boat
sharing one perspective
That’s because they’re selfish folk
who see themselves perfected
the batty fools are helpless jokes
possibly infected
D'ya know any people who are always right
Are they annoying creatures or what?
Wonder who made them this walking thesaurus
They sure make my blood run hot
Love to poke holes in what they're saying
Proving that they ain't infallible
Jump at any chance to prove these guys wrong
To be right every time is impossible
Engaging these people in normal conversation
Is frustrating and hard on the psyche
You wanna scream and yell naughty words
And physically harm them, by crikey
Best thing to do is just try to remain calm
Dispute everything they are saying
Drives them batty and they blow their stack
As around the issue you go skating
A naughty and devious man I am
Get a chuckle out of seeing 'em rage
Sure serves 'em right for being so arrogant
Must be the attention they crave!
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