Men only 2- for contest


A men only poem, well I never-
that is something odd, for a start
submissions from men
who pick noses and then
will polish it off with a fart.

We undress like drunken mime artists
look like we get dressed in the dark
steer cars like we're swimmin'
and then complain women
do not have a clue how to park.

Our cooking skills are just amazing
we're known for our barbecue fame
coz we somehow have learnt
just which food has been burnt
when it's black it all looks just the same

Our acting is worthy of Oscars
or any such Thespian cup
stagger home fully juiced
with some drunken excuse
but we still avoid getting beat up

In beachwear we are an Adonis
our styling choices are quite bold
from speedos so weeny
to full on Mankinis
...it's small coz the water's too cold....

The world would be worse off without us
devoid of intelligent life
there's nothing to rival
our power of survival
except for the girlfriend.
Or wife.
She told me to put that bit in.
Yes, dear.
I'll be right there.

Submitted with my missus' grudging permission for contest 'Men only #2,
sponsored by Kelly Deschler
July 16th 2015

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 8/20/2015 11:51:00 PM
Viv.. Loved this guys only contest and you're write soared into the winner's circle on top! Huge congrats!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/21/2015 12:20:00 AM
Thanks, Lyric Man, for your support in our struggle to continue being the Alpha male. Anyway, I've got to go now- a huge pile of laundry to iron.......
Date: 8/17/2015 2:46:00 PM
Viv, :-) Congratulations with your wonderful win! *SKAT*
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/21/2015 12:21:00 AM
Thanks, Skat, sorry for delay replying, got a lot on my plate at present. Viv x
Date: 8/16/2015 1:46:00 PM
Fun and humour go hand in hand, Viv, and you provide the whole lot!! Ang your replies to comments are just as good:) ~ Congrats on your win! // paul
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/17/2015 12:10:00 AM
Thanks Paul, surprisingly good feedback for such an obvious work of fiction (says, Viv, whilst clearing out some earwax with one of our best teaspoons...) Regards, Viv
Date: 8/15/2015 3:00:00 PM
Congrats on 5th place!... A very humorous write, and yes, our lives would become boring without men in them... Really great work, Viv!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/16/2015 12:42:00 AM
We aim to please, Kelly, and usually miss. Thanks for a great contest. Viv x
Date: 8/15/2015 1:46:00 PM
Dropping back with my congratulations Mr Viv :-) hugs Jan xx
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/16/2015 12:46:00 AM
Thanks Jan, obviously the poem is fiction. Anyway, gotta go- I'm just hunting down the last of my toenail clippings off the kitchen table. Viv x
Date: 7/21/2015 7:30:00 PM
hahaha. LOVE LOVE LOVE It. I bow to your wisdom of your own sex!!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 8/16/2015 12:41:00 AM
Thanks, Andrea, a bit late getting back to you, soz, Viv x
Date: 7/20/2015 1:13:00 AM
Viv, I think your poem vies // for attention of the judge's eyes... Good luck, Julia, xx
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/21/2015 12:16:00 AM
Thanks, Julia, x
Date: 7/20/2015 12:23:00 AM
Hey if there was 2 of us, all these half jobs would be all done!!! LOL
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/20/2015 12:47:00 AM
Arthur, you are a genius. Between us, we could rule the world. In an unfinished fashion. Regards, Viv
Date: 7/20/2015 12:04:00 AM
Tell the misses, this isn't a poem, is a bible for men! Great write!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/20/2015 12:22:00 AM
Yes, Arthur, our skills are many and legendary- you should take a look at my half-finished wallpapering. And the garden terrace I've nearly done.... Thanks for dropping by, I appreciate it. Regards, Viv
Date: 7/19/2015 8:05:00 PM
So Nice to read your verse this evening. It made me smile! Light & Love
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/19/2015 8:07:00 PM
Thanks, Debbie, it is our job as men to make even the most downhearted woman feel truly thankful that they're not us. Viv x
Date: 7/19/2015 7:07:00 PM
Great fun with your Limerick, Viv. And I totally agree about the Adonis part...which is why fiction usually beats reality.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/19/2015 8:04:00 PM
Thanks, David, I shall stick to my normal beach attire, namely a full length bin liner. Regards, Viv
Date: 7/19/2015 5:02:00 PM
Cute one..Reads like a winner to me..Way to go for the contest..Thanks for the visit to my page..Sara
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/19/2015 8:03:00 PM
...and a big cuddly thanks from me, Sara. Viv x
Date: 7/19/2015 2:12:00 PM
Viv, back to read this delightfully fun write for the contest and thanks for visiting my poem, song bird and I love you to
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/19/2015 2:20:00 PM
Thanks, BW, blessings, Viv x
Date: 7/18/2015 11:21:00 PM
I can always depend on you for a good laugh, Viv: Looks like a winner to me ........lololol SuZ x
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Suzanne Delaney
Date: 7/19/2015 12:12:00 AM
Too funny, Viv. Keep the laughs coming. SuZ
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/19/2015 12:04:00 AM
Thanks, Suzy, in my case I apparently have only two faults- everything I say and everything I do. Viv x
Date: 7/16/2015 10:35:00 PM
G'day Viv... this little beauty is just plain funny but of course slightly embarrassing from bits here and there and I'm not telling which bits describe me - catch you mate - Lindsay
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/17/2015 12:36:00 AM
Well, Lindsay, since you're an Antipodean, your barbie skills are excellent, you enjoy the occasional beer and enjoy life on the beach. So I can only assume that you need to open a window :). Regards, Viv
Date: 7/16/2015 7:10:00 PM
So true Viv. My wife is the apex predator in our little jungle! Oops, here she comes now...what's that dear? I'm just talking to Viv...yes dear, yes dear, three bags full dear!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 7:27:00 PM
Run, Keith, run!
Date: 7/16/2015 7:03:00 PM
another victim of "dinkage shrinkage".... Viv, I have learned hat a woman's favorite meals are any they didn't have to cook or unwrap.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 7:27:00 PM
My good lady can burn water. Unfortunately I have nothing to extinguish it with. Thanks for drpping by, John. Regards, Viv
Date: 7/16/2015 6:08:00 PM
i am charmed, viv... well done!.. huggs
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:34:00 PM
....if I can charm you with my barbecue skills, I must come round and redecorate your house, nette. My D.I.Y skills are just as legendary. Viv x
Date: 7/16/2015 2:38:00 PM
nicely done Viv, much enjoyed but I will not take claim to any of the above, good luck in the contest.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:42:00 PM
Fortunately, Robert, I think I've got away with fooling everyone into thinking that I'm totally inept. Or have I? Regards, Viv
Date: 7/16/2015 1:58:00 PM
simply hilarious Mr Viv good luck in the contest:-) hugs jan xx
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:29:00 PM
Yes Jan, I'm simple and hilarious, well spotted. Hope you're well. Viv x
Date: 7/16/2015 10:32:00 AM
It's Viv...saving the world one laugh at a time!...Oh and I'm not buying the "yes dear" coming from Mr. Macho.....
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:28:00 PM
You're very perceptive, Judy- I am quite capable of holding my own. I have to, otherwise, she'd tear it off. Viv x
Date: 7/16/2015 10:24:00 AM
Viv, totally delightful, wonderful for the men's only contest 7 and thanks for visiting my haiku 13
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:27:00 PM
Thanks, BW, this poem is totally tongue in cheek. Anyway, gotta go- she's just coming out of the bathroom aaaaargh!
Date: 7/16/2015 9:18:00 AM
A great poem and a good laugh Viv..and thanks for the comment......Peter
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:16:00 PM
Thanks Peter, we're not all that bad, really. Or are we....... regards, Viv
Date: 7/16/2015 7:52:00 AM
Oh looks like a winner to me, awesome poetry.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 6:14:00 PM
Cheers, Harry, we have our moments, though. Regards, Viv
Date: 7/16/2015 7:27:00 AM
Haha friggin' hilarious! I loved it! :) big smiles!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 7/16/2015 7:29:00 AM
Thanks, Casarah, obviously fiction, though. Thanks for suspending your powers of belief for a minute :) . Viv x