Grow Up and Be a Man

My wife brought home a little man He really doesn't talk very much He mostly cries and sucks his thumb And he poops a lot and such A lot of times he just stares at me Well, I cant just let him win So I stare him down, til he's crosseyed With drool running down his chin He wears this thing called a diaper You know, like speedos for a little dude Everytime I tell him to put on some clothes My wife says, "Quit being rude" He drinks his milk from a bottle I tell him to grow up, and be a man So I hurry and finish my rootbeer To show him I can crush a can I told my wife he's not much of a man He can't even grow a beard Then I caught them playing patty cakes The one thing that I've always feared So I finally accused my wife of cheating She said, "You idiot this is your child" I said, "I knew that, do you think I'm stupid?" She didn't answer, she just sit there and smiled Well, I finally grew accustomed to his face And it just couldn't be any finer As long as he puts some clothes on And stays out of my recliner