Best Amends Poems
He bowed with an open hand
then offered me the most precious gift
"the pen ! "
and I fell for him
in the hardest way
as I sat there, like a fish on a hook,
looking through a distorted fish bowl.
What kind of creature was this,
that could see right through me
as if I wore no skin, ?
" This was the kind of man that had guided my soul for many a lifetime
this time around, he knew how to use kid gloves
no matches, no flames,... just kindness and understanding
and a mild recognition, that we had been here before "
making amends
not mandatory
are you truly sorry?
There are still things to be done.
Places within you that I can call home.
There are depths to dig
And heights to climb,
There are still things about you that have yet to blow my mind.
There are kisses beneath the moon.
Stars to wish upon.
There is a world in your eyes that awaits for me to find.
There is still room for redemption.
We can shed our skin and never have to look at the bruises from our past.
We can sculpt our faults and singe our scars to the wind.
Cordless, you are on the other side
Our minds made of armour, thoughts safely hidden inside
My key combination has been deactivated, I need to access you
Communicating like lost ships, I see the flashing light in you
Let's laugh again and let happiness have its way with us
Thoughts of how this was established has me thinking God invested in us
Time has allowed distance, that's unacceptable
Broken families, in societies it has become acceptable
How about our names appearing in the encyclopaediea
Our thesis published by the media, that's an idea
We made ground breaking discoveries on love alone
And now you tell me I can do this all alone
We are the pillars of our own life, architecturally speaking
I find my feelings falling relentlessly in a gradient, literally speaking
I need a lab, a vaccine is imperative
Keep this quarantined or else results would be distructive
Did I tell you that you still make me laugh?
Abstract is the label they give our picture lately, that's rough
All I hear nowadays is your lawyer's voice instead of your own
Evidently no blame can be infused into anyone, decisions made were our own
Now I seat across the table from you holding these papers wondering how it
manifested into this
I am partly involved, part of it not being part of your life which led us into this
You seat there mutely almost emotionless
You still look beautiful as the first time I saw you, nothing less
We now have individuals that speak on our behalf
If I could, I would ask you to continue to be my better half
What's good about a half if the other half is missing
In all honesty, it has always been you that i'm missing
Please, come home.
Stop blocking all the opportunities that make it your way. Don't let your fear dictate your fate. That, you should be the one to create.
You have made plenty of unwise decisions, some that caused you pain. So one day you decided to build a shield that practices keep away. In batting off the "bad" and protecting your heart, you somewhere along the way managed to push anything worth a damn from getting closer to your, deep parts.
You thought you had it covered, you truly had no doubt. I see you had one thing covered; your ego and let me tell you ouch. You now see the damage you caused trying to be safe. You actually thought what you dodged would not come back and try to have it's day?
I never meant to block our long-awaited amends, my stupid ego had feelings and some were just too bent. I now have learned a lesson, and this one truly stings. I guess I have to show up and face whatever the universe flings.
Keep in mind just because it pitches you don't always have to bat. I sometimes watch the bs, as it blows over and then that's that.
You might not remember; it was so long ago.
Our memories devise tricks to flush away pain.
But I walk here in the alleys of remorse
During the darkening final days of the year.
I seek to atone for my neglect, all my plunder.
Our life was torn asunder; all my hollow thunder.
I hunger now for any light; it is true.
But I taste your ghostly wounds in the night stew.
Some of my stages of shame perpetually replay.
No amends, no expression of regret relieves them.
Hedonism never realized its promise of pleasure,
A sugarcoated cereal deadening life’s flavor.
Roaming alone through twisting backstreets.
Survival crawled by irritable, temperamental, impersonal,
My sharp edges and dim wit drove me out of bounds.
I was a delinquent turned out at all the sanctuaries.
I lay in exhaustion, my head in my arms.
Something pealed, yes, some sort of carillon
Again, again, chiming, crystal tones climbing.
Notre Dame, Westminster Abby,
A chorus of cathedral bells tolling, extolling
Clear harmonies rolling, springing, showering,
Towering, overpowering, a new belonging,
A new donging, a new righting of wrongs.
Here, spontaneous essence self-assembles,
Deepest being chiming, dinging in time,
The flood and flurry of bells rain down on me.
I can never repair my failed fragments
Returning like a tiresome uncle.
But perhaps I can thrive, fully alive.
Ringing and pinging, singing of my new self.
For all I have failed to be,
I celebrate my outpouring of love,
my season of rapture.
Simply calling me crazy
Would be nothing short of ignorant
And so much more than lazy
‘Cause it’s deeper than that
When my demons aren’t freely
Beating up or running up
A costly fee on my mind
They’ve got a special place to sleep in the back
And just when I think I’ve out-thought them
They repeatedly prove
That it was me I made a fool of
As what I think I've fixed is shattered
And the clouds begin to gather
Making lightning bolts of pain
Followed closely by a thunder
That'll drown out even rain
And just as I begin to think
That this storm could be a cool one
They get bored and start a hurri-
cane the way they hoola-
Hoop with my medulla
And overload my frontal lobe
Creating a reaction within
My cranium that's a
Lot like splitting a uranium atom
Feels like my brain is gaining weight
And as the load upon my shoulders
Quickly, steadily grows
Until I think my head’ll explode
And try to think of an escape
Suddenly just as fast as
It came on it passes
Like an overfed fire
That just as quickly as it catches
Burns itself into ashes
It's either burning or it's cold
No middle ground
It's either up or it's low
I call it a calming panic
But have heard doctors call it manic
Sometimes it’s dark as any blackness
Sometimes blindingly it flashes
I’ve learned to just let it go
Don't dam the river, let it flow
And ride the wave until it crashes
Ride the line between careless
And just barely careful enough
To not get bit by a shark
Let all the thoughts -
The good, the bad, and the insane,
The glue as well that which rips me apart
The worst of it won't see the day
I might have to think with my head
But I still live with my heart.
Amends
Hey mom? you're right
Let's not fight now
No spite, love you!
So now it's my turn to admit you were right.
Why do I always miss?
I don't think I'll ever understand what is right.
So now it's my turn to admit I was wrong.
I'm getting used to this.
I'm amazed that you can put up with,
all the faults that are mine.
I don't seem to be worthy,
of a single minute of your time.
I always find a way to make it up to you.
Sometimes with a romantic verse or two.
"I'm in love with just the thought of you.
Your heart is my only home,
The best I have ever known."
8/31/15
You go on ahead
To your unmade bed.
Take a saintly nap;
Comfortably wrap
Yourself in blankets—
It is night, isn't it?
The day has ended,
Amends amended,
Because apologies
Are ideologies:—
Merely strange dogmas
Of those in comas—
They demand no following.
They are grossly wallowing
In mud and waste.
Go and make haste
And amend the amends—:—
I deserve no friends:—
You retract companionship
For complete dictatorship.
'Tis simply an amendment
On amends. You meant
For betterment—
Thus detachment
From me
And replacement
Of me
With government.
Lascivious Friends Amends
Coincidence, simultaneity, with a pinch of merriment
And convergence of moments, opened up this gate to hell
(I had to open the door…didn't I ?…)
It was at their convenience, not mine
Cursed by fate, unwanted visitors, (I forget their names.)
I only knew them as fornicators
The lascivious friends, (Not mine. I inherited them.)
Converged on me, a wild pack of hungry hyenas
Yelping, laughing, “Where’s the food!”
Kissing and slobbering all over themselves
Antique furniture and glass began to shatter from their antics
We were all mutual friends of Jack
I wish he’d take them back
They originated, I suspected, speculated
From unknown depths, bottom feeders, society leaches
The underbelly of low life
As synchronicity would have it, in its awful syn-chronic manner
I had to face them, entertain them, could not escape them
Had to be a proper host
A host in the true sense of the word
The parasites took hold of me
Bled me dry of all my food and drink
Did I mention that they stink…or is it stank?
Nearly bending me in half down to their lowly level
They implored me, no, they insisted on more and more
There were four of them who strained my will
Two men, two woman, as they proclaimed aristocracy
I drove off to the store to get them more
When I returned with beer and snacks
They asked me for a favor
To stay forever as they unpacked
I said, is doomsday a good starting date?
They laughed
I called the girls, Jane and Jane
The boys I called Bob and Bob since I did not know their names
And they did not care what I called them
As long as they could stay
Jack, my roommate, was out of town
He would not return
His parents didn't raise a dummy
They trained him well
I was stuck with a couple of nameless Jane’s
And Bob and Bob. Let’s call them double Bob’s
The lascivious ones were here to stay
Debauchery all the way
They will have to live on beer and pretzels
As I await doomsday and pray it comes today
9/23/14 Poems or new magazine please - Poetry Contest
Salty tears and razor blades
The pain drips slowly from my skin
Physical pain sets in, emotional pain subsides
Then begins again
When the pain builds inside
I want to escape
I want to run
I want to hide
I can’t hide from myself
I do this to cope
When I’m down low laying broken on the floor
Left with no hope
In the moment I want to fade the hurt
I slash my pride
Demean my worth
See myself through your eyes
It’s your distorted perception of me
False esteem, iniquitous lies
It’s not easy living in an unhealthy mind
Wrapped in a warped sick self
I start to unwind
A bawled up knot
Frayed at the ends
Then I realize when I hurt my self
Its to my loved ones I must make amends
It was a free ride down town
Full of obstructions
And multiple checkpoints
My pulchritude casts a spell
On entire human existence
As motley petals on insects
Many couldn't resist
A glimpse at me
I am a creation of the earth
I wish to exclusively
Spell out rules for humanity
But I can't always have my way
Growing affection and inattentively,
Let my guard down.
Nature exploited the innocent me
I felt stupid and confused
But neither alone nor helpless
Uncertain of hopes
For a brighter future
But it's time to make peace
With inner self and accept reality
The chance to right all wrongs
And anew personality
Give me time and space
To get back to myself.
For I am a jewel in others' lives.
I want you
I want that part of me
I want us
Why can't you see?
I feel love
I feel hope
I feel lust,
But I must cope.
Turn around,
And come back.
Don't leave yet,
Don't close the door.
Not ready to let go yet,
Not even close.
Just give us another chance..
We mean the most
I need you to know,
Need to tell you how I feel.
But you're too far gone now
And we need to repeal.
You just gotta know
Gotta know that I love you
That I love the person that you are.
I won't just bid you adieu
So forget it, I'm in love, just like you were at one point
I refuse to give up,
Won't take no as answer
But you don't believe me? Just hold up.
I wasn't the best that I could be
That, I do know
But I was scared,
I didn't let my feelings flow
I'm not scared anymore
After you left I had time for me
To see who I truly am
And to focus on what I want.. WHO I want..
I want you
I want that part of me
I want us
Why can't you see?
I feel love
I feel hope
I feel lust,
But I must cope.
All I ask is for a fresh start
To get to know each other again
The beautiful people that we are..
And fix what got broke
Please, let's make amends.
He likes them not, he thinks they’re rough
And dirty all the time
I do not care, I value them
To me they are sublime
Worn out from toil and drudgery
A story they can tell
Of being humble, being meek
The feelings they can quell
I’d never dare to disrespect
These blessed parts of his
I would not trade them for the world
Something would be amiss
They tell of strength, of honesty
They need not make amends
They are just great the way they are
His loving, caring hands.
Wendy Nipas