As strength deserts
my body
the weights grow
hard to lift
Each rep I fake
four breaths I take
and atrophy
persists
Those muscles ripped
in times long past
but memory
to me now
An aging racehorse
on the hill
one step
— beyond the plow
(Anytime Fitness: September, 2025)
big jobs exhaust me
today I cleaned one table
one tiny first step
I hold the blade In my hand
I’m better than this
I’ll follow the plan
The cool metal against my fingers
I shouldn’t do this
Yet the temptation lingers
But how else does the aching go away?
I have to do this
I know ill pay
I pick a place for a new scar
I want to do this
I didn’t get far
A deep red river flows from my thigh
I’m doing this
I try not to cry
I soak up the blood with a shuddering breath
I did this
The next step is death
One step forward, two steps back –
That’s the way I function.
There is something that I lack
When I am at the junction
Of making a decision
Which will finalize a plan,
No matter the precision
Since my research first began.
It’s like I’m on a diving board,
Afraid to take the plunge,
My hesitancy like a cord
My body can’t expunge.
And yet I search and plan and hope
My M.O. might just change
And I can shed that binding rope
And step-wise, rearrange.
With those who
want to test the waters,
and yet have no wish
to get their feet wet,
but wait to have their cake
(and eat it too)
handed to them on a plate,
I will neither split hairs
and pick nits
nor reason or debate
(or tear their thoughts to bits)
so,
if they're going to 'fly',
(jump to a conclusion)
either do it or don't,
as Yoda said, 'There is no try,'
I may not agree,
but it's not up to me,
and can only advise,
should they desire
to self-defenestrate ASAP,
'Take the first window of opportunity.'
Don't like the look of what's going on
seems to you something's wrong
the smell of corruption in the air
look around it's everywhere
can't place the feel of what's happening here
could it be something to fear
the sound of conniving on the wind
a warning call for all thin-skinned
so round and round and round we go
where it stops no one knows
it takes two to tango or so they say
but that was then not today
ask a question and they hand you
the same old automated two-step quango
one foot forward two steps back
while standing in quicksand
pose a query they'll sidestep the issue
and the matter at hand
giving you the light fandango
they'll look you in the eye and deny
it's all a web within a web
behind a web of total lies
You scorn the work my chisel made,
Yet you have never held the blade.
You see the flaws, call them mistakes,
But you have no idea what it takes.
It’s easy to point the finger with empty hand,
To stand high ashore and sound so grand.
But the sea never hears from those aground,
Only from those swimming safe and sound.
I won’t explain the things I’ve done.
For you have no idea why it's so fine-spun.
Instead, I'll hand the control over to you,
Hiding the hurt and pain that I'm going through.
Let’s see if you can match your claim.
When no one else will share your blame.
Because flipping the game your way,
Is the only way you'll beg me to stay.
I won’t confront and fight your claims.
Because I know you enjoy those games,
Where you deride my skills and learning,
With phony debates that are so undiscerning.
Don’t judge my journey; you've not trod that way.
Step aside, let me continue; get out of the way.
If you think it’s so simple; I'll let you try and fail.
Don’t mock the captain, 'til you've faced the gale.
light imbibed must be assimilated
present always in active cognition
when awareness is not agitated
God’s love and light is our heart’s emission
unbroken then remains His transmission
poised as such liberated while alive
we see God in each form in heart’s bliss hive
observe habit patterns that bind
exerting a compelling bind
from which if we wish to be free
befriend silence, with love aligned
awareness free from our mind tree
ambles gently through life carefree
detached yet vibrant and alive
soul with laws of God does agree
sipping nectar from heart’s bliss hive
with no need to struggle and strive
detached from outcomes we are still
knowing in time we will arrive
Heart empty, we invoke bliss magnetism,
not imbibing but becoming the flame,
which fully illumines mind-body prism,
after which we are no longer the same,
reclaiming light of Self, in life’s end game.
Nodes within stir and all boundaries blur ~
With laws of God, we willingly concur
E-very
M-ountain
I-n
L-ife
Y-ields
O-ptimistic
L-essons,
G-uiding
I-nner
N-ature's
A-wakening
©bfa060425
Monocrostic (Birthday of Emily A. Olgina)
Every step a blessing to climb
Foot by Foot approach
Step by Step at a time
Minute to the hours
Step up
The chosen
Precision Heaven walk
Granted by Courage
Established by Determination
Supported by Faith
Maneuvering through the atmosphere
The target being the kingdom
Guided through the way
Earth being the gateway beyond
Wisdom that follows
Everlasting promise
Pearly Gates Open
Angel’s welcome
Step by Step fulfilled
Granted through the Lord’s acceptance
Mind the step,
see the crack
that let's light in.
Take care,
tread in the prints,
of my foot sures and fells.
Hold my hand,
to pause-a-while,
to quell leap's surge.
Wait-a-while,
till the lilt of thorns,
and tilt of will subsides.
Take heed,
of the need for caution,
to survive the free-fall
leap of faith,
without cause and or chute,
into oblivion.
synapses continued their neuronal junction
long after the seed’s path had been planted
the miracle proceeded in mind and mindfulness
as the journey became her labour of love
prismatic eyes shone once again in a mirror
polychromatic and full of compassion and trust
Dark chest
inhale your bite
exhale its shadow
wings that twisted pierce
like barbwire
cover your heart
black feet on glass
I watch my spine
still touch me
A raven cries
give me my nights,
give me my nights,
give me my nights
(I do not have a bad stepmother. I was just personifying the raven's darkness. Just the metaphor. )
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