~Merry, Merry~
Twas the night before Christmas and all around my house….
I heard loud footsteps,far heavier than even an overweight,mouse.
Irene, my calico cat,so high on good weed, snuggled in her bed.
While images of muscular hunks in speedos, danced in my old, poetic head!
When out on my lawn, I heard such a clamarous noise….
I wished and wished Santa brought me a sleigh full of boy-toys.
I decided to look outside and see what was the matter.
And, behold, the handsome fireman, who saved my life last week,
was climbing up the ladder!
The moon on his legs, gave off such a amberescent glow…..
I swear, it seemed as though I had snorted a big wad of blow!
He was so young, no grandpa was he, and not one wrinkle.
And those big, blue eyes, did far more than just twinkle!!
The crest of the moon on the new fallen snow.
Higltlighted,his muscular, gluteus maximus….
Far more, than you will ever be blessed to know!
He climbed down the ladder and inquired if I was alright.
I thanked him for the visit, and for my best ever,glorious,
Christmas Eve Night!
12/23/2024
Categories:
speedos, christmas, crush, fantasy, giggle,
Form: Rhyme
they fly through the streets
on ten speed bikes
wearing tight speedos
delighting their men
showing off tattoos and *****
three well-known grannies
who have taught the town to play
Categories:
speedos, age,
Form: Free verse
A tropical vacation that I never shall forget
The clearest cleanest ocean that I’ve ever seen as yet
I dabbled in a rock pool with a bamboo handled net
I told my wife, “It’s just for fun, to see what I might get.”
She said, “I know you all too well, you’re looking for a pet,
But look around, there’s no one here - you’ll never find a vet.
So go check out that ocean blue and get your Speedos wet,
I’ve never seen you swim a stroke; not since the day we met.”
I couldn’t let her know why I broke out in such a sweat
The fact I never learnt to swim is something I regret
But I was loathe to let my children’s mother see me fret
And so I said, “I think instead, I’ll have a cigarette.”
How soon we stepped on British tarmac from our Jumbo Jet
My wife waved to our eldest son who’d brought his red corvette
She handed him a ten pound note and said, “That clears my debt,
You’re right, your father cannot swim: I guess you won the bet.”
Categories:
speedos, vacation,
Form: Monorhyme
I'd love to drive
A DB5
Be slim and nimble
Have a 'Q' issued thimble
Own a PPK
Called Walter some day
Raise an eyebrow at death
No intake of breath
Be attractive to women
Wear tight speedos to swim in
Have the Maldives as back-up
Let the Amex card rack-up
Pout on photos when taken
Rather martinis were shaken
It's a fantasy game
As I just stay the same
Not a credible hero
Only seven more than zero
Categories:
speedos, film,
Form: Rhyme
Horkel and Snorkel set out for the pool
Wearing their Speedos, they thought they looked cool ~
H & S posed, then dove in
Speedos came off, revealed skin ~
At infantile stunts, cute girls do not drool
Categories:
speedos, boy, cool, girl, water,
Form: Limerick
When Ned came to the island with his dog
greeted by the men in bulging Speedos,
some he knew and many that he didn't
he saw the tip of an enormous iceberg
the submerged of which would quickly be revealed
men and women would die in agony and pain.
Ned wanted to rise and rail and shout
...urine on the steps up to the Capitol
never silent...always loud and angry
in counterpoint to their deafening silence.
And that accomplished his and their agenda
so that in these days the trigger has become
accepted, resigned to, complacent
as if everything has now been put aright.
The problem is that many still are suffering...
but now the kettle's taken off the boil.
And all that's left is us to brew the tea
.
© Richard A. Martin, Jr., MD, CPC, 2016
Categories:
speedos, allusion, anger, angst, care,
Form: Sonnet
Bikinis and Speedos
worn with glee
exposing more
than some want to see
but hey, those people
look just like me
it all hangs out
on the Black Sea coast
Saint-Tropez... not for most
so pack your bags
I'll meet you there
we can tan the fat
without a care
Categories:
speedos, beach, funny, imagery, sun,
Form: Rhyme
Some temples are cluttered.
Everywhere there are
wrathful-playful-sexual-vengeful-
gesturing-carousing-beckoning-
ascending-descending-riding-
weeping-flying-singing,
or just sitting around
Gods.
The congregation ride luggage carts
in the dead of night,
sing drunkenly, slam doors,
or watch HBO with the volume way up,
That was a hotel in Muncie Indiana.
A temple I shared with a rumba dancing Shiva
and a bottle of Jim Beam
but the vibe was the same.
When I finally nod off, I dream of wearing
Day-Glo Speedos
in an elevator
while
reading
the Kama Sutra.
One level up,
the Tallahassee chapter of the honorable order of Shriners,
surrounds me with their juiced-up joie de vivre.
I rise with them to the seventh floor
where at last I find
my omnipresent self.
Categories:
speedos, poetry,
Form: Blank verse
“Is Fashion Modern?” MOMA* asks
And so, in its new show,
The items on display are there
To let us know it’s so.
A pair of Levi’s, baseball caps,
Bikinis and berets,
A Wonderbra, dashikis, kilts
And suits from prior days.
A Rolex watch, Adidas, Nikes,
Mao jackets, too,
A leotard by Danskin,
Polo shirts (but not J. Crew).
Lipstick, flip flops, saris, Speedos,
Ties, stilettos, Spanx,
Jumpsuits, hoodies, Snuglis
(For which new moms owed their thanks).
My friend and I did reminisce,
While strolling the exhibit,
About the clothes like those we wore
When age did not inhibit.
*Museum of Modern Art (NYC)
Categories:
speedos, clothes,
Form: Rhyme
A men only poem, well I never-
that is something odd, for a start
submissions from men
who pick noses and then
will polish it off with a fart.
We undress like drunken mime artists
look like we get dressed in the dark
steer cars like we're swimmin'
and then complain women
do not have a clue how to park.
Our cooking skills are just amazing
we're known for our barbecue fame
coz we somehow have learnt
just which food has been burnt
when it's black it all looks just the same
Our acting is worthy of Oscars
or any such Thespian cup
stagger home fully juiced
with some drunken excuse
but we still avoid getting beat up
In beachwear we are an Adonis
our styling choices are quite bold
from speedos so weeny
to full on Mankinis
...it's small coz the water's too cold....
The world would be worse off without us
devoid of intelligent life
there's nothing to rival
our power of survival
except for the girlfriend.
Or wife.
She told me to put that bit in.
Yes, dear.
I'll be right there.
Submitted with my missus' grudging permission for contest 'Men only #2,
sponsored by Kelly Deschler
July 16th 2015
Categories:
speedos, humor, men,
Form: Limerick
You can see me at the beach
I’m a hunk and there’s no doubt
In my budgie smuggler pants
You can tell that I work out
With my speedos fully loaded
I’m a magnet for the women
And I always get molested
When I’m in the water swimming
I can’t help if I’m oozing
Sex appeal and charm
As I walk along the sand
With a honey on each arm
So you guys, don’t get upset
If your girl comes on to me
When my passions on display
They can’t help it, don’t you see
Categories:
speedos, funny,
Form: Rhyme
He oozed charm, this aging lothario.
Gallantry was his middle name.
Yet, he lived in the past
in the glory days of football wins
and cheerleaders…
denying his saggy abdomen
blind eye, and fungus crusted feet…
Gallantry was his middle name
and he wheedled his way into the affections
of many lost and lonely woman.
When the only women
of true importance in his life
were his daughters…
He lived in the past
slept with his dog, and swam in Speedos
bald pate shining in the sun.
Once, long ago he was married to a cheerleader.
She’s stopped cheering, as his life filled
with their daughter and she was no longer his girl.
Caught between life, death,
and the deep blue sea, he swam.
Arriving at the home of each new prospective conquest
with the requisite flowers and small talk.
The glory days of football still danced
before his single good eye upon the giant bar screen,
where he served mimosa’s and other drinks with a wink.
He smiled with a well-worn charm, and didn’t touch the stuff.
Still, he tried. But, most times,
he felt more at home
with his daughters…
Categories:
speedos, caregiving, daughter, father, introspection,
Form: Narrative
He's quick to flash his latest jewel.
They must have brought it by mule.
And while he's dazzling your eyes.
He's quickly saying his goodbyes. Smirkedey Smirk. What a jerk!
He's spotted mermaids from afar.
Quick introductions, hit the bar.
Imbibe it all, babe, it's on me.
What I want later will come free. Smirkedey Smirk. What a jerk!
Next day he's strutting like a stud.
Forget the gym. It's steroids, bud!
As for performance, he's the star.
He'll screech the stop lights in his car. Smirkedey Smirk. What a jerk!
Long, lovely wailing sax solo. ( While all around him plot a discreet murder)
( behind the sand dune? No, under the pier!)
( In the boathouse! Oh, no, he's going to sing!)
My daddy's rich, he's CEO.
I know everyone there is to know.
So keep your hands off me and mine!
My Speedos are designer line. Smirkedey Smirk. WHAT A JERK!
Smirkedey Smirk. Smirkedey Smirk! ( Repeat and fade out. And then, a shot rings out?!...)
Categories:
speedos, parody, people, song-lyric
Form: Lyric
My wife brought home a little man
He really doesn't talk very much
He mostly cries and sucks his thumb
And he poops a lot and such
A lot of times he just stares at me
Well, I cant just let him win
So I stare him down, til he's crosseyed
With drool running down his chin
He wears this thing called a diaper
You know, like speedos for a little dude
Everytime I tell him to put on some clothes
My wife says, "Quit being rude"
He drinks his milk from a bottle
I tell him to grow up, and be a man
So I hurry and finish my rootbeer
To show him I can crush a can
I told my wife he's not much of a man
He can't even grow a beard
Then I caught them playing patty cakes
The one thing that I've always feared
So I finally accused my wife of cheating
She said, "You idiot this is your child"
I said, "I knew that, do you think I'm stupid?"
She didn't answer, she just sit there and smiled
Well, I finally grew accustomed to his face
And it just couldn't be any finer
As long as he puts some clothes on
And stays out of my recliner
Categories:
speedos, funnywife,
Form: Rhyme
My wife brought home a little man
He really doesn't talk very much
He mostly cries and sucks his thumb
And he poops a lot and such
A lot of times he just stares at me
Well, I cant just let him win
So I stare him down, til he's crosseyed
With drool running down his chin
He wears this thing called a diaper
You know, like speedos for a little dude
Everytime I tell him to put on some clothes
My wife says, "Quit being rude"
He drinks his milk from a bottle
I tell him to grow up, and be a man
So I hurry and finish my rootbeer
To show him I can crush a can
I told my wife he's not much of a man
He can't even grow a beard
Then I caught them playing patty cakes
The one thing that I've always feared
So I finally accused my wife of cheating
She said, "You idiot this is your child"
I said, "I knew that, do you think I'm stupid?"
She didn't answer, she just sit there and smiled
Well, I finally grew accustomed to his face
And it just couldn't be any finer
As long as he puts some clothes on
And stays out of my recliner
Categories:
speedos, funnywife,
Form: Rhyme
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