Rednecks Poems | Examples

Come Down to Arkansas yah hear

They went mudd’n down at the water hole
Getting their trucks filthy was the goal
Grandma said they needed to bless her soul
They baptized that old lady in the water hole

Everyone has a beard down in the holler
Because haircuts cost more than a dollar
The best rednecks live in squaller
My pig is Sophie, you may call her.

We ride our bikes off our roofs in Arkansas
We do not put on airs or say “lah dee dah”
We are the hillbillies, we have our own chainsaw
Come see us some time, you can dance with pa

We have bonfires and weenie roasts
We make smores, and peanut butter toast
If you like travel trailers, I will be your host.
No one will put on airs, be snotty or boast.

Admonitions Concerning Poetry Competitions

Tasks, by their very nature
are often painful to perform.
Polysyllabic pedantry exacerbates undertakings unnecessarily.
Strict contest-runners rate your
adherence to the stipulated norm.

Would Robert Frost perform feats
of wordplay? Or leave forsaken
such boring chores?  I airily
dare opine this, for Keats,
is the road not taken.

Like rednecks have their gun,
and German shepherds have muzzles,
one posits, all too warily,
that poets need their fun:
like doing harmless crossword puzzles.

from hillbillies to beach bums

We were hillbillies when we lived in the north
But now that we are Floridians, we have to come forth
Admit that we love wearing pajamas and nighties all day
When I go outside, my attire scares the alligators away

Now we are known as beach bums, which is okay by me.
I can sit on a beach and eat crackers, and drink lemon tea
Not only in the summer, but in the winter and fall too.
I love living here with the rednecks, Trump true.

I like my mumu, can wear it outside to garden or water ski.
Since I am in my seventies, no one says anything to me.
I became invisible a few years ago thanks to my age.
Wow! We had two inches of water according to this little gauge.

I have new friends now, we play bridge and use walkers too.
Eat all the rich foods, some of us weigh two hundred and two.
Our waistbands are elastic, there are crocs on our feet.
Come over for some goodies the next time you want to eat.

Hillbillies Rednecks and Hippies

Only hillbillies have a couch on their porch. 
She has cute eyes. She is a cute kid.
I am a hillbilly, I inform her.
Her eyes narrow. 

Are you a redneck too?
Sure, why not?
Where do you keep your guns?
In my gun refrigerator.

Where is it?
If I told you I would have to show you.
Show me! She looks highly interested.
Maybe another time.

There is a pause before she says “Mommy says you are a hippie!”
She’s got that right.
Slow smile.  She is smug now.
A baby in training to be prejudiced against some group.  Sad really.

Royal Reasoning

a narrative with alliteration

Royal radio reviews the Rainbow Raffle Rally planned to raise rubles 
for the rugged racetrack recently recommended ‘round  Rybinsk Reservoir.

One rich ruler, who runs the Ragweed Railway resists with red-ribbon resolve. 
His rogue reaction to a ring of rubber stamp rednecks
left realistic Regnum reporters in a rush to rock their readers
regarding the rift between the Ragweed Roadblock and the Rainbow Raffle. 

Rather like a rabbit racing a rhino, such rivalry is not reasonable.  
Rally is off the radar - racetrack has been royally rejected! 

February 10, 2020

Brian Strand, host
STRAND Select J, contest

Redneck and Hillbilly War

Rednecks and hillbillies having a war.
They fought and they spit and both were so sore.
It got bloody. There was much ugly gore.
We scratched and we bit just like the folk lore.

Cousin found gold and announced it to four.
Hatfield who ran off to find their own ore.
I scratched him and slugged him, this cousin so poor.
The rednecks ran off, as we hillbillies broke down their door.

So if you think the feud is forever over, and no more,
Remember we McCoys are as ignorant as we are poor.
We will be feud’n and fight’n, until we are sore
Or we chase that other family, for squabbles we adore.

Jimmy the Suit

He wore his big gaudy oversize rolex
Chewing on some tex-mex with his ex
Forever flipping through his rolodex
On the phone with gents and rednecks
He’d invite his clientele to a fashion vortex
On the main floor of his triplex
Where he sold suits in the annex
And quality unisex turtlenecks
In exchange for cash and cheques
When he’d run out he’d offer rainchecks
Or start showing off some fancy crewnecks
Everything to get noticed at discotheques



AP: 3rd place 2021

Posted on April 9, 2019

Rednecks and Roundabouts

Rednecks and roundabouts, they don't mix.
Don't try and fool us with your media tricks.
We drive around the back roads throwing bottles at signs.
Your roundabouts make us slow down or the ladies spill their wine

Had It Ar-15

Had It


I have a ten foot hole in my floor
Sofa, carpet, hard wood, tile no more
My neighbors both own an AR-15
And I live in between
It might be their Second Amendment right,
But what happens to me when they fight
Into that hole and duck my head
Or surely I will end up dead
When 750 rounds a minute comes from each side
All I can do is lie in my hole and hide
My home is full of holes when they’re done
The politicians say it was just a couple Rednecks having fun
I’m fed up and have had my fill
For it’s with life, limb, or money that pays the bill
Not the White House or the NRA
But me, so Idiots with AR-15s can play
Second Amendment or not 
Killing kids needs to stop

2/24/2018
Collaboration with Sonny Roper a retired U.S. Navy military veteran

Girls' Night Out

It was "Girls' Night Out"
At the local watering hole
So my bestie and me
Headed there at a stroll.

A crisp autumn night
And we both wore our furs
I joked she was a copycat
Saying she should change hers.

She stopped in her tracks
Her stare cut like a sword!
"It was only a joke!"
And then we both roared!

We got to the bar
And I held the door wide
Truly never expecting
What was to happen inside.

"We don't serve HER kind"
The barkeep sneered at me
"You can come in
But set that dog of yours free!"

Here I must tell you
I live in a town
With rednecks and pickups
And nothing much brown.

My friend was from Asia
Her coloring too strange
For these bigoted, brainless
Rejects from the grange!

My friend showed her teeth
Not exactly a grin
And one big guy in a wife beater
Stood up and moved in.

Before I could blink
Or throw a good punch
My friend ate that cowboy
Like some tasteless lunch!

And the others raced out
Slipping on fallen beer foam
So I sighed and began calmly
Walking my tiger home.

Peace, Love and Pie

Thair is this girl called : peace , love & pie . Her dad jumps out of aero planes .

Noeboddy noze why ! She wants 2 jump from aero planes too !

But if her parachute doent open, she wood be thrue ! 

She has a girlfrend called apokkullips ! She duz not cum frum Egypt ,

Or like stepping on the x-men,s space ships ! This girl duzzint have minny cloze !

And she duzzint have any pantyhose ! She just graduated frum hy skool !

But she duzzint have a swimming pool ! She likes jumping rope in a southern park !

Wair rednecks swing flayming mace balls in the dark , and her frends play with

Hoolah hoops , and thay all look like a bunch of goofs !her dad,s job is

Falling frum the sky ! Why thay pay him 4 this . Noe one noze why!...

Dense With No Common Sense

Dense With No Common Sense

Boy her buttocks were really a beauty
Half crazy and called her Totty Fruity
Which half it was never would knew 
Until War of Crimea had been through.

War was fairly fought for criminy's sake
And we understood it was total mistake
Instead of President he was running
Was at Trump Tower pool there sunning.

As up all of his food he was chewing
Eyes gluing on pretty women now viewing
Who with was always mentally abusive
On him we decided to do an exclusive.

Where would we stop and what should be excluded
By him, bunch of rednecks had been deluded
Neither his head nor he was ever on the level
Said he was made to do things by the devil.

He chewed and chewed off things bit by bit
After becoming dastardly devil's advocate
Preferred people who are disturbing and dense
Never knowing how to use any common sense.

James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet

The Town That's Weird

There once was a town that is weird 

There's the old people trying to go to the store
but they can't even make it past the door

And there's the hookers out on the street 
looking for some guys meat to beat.

There's also hobo's bathing in a bucket 
and the kids down the street telling people to suck it

and a fat guy riding a pocket rocket
until the muffler gets stuck in his socket

and people delivering stuff to the mailman
while he's on the can

And there's the rednecks that everyone say are dumb
i guess that's why they run deer down for fun

And the farmers with there dumb chicken
they can't ride there horse without it kicking 

And there's the mechanics they don't do much
they break more than they fix and that's just dumb

and this is a place where women have beards
because this is just the town that's weird

Donald Trump

Donald Trump
is now most concerned he's been had for a chump
don't lead too soon they say
else most of the rednecks are more likely to stay away.

Such a Shame

What to me happened was such a shame
A scapegoat Confederate flag became
Of rednecks, losers and every misfit
Never finding work or often did quit.

Over and over I will have to admit
Removing the flag called a Confederate
I don't consider at all to be abused
But for many purposes was misused.

Actually represents a historical event
Would be best if to museum it was sent
Now that it has become part of the past
Why put off and procraste and procraste.

About South Carolina what do I think now
They finally realized everyone must somehow
The here and very present start living in
And learn how to love all over again.

With faith all things are possible these days
Praise God and then He will truly amaze
At what was accomplished and also achieved
When in God each one of us has believed.

James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet

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