My heart is a universe filled with levels of pain
that beckon me to darker realms of my mind
where I agonize in a silent sadness
that has pierced my soul
as I feel the warm unmeasured number of tears
slowly falling onto the earthen ground
from hands cupped, on my drenched face
From the knife that cut through my heart
with its sharpened edge of betrayal
to reveal my tear-soaked heart
spilling emotions of pain dripping
from my anguished face
Desperate to find understanding
from a heavy reality of burdened emotion
carried from the stone filled fields of yesterday
to the lonely landscape of the heart's dead
Where I with my heart, will fall
in the terrain of sadness
as my heart crumbles into dust
to be scattered by a cold wind
into a void of darkness
that has shrouded the light of my soul
to leave me as an empty husk of bitter goodbyes
My life changed forever after Xavier told me the following…
He has a wooden boat
check carefully for termites
and dry rot
before he takes you out
upon the waters of the lake.
Is a slow leak better
than a fast fill and submerging
dead is dead
but do you want to agonize
the inevitable?
Find a spot of sunshine
even when hopelessness is near,
warmth is sanguine
you will still die
but perhaps you won’t mind
…as much.
For: Line Gauthier
His resting place, an old, worn chair
Electric adjustments comprise
By night he had been sleeping there
Chair is empty since his demise
Except when our dog misses him
When empty, then I agonize
O audio, antennae.
Activate. Agonize.
O bad seed, thy bad penny.
Aim right between their eyes.
Dark fire, burn hot in my brain.
Through my veins break free.
Driver, time to go insane.
Straight into the sea.
Ring of fairies, thy best song.
Where do we belong?
Where the vibrations are strong!
Wargods, strike thy gong!
Wind atop the drear sheer cliff?
Do not dare to climb.
Charon Boatman, pole thy skiff!
Trifle, all of time...
Falcon, scream as victor!
Thy talons sharpen well!
Physician, thy rictor.
O heaven, send for hell.
Rain down on me, liquid light.
Languid as young love.
Harpy, sacred is thy flight!
Watch o'er from above!
Thought-flame, spark with vigor.
Synapses, goals to meet.
Flicker as you figure.
High holy is thy heat.
Ghast, gnash teeth and mighty fast.
Terrify thy foe.
Contender, to come in last?
Golem, time to go...
Cinderella had fun at the ball
with her Prince charming, handsome and tall.
It got late and she would
run home fast as she could-
but one slipper fell off in a fall.
The Prince found it and let people know
he must find Cinderella, although
her glass shoe needs to fit-
those that don't, he'll omit.
The contenders did soon come and go.
Not one woman could match the small size.
Surely most of them did agonize!
But her mean stepsisters
chose to be enlisters
made a plan for large feet to disguise!
They then cut off some toes and the heel
disregarding the pain they would feel
planned to fool the Prince who
placed one shoe and withdrew!
As blood flowed, he collapsed with a squeal!
Cinderella forgave them for this-
took them under her wing with some bliss.
Found them men to soon wed.
At the wedding, instead-
pigeons plucked their eyes out with a hiss!
If you go to my neighborhood thrift shop,
You just might come across
Five ice cream sundae dishes
And two mugs; if not, your loss.
See, I’m very slowly sweeping
Things that I don’t use away,
Though I often must remind myself
Why items needn’t stay.
In L.A.’s recent fires,
People found out in a flash
That they had to leave; their homes
And all their stuff reduced to ash.
I think of them as I decide
What I should keep or ditch,
Knowing that so many there
Were left without a stitch.
And as I agonize about
The trove I still have left,
I’m sure that those who’ve lost it all
Must be beyond bereft.
To anyone, never extend your paining hand
Hand that they might twist
Twist cos of distrust and hatred
To anyone, never reveal your tears’ secret
Secret to shield antagonists of making you cry more
More never reveal to anyone your fragile side
Side anyone might deeply explore
Explore to agonize you more beyond
Beyond of your inner secrets
Secrets buried can shun becoming prisoner
Prisoner of your worries towards your enemies
Enemies making you live in perpetual terror
Terror because an honest man was betrayed
Betrayed by a traitor who is confident
Confident because the perjurer is entrusted
Entrusted for breaking the truth
Truth no one will ever reveal
Reveal and expose themselves
Not every truth needs disclosure
Disclosure kills trust people have in you
You trust yourself, as you cannot betray yourself.
Poem by N. Mugisho
That cold sparkle of despicable antipathy,
which never waned and was held inside secretly,
didn't start any true affection or desire in me:
on death's final breath it'll agonize me!
Turning somewhere else is seeking vengeance,
from somebody so embolden by anger and apathy;
being unkind is showing the falsity of pretense:
cling to me and spare yourself more days of agony!
Compassion is another form of unpretentious sympathy,
it must be felt adequately to be convincing and genuine;
no comfort is offered, only shallow words that swiftly dwine:
their echo is louder than a thunder rattling any gloomy sky!
Turning somewhere else to find a plausible answer
won't alleviate the anxiety built by a tragic outcome;
come to the senses, knock down the wall of lonely prisoner:
behind it stands the road to freedom, don't be too fearsome!
It's either deranged madness or unwillingness to appease
an imploration suffocated by tears so mercilessly unheeded;
no arms are open, no ears listen to anyone who's wrecked and afraid:
will human mercy be shown when the tides turn and events displease?
Life will have days that you will wish to revise
Things said or done will fill you with compromise
Decisions over which you will agonize
And still, the sun will rise
At times others will seek to antagonize
Nights filled with anger shall certainly arise
For, sometimes, your reflection, you will despise
And still, the sun will rise
There will be hard days with long heartfelt goodbyes
When all we can still do is but eulogize
Leaving those left with love but still tearful eyes
And still, the sun will rise
There will always be dark nights with cloudy skies
But things, as is their way, will yet stabilize
Finding new joys, as well as new, true allies
As life will go on with its new lows and highs
And still, the sun will rise
-- by ThoughtsFromB4
A dispenser of dishonest vice, a peddler of blatant lies,
In his unscrupulous realms, nobility of truth sadly dies,
Where righteous vibes of morality and decency agonize;
Where benevolence cries, pensive in verity’s demise.
Masked in aura of dubious eyes, spurious is his smile,
Hiding deceptions of his charismatic, charlatan style;
Counterfeit is the profile sporting thrill of knavish devise,
Proffering affectionate gile, spinning webs of disguise.
Empowering hypnotism of an alluring, charming face,
Weaving traps of fanciful tales his adventures chase,
Mesmerizing them; seeking the disheartened as prey,
Bestowing faux lexicons of praise, that brazenly betray.
Broken pledges and vows, now bawl from his burial site,
Deep within remorseful soul, churning anguished fright,
Awakening graveyard of victims in nightmarish night,
Burning effigies of dreams destroyed, feelings contrite.
Be on guard for imposters vying lure of sensual glance,
Beware of tenders, beckoning love, enticing romance,
Beware of mountebank, a swindler~ thievery is his art;
Dedicated lifelong, to mission of stealing innocent heart.
Peace and unity sing in harmony, echoing worldwide,
When acts of humility replace revenge-infused pride,
When narrowness of mind, naked ambitions subside,
When nations of goodwill, stand together side-by-side.
No inconsolable tears, flooding grief in mothers’ eyes,
No gloomy dawns rise, in smoke of war on sunny skies,
Clamors of hungry, displaced souls, no longer agonize;
No more shattered dreams, buried alive, to eulogize.
Nothingness ceases to vacate sanctity of self-esteem,
Children now rejoice, reminiscing in Cinderella-dream,
Vying bliss of tranquil, endearments of amity redeem,
Discarding ill will, shrieking from yore of vicious regime.
Hiroshima, Nagasaki—echoes of sad, remorseful past,
Resonate horror and shock, from memories aghast;
A world without war, a wish too far, yet close to heart,
Achievable when covenants of life don’t keep us apart.
Dignity of humanity ranks supreme, as priorities change,
Nations engage in educational and cultural exchange,
Farms and factories hum, ensuring hunger is eliminated
As peace and unity toll, from hearts and minds elated.
Sometimes a problem’s beyond your control,
Affecting the way that you rock and you roll
And though a solution, of course, is the goal,
There isn’t one you can uncover.
You Google and agonize, suffer and fret
And think of what you could have done, with regret,
But mostly you wish you could simply forget
And take a deep breath and recover.
Some problems are solvable; others are not,
At least with the tools and equipment you’ve got.
Yet still, you must give it your very best shot,
For maybe some help you’ll discover.
He's a wild heart without a home
In stranger places he use to roam
In dark of night, he shuns the light
He is afraid of something bright
Everyday he finds his forest
Where he can put his soul to rest
For the world he's born is cruel
He's forced to grapple by the rule
He braves the sight of being alone
At times, sadness strikes him to the bone
He braves alone, the storm and rain
He agonize alone in pain
I'll write only of my biggest fault,
over it, I daily agonize.
My heart and soul are under assault
I need to conceptualize.
I can't seem to conquer my dislike
of ignorance, I can plainly see,
As I introspect, there's disquiet
blaming is not where I want to be.
Realizing many cannot afford
a college degree, even a class,
And many with a degree ignored
truth, giving conspiracy a pass.
So, each of us could open a book...
on one hand, I love the concept
of thriving, thinking, but sure to look
where we're going before we have leapt.
Disliking a mind willing to be
told what to think, to believe, to speak
I'm discarding all their qualities
closing my mind, refusing to seek.
A closed mind, a form of ignorance
so I've come full circle with my despair.
I've fallen prey to my dissonance.
A conundrum that needed some air.
April 30, 2023
for “Character Traits” poetry contest
by Angela Tune
My daily life is miserable
But all the same it’s not
I scream and always agonize
There’s stillness in my thoughts
I scream and shout in delight
Or is it fear and pain
I sometimes wonder which of us
Is truly at the reins
Late at night is misery
Midday is alright
Morning is a numb feeling
With speckles of delight
When I seek help I am ok
When I’m alone I’m not
But how can I vocalize
This disgusting thought
I’m numb with fear
I’m fine again
My guts are spilling now
I’m happy here
Im miserable
Won’t someone let me out
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