Short Vegan Poems

“being vegan”


won’t kill anything other than a conversation...

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Winter's meaty wind
A vegan moose adapting
Poise, its pious sway...

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“Meat is bad for you,”
said the young vegan, lighting
up a cigarette.
...

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“mandoline haiku”


from vegetarian to vegan

it’s out of tune

used no longer for cheese...

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Big fangs
Strong claws
Sharp hooves
Men's guns
Instruments of species survival
Let's hope for a vegan revival....

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This low-fat
Gluten-free
Vegan stuff
Ain't that bad
If you add
A big dollop of butter
And dump it
On a biscuit....

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"green eggs and vegan ham"


that chat is
not a chatte

but

why's that 
cat doing

that 

with
that

hat...

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A Vegan in search of a treat
Impulsively swallowed some meat
The protein gush
Was such a rush
The circumcision was complete!...

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Eugenie Smog was a Vegan,
Who lived on seaweed and rice.
But craved a plate of fried chicken;
Oh Yummy, I bet that tastes nice....

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This terror I now share with thee
Some cannibals had captured me
A dinner for clan
What worse could fate plan
We’re vegan a man said to me...

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A big meat eater in Tampa Bay
became a vegan for his fiancé
But his pug feels forsaken
with his bland tofu bacon
So he’s calling the S.P.C.A...

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When mum tells you to eat your beans
You know exactly what she means
That foul belly air
Needs to go somewhere
And better not be in your jeans!...

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When beef and ham went underground
The grocers cheered for they had found
When meat has roots
No one disputes
The moldy green that grows around...

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Vegans deliver "praise-me" talks
And brag about their healthy walks
They all spout facts
But watch their backs
Because they know celery stalks!...

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There was a vampire, oh so skinny
drinking blood was not his destiny
	vegan was his diet
	tried to keep it quiet 
we thought him quite a silly ninny....

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I ate the steak, it was quite yummy. 
It tasted great and filled my tummy.
But my doctor says it’s best
that I eat more beans and suffer gas.

rb 2020...

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If I thought you’d risk it,
I’d offer you brisket,
but since you’re a vegan,
unlike Chrissy Teigen,
would sooner be dead,
here, how ‘bout a Triscuit instead?...

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Chef Mary serves vegetable patties
cause she knows they don't have any Daddies!
She the vegan Queen
of the San Fran scene
for no meat does her store front carry!...

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Medium stuffed bell peppers
All full of good eats
Like wild rice dotted with corn
Tomato paste and
Onion smothered in
Hot Swiss cheese
Superb!...

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you may think that soy is not made of metal
    but i saw james hetfield filling his kettle.
   
   full of that sh$% in the vegan isle.
   so i just starred at him for awhile....

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Donald Trump's been eating like a vegan
He's taking his cues from Ronald Reagan
   Who said ketchup's a veggie
   And while that's kind of edgy
Trump wants all the votes of the collegians
'...

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I ordered my whole gourmet restaurant staff
to serve my pals Molly and Max Giraffe
I humbly have to admit
the vegan meal was a hit
The tall order sparked a jaffy good laugh

...

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DIET  OF  POETRY


A Limerick man who ate jam with his ham
And his oats soaked in Irish goat’s milk,
Who had cream with his bream
And drank ale with his quail,
Went vegan,  with beans and greens of that ilk....

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I bought you the vegan shoes, 
  
but you still got pissed 
  
because I told you makeup 
  
was made of whale blubber. 
  
I was sad when you broke up 
  
with me, but it makes a  
  
really funny story now....

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Not the protein, dear Rico, the fat!
There’ll be no more wheat grass for Jack Sprat.
That unhappy vegan
Has gone Chrissy Teigen,
Is now off clubbing seals with a bat.


H/T to Wickless in Seattle by Rico Leffanta...

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