JACK DANIELS met JIM BEAM at the CANADIAN CLUB
to discuss their upcoming trip on the CUTTY SARK.
They were planning a vacation to a Caribbean cove
to get some SOUTHERN COMFORT.
JOHNNY WALKER, who had a disagreement with
them over their SLOE GIN game, wanted to
give them a SAKI. "VODKA ya think you're doing?"
chimed in GIBSON, who was a BEEFEATER sitting nearby.
"It's not like EARLY TIMES...so just wipe that
SMIRNOFF your face." A brawl would have started,
but a beautiful woman came in. "Look at them
COURVOISIERs," said the MARTIN MILLERs.
They noticed her ring with the BLUE SAPHIRE from
BOMBAY.
JACK DANIELS immediately lost interest in the argument,
and asked if he could sit with her. She agreed and he sat
down. He noticed that she had a B & B monogram on her blouse.
"I've not seen you here before...what's your name and where
are you from?" he asked.
In a charming southern accent she replied, "Ma name is
MARGARITA, Ahm new in town, and Ahm from HENNESSY."
When the waiter came over, they ordered two MINT JULEPS.
It was the start of a relationship that the DEWARS of them
enjoyed, especially when they bowled SCOTCH doubles together.
When the carbon -14 is gone from your bones,
And nothing remains but a hull,
I’ll still hold your taste in my dry, empty jaw,
Having etched AHM in my skull
As the sun will not shine
And my heart will decay
No more will an N
Feel the sweet cosmic rays
Until all I can do is play along, quiet
As all that I say will be wrong, or defiant
Every chemical taken,
In hopes they might calm me,
Become but an agent,
To embalm and prolong the - wait
I can't wait for the times when I'll see you again,
Though, each time I'll be secretly flooded with pain
A Gala, Penelope, Laurie, a muse
And all of this, a cold fuse
Eedjit, bamstick, scunner and twit,
Am no wan o’ them, am jist a nit.
People whae’ve kent me, aw ma days,
Say am unstable, in aw ma ways.
They dinna really ken, the person ah am,
A real great guy, and no’ a bam.
Ah dae some awfy funny things,
But ahm no a hanky, cranky ---- jings!
Dae ye ‘oanestly think, am really ‘bats’,
Eyes all ablaze, like a big Manx cats.
Yellin’ an’ screamin’, an’ roond the bend,
A daft wee looney, tae the very end.
Ah tell ye ya’ great big scunnerin’ oafs,
Ye better no’ let me hear ye scoaff.
Ah’ll batter yer lugs against a wa’,
And yaise yer heids, tae play fitba’.
Then ah’ll throw ye under a movin’ train,
An’ mak mincemeat, oot o’ yer feeble brains.
Am a real great guy, the very best
But dinnae dare pit me tae the test!
Wouldn't you know it
don't tell me you don't ever
feel this way
after lunch, particularly
on Sundays
I find motivation lacking
just want to veg out
even have a sleep
but usually the phone rings
just when you're in
that limbo state
where the mind lets go
and the daydream ideas flow
good and odd inspiration
for poems
off the wall
the doorbell
jolts you
back to reality
ahm
where was I
or where am I
oh yeah
this is my
Sunday Slack Attack.
Now ma mate Geoff's a Yorkshireman,
A Doncaster lad, born n bred,
Full o' fun but thick in t'ead,
Now ah can say this wi'out insultin',
'cos e's me mate an we gerron great,
Ah calls 'im rotten when we're in t'shop,
an 'e gi's it back, n thinks 'e's on top.
I'm a Lancashire lad, born n bred,
'e sez ahm same, thick in t'ead,
Insults we chuck alt' time at each other,
But Ah loves 'im like 'e were me brother.
Anyone comes wi' insult for 'im
As ter get past me an' that would be grim.
Ah banter is fun an' nowt else tha' see,
Ah jabs at 'im an' e' jabs at me.
So don't get t' thinkin' as Roses War's still on,
When we as a go, it's just fer ah fun.
© Dave Timperley 2012
I know I haven’t been there yet,
It’s the one thing that I do regret;
There’s no place I would rather go
Such history from so long ago
Someday I will make that trip,
Maybe by plane, maybe by ship;
To see the Pyramids and the Sphinx,
Abu Simbel and the “missing link’s”;
To visit Luxor and Valley of the Kings,
Egypt is filled with so many things;
From Giza to Karnak and Abusir,
To Saqqara and the Oasis of Ahm Shere;
I can’t wait to see them all up close,
Of Egypt I need a healthy dose;
I’m saving up to travel there,
Readying my mind - so much to prepare;
So many places in Egypt to see,
The only thing missing there is me;
~10th Place in the "African's Attitude" Contest by Adeleke Adeite~