Short Arse Poems

"arse"


F you
if you

drop
your

"R's"

because
then

friend
becomes

fiend...

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Vladimir Putin
needs a swift arse-bootin'!
Stop inflicting so much pain
on the brave people of Ukraine!
...

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nine rare arse lickers
In Kim’s windows
Sitting on thorns


Ah.....Sew! poem by Deborah Guzzi (Contest)...

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So, farewell then, Father Jack 
Let this be writ upon a plaque
"All things pass;
Drink, feck, arse..."

by Gail...

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A Farce


It’s really a farce
to deny your arse
isn’t extended
when your food intake
was not a mistake
for that end intended....

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I am a pyromaniac
A little bit of a brainiac
Don't you give me any smack
I'll sick yo' arse with a stack
of fire balls at your back
*wink*...

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To go out today would be a farce
Bitterly cold and sunshine sparse
I wanted to play
But there was no way
I would certainly land on my arse


7/7/2013...

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True words I shall tenderly parse
Who’s seen that tremendous fat arse?
So not to offend
And the wrong message send
Let’s classify it as not sparse...

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There was a fine monkey from Peru
Who hated the zoo’s vegetable stew.
So to get a banana 
He’d turn arse to camera
and they'd throw him a banana or two!...

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An old biologist named Ulysses
  Had a job identifying species
    Ulysses was arse-backward
    His technique manufactured
  'Stead of faces, he examined feces...

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I’m a Citizen and I know it
No one makes a subject out of this poet
A subject a farce
They can shove it up their arse
Better still brace yourself ill make it fit...

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I have been ordered to renovate the loo 
so my good wifey can go for a poo
the hole I cut was so large
as it had to fit her arse 
Oh im in trouble now, what a to-do...

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Our life story, is like a zebra for us,
A black band, a white band, then a big arse,
And in the end, as everybody knows,
Prepare to receive by the hoof the final blow!...

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There once was a lad who loved to eat soup
He made it with beans so he'd always poop
   He'd let out a fart
   His arse it would SMART
~ Yet his friends thought him a big nincompoop...

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Well I just gotta make you laugh
In my head there’s a whole lot’ stuff
If I let pass
It’ll only come out my arse
it’ll be funny and smelly but that’s tough


*the last Limerick from me*...

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Pondering the universe, vast
     Curious for my part
             Spontaneously, thou scratch my arse…







Marvin Celestial’s Poetry Contest – Senryu On Your Existence
20 June 2015...

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Dumpers
The gal with the arse cannon
Let’s one rip a right good fart
You can smell it from here
It smells of baked beans
And mushy peas plus cabbage
I wonder what it’s like
When she takes a dump?...

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One For The Road

In the circus I mastered some arts.
Butt the unicycle - sad farce
its seat tightly wedged
when I hit a low hedge
needed help to pull it from me arse.


John G. Lawless
©2/5/2018...

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running in the groove
needle follows at speed
hear the record
skip as the needle
slices through my lump
Dying in vinyl crevice
oil slick sides
unable to climb
needle coming round again
jumping for the last time...

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Slaaag was a foul mouthed quick witted handy female. A cat fight was one of her specialities as was name calling and back stabbing. Arse licking was another skill. What these things never achieved plain old seduction did....

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There once was a boat made of wood
And named after his wife as it should
     But the name was so harsh
     When he called it fat arse
Oh why are men so misunderstood









http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php...

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The warning on a thermometer states
'do not use orally after using rectally'
listen, i'm not saying people are stupid,
but let them shove it and sort itself out
better said, 'do not stick where the
 sun don't shine', you imbecilic arse'!...

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The fool
if I catch him will
be me

This Annoyance
in soup server error is pain in
ones arse

The arrogant
never return compliment
what wrong

the wit
I often use is misunderstood
go figure

fat cat
has more than he needs his
hands greedy...

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Yes, I’ll sign that gripe card! Give it to me! 
Tell that coworker what an arse he be!
Look how quickly they sign it!
He’ll be surprised to find it!
Hey, what’s this? Oh crap! It’s addressed to me…




written 8/17/11 for Carolyn Devonshire's
              Horrible Bosses contest (and more)...

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narcissists with huge egos slither and slink ~ hmmm, what would Rumi think

a sly smile on their lips, thinking it's a disguise ~ not from many eyes

having an overly aggressive attitude ~ it's just plain a-rse rude

they are like lemons with sour zest ~ for goodness sake, please give it a rest
...

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