Do you know what it’s like to trust someone
and feel as if it’s jumping into a lake with weights tied to your leg? Watching everyone you love slowly drift away till gone. Like taking that step not knowing if it will turn out the same.
Do you know what it’s like to finally trust that person and put your all into making it work out? As they slowly distance themselves from you, but was it ever bound to work out?
Was I actually loved, or was I in love with the possibility of being loved by you? Did you ever feel the same about me or was it all just limerence?
I see that look in your eyes,
That sparkle with shine,
Asking me for something more
That I cannot provide.
I don’t want to hurt you again.
Why give you half of me
When you deserve me at my best,
And I’m just not there yet?
I want to tell you, you can trust me.
Your feelings are safe in my hands,
But I might end up letting go
And chasing after something that’ll hurt me more.
I know you’re what’s best for me if I healed,
If I stayed focused and put myself first.
I could be the man of your dreams,
Instead, I’m like any other man.
I wish I was like Atlas and could carry your load.
I’d tell you my cup is empty, but I can take more.
But I’m on the edge, with one more bad day
Enough to make me spill everything over.
VULNERABILITY
A love so deep tis' nevermore,
into itself it drowns.
Love's well intent, worth not a cent.
subsurface thought abounds.
Dare not to speak of life's past woes,
open not the heart too wide.
Lest the spark leap from her eye,
and the love's left high and dry.
Tis' not the words, nor what is meant,
tis' that the tale was told.
The deeper down your love is felt,
the less it must be sold.
Oft seen as weak, subconsciously,
still waters yet run deep.
Resist this plea for intimacy
and sow the love you'll reap.
When it’s just me and you,
We become actors on the big screen.
We’re exploring each other’s chemistry,
Because nothing’s set in stone yet.
What makes you different from everyone else?
The look in your eyes only makes me curious.
It lures me, and I let all my defenses down.
I can’t tell if this feeling is a good thing.
Instead of running into his arms, you hug me,
Whispering your worries as you lay on my chest.
The same worries you should tell him, but
You hide them behind smiles while thinking of me.
When was the last time you told him,
“I love you,” as you looked into his eyes?
Compared to the last time we talked
About your dreams, cuddles under the stars.
I know I’m so selfish
For wanting this so bad.
Even though it’s nothing physical,
I’m getting more of you than him.
How far can this go behind his back?
I wish I knew how to end this properly,
But you’re the only thing stuck in my mind,
And I can’t let go yet.
I hope nothing bad happens.
VULNERABILITY
A love so deep tis' nevermore,
upon itself it drowns.
Neath glass facade of shallow trust
subsurface thoughts abound.
Dare not to show how deep love grows
it leaves no place to hide.
The bodies swell, and start to smell,
and love's left high and dry.
Tis' not the stench, nor what is meant.
tis' that the tale was told.
The deeper down your love is felt,
the less it must be sold.
Oft seen as weak, subconsciously.
Still waters yet run deep.
Resist this plea for intimacy
and sow the love you'll reap.
There is purity of strength
In human emotional vulnerability
Once the protective human mask is removed
Exposing the ‘real’ truth and honesty
Humans are afraid to be completely authentic
To openly show what is ‘truly’ inside heart and soul
Knowing reproach or judgement
May be forthcoming, confronting and out of your control
Emotional vulnerability is the raw, absolute truth
The truth that hides and sleeps behind the mask of pretence
It takes great courage to willingly unmask and bare ones soul to another
AND
Give yourself permission ….to free that honest , raw and absolute truth with consent
Spare me your bitter laughter
Lacking any sense
Spare me your useless banter
Just give me some space
Hiding your incompetence
behind a mask of humour
You're not a good person, darling
for us there's no future
Stop acting so arrogant, I hate it
but it actually makes me sad
Stop giving me that ugly laugh, I hate it
but your jokes aren't actually so bad
I lost track of the last time
I whispered, “Thank you, Lord,”
and meant it
even for the smallest mercies
quietly unfolding around me.
But in Aichi,
fear sat beside me so closely
that gratitude returned
like a prayer I had forgotten.
This second part lives
between the breaking
and the becoming.
Part 1 and Part 3
were written as the storm moved
but this one is a glance backward,
a soft rewind
of the thoughts I never spoke,
the feelings that lingered
between each step.
Aichi was never the plan.
I wasn’t searching for myself.
Walking alone was never the intention
though it had always lived
quietly as a dream.
And somehow,
without permission,
without preparation,
life placed me there
exactly where I needed to be.
heard some one saying
humans are powerful
indeed they are powerful, capturing mountain lands,sky,even animals bigger then them
but are they powerful enough to hold onto the one they love?
are they powerful enough to hold there heart when someone they love breaks it into pieces
are they really powerful enough to get the one they loved ?
and the question still remains
are humans really powerful enough?
the one that stands so powerful how come become powerless in love ?
The never ending feeling of pain
As the giant ball rises up into my throat
Spiralling into an epitome of low
How can love be so cruel?
I watch as you take my soul, my mind, my everything, my nothing
Will I ever survive this cruel game we play?
There's always a day when I wish I couldn't feel anything
Sleeping at night, gaining proper rest without a dream
Having a relationship with someone without growing attached
No hurt feelings or nursed grudges with an unburied hatch
It would make happiness and sadness feel the same
Everyone's efforts to show me love would go in vain
No need to over think anything because I wouldn't care
My feelings being numb like a person's blank stare
Using words that are hard to understand because they're dry
Leave others to wonder if I'm human because I'll never cry
I would experience less worry, anxiety or frustration
I would always deal the same way with every situation
I wouldn't have to try so hard to please anybody
I wouldn't feel what you felt to have to say sorry
Life would be different being unemotional
But at lease I would go through life being very functional.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
during winter
the old oak
no longer
hides
its wounds
and
scars
A sudden shift
I felt my spirits lift
Then the spotlights' glare
And I'm left standing there
Too new to identify:
An imperfect alibi
Their surgical stares
Dismembering me
With wry deft precision
Paralyzed by pompous glares
Cursing my decision
To com here willingly
And climb their golden stairs
Their spotlights fade
No jury heard my case
Their judgments made
Their cruelty bares one face
Their hearts: a crimson blade
Their eyes bestow disgrace
On my low inferior grade
Am I too much a fool to care
My brands blazed as I stepped
The high and mighty scare
Easily as my forbearance crept
In crushing bounds echoing
In the silence seized.
All eyes hollowed as one fainted
Their hallowed night tainted
My mottled old soul sainted
And thus, the rest of the night
Fell before me
On bended knee.
Oh, how I loath a formal party
The rumor mill is printing already
Some joker introduced as, Eddie
Ask If me and Joan, from accounting-
Were going steady.
From there-
The casualties just kept mounting
As I lay with you in front of me,
My mind begins to wander.
As I strip down my clothes,
I struggle to strip myself.
The ugly scar that tears my side,
The gaping wound under my bellybutton,
The stomach that swells and bloats
Can I really show you who I am?
The stereotypes were never true.
I’m not a beast who needs to be tamed.
I’m only a man who wants to love and be loved.
Is this enough to make you want to stay?
I’ll strip myself down to reveal my insecurities,
Relinquish the thought of never being enough,
Wrestle with the voices echoing to end it all
Will you still want me if I start to fall?
Laying here with you isn’t just pleasure;
It’s the first place I’ve felt safe.
I’ll give you compassion, and my trust
Is this too much for you to hold?
The door is right there, and I won’t stop you.
But if we do this, I’m giving you all of me.
Please, don’t use that against me.
I will wrap my arms around you,
But will you hold me,
And see me the same?
Much time is needed when it comes to things of this nature
Imagine prying open a particular flower just to see it die later
Trust needs to be established before this can be done
I don't put my feelings out their for laughs or just to anyone
Honestly I need time to get to know you first
Before deciding to open up, getting rejected and feel worse
What are your motives in wanting to know who I am
It's not going to be easy to capture a pearl from this clam
Just like a rose that won't open up until it's complete
First make sure you can handle me getting that deep
You use a microscope on me but won't let me see inside of you
How else would we know if we share the same pains and wounds
Give me more time to contemplate sharing my treasure
Instead of rushing me to do so let's try doing so together
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