Santa’s weight loss was ridiculous at best
He was always exercising and taking a weight test
He got so skinny, no one recognized him
Mrs. Claus ran away with someone not so slim.
Santa could not stop, once his weight was down.
“Want a cookie?” brought an evil frown.
He got grouchy and mean, and his blood got thin.
His weight loss was definitely not a win.
What should I do today
Doing everything the same way
Watching too much TV
It’s putting weight on me
Lack of movement causing pain
Knees hurt due to weight gain
My back hurts if I stand to long
Clothes to tight especially my bra
Sweets make my day
Trouble putting them away
No will power to keep at bay
When I walk my body sways
Going to start my diet today
Walk the pounds away
Exercise brings pain
Hope I don’t go insane
Sweat pouring down my face
Trying to run the race
A new life I need to embrace
So I don’t feel disgrace
Vast sums of money
enormous chunks of time
All spent on losing weight ~
usually ruined by dinnertime
It's really quite easy
now I know that sounds cheezy
But here's the one thing that works, brother
Sell your car today, and don't buy another
You'll walk everywhere
have little time to spare
for banquets and luncheons
or to lie around potato chip munchin'
And even if this radical step doesn't work
you have my personal guarantee
I'll sell your car back to you for what you took from me
~ sure enjoyed driving it for free
The cheesecake in the bakery I want to devour,
dag-gone my crumbling willpower!
It's cherry topping so high,
makes me want to cry.
I walk on past the candy aisle,
and gaze at the cereal shelves awhile.
Euell Gibbon's "sticks and pebbles"
Grape Nuts brand-
that kind of breakfast I cannot stand.
Give me a cupcake piled with frosting,
never mind, the "guilt calisthenics"
afterwards would be exhausting!
Stepping on the scale I hate,
I'd much prefer Kit Harington was my date,
yes, that's quite a fantasy,
so bugger off- I'm in my sixties!
My slim grandchildren eat like lumberjacks,
I gain easily, my metabolism is wack,
their ice cream consumption is legendary,
as I scowl eating yogurt and boysenberries.
If there is a monument somewhere for us
who try to lose weight,
before they engrave my name on, do hesitate,
as I'm hiding in my room and munching
in the dark,
peanut butter patties Girl Scout cookies-
but don't give me any snark!
Around my hips, too much weight
In place of a stomach, I've a spare tire
My face is pudgy, slightly bloated
Dark forces against me conspire ...
But I've reversed course, I'm shedding pounds
Part of me's now in the Lost & Found
Though I'm not quite ready to celebrate
when I still tip the scales at 288!
Deflated my butt
Lost too much weight way too fast
Where do I sit now
It’s called, ’excessive fork to mouth disease’.
Overeating too much of what we please.
Sitting excessively on our derrière?
Watching TV, or writing poetry with magical flairs?
Lockdowns were absolutely no excuse.
Blaming it on “Climate Change…”a bad joke and so incredibly obtuse.
Get off our buttoxes and exercise at home.
It’s OK, to leave your great, altar of the internet, alone!
We lovely women, lose weight slower than charming men.
But there’s no magic pill on which neither can depend!
If I made it from a size sixteen to a size seven,
You can do it, too, it’s simply like being in heaven.
Beers, breads and booze are out of the question.
Wines, pizza, chips just few more to mention!
The key is to not listen, to those who failed.
Else, you be imprisoned in an adipose jail!
Live very long and prosper!
Panagiota
8/20/2022
~3 ~
I really can't believe it!
It's that time of the week again!
Will the scale taunt me
Or prove to be my friend?
I've kept focussed, lowered syns,
Stayed faithful to the plan.
But at times the scale tells me
That it's not my biggest fan!
Yes, this can be demoralising
Can make a person blue,
Could fog out their future vision,
Make them wonder what to do...
It's then the inspiration comes
From members of the group.
"Let's trial out new methods,
Different meals, drinks and soup."
The next week, it passes fast
And to a members surprise,
They've achieved a weight Loss
Have fought off a foodie vice!
Was this down to the 'SP' regime
Or perhaps the reducing of syns?
No! It was their determination
And they inspire us to win!
Best way to stop being a large dork
Put that utensil down, named your fork!
5/16/2021
Within without inside out screaming
The pain is unbearable you beasty twit
If you would just lose a leg or an arm
Crippled down bunched up dreaming
Your back is like a rack of ribs on a spit
Shut off this awful belly juggling alarm
Turn up turn out cantankerous filled brain
Take a damn load off before you faint
A graceful young lady named Kate
would shimmy and leap and gyrate.
Her copious whirling,
maniacal twirling
caused Kate to shed half of her weight.
If your aim is to lose extra weight
and escape from what seems like your fate,
take this piece of advice
(the advice is concise):
put your food on a minuscule plate.
Resolved: I’ll make a MOCKERY of death,
metaphoric wake may open my eyes.
I’ll ADORN kitchen walls with shibboleth -
an OPULENCE of signs which look passé.
using words like “Get Up and Exercise”,
“Calories Count” and “Don’t Forget to Weigh.”
I will EXULT VICARIOUS free time:
tasting all those shows on the loss of weight,
eating less, letting those dinner bells chime,
keeping my IMPETUS under corral.
A SILKEN body I will re-create
giving resolution, new rationale.
This year, I’ll cross the CHASM of my death,
downfall of pounds, weight’s passing does take time.
August 25, 2018
contest: Eight-Word Challenge 8, John Hamilton
the eight words are capitalized for easy recognition.
BATTLE OF THE WEIGHT LOSS DRAMA
Here's the halfway mark,
of the weight loss embark,
and if you're like most who at least get started.
Somewhere during the course,
you fell off the horse,
and now you're feeling dishearted..
But remember all’s not loss,
you’re still the boss,
so never, toss, the babe out with the bathwater,
The Yo-yo's are apart of it,
you knew it at the start of it,
when taking on the weightloss charter.
So if you've gained most of it back,
at least you don’t lack,
the wisdom of one determined mama,
Put your dukes up again,
if you keep fighting you'll win,
the battle of the weight loss drama!
Sub Categories
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.