A constant breeze
from the hole of energy
her death carved out within me
and
Nine hundred and twenty-eight days later, I still
Get choked up when I try to remember not to forget her
and sometimes not to hate her
So
I made her my happy place
A place where I now go 2x a day to meditate
In this place created with an image of her face, a version of her I remember during a period where she exuded inner grace
In a chapter from our life’s story
We sit side by side
Overlooking the stinging meadow at our shared childhood campsite
I now love to meditate because
I get to see her face
Some days that’s enough
today, I touched her hand it felt so real
Like I could feel it in this place
If I could make amends in this space, I created
Which I made with particles of her that now keep me calm
during times I meditate
I can move past the guilt I carry, so I can focus on living and not how it ends
Grief is real.
So I made it my dearest friend
I miss you more than my heart can ever heal or will ever mend
He bowed with an open hand
then offered me the most precious gift
"the pen ! "
and I fell for him
in the hardest way
as I sat there, like a fish on a hook,
looking through a distorted fish bowl.
What kind of creature was this,
that could see right through me
as if I wore no skin, ?
" This was the kind of man that had guided my soul for many a lifetime
this time around, he knew how to use kid gloves
no matches, no flames,... just kindness and understanding
and a mild recognition, that we had been here before "
When I get sober I'll call all my friends
To make amends and convey apologies
Tell my mamma I'll be home tonight
Tell them that I was drunk
When I get sober I'll go down on my knees
Call on Jesus tell him I'm sorry
Tell him to wash away my sins make me whole again
Read the word to receive revival
When I get sober I'll call my love
Ask her for another chance to be loved
Remind her of the good times
Tell her I won't drink again
When I get sober I'll call all my side chicks
Ask them for closure and call it quits
Tell them I am sorry, I have a girl
Tell them I was drunk
I don’t suppose you’ll worry
Till the conflicts on your door
The world wounds are now festering
No longer just a sore.
Lift up your arms to peace my friends
It’s time to make amends
Danger is looming closer
see it through Gods lens
The drivers of this carnage
is fuelled with bitter hate
It’s not just about a country It’s
the world look at its state
Love is the power that cleanses hate
Forgiveness breathes in peace
Unite together bury the grudge
It’s not too late.
Get on your knees and pray I say
Pray for it all to end
Do not sit by idle, muted
And let evil have its way.
"All a man really wants, is a girl who looks good in a bikini." - Jack Freestone
Upon your mind set it purely depends;
Self-respect of girls it greatly offends.
Men, tighten all your minds’ screws;
Picture yourselves in their shoes.
A view of this kind surely needs amends.
It was a free ride down town
Full of obstructions
And multiple checkpoints
My pulchritude casts a spell
On entire human existence
As motley petals on insects
Many couldn't resist
A glimpse at me
I am a creation of the earth
I wish to exclusively
Spell out rules for humanity
But I can't always have my way
Growing affection and inattentively,
Let my guard down.
Nature exploited the innocent me
I felt stupid and confused
But neither alone nor helpless
Uncertain of hopes
For a brighter future
But it's time to make peace
With inner self and accept reality
The chance to right all wrongs
And anew personality
Give me time and space
To get back to myself.
For I am a jewel in others' lives.
Making Amends”
Making amends
The reconciliation of old friends
When disharmony arose and the once so solid frozen ice was thin The conflict broke it and we all had fell in
Without genuine forgiveness the division is sin
Now how can we move foward and win
With added pressure weighing us down
voids from the past connected companionships that were once so amicably sound Lets demonstrate greatness
Lets communicate about our issues
Apologize then put it to rest
Lets forgive and forget
Life is to short to be at one anothers neck Its all about maturity, Loyalty and respect So lets reunite and move on to whats next
Whether we agree to disagree
In love we all got to do whats best Prevailing over the enemies test
Making amends with old friends Theres no need to say anything else Make Amends
Stop blocking all the opportunities that make it your way. Don't let your fear dictate your fate. That, you should be the one to create.
You have made plenty of unwise decisions, some that caused you pain. So one day you decided to build a shield that practices keep away. In batting off the "bad" and protecting your heart, you somewhere along the way managed to push anything worth a damn from getting closer to your, deep parts.
You thought you had it covered, you truly had no doubt. I see you had one thing covered; your ego and let me tell you ouch. You now see the damage you caused trying to be safe. You actually thought what you dodged would not come back and try to have it's day?
I never meant to block our long-awaited amends, my stupid ego had feelings and some were just too bent. I now have learned a lesson, and this one truly stings. I guess I have to show up and face whatever the universe flings.
Keep in mind just because it pitches you don't always have to bat. I sometimes watch the bs, as it blows over and then that's that.
He likes them not, he thinks they’re rough
And dirty all the time
I do not care, I value them
To me they are sublime
Worn out from toil and drudgery
A story they can tell
Of being humble, being meek
The feelings they can quell
I’d never dare to disrespect
These blessed parts of his
I would not trade them for the world
Something would be amiss
They tell of strength, of honesty
They need not make amends
They are just great the way they are
His loving, caring hands.
Wendy Nipas
I want you
I want that part of me
I want us
Why can't you see?
I feel love
I feel hope
I feel lust,
But I must cope.
Turn around,
And come back.
Don't leave yet,
Don't close the door.
Not ready to let go yet,
Not even close.
Just give us another chance..
We mean the most
I need you to know,
Need to tell you how I feel.
But you're too far gone now
And we need to repeal.
You just gotta know
Gotta know that I love you
That I love the person that you are.
I won't just bid you adieu
So forget it, I'm in love, just like you were at one point
I refuse to give up,
Won't take no as answer
But you don't believe me? Just hold up.
I wasn't the best that I could be
That, I do know
But I was scared,
I didn't let my feelings flow
I'm not scared anymore
After you left I had time for me
To see who I truly am
And to focus on what I want.. WHO I want..
I want you
I want that part of me
I want us
Why can't you see?
I feel love
I feel hope
I feel lust,
But I must cope.
All I ask is for a fresh start
To get to know each other again
The beautiful people that we are..
And fix what got broke
Please, let's make amends.
You go on ahead
To your unmade bed.
Take a saintly nap;
Comfortably wrap
Yourself in blankets—
It is night, isn't it?
The day has ended,
Amends amended,
Because apologies
Are ideologies:—
Merely strange dogmas
Of those in comas—
They demand no following.
They are grossly wallowing
In mud and waste.
Go and make haste
And amend the amends—:—
I deserve no friends:—
You retract companionship
For complete dictatorship.
'Tis simply an amendment
On amends. You meant
For betterment—
Thus detachment
From me
And replacement
Of me
With government.
So now it's my turn to admit you were right.
Why do I always miss?
I don't think I'll ever understand what is right.
So now it's my turn to admit I was wrong.
I'm getting used to this.
I'm amazed that you can put up with,
all the faults that are mine.
I don't seem to be worthy,
of a single minute of your time.
I always find a way to make it up to you.
Sometimes with a romantic verse or two.
"I'm in love with just the thought of you.
Your heart is my only home,
The best I have ever known."
8/31/15
There are still things to be done.
Places within you that I can call home.
There are depths to dig
And heights to climb,
There are still things about you that have yet to blow my mind.
There are kisses beneath the moon.
Stars to wish upon.
There is a world in your eyes that awaits for me to find.
There is still room for redemption.
We can shed our skin and never have to look at the bruises from our past.
We can sculpt our faults and singe our scars to the wind.
Solace Found, Amends Left Deserted
If I had the courage of my father I'd paint the sky
and give my old wild young life another honest try
No other force sends me down this darkened path
of sadness, bitterness and empty forsaken wrath
Living in a state of despair as big as a mountain
if, if only bravery could I drink from a nearby fountain
The world would suddenly cease to be sad and blue
and I'd break these sad earthly chains just to get to you..
I simply do not try because I am so damn weak
hurting alone fearing to openly and honestly speak
These honest words you are reading quietly now
courage came silently to me and I know not how..... Robert L. 04-30-2014
making amends
not mandatory
are you truly sorry?
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